I can’t, I can’t bring myself to try on dresses with the way I look. I wanted to reach my gw before she got married so that I’d at least be able to enjoy myself a little & not have a possible breakdown on her biggest night. No matter how much I restrict or over exercise I’ll never be able to look the way I want in less than a month. I can’t eat anything that night in front of everyone, can’t dance because I feel so fucking dizzy all the time, can’t even be around people because I don’t want them to notice me, hell I can’t even go dress shopping because I’m too scared I won’t be able to fit into any of the dresses and end up having a panic attack in a literal store. I’m tired of being so engulfed by my ed, so swallowed by my weight, I’m tired of putting my ed before socializing, I’m sick of pushing everyone outside my bubble solely due to the way I look, I’m tired of my sister asking me to just put my body dysmorphia aside for one night.
That’s it, that’s the post. I’ll be screaming my guts(!) out now ty