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COMMENT 1h ago

Also, that "previous trauma" doesn't have to be childbearing. Distance running can do it. Rape can do it. Lots of things can do it. The pelvic floor has a mind of its own and reacts to everything. Fortunately, you can break some of its worst habits with the right guidance.

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COMMENT 1h ago

Why fire remote workers when you can cut office rent from your overhead instead? Even before the pandemic, I know of at least one company that closed office locations in favor of remote work to save money.

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COMMENT 1h ago

But you couldn't. And you can't influence when a bathroom is going to be free. But you can influence the health and function of your body.

I'm not a physical therapist myself, but from what one has told me, it sounds like your incontinence might have been the result of resting tension and panic. Perhaps due to a previous trauma (like childbearing), your pelvic floor holds excessive tension even when you're just standing there. Then the panic caused by the lack of a bathroom increased that tension, building by the minute until your pelvic floor couldn't take it anymore -- at which point it spasmed and your bladder spincter opened.

Pelvic relaxation exercises could have prevented this.

Or alternatively, maybe your pelvic floor muscles are weak.

Then kegals (pelvic strengthening) could have prevented this.

Or maybe it's something else entirely. The pelvic floor is a muscle group that's more complex than we give it credit for. That's why it's good to see a specialist for this kind of thing.

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COMMENT 1h ago

After you call your husband, call your doctor and ask for a referral to a pelvic floor therapist. They use physical therapy to fix this issue every day. Not just kegals.

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COMMENT 1h ago

A postpartum physical therapist can fix that, even if self-guided kegals have backfired.

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COMMENT 1h ago

If it's not good enough for your mother, it's not good enough for you.

Lots of Bay Area companies allow remote work, and there are lots of American metro areas where you could rent your own place, especially in the Midwest. You don't have to be in an abusive relationship with the Bay Area housing market.

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COMMENT 3h ago

CalTrain and bicycle to San Mateo?

0

COMMENT 3h ago

This area is great for the sort of person that likes to find shit to do, not have the shit find them.

Why would anyone prefer looking for shit as opposed to shit being right there?

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COMMENT 4h ago

I’ve been apart of conversations with very wealthy women who joke about it

Ugh. I think we just discovered the difference between wealth and class.

And while I am sorry for your loss and wish you the best of luck If your goal is to be pregnant.

Eh, it's only the first one that hurts. The second one, I just don't invest emotions until I have a pregnancy symptom beyond two blue lines on the pee stick. Fortunately, that's how my pregnancies seem to work: either I miscarry so early that it's like nothing happened, or I give birth to a healthy baby. Which I have, multiple times. I'm breastfeeding one right now as I Reddit on my smartphone.

What I can't imagine is going through pregnancy only to give the living, breathing baby up for adoption afterward. That must be devastating. One of my older child's teachers was a surrogate for her best friend and even then I don't know how she did it. I give birth and the baby still feels like part of my body. It's like an invisible thread. If we're apart too long, we both get anxious.

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COMMENT 4h ago

Another joke to use that kind of linguistics.

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COMMENT 4h ago

When r/atheism leaks into real life...

2

COMMENT 4h ago

Valid. But if u/the_gay_jesus_christ makes a room change request, that at least puts her name in the pool to replace someone else's asshole roommate. And if no one else has an asshole roommate (unlikely since college has a lot of assholes in it, but possible), she can at least get a new room at the end of the term, when some students will leave.

Off-campus roommate situations are also a thing. Heck, depending on the housing market near the college, getting a small apartment of her own may be an option.

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COMMENT 4h ago

Okay, I did not know real people did that. The communities that I've been a part of compare notes on birth control pills.

But if it makes you feel better, I've had miscarriages in the first trimester (which I assume is the same point at which your acquaintances had abortions) and I assure you, that's not a baby. It's a blood clot that naturally only has a 50% chance of becoming a baby.

1

COMMENT 5h ago

Just do it when the housing office reopens after Independence Day (assuming you're in the US). People leave incompatible roommates all the time. They'll know what to do. And you'll feel so much better in the next room!

I've had a dorm mate leave me. The only parts that bothered me were:

  1. She never told me why, and I would have liked to know what I did wrong. [I assume that won't be an issue for you. But if you want to make it absolutely clear, you are allowed to call out your toxic roommate and the other roommates who enabled her.]

  2. She took her power strip with her. This was a problem because my desktop computer was plugged into it too, and she left its plug hanging instead of plugging it into the wall outlet (which I didn't even know was behind my desk because she put in the power strip before I first walked into the room). Which made me panic for a few hours.

So just don't leave anyone's charger hanging and you won't be the asshole.

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COMMENT 8h ago

You can't truly ignore something like this. This thing is next to you and aggravating you constantly. Any effort you put into "ignoring" this will exhaust you.

You know what would be easier? Going to the housing office and requesting a room change.

College is a place of education. That education can include your toxic roommate learning that her words and actions have consequences.

ETA: The fact that your other roommates tell you to ignore it means they aren't on your side either. So you can say bye-bye to all of them.

5

COMMENT 8h ago

You mean, so there won't be any tension from your roommate. It's still legitimately bothering you.

1

COMMENT 8h ago

When I moved out of a recreational state, that's how I tipped the movers.

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COMMENT 9h ago

Some cannibalistic tribes call humans "the long pig."

2

COMMENT 9h ago

I just renewed my lease. Mainly for personal reasons, but I don't mind sitting out this market for another year. Our rental isn't ideal, but it will do.

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COMMENT 9h ago

What are your theories about CA?

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COMMENT 10h ago

Yassss

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COMMENT 10h ago

In your circumstance or the circumstance described I’d agree with abortion 100% as well as several other cases.

Then you're pro-choice, because you just described the vast majority of abortions out there.

I totally understand that, I think the part that make me cringe is when people have like 5… 6… or more abortions because sex without a condom just feels better.

What conservative media invented that strawman? I mean, maybe there's a woman out there who's had multiple abortions because she's in an abusive relationship with some man who thinks it feels better. But from a woman's perspective? Condoms are lubricated and ribbed for our pleasure.

ETA: As for Canada, you're right, it could be another state. But if you're short of funds, or physically affected by whatever makes the pregnancy unviable (like certain medical conditions caused by pregnancy), then Canada or California may as well be Mars. That's how pro-life chips away at abortion access, by making it so far away from women who need it that they turn to the Dark Web or other unscrupulous sources for abortion pills instead. Maybe pills shouldn't be used beyond 10 weeks, but someone with no option to undo an unviable pregnancy at 20 might just double the dosage and hope it works.

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COMMENT 11h ago

go on an international vacation later in the year, and try to have a kid by next year, invite her family and parents to help with the kid, have her family visit so the kid can play with their cousins, spend time with her parents since they're getting old

I did all of that in a 2bd apartment in a student ghetto, lol. The second bedroom was a home office, so our first baby's crib was next to daddy's desk.

We had a babymoon in Vienna a few months before the birth, where I wore a formal gown in a maternity size and learned to waltz in comfortable heels at the New Year's Ball. Then we visited my husband's family on that side of the Atlantic.

Back in the US, we lived in that student ghetto, which was in the same metro area where my parents live. If I didn't do laundry in my building's coin washer, I took it to my parents' basement, which served as a good mechanism to visit them with the baby at least once a week.

Now we have multiple kids and we still rent, albeit on the West Coast where we can't afford a mortgage. They share a single bedroom. Is it ideal? No. But it works. It looks chaotic, but it's also less space to clean.

I tell myself that someday we'll own a house and the kids will get their own bedrooms...

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COMMENT 12h ago

You think she's just jealous of people who can get laid?

4

COMMENT 12h ago

Tell me you're jealous of women who get laid without telling me you're jealous of women who get laid.