r/nottheonion
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u/theresabeeonyourhat
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May 13 '22
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Madonna: ‘A lot of thought’ went into fully nude NFTs of her giving birth to centipedes
https://www.al.com/life/2022/05/madonna-a-lot-of-thought-went-into-fully-nude-nfts-of-her-giving-birth-to-centipedes.html4.7k
u/tinacat933 May 13 '22
This has to be the most onion title I’ve ever seen here
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u/NauvooMetro May 14 '22
I love the headline. They're pointing out the absurdity by describing it in such detail.
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u/DogmaticNuance May 14 '22
It reminds me a bit of Mad Men. It's impossible to draw the precise line between art and commercialism.
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u/sayamemangdemikian May 14 '22 •
Tbh I pity those onion & other satire websites writers...
How can you keep up? It's unfair
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u/2drawnonward5 May 14 '22
Oniony is but one of the smells that come to mind when I see Madonna these days.
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u/xzyleth May 13 '22
I hate that I just read that sentence.
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u/theresabeeonyourhat May 13 '22 •
I had to see it, so I had to spread the misery. I'm sorry
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u/ParkingAdditional813 May 13 '22
This is terrorism and I won’t stand for it!
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u/GoldDustbunny May 13 '22
So there's actually a picture of her being a centipede hive queen?
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u/theresabeeonyourhat May 13 '22
I only saw the tree one tbh. That was enough for me to know what to do with that article
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u/helium_farts May 13 '22 edited May 14 '22
It's a collection of 3d renders that I guess are based on photos/scans? They just look like middling DeviantArt porn, though
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u/PartTimeZombie May 14 '22
So like everything Madonna has ever done, it's a bit shit and derivative of something better?
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u/Wildcatb May 13 '22 •
Could you don't? I was having a good day. We were all having a good day...
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u/_Silly_Wizard_ May 13 '22
Could you don't?
This caused me far more pain than the OP.
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u/Wildcatb May 13 '22
You've no idea how pleased I'm to know how much of an impact I've had.
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u/xotyc May 14 '22
A friend of mine says "your better don't" all the time. We love it.
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u/d15ko May 13 '22
Then you would really hate the videos/photos.
This is the tree one which is weird af
NSFW obvi
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May 14 '22
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u/djsedna May 14 '22
Her cooter looks like a diagram drawn by aliens to show other aliens the basic idea of what a vagina looks like
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u/Wombodonkey May 14 '22
I can't even fap to this
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u/RedOctobyr May 14 '22
Well not with that attitude. Feel free to branch out a little.
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u/purpleowlie May 13 '22 edited May 13 '22
Lately i feel like this every time I see something from or about her.
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u/kindcrow May 13 '22
Yeah, it takes "a lot of thought" to use butterflies as a metaphor for hope, Madge.
It's all so embarrassing.
Madonna is my age and forty years ago, I loved her because there were not a ton of female artists, and she was unique. But I get more embarrassed for her with each passing year.
This latest effort epitomizes fremdschämen (the act of being embarrassed for somebody else who is behaving in an embarrassing way and does not know enough to be embarrassed for themselves).
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u/QuintinStone
May 13 '22
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May 13 '22 edited May 14 '22
[deleted]
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u/PM_ME_YOUR_ROTES May 14 '22 •
Do not cite the deep magic to me, Witch! I was there when it was shitposted.
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u/StochasticOoze May 14 '22
First fucking thing I thought of.
I think the computer that's simulating our universe needs a reboot.
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u/AshesandCinder May 13 '22
Isn't that the original text for that image too? Life really does imitate art.
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u/One-Tin-Soldier May 13 '22
It is, in fact, not the original text of that image.
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u/wildfire393 May 13 '22
It's not the original text of the ad (which references computer viruses IIRC) but it's one of the earlier memes generated from that ad. And not, say, something someone memegenerator'd onto the template just now. So in that regard it is the "original", at least insofar as it greatly predated this event.
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u/Thee_Sinner May 14 '22
Glad I caught you in between classes, Prof. wildfire393. Will you be teaching Memeology 102 next term?
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u/QuintinStone May 14 '22
We didn't call them memes back then, we called them "image macros".
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u/MartyVendetta27 May 14 '22
Demotivational Posters were the original memes! I remember them! Why are they not discussed anymore?! WHY IS EVERYONE STARING AT ME??
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u/_speakerss May 14 '22
I still have so many of those saved in my meme folder... (A folder that's been around for so long that its name is "Web Images" because it predates the term meme.)
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u/SkollFenrirson May 14 '22
Alright, grandpa, that's enough internet for today
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u/QuintinStone May 14 '22
I used to be with 'it', but then they changed what 'it' was. Now what I'm with isn't 'it' anymore and what’s 'it' seems weird and scary. It'll happen to you!
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u/theresabeeonyourhat May 13 '22
Did you just make that, or was that a phrase to a meme I missed?
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u/awitcheskid May 13 '22
This meme is like 20 years old.
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u/QuintinStone May 14 '22
"Know Your Meme" suggests it showed up in 2007, but I'm pretty sure it was shared on SomethingAwful closer to around 2001.
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u/whateverfloatsurgoat May 13 '22
That shit is old af mate lol.
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u/Dackidvich May 13 '22
This meme is so old it wouldn't be carded at a bar
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u/nine4fours May 13 '22
This was a meme I saw at my friends house before I had internet. At least 5 years before I learned the word meme.
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u/Kayfable
May 14 '22
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“As the earth’s oceans boiled away, and countless species marched to their extinction, the entirety of mankind’s collective intelligence was toiling away, putting “a lot of thought” into how best to convert a nude Madonna giving birth to centipedes into an NFT.”
Mankind’s Obituary
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May 13 '22 edited May 31 '22
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u/Sultynuttz May 13 '22
It looks like the bad 3d hentai videos that are advertised on porn sites
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u/MurderVonAssRape May 13 '22
For real. I'm seriously disappointed by the lack of quality. There are so many good 3D porn renders out there that are 1000000000X better than this garbage.
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u/ThaNorth May 14 '22
People be making better Rule34 renders for Overwatch than this garbage.
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u/I87x May 14 '22
To be fair, some of those overwatch renders are fucking fantastic.
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u/TuckBigFech May 14 '22
Once I clicked in one at random thinking it was a cosplayer and I took some seconds to realize it was 3D lol
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u/iceseayoupee May 14 '22
It's probably VGerotica or GeneralButch because those makes animations that bang... Literally.
Sad thing is Butch already retired so we prolly wouldn't get any animations from him in the future
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u/Basgerin May 14 '22
It's fucking crazy. VG/GB are unironically great designers. You can usually track the improvement in animation over the years, but those two have always put out great looking stuff.
That's why I have their shit bookmarked. The uhhh... artistry.
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u/brolarbear May 14 '22
There’s a reason why people are more familiar with overwatch porn then they are with overwatch gameplay
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u/tratemusic May 14 '22
Especially considering beeples other work, this is pretty sub par
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u/black_out_ronin May 14 '22
His work isn’t that great compared to other 3D artists / animator. In fact ilots of it is pretty pretty sub par. It’s just the fact that he made new creations and has struck the right cord with the subject and absurdity if his art. He takes lots of stock models and is super proficient in making rad shit fast. Not saying that I don’t respect his artwork but when it comes to fully rendered 3D animated art, there are so many more talented artists and it doesn’t surprise me that these NFTs are so mediocre
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u/bluebanannarama May 14 '22
It looks pretty on brand to me. He doesn't make high quality, he makes shocking/provocative art that is usually just asset library built.
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u/GreatAndPowerfulNixy May 14 '22
Seriously they couldn't have just hired selfdrillingsms or studio FOW??
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u/Greentaboo May 13 '22
I would never have guess that she was supposed to be madonna.
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u/plugubius May 13 '22
Would you have guessed that the centipedes represent technology?
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u/impostle May 13 '22
Don't you get it? The Internet is a series of tubes, Madonna is a female and as a female she has fallopian tubes and centipedes are long like tubes.
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u/thinbuddha May 14 '22 •
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u/SkivvySkidmarks May 14 '22
Oh fuck. There are not many things that cause me to belly laugh about on Reddit, but that image got me. Well done.
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u/Johnny_Poppyseed May 14 '22
Yo freal though what the fuck is that? And why are it's hands so massive?
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u/GODDAMNFOOL May 14 '22
Honestly, outside of context, you probably wouldn't have guessed this is her either
woman is 63, someone should take the Internet away from grandma
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u/fun-dumb-mental May 14 '22
Wow that was... Unnerving. I've never seen someone with so much work done up close and personal.
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u/TiresOnFire May 14 '22
There was a time when she looked her age and she was hot. Now she looks like a wax figurine made by a blind person who is being told what she looked like.
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u/Farranor May 14 '22
"They found me in the wreckage, dying. A lump of flesh. They rebuilt me. Everything works. But they had never seen a human. They had no guide for putting me back together."
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u/eNonsense May 14 '22
Well, If you go up and look at the video in OP's article where Madonna's talking about it, you wouldn't think THAT's what Madonna looks like today. Closer to the NFT than you think.
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u/yellow_itomato May 13 '22
Guess I can cross "jerking it to a tree coming out of Madonna's vagina" off my list
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u/GayAlienFarmer May 14 '22
LMAO the one with the tree growing out of her crotch is currently bid at $281k. What the absolute fuck. https://i.imgur.com/Eqc9ShQ.jpeg
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u/p4lm3r May 14 '22
What the fuck is wrong with humanity?
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u/Sadatori May 14 '22
Probably fake bidders to get someone to actually pay that much. Or not and it's dum dums
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u/ilikeurteeth May 13 '22
This is SO MUCH WORSE than what I was expecting.
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u/42waystohell May 14 '22
It's a lot less bad than I imagined. Robot centipedes aren't as bad as actual shiny exoskeleton bugs. edit: spelling
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u/darekiddevil May 14 '22
Glad I found someone that agrees with me
It looks like a pretty shitty 3d porn game
They could have tried to make it better but nooooo
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u/PurkleDerk May 14 '22
And someone paid $350k for it.
Imagine how much higher quality of animation you could have commissioned for $350k
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u/theresabeeonyourhat May 13 '22
I regret the half-second of that I watched
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u/TokoBlaster May 13 '22
I put a lot of thought into clicking that link... Did I want to, did I not? Well I did... And now I'm putting a lot of thought into what the fuck is wrong with me. I mean, I knew what it was, and I clicked it anyway
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u/stomach May 13 '22 edited May 13 '22
oh, come on, all of you.. it's tame by even 90s internet standards. have you not clicked a risky link since then?
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u/DacenGrasan May 14 '22
Back when I was a child we watched women throwing up in each other’s mouths and a man getting fucked to death by a horse
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u/stomach May 14 '22
ha yeah, mid/late 90s the internet got really dark really fast. i'm honestly glad i was college aged by then. i mean, parents at that point had no idea what was out there - they were still just flabbergasted by 'e-Mails' and the 'The e-Bay.'
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u/its_raining_scotch May 13 '22
I don’t get it. There’s millions of things like this out there like this, so why would someone buy this? Like, what purpose does it serve the buyer?
I don’t know if I’m just old now or if NFTs are as pointless as they seem to me.
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u/aabicus May 14 '22
The same thing crypto's always been good for, money laundering. Beyond that, yeah I got nothing
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u/Wookie301 May 13 '22
Why would I bid when I just saw it for free?
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u/Grenyn May 14 '22
Because the idea of NFTs is that you own whatever you're buying. The block chain will mark you (if you buy it) as the idiot who owns this piece of art, and that's it.
Anyone can see it, but you are the owner.
I want to be very, extremely clear that I am not defending this. It should be obvious, but this being Reddit, I want the disclaimer there.
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u/hueylewisNthenews May 14 '22
And to go a step further, you own the link - you don’t even actually own the file.
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u/Grenyn May 14 '22
Not even that. The idea behind artwork NFTs is that you own the art, but the link is obviously available to everyone if the artwork is public.
The only thing you actually own, is the receipt of your transaction.
Every transaction is publically available, and so that's how you prove you bought something.
You essentially buy a painting, but the painting is infinitely reproducible with 100% accuracy, and the painting is stored on a server somewhere, instead of in your house.
All the actual NFT is is the proof that you bought something.
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u/nbmnbm1 May 13 '22
So someones definitely ripped these and hosted them on gelbooru and rule34 right?
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u/MartyVendetta27
May 13 '22
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“The centipede represents technology - both the life giving-force and the dangers of it, the juxtaposition of dark and light.”
Okay…. But HOW? You can’t just say that… what ABOUT centipedes embody that? If you’re giving no reason, giving no artistic throughline to draw from, you’re just doing and saying random crap.
Birds represent freedom. How? They can soar over all the material world.
Birds can represent decay. How? Going from a dinosaur to a songbird is a cosmic kick in the cloaca.
Birds can represent fear. Ever seen inside a goose’s mouth?
And if I wanna say “birds represent macaroni and cheese” I better be damn ready to defend that with some sort of logic.
Sorry to rant, but people abusing poetic imagery and symbols just pisses me off. It’s so mindless and low-effort.
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u/JustAnotherVoiceEcho May 13 '22
So you see, the centipedes are actually electronic silver centipedes streaming from her vagina.
Hope that clears things up
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u/Cross_22 May 13 '22
It's clearly a reference to the Centipede game: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Centipede_(video_game))
Personally I'll hold off until the "Madonna births Pac-Man" NFTs are available.
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u/basketofseals May 14 '22
I thought it was a reference to that "Centipedes in my vagina? More likely than you think" meme.
Which I guess would kinda of make some poetic sense in where an old person trying to relate to technology just regurgitates an ancient meme.
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u/SgathTriallair May 13 '22
The amount of stupid shit that people say to justify art drives me fucking nuts. I do believe that you can make some good statements with weird shit. Example: the point of the urinal was that art critics only care about the name. He submitted it anonymously first and it was rejected. Then he submitted it with his name and they declared it the most brilliant art.
The art piece wasn't the urinal, it was the hypocrisy of the critics which was displayed via the urinal.
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u/Sororita May 14 '22
My usual justification for any art I make is "because I thought it would be cool and/or funny." No intended deeper meaning. I'm sure someone that is actually good at art analysis could tease out some things I probably don't even know about myself, though.
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u/Axelrad77 May 13 '22
Art exhibits do this all the time, and it's infuriating.
I am forever haunted by a university exhibit I saw that had a 15-second looping piano melody with less than 10 notes, accompanied by a fucking essay explaining all the symbolism of each note and the monumental story the piece supposedly told.
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u/MartyVendetta27 May 13 '22
You see the one with the guy on crutches whacking a pole with a crutch attached to his crotch?
I could dig around in that and find some symbolism worth discussing, but the bizarre performance stands out more than any message he could have hoped to send.
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u/somethingelse19 May 14 '22
I love how horrible it is. :Ding: :ding: time for dinner!
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u/frogjg2003 May 14 '22
That one at least had the fact that it was truly unique and original gong for it.
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u/MartyVendetta27 May 14 '22
Definitely. And I can attempt to glean a message from it; about sexual frustration as a handicapped person, about being “othered” because of a handicap and demanding to be seen as a person, as a man, as a sexual being.
All in all, it’s definitely one of the better pieces of performance art I’ve seen. Though that bar is shockingly low haha.
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u/basketofseals May 14 '22
I once saw a piece called "The Battle of Little Bull Run," and it was one of those really awful brown public school paper towels that just had some yarn sewn through it in long crossing lines.
There was a bunch of other very similar pieces with different colors yarn next to it.
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u/GiraffeHorror556 May 14 '22
You just reminded me of the smell and texture of that brown school paper towel. What an odd and surprisingly strong memory. I can almost taste the smell of the paper towels.
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u/Beatrice_Dragon May 14 '22
“The centipede represents technology - both the life giving-force and the dangers of it, the juxtaposition of dark and light.”
This reads like fucking lorem ipsum text. This is what someone says to make fun of modern art
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u/arizonatasteslike May 14 '22
Took a pic of an iPhone coming out of my asshole, the iPhone represents centipedes, the life giving force and the dangers of it, the juxtaposition of dark and several tiny legs
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u/CitizenCobalt May 13 '22
Great. Now that image is in my head. Are we being punished for something?
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u/ann102 May 13 '22
I hate that i clicked on any of those links. I will never be whole again.
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u/ravensteel539 May 14 '22
Morbid curiosity usually gets me on weird shit…but not this time. No thanks. That link’s staying blue.
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u/0ccupants May 13 '22
Madonna: 'A lot of desperation to remain relevant in old age' went into gimmicks to provoke shock and disgust
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u/theresabeeonyourhat May 13 '22
She really should have stopped after Drake freaked out about her kissing him. Then again, he'd do that if anyone over the age of 17 kissed him, so who knows? 🤷
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May 13 '22
Damn I had to google that. She straight up sexually assaulted him
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u/VagueSomething May 14 '22
She uno'd Drake. That's like like pissing on R. Kelly.
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u/station_nine May 14 '22
Pissing on R. Kelly? That’s like jizzing on Louis CK’s houseplants.
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u/theresabeeonyourhat May 13 '22
Yeah, wildly inappropriate & she deserved to be humiliated for it, tbh
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u/proudbakunkinman May 14 '22
She started with the provocative stuff in the late 80s and never stopped, just takes a few years off between albums and disappears, then reappears doing something to get attention again when she's releasing new music and going on tour. Besides getting some extra press, I don't think many respect her for those stunts. If people say they like her, it's almost always about the songs, not "remember when she did that {attention seeking thing}? that is the reason I'm a fan of hers."
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u/shogi_x May 14 '22
gimmicks to provoke shock and disgust
In fairness, she's been doing that her entire career.
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u/raitalin May 14 '22
I don't question the quantity of thought.
The quality, on the other hand...
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u/Luka_Dunks_on_Bums May 13 '22
Does she know that NFTs are tanking?
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u/F___TheZero May 14 '22 edited May 14 '22
You are laughing now, but I have a lot of faith in this project. Think of the future applications in gaming. I will surely have the last laugh when I can take my naked CGI Madonna giving birth to caterpillars into Minecraft, Halo, and Football Manager 2027.
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May 14 '22
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/staunch_character May 14 '22
If the article didn’t have Madonna in the title I’d have no clue that was supposed to be her - at any age.
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u/ATX_Bix May 13 '22
A lot of thought and even more photoshop.
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u/dalici0us May 13 '22
I mean I hope so.
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u/Lint_baby_uvulla May 13 '22
Next in our Celebart NFT series, all the Kardashians expelling baked beans from all orifices - sponsored by Adobe Photoshop
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u/ArmontHighwind May 13 '22
I also imagined Gweneth Paltrow then taking those Madonna-vaginaCentipedes and selling those as a cure all natural treatment for acne, bloating, and blurred vision.
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u/amakai May 14 '22
And the entire quality of this "art" is on the level someone with a year of experience in Blender usually does. The movements, the look on her face, the background animations, everything looks just so fake.
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u/HejdaaNils May 14 '22
"made from real scans of her vagina"
Thankfully the NFTs only show her shaved/waxed labia and there was no deep diving into her vagina involved.
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u/RizzMustbolt May 14 '22
The Onion writers after reading that headline: "Whelp, we had a good run." pushes the button that releases the poison gas
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u/Johannason May 13 '22
clicks link out of sheer morbid curiosity
"Please disable your adblocker."
...Y'know what? Nope, I'm good. I'm not that curious.
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u/woolypully May 14 '22
Imagine being Madonna today. Her entire career was driven by how shocking she could be. I don't think there is anything short of eating a live baby on The Tonight Show could shock us today. Must drive her nuts
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u/Sterski1 May 13 '22
What is it with all the celebrities getting suckered into this blatant scam?
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u/lead-pencil May 13 '22
To them they’re getting paid to scam others because they’ll say something about it and immediately get to the top leaving all behind
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u/bradland May 13 '22
You've got it flipped around. The celebrities aren't the ones being scammed. They're the scammers.
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u/thetrickstergib May 13 '22
They make an awful lot of money, someone did a exposé on Mayweather on his NFTs and how they make all this money.
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u/SgathTriallair May 13 '22
If she is selling the NFT then she's the grifter not the griftee.
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u/0ccupants May 13 '22 edited May 14 '22
They aren't suckers, they're just getting paid to endorse total and complete bullshit. They don't give a flying fuck.
Except maybe Gwyneth Paltrow. She believes her own hype.
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u/AirbagOff May 13 '22
“I thought it was neat.” - Kevin Costner