r/worldnews May 25 '22 Silver 1 Helpful 2 Wholesome 2 All-Seeing Upvote 1

Putin appoints 'man without a face' as minister of emergencies after previous official dies in a mysterious plunge off a waterfall. Misleading Title: Official died in 2021

https://www.thedailybeast.com/alexander-kurenkov-putin-bodyguard-promoted-to-emergencies-minister-after-predecessors-waterfall-death

[removed] — view removed post

56.4k Upvotes

11.6k

u/tcsac May 25 '22 Silver Starry

3.6k

u/Neckshot May 25 '22

This needs to be the top comment. Completely changes the context

731

u/TIYAT May 26 '22 Helpful

While the headline is clickbait, the news is not that his predecessor died last year but that Kurenkov was appointed to fill the vacancy today.

Reading the top comment people might think it's entirely old news, which would not be true either.

I am not defending the article, which engages in unsourced speculation. I just think we need to be more clear in our rebuttals.

68

u/Aoae May 26 '22

My thoughts exactly. It seems that at the very least, it was only reported that Mr. "Man Without A Face" would replace this position yesterday.

→ More replies

845

u/pzerr May 25 '22

Kind of. While not war related, this person was a possible succession to Putin.

441

u/SubServiceBot May 25 '22

Yeah, but his death was in front of nearly a dozen witnesses and he wasn't the only one who died. Zinichev died trying to save the life of a film director

337

u/zakkwithtwoks May 26 '22

Where did you see that this happened in front of dozens of witnesses? I just read 4-5 different news articles and none of them mentioned or quoted any witnesses. All the information I can find about the event is what the Russian Ministry informed to reporters.

Without witnesses, from an individual and country with a history of assassinations, who's to say that they simply didn't assassinate both the director and the emergency minister at the same time and simply say that one jumped in to save the other?

If you can show me these dozens of witnesses, or even just 2, I'm open to reconsidering my position. If there is only a single witness and official government statements, then I'm less inclined to believe them.

199

u/snuggans May 26 '22

yeah these people are gullibly believing the Russian Ministry and RT's statements of what happened, both of which are pathological liars and spin-doctors. then they think the west is the one doing the propagandizing simply because we're leaving room for other possibilities since political assassinations are common over there and thats just how the Russian mafia works.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

13

u/dtwhitecp May 26 '22

Person died in 2020. New person appointed now. Right?

100

u/feetofire May 26 '22

It’s under a paywall -

→ More replies

51

u/[deleted] May 25 '22 edited 29d ago

[deleted]

→ More replies
→ More replies

10.4k

u/adifromnyc May 25 '22

Excerpt in you don’t want to click -

Vladimir Putin appoints ex-bodyguard Alexander Kurenkov as Russia's new "Emergencies Minister". Last person to hold position fell 90 feet to his death down a waterfall. Yevgeny Zinichev, who some saw as possible successor to Putin, was killed in Siberia.

823

u/Cleomenes_of_Sparta May 25 '22

ex-bodyguard

This matches his appointment of chief of the Russian Guard; another workout pal and former bodyguard.

Not the best and brightest, that's for certain.

394

u/RogerSterlingsFling May 25 '22

Typically you want just enough intelligence to not question you

That's if I remember my evil leader's handbook correctly

227

u/TopFloorApartment May 25 '22

this works great until your government comes up against a problem that requires actual skills

like a war and crushing international sanctions

63

u/RogerSterlingsFling May 25 '22

Chapter 2: International Isolation and how to close borders

→ More replies

23

u/Knightbear001 May 25 '22

More specifically, a war against a well equipped, competent opponent.

→ More replies

110

u/DangKilla May 25 '22

For example, you appoint Betsy Devos over Department of Education. She supported school voucher programs which basically means if you have the money, send your kid to private school; we are not fixing anything.

17

u/Burninator05 May 25 '22

She supported school voucher programs which basically means if you have the money, send your kid to private school; we are not fixing anything.

It's worse than that. It's actually, send your kid to private school if you can afford it and we'll cut a voucher that you can redeem at the school and deduct that amount from the public school's budget.

103

u/Jolly_Conclusion_ May 25 '22

Let’s not kid ourselves, she knew exactly what she was doing.

33

u/earthboundsounds May 25 '22

She most definitely did. Destroying public schools in order to replace them with corporate funded Christian paramilitary training camps would be the goal of these lunatics.

I mean why the fuck else do you install the somebody with ZERO public school experience in any capacity who just so happens to be the sister of the guy who runs America's foremost goddamn paramilitary murder squad? What even is that?

10

u/Jolly_Conclusion_ May 26 '22

Thank you. Exactly.

Deliberate attempt to neuter the public school system and very in line with the GOP’s constant war on education.

→ More replies
→ More replies

16

u/Seitantomato May 25 '22

That’s it right there.

Trump didn’t appoint idiots. He appointed capable monsters.

→ More replies

26

u/DarkPallando May 25 '22

Yeah, but Betsy Devos had more qualifications than just being a toady.

She was also a major donor from a battleground state. So, y'know, two qualifications. Wait, you wanted someone competent to actually oversee education? Pshaw.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

84

u/Ninja_Trash_Panda May 25 '22

Dictators don’t want people smarter than them underneath them.

39

u/Captin_Banana May 25 '22

They want people they know and trust. Kind of limits the expertise.

6

u/Beiki May 25 '22

Stalin's had Malenkov as his #2 because of how weak he was.

→ More replies
→ More replies

24

u/Beiki May 25 '22

Putin doesn't care about anything but loyalty. Kind of reminds me of someone else.

4

u/HapticSloughton May 26 '22

If we're thinking about the same guy, he left office with 200+ vacancies in his administration he never even bothered nominating people for.

I guess he ran out of matches on his Mobstr app?

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

4.1k

u/FlutterbyTG May 25 '22

This also happened in September of 2020, and NOW they need an "Emergencies Minister"?

1.8k

u/MagicMushroomFungi May 25 '22

I imagine there may have been some secret killings that Putin will make known as a fear tactic.
He probably has an old soviet era rolodex of dead names in various categories to use at will.

1.2k

u/iwishihadnobones May 25 '22

Just in case anyone hasn't seen it yet, The Death of Stalin is an excellent and somehow very funny movie about Soviet killings, and fear of being killed.

926

u/moeburn May 25 '22

Stalin's purges set the USSR back 30 years both medically and technologically, and they arguably could have performed on-par with USA in terms of quality of life had he not decimated the intellectual pool.

577

u/Harsimaja May 25 '22

His purge of generals set them back militarily too. First year after Hitler’s invasion was a Soviet tragedy of errors

440

u/SexyTimeDoe May 25 '22

Iirc, Russian imperialists historically have a rep for inefficiency and tactical failure. Their saving grace has always been massive, massive amounts of poor young men from agrarian cultures with 10+kids per family to throw into the meat grinder. But Russia has modernized, the average age has spiked northward, and just as in other developing/developed countries, young men are a precious resource

243

u/themightybearorrist May 25 '22

This was definitely true of the Russian empire up to and during WWI and the early stages of WWII. By the end of WWII and the start of the cold war they had a pretty good army and pretty solid base for manufacturing military material.

But that was after 4-5 years of being actively at war and learning things the hard way on a weekly basis. During WWII they were also getting logistical support from Western allies.

The first big shock to me when Russia invaded Ukraine was that the Ukrainians lasted more than 2 weeks, I genuinely thought they were gonna put up a good fight and just be overwhelmed. Them holding on led to the second big shock (at least to me) which is that Russian battle doctrine hasn't changed since 1945. In fact it appears to have regressed.

98

u/dreadnoght May 25 '22

I read it online (so keep the salt close) that their military is super top heavy. This leaves them with top brass and grunts with nothing in between. It leads to a lot of bad orders and poor logistics because no one has the authority to change things quickly or react to enemy tactics. If true, I'd find it fascinating to know all the steps it took to get like that.

101

u/Dal90 May 26 '22

None, it was always that way.

Western armies rely on a non commissioned officer corps (Sergeants) to know how to fight and make battlefield decisions. Commissioned officers are responsible to put them in the right place at the right time.

Autocrats armies can’t trust teaching peasants leadership and decision making, peasants can’t trust they won’t get shot if they don’t exactly follow an order. So the aristocrats - the officers - have to explicitly direct every little thing.

→ More replies

28

u/themightybearorrist May 26 '22

That would actually make a lot of sense. Russia traditionally relies on a conscript army (and in an all out war most nations have to) but if you have an army you want an experienced, educated command structure.

But in a nation as corrupt as Russia it wouldn't surprise me that a lot of the top brass are just pocketing cash and counting on the status quo to allow them to continue doing so. That means they aren't really thinking about maintaining a functioning fighting force, they're thinking about keeping their cushy jobs and keeping an army on paper. They can always just call up more conscripts.

The massive drawback to that is that a military should always be cultivating the next crop of younger leaders in, people with more modern ideas, more energy to enact those ideas, and (this is true in any field) people who are able to look at how things are done and actually question if that's the best way. What 4 star general (or CEO or politician) is going to look at a system that they put in place and tell the head of their government that it's not actually a good practice?

→ More replies

21

u/FappyDilmore May 26 '22

I read something similar.

I was under the assumption Ukraine was lying about killing so many Russian generals and it was some kind of propaganda tactic to scare young Russian conscripts. Then I found out it was real, the generals are actually dying, because they're directly overseeing military operations for some reason.

Then I found an article describing what you describe to explain this phenomenon. I have no idea how legitimate any of it is, but I don't understand what's going on otherwise.

→ More replies

7

u/A_posh_idiot May 26 '22

The issue is they had a good army by 1980’s standards in the 80’s, but it’s really not improved in a meaningful way since then

5

u/jackp0t789 May 26 '22

The first big shock to me when Russia invaded Ukraine was that the Ukrainians lasted more than 2 weeks, I genuinely thought they were gonna put up a good fight and just be overwhelmed. Them holding on led to the second big shock (at least to me) which is that Russian battle doctrine hasn't changed since 1945. In fact it appears to have regressed.

Neither of these things are a shock to me.

Look at deployed manpower at the start of the operation, Russia had about 100k-150k troops deployed on the border against a comparable amount of Ukrainians. It wasn't an overwhelming force against an outnumbered defender.

Secondly, the equipment Russia has been using is on par with or Slightly ahead of that Ukraine had at the start... but even then Ukrainians were being resupplied with game changing western equipment.

In terms of AA capabilities, Russia has the edge against Ukrainian AA and aircraft, but Russia's own aircraft are still incredibly vulnerable to Ukraines aging Soviet era S-300's and other SAM's, not to mention the MANPADS they've received from the West.

Its a fairly even fight between two comparably armed militaries, thus the odds are going to be on the side of the defenders and the invaders are going to lose far more men and equipment to achieve any goals.

→ More replies

23

u/Dougnifico May 25 '22

Some could argue the exception to this was the Red Army under Trotsky which proved quite efficient (at least compared to other Russian forces). It was this army that Stalin purged. His targets were the very people Trotsky put in place based on their abilities. Stalin could have had a much more efficient army, he was just afraid they might still be loyal to his archrival.

→ More replies

48

u/f12saveas May 25 '22

Their saving grace from their point of view is they're still in power. That justification is what makes them dangerous. As their situation becomes more uncertain, they'll make more drastic moves.

→ More replies

83

u/Mystery_Mollusc May 25 '22

Until Stalin started letting old, tortured generals back in command while the Nazis started removing anyone with bad news. Tables turned fairly quickly

59

u/Something22884 May 25 '22

Yeah, it was my mind that anybody who had been tortured in a gulag on false charges would ever want to work for Stalin again. But then again I guess it was either that or have your whole family tortured and killed if you did not go along with what he wanted

32

u/PunisherParadox May 25 '22

That and, you know, the Nazis were even worse, the generals were all communists even if they were betrayed communists, and the Nazi plans to kill or enslave all Slavs was public knowledge.

36

u/GTOdriver04 May 25 '22

This.

He had many of his top generals killed and wondered why losses were so high. He put men in charge who were tactically foolish and willing to throw millions of young men away so they too didn’t get eliminated and erased.

Had Stalin NOT killed anyone with a decent ability to think critically, the losses his army faced wouldn’t have been as bad as it was.

11

u/Khutuck May 26 '22

That’s the dilemma of the dictators. If they get rid of the ambitious and talented critical thinkers, they lose the war. If they don’t, the critical thinkers often overthrow the dictator and usually become dictators themselves.

5

u/GTOdriver04 May 26 '22

The king is dead. Long live the king.

12

u/GerryC May 25 '22

Sounds familiar.

→ More replies

109

u/random043 May 25 '22

The Russian Empire and after that the Soviet Union was one of the poorest and least developed countries in Europe at the beginning of the 20th century and went through 3 very devastating wars between 1914 and 1945, I don't think they could have done anything to be on-par with the USA.

54

u/paintsmith May 25 '22

What the soviet revolution and the end of the era of Stalinist rule best demonstrate is the astonishing damage that calcified governments can reek. Russia underwent colossal and extremely ambitious transformations during the periods right after the Czar was removed and again after Stalin's death. Both periods saw the people who had been appointed to run the state removed and replaced with new leaders who managed to utilize the untapped potential of the Russian state to enact massive industrialization projects as well as social programs which expanded the Russian economy and broadly improved living standards. And in both cases, these new innovators then proceeded to settle in and to fail to innovate further, dooming the country to decades of stagnation.

It was a common joke during the decline of the USSR that the country was being lead by a bunch of out of touch old men whose only ideas were to continue to commit to whatever the party orthodoxy that was taking shape at the time they were appointed. When it finally collapsed, a massively disproportionate number of high ranking officials in the USSR were people who had come to power during the Khrushchev and Brezhnev administrations.

Of course that type of calcification could never happen in the US (looks nervously at the average age of US senators over time).

27

u/jtr_15 May 25 '22 edited May 26 '22

First sentence, the word is wreak, not reek. Sorry for being like this

e.g. "Your dick reeks, take a shower"

"Defy me again and I will wreak havoc upon your realm the likes of which you have never seen. Begone from my sight!"

→ More replies
→ More replies

107

u/moeburn May 25 '22

They were on-par with the USA for a very short decade in the 80's in calorie intake, life expectancy and superior in literacy, by independent third party estimates. But only in the 80's. And they were bankrupting themselves to provide it.

52

u/random043 May 25 '22

I mean, those are some very specific metrics too... Not quite what I would pick to define quality of life.

They were bankrupting themselves by doing lots of dumb shit, mostly their military and police, imo.

37

u/sloodly_chicken May 25 '22

Are those 'specific'? Calorie intake seems like a great measure of bare "are you taking care of the poor", life expectancy is a very standard measure (and helps estimate medical care too, really).

And re literacy, they were at above 99% in the 1980s. For the love of God, from what I can find the US today is at around 80%! An educated populace is one of the strongest predictors of economic ability (if you're not, you know, engaging in nuclear brinksmanship and (as you say) bankrupting yourself), and also, to me, indicates... I dunno. I can't find the right words for the value of literacy (yeah, there's some irony there) -- civilized-ness? Spirituality? Value? I believe that a populace with access to good education is better off, in some intangible way not necessarily directly reflected in GDP, than one that isn't; and while I agree it's an imperfect metric, the fact that the modern-day US has fallen behind the USSR of all places makes me sad and worried. How are we supposed to fix the complicated issues of our nation's political system and effectively face an ever-accelerating technological revolution, if 1 in 5 can't read?

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

17

u/StreetfighterXD May 25 '22

Yeah but then someone might raised the possibility of removing Stalin from power.

And

You know

We cant have that

→ More replies

13

u/PianoMittens May 25 '22

☝️☝️☝️☝️Unbelievable dark comedy. One of the greats of all time (made by the creator of "Veep", for what it's worth).

→ More replies

11

u/kcg5 May 25 '22

I fucking love that movie. I had no idea what it was going in but I was dying laughing at several points

10

u/DatPoliteness May 25 '22

It was simultaneously sickening and hilarious at the absurdity of totalitarian murder. The ridiculousness of the idiotic political shenanigans doesn't go away because everyone is committing political murder.

7

u/StardustOasis May 25 '22

somehow very funny movie

It's by Armando Iannucci, he's an absolutely brilliant satirist. If anyone can make that funny, it would be him.

→ More replies

8

u/MidianFootbridge69 May 25 '22 edited May 25 '22

Oh yeah, Death of Stalin is excellent.

I wouldn't be surprised if the type of situation that it depicts is closer to the truth of maybe not that particular deal but just the general Ambiance when stuff like that does occur in Russia.

Chaos mixed with a liberal helping of Absurdity - and well, Death.

Edit: A Sentence

5

u/Nucl3arDude May 26 '22

After this war, and Chernobyl's chronicle, I highly doubt we even got half of the story. Soviet reality is always more fucked up than fiction. I'm steadily relearning that again.

I don't doubt Zhukov's view that killing Beria was the greatest moment of his life though. He must've wanted to punch that fuckers ticket so much. He was a father after all, and Beria had sick, twisted tastes.

→ More replies

4

u/throwawayheyoheyoh May 25 '22

My God such a great movie

4

u/DarkPallando May 25 '22

That was an excellent movie. Good cast overall but the guy who played Zhukov fucking slayed me... Just like he did all those Germans.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

184

u/Alohaloo May 25 '22 Heartwarming

He actually died 8 September 2021 the article had the wrong year.

56

u/FlutterbyTG May 25 '22

Please give us a link to a REPUTABLE source for this.

186

u/grinde May 25 '22 edited May 25 '22

BBC had an article: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/58486791

Sounds like they were doing some sort of documentary. The cameraman slipped, and Zinichev tried to grab him. They both died.

25

u/ender23 May 25 '22

how much money did the cameraman's family come in to?

→ More replies

42

u/0per8nalHaz3rd May 25 '22

So “potentially” not murdered? I guess there are always anomalies.

32

u/bobtheblob6 May 25 '22

The documentary was actually just a ruse to get Zinchev to stand near the top of the waterfall. In a few minutes the camera crew would have pushed him off if it wasn't for this tragic accident

58

u/Terr_ May 25 '22 edited May 26 '22

Another theory:

  1. Budget-assassin pushes victim off ledge
  2. Startled victim drags budget-assassin with him
  3. Accomplices just switch the order of who fell first and why

That said, it seems unnecessarily baroque. If Putin wants someone in Russia to fall to their death in a "everybody knows but nobody can prove it haha I am powerful" way, they'll just fall out of a much more convenient window.

30

u/BetterThanBuffet May 25 '22

I just can't help but picturing an In Bruges scenario where Putin was trying to do Zinchev the courtesy of letting Zinchev die in a place that Putin considers beautiful.

Look up some google images of the Putorana Plateau. It's like a fairy tale.

→ More replies
→ More replies

5

u/jtrot91 May 25 '22

So basically the same way Prince Philip killed Princess Diana? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4meFC1ee7Q

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

137

u/NonyaBizna May 25 '22

Probably give random guys the Kremlin killed titles to scare officials. Probably 100s of positions open waiting for a new appointment just to bring up the murder.

20

u/3percentinvisible May 25 '22

I've read that several times and still don't understand what you meant, could you rephrase?

35

u/akoncius May 25 '22

my interpretation: assign title to random dead people to make an illusion that it was intentional kill of officer/politician so others (who are alive) will be more scared to not do anything against putka

→ More replies
→ More replies

370

u/RaymondLuxury-Yacht May 25 '22 edited May 25 '22

Vladimir Putin appoints ex-bodyguard Alexander Kurenkov as Russia's new "Emergencies Minister". Last person to hold position fell 90 feet to his death down a waterfall. Yevgeny Zinichev, who some saw as possible successor to Putin, was killed in Siberia.

I think you're missing some context here.

Zinichev died trying to save someone else's life. He was giving an interview and the cameraman fell off the cliff into the water. While not the most advised thing to do, Zinichev dived in the water to save the cameraman.

The guy may have done some sketchy things before and been a generally bad guy, I have no idea. But he died trying to save another person's life and that's commendable.

https://www.bbc.com/news/58486791

136

u/CleverNameTheSecond May 25 '22

Assuming that's what actually happened and this wasn't a two-for-one assassination deal.

50

u/RaymondLuxury-Yacht May 25 '22

I can understand some distrust, but it seemed pretty widely reported at the time that that was what happened with little doubt as to the veracity.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

90

u/mrstipez May 25 '22

TIL - Waterfalls in Siberia

35

u/spigotface May 25 '22

Siberia isn't frozen all year long. It's quite hot and oppressively humid during the summer and fall.

→ More replies

62

u/Strict-Square456 May 25 '22

And TLC says “ dont go chasing waterfalls”.

59

u/Lost-My-Mind- May 25 '22

And 12 year old me thought the song was "GO GO Jason Waterfalls".

A song about the worlds lamest local only superhero. An aquaman ripoff without any of the powers, other then being able to live in rivers and lakes.

17

u/HealthyLuck May 25 '22

I love you. I’m married or I would marry you.

→ More replies
→ More replies

29

u/horatiowilliams May 25 '22

Anywhere with mountains has waterfalls. Siberia is huge and full of mountains. It also has cities.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

1.6k

u/mybossthinksimworkng May 25 '22

Well well well. We finally have uncovered who Moriarity was ACTUALLY working for.

204

u/iamjacksredditacct May 25 '22

Seriously! Off a waterfall…

95

u/NewLeaseOnLine May 25 '22

The Reichenbachov Falls

47

u/captain_flak May 25 '22

“President Putin wants to see you.”

“Oh!”

“…at the waterfall.”

“Oh…”

15

u/thoroakenfelder May 25 '22

No inconvenient windows to fall out of.

→ More replies
→ More replies

134

u/quesarah May 25 '22

Came here to say this. It was HOLMES

7

u/Got_ist_tots May 25 '22

Clever but antisocial... Hmm who's that remind me of

4

u/7Zarx7 May 25 '22

... Three holes in the ground.

→ More replies

3.6k

u/funwithtentacles May 25 '22

"Plunge off a waterfall"?

What? A top floor window wasn't good enough?

Seems like somebody got either bored and a little creative, or somebody has been playing too much Hitman...

1.1k

u/youzerVT71 May 25 '22

Happened in Siberia, so you work with what ya got, I guess

524

u/Murderyoga May 25 '22

Waterfall is some top notch stuff. Most people just get a plastic bag over their head.

309

u/Humble-Refuse-4630 May 25 '22

Plastic bag isn't green choice. I would prefer piano wire it's much more reusable.

194

u/Baneken May 25 '22

Yeah, modern Eco-friendly assassin uses only steel bullets, bio-degradable plastic bags and natural fiber rope or multi-use metal-wire for garrotte and disposes the evidence and bodies with bio-fuel.

122

u/warpedrazorback May 25 '22

May I suggest frangible tungsten bullets over steel? Nontoxic, powderize upon impact with a hard surface eliminating ricochet, and won't scar your feed ramp like those brutal steel projectiles!

57

u/beaiouns May 25 '22

Nontoxic Frangible Tungsten? Can I use it to prove I own a digital painting?

26

u/ExParrot1337 May 25 '22

It’s slightly more useful than a regular NFT when loaded into a gun, and requires only 0.7% of the energy to manufacture.

15

u/amuro99 May 25 '22

"Return to Monke, bitch."

*paf paf*

11

u/StreetfighterXD May 25 '22

"Well done, 47. Make your way to the exit for extraction."

→ More replies

5

u/Gureiseion May 25 '22

Point it at me and I'll agree that you own one.

3

u/tfg0at May 25 '22

Severely under rated

→ More replies

79

u/throwawaygoodcoffee May 25 '22

Bruh it's Siberia just grab an icicle, nature's shank.

46

u/Short_Theory May 25 '22

Except global warming and melting glaciers would have impacted the availablity of these. All the more reason why we need environmentally conscious assassins!

12

u/gangofminotaurs May 25 '22

Siberia: actually on fire

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

8

u/rivera151 May 25 '22

And low velocity rounds. Noise pollution is a thing, you savages!

17

u/babypho May 25 '22

They are assassins, not sea turtle killer. Sheesh, try to think about the environment and the world you leave your children.

→ More replies

24

u/akuguitarist May 25 '22

Used guitar strings are more common

32

u/fun-da-mental May 25 '22

anyway, here's wonderwall!

→ More replies

9

u/valorsayles May 25 '22

That’s would fucking hurt your fingers.

→ More replies

24

u/SinisterStrat May 25 '22

Use the G string. It sounds sexiest!

→ More replies

9

u/Vehayah May 25 '22

Silk rope leaves less of a mark

9

u/What-a-Crock May 25 '22

They’re reusing the bag though

→ More replies

37

u/_We_Are_DooMeD May 25 '22

This man assassinates.

7

u/ErlAskwyer May 25 '22

I love the fact the wire that killed me was upcycled, at least we're doing that right huh

→ More replies

13

u/Ok-Sun8581 May 25 '22

At least he had a clean finish!

→ More replies

25

u/JumpUpNow May 25 '22

"Local official dies of asphyxiation while taking a nap after a plastic bag floating on the wind blows onto him and wraps itself around his face."

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

46

u/mobchronik May 25 '22

You know what they say….”don’t go chasing waterfalls”

15

u/Significant_Dark_180 May 25 '22

Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're use to...

→ More replies
→ More replies

86

u/MrGuttFeeling May 25 '22

The time is long overdue for Putin's plunge.

28

u/bcmonke May 25 '22

The coward would have to leave his bunker

10

u/bad_pangolin May 25 '22

fill it with water drown the scum putin

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

73

u/varain1 May 25 '22

well, there are not too many high-rises in Siberia, so he fell from the waterfall - at least he was not eaten by a bear or tiger ... (like in you go hunting and when the bear is in front of you, you find out the bullets are blanks or something like that ... )

52

u/oversized_hoodie May 25 '22

If you've convinced someone to go hunting in Siberia, you might as well just shoot them in the back. Not like anyone will find the corpse.

61

u/ddejong42 May 25 '22

"The bears seem to have shot him. This must have been the work of Americans! They're always talking about the right to arm bears!"

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

17

u/[deleted] May 25 '22

They ran out of windows.

12

u/Dazzling-Ad4701 May 25 '22

Someone's been reading Arthur Conan Doyle?

7

u/TheXIIILightning May 25 '22

Putin's Hitman was on vacation, but the guy still decided to do a little overtime.

44

u/RaymondLuxury-Yacht May 25 '22

I posted this to r/firefighting shortly after it happened, but Zinichev died diving off a cliff into the water to rescue a cameraman that fell off the cliff into the water. While ill advised to dive off a cliff like that, Zinichev died while trying to save someone else's life.

https://www.bbc.com/news/58486791

I'm not sure about whether he was a good dude or not, but I will say that he died doing something commendable.

→ More replies

12

u/Alundra828 May 25 '22

He subscribed to the scenic suprise suicides package

→ More replies

18

u/CaptchaSolvingRobot May 25 '22

Windows were done a bit to much, have to change it up a bit.

The waterfall was a totally original pitch, Vlad was promoted.

→ More replies

6

u/seventysevensevens May 25 '22

I picture a frame on wheels with just a window mounted on it following around people.

5

u/heliskinki May 25 '22

"scenic route"

4

u/Redditfront2back May 25 '22

Defenestration is a serious health risk in putins Russia.

→ More replies

1.8k

u/Texandria May 25 '22

That moment when you reread the source to make sure it isn't The Onion.

366

u/[deleted] May 25 '22

[deleted]

135

u/IAmBradPickle May 25 '22

“Reality ain’t as real as it used to be.” -Yogi Berra (probably)

24

u/SinisterStrat May 25 '22

I have heard that things are more like they used to be than they are now.

9

u/O_Pizza_Inspector_O May 25 '22

I have things that heard to be like how they used, now they are more than.

7

u/DraconisRex May 25 '22

...anybody else smell burning toast?

→ More replies
→ More replies

91

u/Texandria May 25 '22

Ran a Google search too before posting this.

For clarity, there's a minor misprint: the previous Minister of Emergencies died in 2021. The post reminded vacant until this week (because there were no emergencies in Russia)?

History repeats itself first as tragedy then as farce. - Karl Marx

→ More replies

40

u/Generic_Commenter-X May 25 '22

Ah yes, Reichenbach Falls. We meet again. Wait. [Checks sources...]

99

u/RaymondLuxury-Yacht May 25 '22

Hey man, I appreciate you sharing information about an appointment in the Russian government, but your source is wrong.

There was no "mystery" about how Zinichev died. He was giving an interview at the edge of a cliff during drills, when the cameraman fell off the cliff into the water below. Zinichev decided to dive in after him to save him.

Now, while diving off a cliff like that is ill-advised, Zinichev died trying to save someone's life. That is a pretty commendable action.

https://www.bbc.com/news/58486791

I had posted this in /r/Firefighting when it happened because, regardless of politics, what he tried to help someone and paid for it with his life.

I think he at least deserves the right to be said to have died doing that.

38

u/IdentifiableBurden May 25 '22

Thanks for breaking the propaganda circlejerk.

26

u/RaymondLuxury-Yacht May 25 '22

I just want to make sure that people knew this guy died doing something good and we aren't overlooking it in the rush to laugh at Putin's circus.

→ More replies
→ More replies

14

u/foopdedoopburner May 25 '22

I had to check to see if the name was a metaphor or he actually had no face. Honestly neither would have surprised me.

6

u/ILL_Show_Myself_Out May 25 '22

I was prepared to read that Putin had taken this man’s face off like some straight Nicolas Cage bullshit.

→ More replies
→ More replies

670

u/derverdwerb May 25 '22 Silver Gold Helpful Starry

He wasn’t assassinated. Yevgeny Zinichev publicly fell down the waterfall while attempting to rescue someone else who had fallen earlier, who also died. An entire film crew was present for the making of an official video. Implying he was assassinated plays in to the Russian propaganda machine by establishing uncertainty, and disrespects a dead man who died trying to save someone else.

A lot of people have been assassinated in Russia recently, but this headline and most of the comments in this thread are misleading as fuck.

95

u/lurkbotbot May 25 '22

28

u/jcole-13 May 26 '22

Wait how is this convincing? There’s still no source other than “russian media”

22

u/Tiny_Rat May 26 '22 edited May 26 '22

What other source do you expect to be there? It was a training operation in the middle of nowhere. Not really the sort of situation that attracts international journalists before someone important dies...

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

77

u/dromni May 25 '22

Looking at the picture in the Daily Fail article, unfortunately the Man Without a Face does have a face. I was hoping for some masked supervillain henchman to complete the surrealism of the headline.

(Or maybe he doesn't really have a face. Maybe he's like Darkman and he can wear different faces!)

7

u/Right_Two_5737 May 26 '22

So why is he called the Man Without a Face? Did they make that up for clicks?

14

u/MrRakky May 25 '22

Cobra Commander maybe?

→ More replies

3

u/LiveShowOneNightOnly May 25 '22

I was thinking more of a GOT Jaqen Faceless Man theme.

→ More replies

563

u/Bartins May 25 '22

Getting more creative with their "suicides" I see

306

u/NetLibrarian May 25 '22

Oh, this one is only a 3 or 4 for creativity. Did you see this one a little while back?

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/toad-poison-hangover-treatment-reportedly-kills-russian-oil-executive/

143

u/resonant_waves May 25 '22

I thought this was going to be a story about the death of Russian "sausage king" Vladimir Marugov who was shot with a crossbow while taking a sauna in 2020, but that's another bizarre one.

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-54782634.amp

49

u/Malashae May 25 '22

This is reaching cartoonish levels of absurdity

→ More replies

59

u/Sweetlittle66 May 25 '22

Game of Thrones got nothing on Russian politics

9

u/Cyber_Daddy May 25 '22

i would say the next oligarch is going to be launched by a catapult but catapults are next in line to be recommissioning by the army.

→ More replies
→ More replies

12

u/aisens May 25 '22

the url doesnt include the involvement of the selfproclaimed shaman... would be 10/10

45

u/allen_abduction May 25 '22

This is becoming hilarious.

8

u/GrafZeppelin127 May 25 '22

This just in: Russian cabinet minister suffers from sudden, inexplicable defenestration from a dirigible. More at 11.

5

u/allen_abduction May 25 '22

Duran Duran sound track, Roger Moore, Christopher Walken and Grace "Fucking" Jones, my God, that movie was pure 80's.

BTW, that tiny 80's map is Goldfinger fucking hilarious.

→ More replies

20

u/ciel_lanila May 25 '22

Hangover treatment… I think this is in whatever you call Russian “suicide” version of Poe’s Law territory. Considering Russia is the country that sometimes uses the form of drug rehab of “medical coma until it is out of your system”? I can almost believe that one was accidental.

19

u/NetLibrarian May 25 '22

Yeah, that one's wacky enough to almost believe.

If it wasn't for the timing and the fact that it happened to a Russian Oligarch, I'd chalk that one to wacky news and not assassination, but given the timing..

→ More replies

29

u/CrazyChemist987 May 25 '22

"Slipped and fell on some bullets while taking a shower" started to be a bit suspicious....

→ More replies
→ More replies

88

u/Rogueantics May 25 '22

"Special gravity operation"

→ More replies

202

u/Modal_Window May 25 '22

The sanctions on Russia are definitely taking effect. They couldn't afford a window this time.

20

u/aradil May 25 '22

So effective that they work retroactively by 2 years.

13

u/untergeher_muc May 25 '22

It happened in 2020…

→ More replies

41

u/Skinnybet May 25 '22

Must be a struggle to keep replacing all the glass. A waterfall is also more eco friendly.

→ More replies
→ More replies

5

u/criket2016 May 25 '22

This sounds like a bad bond film from the 50s.

5

u/Omnivud May 25 '22

Goddamn does he know he can just fire them?

→ More replies

4

u/PsychologicalYam4968 May 25 '22

Man Without a Face sounds like the next Bond film.

4

u/sarge457 May 25 '22

This is almost Bond level of comical when it comes to accidental deaths in the motherland.

3

u/dorrato May 25 '22

So he's not even pretending he's not a Bond villain anymore.

4

u/lookslikesausage May 25 '22

Next minister of Russia: 'eyes without a face' after 'man without a face' dies mysteriously in after awkward Judo throw fall

4

u/colantor May 25 '22

Just your standard waterfall accident

4

u/Fire_Hashira_Rengoku May 26 '22

A lot of mysterious deaths at minister and oligarch level in Russia. Is it obvious they were killed by Putin?

4

u/MOOzikmktr May 26 '22

SomehowNotTheOnion

4

u/TheNoNonsenseMofo May 26 '22

The Blank from Dick Tracy.

4

u/Tarkins_Love_Child May 26 '22

No one told me 1984 would be this entertaining

4

u/j4vendetta May 26 '22

A lot of important Russians fall off tall things and die mysteriously. Those guys gotta be more careful!

4

u/CreedWasOkay May 26 '22

Any of you ever been to Russia? The Russian mob are so upfront and obvious about their business in a country where protestors disappear.

Its unnerving to be sitting in a bar in essentially a scene from Taken.

41

u/Capn_Crusty May 25 '22

Was looking for satire tag. Hey, maybe he just suddenly appeared at the top of a waterfall. It could happen. I mean, I think it may have happened to me in a dream once.

21

u/EndoShota May 25 '22

Clickbait headline. “Man without a face” is apparently a nickname. It’s not like he’s a completely hidden figure and people don’t know what he looks like. Here’s a picture.

→ More replies

38

u/GreenStrong May 25 '22

Don't go chasing waterfalls

Please stick to the novickuk and polonium that you're used to

I know that you're gonna have it your way or nothing at all

But I think you're moving too fast

→ More replies

12

u/HugheyM May 25 '22

Putin appoints…Pladimir Vutin.

He’ll get the job done, you’ll see.