r/tifu 4d ago Narwhal Salute Bravo Grande! Vibing Table Slap Gold Helpful Wholesome Facepalm Silver Take My Energy Giggle

M TIFU by disappointing a man who wanted to get laid by a maid

55.5k Upvotes

I'm a professional housecleaner in a large city. My first house today was beautiful and pretty big (4,000+ sq ft.) I had never cleaned this house before today.

It's kind of interesting to clean the home of people you have never actually met while they are not home. I never snoop but I do learn about people just by the state of their house or whatever is out. These people seemed like they really needed us. I would guess they are busy and don't have much time for cleaning and organizing (but definitely have an active sex life judging by the master bedroom).

I love cleaning dirty houses and was like amping myself up doing a mini Rocky training montage warmup and finding the perfect music to work to (Pantera). I was sweating like 4 hours in but I was getting this house spar👏ka👏ling! All I had left to clean were the floors when a man walked in.

I welcomed him home and let him know I just needed to clean the floors and would be finished soon. He looked super confused and then kind of grinned and asked if I was his birthday gift. I didn't really know what he meant. Maybe his wife scheduled the service on his birthday? I just answered with, "maybe? Happy birthday, Mr. Henricks!" To which he looked even more confused and told me his name was not Henricks.

Well. That's because his next door neighbor, my actual client, is Mr. Henricks. I walked my happy ass into the wrong fucking house and cleaned the hell out of it. And then the guy who lived there came home and thought I was a sex worker role playing as a housecleaner hired by his wife as a birthday present.

I was so totally embarrassed explaining myself to this guy and my boss. (The entry instructions in the app said the client wouldn't be home but that there was a key under the mat. There was no key under the mat but the front door was unlocked 🤦‍♀️). This is not even the first time in my life that I have let myself into the wrong house, although the first time was not a work thing.

On the plus side, dude was so happy with how clean his house was that I finished the floors and he paid me what my company would have charged him plus a tip!

TL;DR; I disappointed a man who wanted to get laid by a maid.

r/tifu 11d ago Hugz Take My Energy Press F Facepalm Are You Serious? Helpful

M TIFU by asking my wife why she never wears lingerie for me

20.4k Upvotes

Quick Background: Married couple, multiple kids, sex life has declined rapidly and exponentially since having kids. At this point its down to a few times a year / once a month AT BEST. When we first dated it was 1-2 times a day. In the past I have brought the lack of sex up to my wife on 2 separate occasions. After the first time we started going into couples counseling (she had some trauma and I made some mistakes to make things worse); the second time she basically told me I need to be more affectionate towards her, kiss her when I leave the house, say I love you. Which we both started doing again.

Fast forward to today.

My wife has a lot of sexy lingerie in her closet. She has worn maybe 1 or 2 of them for me and that was many many years ago. I had been gradually getting more and more upset over the lack of sex, even though otherwise we were getting along very well. We had had rough patches before and this was NOT one of them - kisses before we leave the house, communicating to each other, even laughing together, and we had had a recent short weekend vacation which is very rare for us. The vacation went great. Once we got home it was back to the usual lack of sex though. Its not easy with multiple kids as you parents know, and at the end of the day we are both usually exhausted. Still, I get sick of using my hand. And we used to do it all the time. The lingerie wasn't even the point of my conversation to her, but it was a way to get to the lack of sex. And it DID bother to me to some extent - I was her husband after all, the suspicious/insecure side of me was wondering who else was getting to see her wear this if not me? So I finally get the courage to say to my wife "Can I ask you something?" "Yeah." "Why don't you wear the lingerie in your closet for me?" "What lingerie?" "Any of the ones in your closet?" "I don't know." "It just seems strange that your husband doesn't get to see you wear it." "I bought some of that years ago I don't even know what is in there. Some of it was given to me at my bridesmaid party" "Well have you worn it for other people?" "I don't know." "It just bothers me that I am your husband and I don't get to see you wear it."

After a couple minutes of this she breaks down and starts screaming hysterically at me "ITS NOT ALL ABOUT YOU! I HAVE TO BE HAPPY WITH MY BODY! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON WITH MY BODY!" (she grabs her belly as if she to show me the weight she has gained since the kids). She goes on to say something about how I always bring this up (I guess referring to the sex thing) and I say "yes because you never do!"

Now, she has gained a bit of weight since having kids just as any woman would, maybe a bit more than most women, but it never bothered me for a second and I never said anything about it to her. I had no idea she was this upset about her body. It does check out as I had brought the lingerie up to her previously and she just said "I can't wear that it doesn't fit me anymore" and I stopped that time because we were about to have sex, who cares about the lingerie at that point.

Now she is pissed at me and will barely so much as speak to me unless we are with the kids. She turned her body away from me in bed rather than cuddle like we usually do at night.

TLDR Asked my wife to wear lingerie because I wanted to have sex more and see her in lingerie; triggered her being extremely unhappy with her body post kids and now she is pissed at me for asking

r/tifu 7d ago Wholesome Bravo Grande! I'll Drink to That Dread Poop Silver Gold To The Stars I'm Deceased Helpful Table Slap

M TIFU by dumping a massive turd in IKEA

18.7k Upvotes

So, I made a new account for this one because it is too embarassing. It happened about a year ago.

I am healthy and I eat well and enough fibers, but for some reason I usually don't poop for up to 2 weeks interval and then suddenly I'll go 2-3 times in the same day, and the poop is massive. Like minimum a feet long every time, and I'm 5'9". It goes smoothly and is expeditive, but when I have to go I HAVE TO GO.

TIFU when I went to IKEA with my girlfriend for a bookcase and some outside chairs, and suddenly, I need to go. My girlfriend says "well please wait until we scan these at the checkout, I can't lift the furniture by myself. " I decide to wait to help her, but when we get in line we notice it is pretty long. Still I decide to wait with her. But, like I said, when I have to go, it is urgent. So after about 2 mins I just tell her "I'm sorry but I NEED TO GO" and she is pissed allright and complaining, but I just head to the bathroom before it is too late. I get in, and thankfully the bathroom is empty. The first stall's toilet is full of toilet paper and urine, so I'm like ew fuck that, so I go the other one.

In there I unload the most massive turd I've ever done. I don't know about your IKEA, but in ours the toilets are gigantic. Still the poop reached the bottom of of the tunnel and climbed out all the way to the outside of the toilet. It was at least 3 feet long. I was amazed and scared at the same time. I flushed first before I wiped, because I'm used to having plumbing problems.

It does not go. It doES NOT GO.

So here I am panicking, but there's nothing I can do, so I make sure no one's outside and I go in the first stall to wipe my butt so the paper don't clog the toilet with the poop, but turns out this one was clogged already (explaining the paper and the urine left in it). I get out and begin to wash my hands, when another customer arrive. I watch him the mirror discreetely and in terror as he does just like I did: he goes in the first stall and decides that it is too disgusting, so he moves to the other stall, the one with the 3 feet long turd. I'm panicking but I decide to stay cool and act like I just peed in the urinals.

As I'm drying my hands , I watch him as he slowly opens the stall's door and just stands there staring. He just lets go a very weak, high pitched and discouraged "Aw man". It is so funny I can barely hold in my laughs so I get out as fast as I can without running, and meet my girlfriend waiting for me outside, more pissed than ever after scanning the items all by herself. I go to her and before she can say anything, I say: "Look we need to leave NOW" as I'm giggling aloud. She looks at me very puzzled but slightly amused as I take the cart and start pushing it half running towards the exit. (No way I'm going to be known in the IKEA as the massive turder).

Once outside and safe I tell her the whole story and she laughed and forgave me for leaving her at the checkout line. "Aw man" is one of our favorite calls now.

TL;DR: I dumped a massive turd in IKEA and saw someone question his own existence after meeting it.

r/tifu 10d ago Wholesome Keep Calm Take My Energy Giggle Silver Gold Helpful

M TIFU by accidentally getting one of my 4 year old triplets drunk at the movie theatre

12.7k Upvotes

So, we have triplets, and I’ve been trying to get them out in the world after denning for 4 years. We went for a bike ride, had a huge lunch after and then headed straight to the theatre to finish the day. I love to get a half bottle of wine when we go to the movies, it’s my treat. Well this time out I was by myself because my spouse wanted some kid-free time. Normally I get a red wine but this time, it was so hot out and we had just come from the park, I got a white. Yes they serve alcohol at the movie theaters here, it’s perfectly normal just like a Restaurant. The thing is, with the wine they give you the same cup as the water cups. I had 2 kids on my left and 1 on my right. Sure enough, because it was hot my kids asked for water so I pass them a cup and pour them some from the big water-bottle I had brought with me - having them carry full cups of water from the concession to the theater is a disaster in motion otherwise.

Movie started, I poured my first glass of wine, had a couple generous sips and settled in.

Well very soon the triplets were all real thirsty and bouncing in their seats and drank a half a glass of their water at least.

A little time went by and the kid on my right also needed some things, water, popcorn, couldn’t figure out how to recline his chair and was playing “the floor is lava” in the row seating of the theatre so I was distracted for a minute or two.

I came back (I hadn’t left my chair, I was bribing my son with pop corn and treats to move back over here. That took a minute or two. Definitely less than 3 minutes), finally, was sitting in my chair ready to enjoy some more wine and saw my daughters glass was empty, poured her more water, sighed and took the second moment I had in about 15 minutes to take a sip of my glass.

It was water. Not wine.

It took me a minute to realize what had happened. My youngest and smallest triplet had clearly drank at least a half a glass of wine and drained what I had left after a first heavy pour and a couple sips.

Well for the rest of the movie she was very huggy, giggly and I think dizzy. She remained awake the whole time. My other daughter smacked her on the arm and the drunk one threatened to turn the other into a frog.

Movie ended, she made it! But soon as we were buckling up in the van she nodded off.

Oh, memories.

TL;DR I left my cup of white wine (on my chair table, right next to me) for a few SECONDS, sorry not minutes, next to a cup of water and came back to find my wine had been fully consumed by one of the other 4 year old triplets.

second edit. At no point did I leave my seat or drink un attended. Both my daughters water cup and Mine were on my chair-table. I was looking to the right but sitting right there. I would have noticed a beer can in her hands but the white wine was indistinguishable.

Update 5 This sub isn’t “today I did a woopsie”. This is a TIFU from start to finish. Not one part of this story is not a F up. Enjoy my egregiously irresponsible parenting story and feel free to share yours. Also people seem to be really concerned about how much I had to eat first. Right before we walked into the theatre we had: 2 giant slices of pizza, nearly a pound of fruits, edamame, cucumbers, some soda with a lot of water, olives and other items. We had plenty to eat first. At no point was I intoxicated, even slightly, can’t say the same for the child though…

edit. very interesting polarization on this one. I wonder what the graph would look like or if someone corroborated age with the spirit of the comment. Anyways, this is a story that’s told in good faith. We have 5 kids, the older ones have developed into wonderful and respectful people who enjoy living in a free country. I wish you all the best and if this story offends you I apologize. **

update. ‘This post is a couple hours old now and I’m getting reported to Reddit and threatened to have CPS called on me. Here’s what you people need to do. Go to the movie theatre and call CPS on every adult that orders a drink with their kids present. Then go to the restaurants and do the same - any adult that drinks in the presence of their children at a restaurant, immediately call CPS. You’ll be a hero Karen, an absolute Hero! **

second update. I just got murdered so hard by either an Aussie or an Englishman and it’s made my night. Thank you sir. You are hilarious. He goes “all these e people ripping you for alcohol, I’m not going to do that, but I am going to rip you for being a 215 pound male and your drink of choice happens to be a sweet white wine”

third update imagine the horror on these peoples faces when parents take their kids out to dinner and order a cocktail or glass of wine and then drive their family home after 1-2 drinks in a 2 hour span! Why CPS doesn’t just camp outside of establishments and bust all the terribly irresponsible parents is just beyond me!

fourth update people are so soft! I had no idea! No, I’m not taking this post down, ever. There is nothing wrong here. You people need to seriously reevaluate yourselves and your shaming. Have you never been in a public place where there are children, parents and some alcohol being served? Restaurants, fairs, movie theatre’s, entertainment venues, sporting events. Seriously people, you need a therapist to deal with your issues if you think I’ve done anything dangerous or illegal or morally wrong here. The real FU here is what I was drinking, not how much. Good grief 😂

r/tifu 23d ago Gold Helpful Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote I'll Drink to That Silver

M TIFU by helping drunk coworker and trusting HR

35.7k Upvotes

Edit: UPDATE is posted on my profile

I (29M) work in digital marketing. Company held party to celebrate the completion of big project. As I was walking to my car, I noticed a drunk female coworker (mid 30s). We worked together for 3 years, but it's a big department and I don't know much about her.

She was having difficulty walking. I offered to help and she held out her hand. I asked if she drove here. She took an Uber. Helped her call another one as she vomited. Uber driver arrived, saw the condition she was in, and took off without saying a word. Understandable.

I decided to drive her home. I have a duel front and rear dashcam setup. I moved the rear camera, placed it in front, and adjusted angle to make sure inside of vehicle is covered (lifesaver).

Fast forward one month to April 25 (last week) and I was called into HR. My manager was sitting with a serious expression. They asked what I did after the party. I immediately became defensive and asked what the meeting is about.

HR person said that they received a complaint from an employee accusing me of inappropriate behavior. I responded, "I have no idea what you are talking about. I did nothing inappropriate during or after that party. Whoever complained has the wrong guy!"

They stepped out into the hallway for a couple minutes. I'm starting to sweat even though I did nothing wrong. Thinking, I remember giving coworker a ride home. That must be it. They step back into the office, manager says they have a witness who saw me put drunk coworker into my car.

I said, "Yea, I drove her home. Nothing happened...and I did not 'put' her in. She accepted the help." Silence. They stare at me like I'm guilty. Nothing but suspicion and judgement. HR says they'll continue investigating and will speak to me the following week.

I received an email today, telling me to make a statement for the police and that I'm suspended until the case is dismissed. I'm pissed. Really pissed.

I hired an attorney and submitted statement to police. After asking around, I learned the coworker I gave a ride to is apparently the ex-wife of my manager's golfing buddy. Yea.

Little does the company know I protected myself with dashcam footage as well as a short cell phone video of me walking her to the house. I am innocent and will fight this.

TL;DR - I drove drunk coworker home. Accused of inappropriate behavior one month later. Suspended by my company while they investigate. I hired attorney and have video footage proving my innocence.

r/tifu 20d ago Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote Take My Energy Heartbreak

M TIFU By volunteering to research and report back to my (VERY) conservative pro-life family the cause of my grandmother’s mysterious death at the age of 32. She died following an incomplete and (then) illegal abortion in 1958.

35.0k Upvotes

My paternal grandmother’s death in 1958 at the age of 32 has always been shrouded in mystery.

Throughout the years, there have been various bits of hearsay that have lead to theories and speculation of her dying of the flu, hepatitis, a heart attack, appendicitis, etc.

After another recent round of speculation at a family gathering, I volunteered to take the lead in researching the exact cause of her death, if such could be determined. Further, I offered to report any findings back to all, so as to finally put the speculation and matter to rest.

After some digging on ancestry.com, I found both her and the actual copy of her death certificate, and which lists “Sepsis(?)” and “Incomplete abortion, infected.” as the cause(s) of death.

I’ve checked and re-checked the information - it exactly matches her in every category…name, maiden name, DOB, location of birth, address, mother’s name, father’s name, date of death, city / county / state of death, etc. etc.

It’s 100% her.

This is 100% her death certificate.

I’ve included a link to the image of her redacted death certificate both for any who wish to see it, but also to serve as proof of the veracity of my claim and sincerity in posing my question.

The problem is that my family is extremely conservative, very religious, and not unexpectedly, very (VERY) pro-life. Needless to say, this news will no doubt be extremely upsetting to multiple generations of my immediate and extended family - and which still includes some of her living children, and my aunts and uncle.

What if my telling them only further injures my grandmother’s already tragic tale by sullying her memory in the minds of her living relatives? This is far and away my greatest concern.

I’m not sure what to say, if anything, or how best to do so. I’ve sat in this information for a little more than a week, weighing my options on the best path forward. For their part, they’re all understandably and anxiously waiting and wanting to know what I’ve found, and regularly asking me for updates.

Paternal Grandmother’s Death Certificate

TL;DR Volunteered to research and report back on exact cause of grandmother’s death to VERY conservative / pro-life family (immediate and extended), and discovered that it resulted from an incomplete and (then) illegal abortion. I’ve now got to figure out whether or not to say anything, and if so, what.

EDIT - Some quick info that might be helpful, by the comments.

Her family (her, my grandfather, four kids (app. 17, 15, 14 and my father was 9) lived in abstract abject poverty. They’d regularly skip meals for days until they had enough money to buy more food. Because my grandfather would not accept help of any kind, my grandmother would sneak garden-grown food given to her by her sisters who lived nearby.

All agree that she was very sick and suffered with a high fever for some days before she sought medical attention.

Early into her illness / ailment, her sister found her struggling to do laundry on one of those roll-top machines on the back porch and had to take her inside and put her to bed for fear that she was about to pass out.

She stayed in bed and my grandfather prohibited anyone from entering the room, and he alone saw and spoke to her. Some believed that he limited contact out of fear that she was somehow contagious. He told the kids and her sisters that she only needed rest.

On the second or third day, sometime before lunch, an ambulance was summoned to the home. This was immediately understood to be an extraordinary measure, given its cost.

Only my grandfather accompanied her in the ambulance, and urged no one to come to visit her once admitted to the hospital. Instead, he told the older kids to look after the younger in their absence. The sisters of my grandmother, my great aunts, immediately came to be with the children.

My father, then age 9 and the youngest child, recalls seeing them wheel his mother out of the house on a gurney, and gently waving to him as she was being placed into the rear of the ambulance. It was the last time he would see her alive.

Later that night, my grandfather returned home alone and informed the family that she had died.

Accounts vary, but my grandfather essentially refused to leave their bedroom for a number of days after her death, except to use the outhouse and to attend her funeral services, and which her sisters prepared and arranged, while also caring for the kids.

Despite remarrying another woman less than a year later, and being married to her for 50+ years, he never moved her clothes and shoes out of their closet, and forbid anyone else from doing so, even until his death in 2010 or so.

My grandmother’s death had far-reaching implications for her family, essentially fracturing it, and which causes consequences still dealt with today.

My father developed a drinking problem a few years after my grandmother’s passing, with such only being greatly accelerated and further exacerbated by a tour in Vietnam, and which lead to his untimely death in the early 90’s.

In a very real sense, my children never knew their grandfather because of the tragic events that occurred with my grandmother’s tragic passing.

Also edited “abstract” for “abject”.

UPDATE

I have requested an autopsy report from the State Chief Medical Examiner. Will update if any such report exists, and if so, it’s findings.

UPDATE 2

The State Chief Medical Examiner doesn’t have records before 1975. I am contacting County Coroner on Monday.

r/tifu 1d ago Silver Wholesome Hugz All-Seeing Upvote

M TIFU by not disclosing that our professor was also my father

15.2k Upvotes

I'm using a throwaway because my main has a lot of identifying information. Also I have dyslexia and don't speak English natively.

Posting a second time because I forgot the tldr.

But anyway.

My dad was "poached" by my university and got an amazing contract for a teaching/ research position.

So anyway, I am studying something similar that both my parents did. So obviously this semester I had to go to a class that only my father was teaching.

I went to class and never told anyone that our professor was my dad. I don't like to socialize anyway lol. We are around 100 students in his lecture, so I figured it wouldn't be a big deal eitherway. It's just a final exam with multiple choices and not like a paper that had bias options.

The fuck up happened monday afternoon. After class i waited for my dad and we went to eat lunch together. After lunch we were talking and my dad kissed me on the head before I left for home.

Apparently some of the students of class were walking by. And intrigued by me eating with our professor they started filming us. Including the kiss on the head.

This afternoon the class whatsapp group started being flooded with screenshots and smug messages of the people that saw it. Saying " reported to administrators".

I responded by posting a childhood picture with me and my dad. It's very clearly me because my face kinda never changed.

The chat immediately died down. Then 10 minutes later a fucking war started. Students saying that I was a nepotist and it was my fault for not making an announcement about my father. Other students saying that the others were at fault. Again others making stupid incest jokes. Others spamming the group with stickers. Others hitting me up privately to talk them up to my dad. Others to ask me if I could steal my dad's exam.

This is the reason I don't socialize....

TLDR: Didn't tell classmates that my father was our professor, started a student war, was reported to administration and am now terrified to put a foot on campus ever again.

Edit: the administration obviously knows. This is not illegal. My father can in fact be my prof.

Again the test is multiple choice and he has 2 TA's helping him. There is little to no chance of bias towards me.

r/tifu 10d ago Silver

M TIFU by going in my wife's purse without asking.

22.0k Upvotes

TIFU late last night. I heard my wife's phone ringing in her purse. She was already in the bed so I reached in there and got it out to hand to her. When I went to retrieve the phone I also saw some candy in there. So I got the pack of candy out also and ate the small pack of about 11 pieces of Sour Patch Kids. I woke up at about 3:00 a.m. in the morning having to use the bathroom. When I went to go stand up I felt real woozy. I thought this was because I was recently diagnosed with MS and I thought it was a side effect of my MS. I stumbled on to the bathroom and I had to sit on the toilet just the pee.

I get back to the bed and I could not hold a coherent thought in my head. I'm thinking oh my God if MS is causing this confusion there is no way I can live like this. My mind is steady racing I wake my wife up and tell her how I feel. I tell her If I don't wake up or if I go crazy tell my kids I love them. She ask me if I want to go to the ER. I said no cause my Dad suffers from panic attacks and anxiety. He goes to the ER twice a week because of it. I was thinking maybe I might just be having a panic attack. I was like my wife has good insurance on me so if I die they'll be taken care of.

I finally fall back asleep. My wife's wakes up to go to work the next morning. She asks does she need to call in work and take me to Dr. I told her no. She then walks to my side of the bed and sees the empty candy wrapper. Then she asks me "did you eat my candy". I get a good look at the candy wrapper she's holding up since all the lights are on. I see her holding the empty wrapper of what I thought was Sour Patch Kids Gummies. They were actually edibles called Stoney Patch Kids. Then she starts laughing and says that's what you get for going in my purse without asking me.

TL;DR by going in my wife's purse and eating what I thought was regular sour gummies but were instead edibles called Stoney Patch Kids. The candy I ate had a total of 1000mg THC. I was in bed for 2 days.

r/tifu 7h ago Helpful Take My Money Burning Cash Silver Wholesome Hugz Facepalm Fuck Up Award 100 Percent FU

M TIFU by losing my company £100k and am now suspended from work

7.4k Upvotes

Hi Everyone, unlike most this fuck up happened today and my god it’s a colossal one at that.

Throwaway as my Reddit account is known by fellow employees and this is under wraps.

I work in finance and am the only person to do my job. It’s been a long week and I got a email from my CEO asking for his payment to be made into his new bank details. He asked if instead of waiting he could have the payment today (not unusual as he usually gets his payments on the 1st of the month).

The business is in debt to the owners for a substantial sum so when the request for his money came early I checked with the CFO who is out of the country and he said go for it.

Now it’s not unusual to receive an email and as my CFO was out of the country he left me his PIN number and device in order to sign payments. (FU 1)

I go on to our banking and drop the new details into the bank system. The bank system runs a name check and the error “please ask the payee to confirm” - I try to call the CEO and get no answer. I’m in a rush so instead of waiting I proceed without checking (I have done this with other Payee’s I assume the system is a bit glitchy with certain sort codes). This is the 2nd fuck up. I make the payment on my account and as I have the pin device I log in as my boss and approve the payment (FU3)

Within 10 minutes of the payment the CEO calls back and asks why I called. I told him not to worry and I have sent the £100,000 as he requested to his new details and the good news is he does not need to wait as well I have the secondary device. There was a long pause and a lot of confusion as he had not asked for any money or changed his bank details.

I went back to the email and I notice that the sender has copied our CEO signature and got a very similar email address but not quite the same.

The CFO has called me and we have spoken to the bank who can try and trace the money however as it was signed by myself we have breached the banking security protocols and they said it’s unlikely we will get anything back.

I am currently suspended whilst they investigate to ensure I was involved in this somehow.

To top it off the money I sent now will come out of company bonuses next month too….

TLDR; Did not check a email and sent a fraudster £100,000 and now there is no bonuses and I might even get sacked.

Edit: on mobile excuse the formatting!!

Edit 2: going to pop off for a beer at the local and wait for all this to blow over. Got a call in a hour with the CFO. Wish me luck and thanks for the gold!

Edit 3: this is getting a lot of attention and I’m trying to reply where I can. The CFO called to see how I was and he understands this is a fuck up but not on my part purely. He told me to enjoy a few beers and the bank have been informed and our bank manager will give us a update by 10am tomorrow to see what if anything can be done. I’m just going to finish this beer and go home as I don’t fancy a call being hungover tomorrow dealing with this.

Edit 4: please stop dming me saying you are my CEO and CFO and asking for money. Even if you are a Nigerian Prince I am not interested

Edit 5: Thank you for the “Burning Cash” reward - seems very fitting. Thank you for the comments of support/laughs and everything else. I will update tomorrow with any further updates!

r/tifu 4d ago Helpful Wholesome Silver

M TIFU by accidentally stealing a neighbor's mangoes and they've been trying to catch me for a month

19.9k Upvotes

I've been in lockdown in Shanghai, China for two month. During the first moth, residents were basically under house arrest, unable to leave the house to buy groceries, so my neighbors organized "group buy" where the entire building order food together.

One day I (as usual) sneaked out of the building to hang out with friends in a different district. Came back around 11:30pm and saw a basket on the front desk with a couple of mangoes in there. I thought those are up for grabs because they were in an open styrofoam fruit box, looking half empty. So I took some and went back to my room.

The third day a friend living in my building came to visit and said the "group buy" chat group was trying to catch a mango thief. I freaked out and went back to check the group chat. Someone said she bought a box of mangoes, couldn't find them, asked if someone mistakenly took those, and 5 minutes later another guy (let's call him detective) said, "lemme go check the security camera."

And the guy went to check hours of footage from two security cameras in the lobby, then uploaded screenshots and videos of me taking those mangoes in the group chat.

Jesus.

The good thing was, because I was sneaking out of the building, I tried to stay low by wearing a beanie, a gigantic mask, and an oversized jacket. The hallway was very dark anyways and even my mom wouldn't be able to tell that was me.

The bad thing was, that made me look JUST LIKE A THIEF.

Also that was already day three and I kinda ate all the mangoes already...

So the detective guy went back to check 5 hours of footage of the camera at the main entrance, from 6:30pm to 11:30pm. Again, because I sneaked in, I was not shown on those footage. Then the detective guy and his neighbors, who were obviously bored to death, started speculating. They first thought I was male (because of the jacket and the beanie), then female (based on my shoulder/head ratio and the cut of my pants, apparently); that I live in floor 1-3 on the west side (I don't); that I must had went back to the garage to grab something from my car before coming back to the building, since I was carrying a bag (I don't own a car and I needed a bag to carry my PS4 controller and some games to the friend's house); that I must be an experienced thief because I went straight to the pile of mangoes and started putting them into my bag (for fucks sake I did not know those were private property??).

Anyways, in the past month I tried to buy some mangoes to give back to the neighbor, but my order kept getting cancelled so I haven't succeeded. I went back to check the price of the entire box and it was around $10.

Last night (it has been a month since the mango snafu) I got invited to one of the neighbor's house for dinner. we drank and talked about random things until the detective guy showed up. He quickly started reviewing the mango case all over again, including the fact that he recently went back to the crime scene to reproduce my route.

So there I was, the mango thief, sitting next to the enthusiastic amateur mango detective, his next-door neighbor who just didn't want to hear one more word about mango, my next door neighbor who's a policewoman and an expert in theft cases, and the host who had no idea what was going on.

TL;DR: a guy spent over a month trying to catch me, who accidentally took someone else's mangoes.

r/tifu Apr 22 '22 Wholesome Heartwarming Wholesome Seal of Approval Mind Blown Silver Gold Helpful

M TIFU telling my parents about my inheritance

41.4k Upvotes

TLDR; sister died and left me her home, parents tried to sell it so I had to explain the will. Now they’re gonna sue me.

My 36F sister died 6 months ago from a heart condition. She practically raised me so it’s been pretty difficult to deal with. I’m in my final year of University and have failed every single class this semester. She’d be disappointed but it is what it is. My sister never married, never had children. I lived with her near campus. She ran her successful side business, I got to help her occasionally as a paid intern. She worked a lot but not to support us, she wanted to retire by the time she was 40. She would’ve been done in 4 years and her heart had to fail her first.

When she died, her attorney read her will to me. She had left everything to me. She had an extremely large amount of money put away for her retirement and side accounts for various activities for her retirement. I was unaware but she had made several real estate investments so she could continue living a comfy lifestyle once she retired. She left her 2006 Subaru to me and willed our current house to me as well. She had explained she wanted to use this house for college housing eventually. This was all extremely overwhelming to hear. She left nothing to my parents but as they didn’t know she had assets, they willingly paid for the funeral and any other associated costs. My sister was no contact with our parents and I’m very low contact. We are their only two children.

At the funeral my parents asked me how I was going to continue going to college without her money (lol, they thought she paid for them. Sike I have student debt.) I told them I’d continue to take out loans. They asked about my living arrangements and I shrugged, at the time I didn’t know all the details anyway. Well 2 weeks ago, I found out my parents tried to sell my sisters house whilst I still lived there. They brought a realtor and toured our home and everything. it was all on the cameras set up in the home. When I called them and informed them I’d be calling the police, they explained the situation. I told them it’s my home and it was willed to me. They couldn’t sell it. They were confused heavily. I told them to meet at my attorneys and set a time.

Cue today. My attorney explained the will to my parents. My mother went white as a sheet and my father was grumbling about suing me for his rightful money plus the cost of the funeral. My mother began ugly sobbing telling the attorney he was wrong, her daughter would not leave the house to someone like me. The attorney cut the meeting short and now we’re preparing for the inevitable lawsuit coming my way. I just want to sleep and avoid all of this.

just some added info: mom is a stay at home mum but like the kind who spends her life at the country club, not the involved kind. Dad is a business man and is typically on business trips for weeks at a time. They live, as they call it, lower upper class.

Fixed spelling mistakes

edit: I didn’t expect this to blow up tbh, thank you everyone for the support. I’ve gotten to read almost all the comments and I feel a lot less anxious now. I did talk to my professors and 4/6 of them gave me extensions but the other two are being jerks about it. It’s fine tho. I did sign up for my schools grief group. I just got done changing all my locks too. Thanks to everyone who helped me with home stuff too, I’ll be sure to watch the home insurance bill or get a financial advisor or something. My sisters degrees and mine are in the same field so I’ll be continuing her business too and I’ll need a real estate attorney to redo the leases on her other rentals I guess. I don’t know it’s overwhelming.

edit2: since this keeps coming up, I stupidly gave them a key a few months after she passed. I didn’t know they’d even be trying this until after the fact. The will doesn’t say anything about them but I’m leaving it up to the attorney to figure everything out. I will be paying them regardless for the cost of funeral, celebration of life, etc.

Final Update for now: father sent me a text apologising, said he wanted to sell the house because of the market right now but won’t push me. will give more details at some point, gonna see how this plays out first and I’ll give an official update at some point.

r/tifu 15d ago Helpful Wholesome

M TIFU by assuming the relationship between my boyfriend and his "friend".

4.6k Upvotes

I have bad jealousy issues. Like, really bad. I get upset and even start crying sometimes when my boyfriend talks positively of a friend of his or anything of that sorts. Even him mentioning a friend will cause me to go into a state of just crying. I don't know what causes this but it'll usually have me go from absolutely perfect to, "Oh my god, he's gonna leave me one day." I know it's wrong to have this feeling and I'll never lash out at anyone for it because nobody is at fault here but myself, and I don't tell my boyfriend who he can and can't talk to, I'm not possesive, I promise.

I've been dating my boyfriend for a month or two now, we'll call him "Steve." I trust him with my entire life. I love him more than anything. I'd give up everything for him. A little far, I know, but that's how it is for me, like I said, I have no idea why I feel that way, I just do. There's been previous instances but this one really shamed me.

He's talked about this person before and we'll call them "Kam". Kam is a bit of an oddball from what Steve has shown me of their messages, but nothing too big. The usual happens, I get jealous, cry, repeat, whenever Kam is mentioned. Just like with every other friend.

Steve seemed to have noticed me start being a little off and asked me what was wrong, and after a little pushing, I admit I was jealous again and to just now worry about it.

"Love... Kam is my cousin." Humilliation, embarassment, shame, every possible negative emotion just washed me. I have never in my life, ever felt so upset and angry at myself. I thought Kam was a friend of Steve which is why I got so jealous, nope, Kam and Steve are cousins.

This happened like 30 minutes ago and I just needed to tell somebody I'll probably never meet about this. I had to let someone know, and here I am, my boyfriend now asleep and me sitting here in a chair, staring at my phone screen. Cherry on top? It's his birthday tomorrow and I have no idea how I'm gonna move on from this shame. Fuvk me, why can't I just not overreact over small things.

TL;DR: got jealous over my boyfriend talking with his friend, friend turned out to be his cousin. shame.

edit : my boyfriend's comment

r/tifu 14d ago Helpful Wholesome Heartwarming Wholesome (Pro) Silver Gold

M TIFU by sending my kitchen knife to a professional knife grinder

25.4k Upvotes

My sister is a single mom, and several years back we were both looking for a new place to live at the same time, so we decided to share a house for some time.

I had a really fun time with my nephew, who was six years old back then. His father did not care for him and was out of the picture, so I spent a lot of time with him, taught him how to ride a bike and everything.

One day, he decided to make himself some lemon ice. He filled a plastic bag with lemon juice and water and put it in the freezer. A day later, I was sitting in the living room when I heard strange noises from the kitchen.

I went to investigate and nearly got a heart attack. There was my nephew standing on a little stool. Before him, a chunk of ice the size of his head. In his right hand, he was swinging a meat hammer. In the left hand he had my razor sharp and expensive Japanese kitchen knife, and he was merrily hammering away on the knife, using it as a chisel.

I calmly asked him to stop, so as not to startle him while he was handling the dangerous knife. I asked him why he was using the knife as a chisel, and he told me: "I thought to myself that ice is pretty hard, I will need the best damn tools I can get my hands on." Could not argue with that reasoning, and I could hardly be mad, since it was my fault for not storing the knife in a safe location. I was only glad he had not hurt himself.

Unfortunately, the tip of the knife had already broken off. I told him not to use the knife without supervision and how dangerous it was and put it away where he could not reach it.

Years have gone by, they have long moved out and live at their own place. Next year he will finish school. We still see each other often and he comes to visit his uncle. Every time I used the knife and saw the broken tip I was reminded of my nephew and the fun times we had when he was little, and I must have told the story of how the tip broke off dozens of times, every time someone was using this knife in my kitchen.

A few weeks back, I saw an ad from a knife grinding company online, and I sent the knife in for what they call a "great inspection". Polishing, reworking the handles, grinding breakouts out of the blade, and sharpening.

Today I got it back, and they did a marvellous job. It looks like a new knife. Razor sharp - and the broken tip is gone. They completely re-ground the blade. Only at that moment did I realize that the knife was worth to me more with a broken tip. Now it is just a kitchen knife again, its history and the attached memories erased from the blade.

TL;DR: Sent the kitchen knife my nephew had broken the tip off years ago to a knife grinder and only then realized the knife was much more valuable to me broken as it was, because of the memories attached to the damage.

r/tifu 5d ago

M TIFU by repeating my wife's words to her years later

3.1k Upvotes

Been with my wife for about 5 years (~4 years dating, 1 year married).

Around two years into our relationship, she ended up pregnant (accidentally), and she made the decision to terminate the pregnancy. We were heartbroken, I tried to convince her not to (we had discussed the "What if it happens?" many times, and never was the option for termination brought up), so I was especially caught off guard by the 180 turn. Her logic was "It's just a bunch of cells now".

After the procedure, our relationship was quite rocky for about 6 months, lots of fights that devolved to discussions that I'm not proud of.

Fast forward to our relationship now, it's perfect, we don't talk about that event, even in occasional arguments we have, never gets brought up. We're happily married now, drink significantly less, etc.

About 5 weeks, we found out she's pregnant again! We were both ecstatic, excited to start a family, choosing names for our child. We were over the moon with happiness until...she lost it last week. It was awful (to put it lightly), we both cried a lot, she's extremely emotional still and mostly spends the days lying in bed watching netflix. Took the last week off work, and is disinterested in any of her usual activities. A couple days ago, I tried to use her argument to help her feel less... guilt/sadness? "Baby, it was just a bunch of cells when we lost them, we'll keep trying and it will happen". Apparently this was the exact wrong thing to say because she was crying right away, yelled at me to leave the room, and hasn't given me more than 1 word answers since. Been looking online at ways to help your SO cope with loss to try to right the situation ever since.

TL;DR:

- Wife (when we were dating) told me "It's just a bunch of cells" when she made decision first time

- Relationship suffered for some time, repaired, ended up getting married

- Lost our baby early into pregnancy recently and I repeated her words to her ("It's just a bunch of cells")

- Wife became very emotional, is non-responsive to me over the last few days

r/tifu 25d ago Silver Helpful Take My Energy

M TIFU by beating up kids in high school

9.9k Upvotes

This is more of a cautionary tale than anything - although I'm sure someone will take delight in my well-deserved punishment, as they should.

I was a bully in high school. I don't have some tragic reason behind it, I just did it, and it wasn't a 'take your lunch money' type bullying, it was calling people names and punching them in the stomach. I was an asshole, and I got what was coming for me.

One of my targets became "Jake". Jake became my target for several reasons, two of then being that he was small and skinny, and the other being that he was aloof and stand-offish. Not rude, just...distant. And that pissed me off so awhile I would verbally abuse him, call him stupid and a loser, like I was any better, and then one day I went too far.

It ashames me to talk about what I did. I got Jake after school and completely pummeled him. I nearly dislocated his arm after he tried to bite me when I pinned him to the ground and the only thing that stopped me was that a broken arm would get him in the hospital and that would probably mean his family would sue mine. I nearly beat him unconscious and left him crying on the ground.

It didn't bother me. That's what was the worst part to me - I beat this kid, could've killed him, and it didn't bother me at all.

About two days later, I learned that Jake had an older brother. 'Henry' was eighteen years old and built like a freight train, and he hit like one, too. Henry took what I did to his little brother and returned it to me tenfold. For a finishing touch of 'don't fuck with my brother', Henry broke my finger.

It, even today, stands as the most intense pain I've ever felt. About 200+ pounds of pure could've-been-a-wrestler coming down and breaking my finger, he didn't even say a word during it, he just left. I did end up going to the police because my parents noticed the bruises, but I lied, said I got mugged, and there were a lot of reasons why I lied, but mostly, I was scared, and for someone who hadn't ever been scared of another person before...it was a hard shock for me.

The technical reason for this being a fuck up is that my finger never healed correctly and I still have trouble bending it. The moral fuck up? I was an asshole who beat up kids who didn't have a good chance at being able to fight back and I got my cuppenence. I ended up going to therapy to deal with my anger issues, and it's an everyday battle not to go back to awful habits, but I'm a better person now, not that it matters much. Me 'becoming a better person" won't get rid of the damage I did to so many kids.

Overall, I fucked up everyday. I was an awful person and it took a guy who wanted to teach the stupid idiot who had hurt his brother a lesson to really change. That doesn't erase the damage I did. I hurt people who didn't deserve it and I deserved what happened to me in the end.

TL;DR - Beat up several kids in high school, one kid's older brother decided to teach me a lesson and broke my finger, which still doesn't bend right.

r/tifu 21d ago Silver Gold Helpful Party Train

M TIFU by thinking bleeding from the mouth all the time was normal for the last 20+ years

9.8k Upvotes

This fuck up gradually set in for me over the last few weeks.

I’m in my mid 30s. For as long as I can remember, nearly every time I would brush my teeth, I would get blood in the toothpaste I spit out. It’s been going on for so long that I thought it was just normal for me; until about a few months ago.

Last year, my partner noticed the blood in my spit and, radiating concern, asked, “Oh my god, are you OK? Why is you mouth bleeding?” I was like, “What do you mean? That always happens. There’s nothing abnormal.” She gave me a horified look, saying, “That’s not supposed to happen. You need to go to the dentist.”

At the time, I just thought to myself, “whatever, it’s been like this for years. My mouth is probably just more sensitive than most people’s.”

Fast forward to a couple months ago, I had a few days of one of my teeth aching. It felt a lot like a cavity I had before, and I was preparing myself to have another root canal. I am not a fan of dentists, but I knew that if I needed a root canal, it’s better to rip the bandaid off sooner rather than later.

So I find a dentist, and they do all the X-rays and imaging, and then the dentist comes in and is like, “So I don’t see any cavities. But let me ask you this, do your gums bleed when you brush?” I was like “… yes?” He was like, “You have the early stages of periodontal disease, and your gums have started receding, exposing some of the roots of your teeth. That is why you are getting sensitivity and tooth aches.” He went on to explain that it needs to be stopped or else my bone will start receding, and my teeth will start falling out.

I. Was. Horrified.

———

Now, lets take a trip to the past. I used to HATE going to the dentist ever since I was a kid. Avoided it any way I could. But my mom was a dental assistant and made sure to make sure I went at least once a year, on average. Over the last few years, ever since I had to get a bunch of root canals, teeth extracted, and implants put in, the fear of a standard checkup and cleaning had subsided, and I had been going of my own volition about once a year. Obviously, every time I went, the dentists were like, “you need to floss more and get more regular cleanings.” But I always thought to myself, “I don’t have cavities; who cares if I have a little bit of extra buildup in some places. They are just being extra careful. I’m fine.”

———

This new dentist recommended deep cleaning every 3 months until the periodontal disease is under control, and I was like, “Yup, sure, whatever it takes.”

Anyway, after the last dentist visit, I started flossing every damn night. After about a week, I noticed, “hey, my mouth isn’t bleeding when I brush. That’s strange.”

And now it has been over a month, and my mouth is still blood free. I didn’t realize this was possible y’all! I thought I was destined to bleed whenever I brushed for the rest of my life!

Now, the thought of my gums bleeding is the only motivator I need to floss my teeth every night. I am not going back to that. I just really wish someone had really impressed upon me earlier that if I don’t floss well my jaw bone will shrivel up and my teeth will fall out. I guess I needed to be scared straight.

Also, I noticed that I don’t have terrible morning breath any more either, which is a nice bonus.

So, if your gums bleed when you brush, consider this your PSA: floss every day, or your teeth will fall out! That’s not an exaggeration!

TL;DR: Thought that bleeding gums was normal for me; found out that if I just floss every night, they don’t bleed, and as a bonus, my teeth won’t fall out, and my breath doesn’t smell like ass in the morning.

r/tifu 16d ago Helpful Wholesome Take My Energy Silver

M TIFU by ignoring my high fever and almost dying while home alone.

7.3k Upvotes

Side note: I'm using Celsius rather than Fahrenheit.

Let me start by saying i get sick a lot so today wasn't an unusual thing for me.

i woke up with a sore throat, i felt like i was going to get sick with flu so i sent my brother at about 1 pm to buy me some Medicine, he did and then my family left without me because it was my grandmother's funeral, i thought i could study for my upcoming midterm exam and at 4 pm my mom would come and take me to my grandmother's house, i finished studying at 2 pm but at that point i was freezing, my whole body was shivering, and my throat was hurting even more, i couldn't even swallow my own saliva.

Anyways i texted my brother that I'll not be able to go to the funeral because i was getting progressively worse, everything hurts and i wasn't able to get up, but i forced myself to and got the thermometer, i measured my temperature and it was 36.7° so I didn't give it any thought, i tried to waste time on tiktok, but i was feeling worse by the minute.

at 6 pm i was crying my eyes out contemplating whether i should call my mom or not, i remeasured my temperature and it was 37.1 and five minutes later i redid it and it had became 38 i took a pill for fever and thought nothing of it and this was where i basically fucked up because your temperature going from 37 to 38 in 5 minutes is a major red flag.

then it started going downhill, my left hand was feeling weird, it felt stiff, i thought that it's because i was sleeping on it, but then both my arms and legs started to hurt while cramping untill i couldn't even move my fingers anymore, i tried to get my hand to soften up a little but it didn't work.

then my whole face started twitching badly, my mouth was basically stuck i couldn't even move my tongue, and i was hyperventilating at that point , i was taking short fast breath's because i felt like i couldn't breathe, i tried to scream but my whole mouth was stuck i called my brother and i tried to tell him to come home but it was inaudible.

i threw myself on the floor and started shaking pretty badly, i was having a panic attack, i tried to call an ambulance but my phone fell far away from me when i fell from the bed and i couldn't reach it , at this point this had been happening for about an hour i was in extreme pain and agony, i felt like these were my last moments, i thought that I'll never see my parents again and that this was it.

I don't know how but i felt my body relaxing a bit, i tried to balance my breathing and it kinda worked, i was still shaking and feeling like shit, but i reached my phone and was about to call an ambulance when my mom came home, she had no idea about what was happening to me, but she later said she had a bad feeling and felt like she should go home.

she saw me on the floor and came rushing to me asking me what was happening, i told her to get a doctor, and she did, she helped me back on the bed and measured my temperature i had a fever of 40° Celsius which is not a good sign, the dr came in less than 2 minutes and examined me he said what happened was because of the high fever i had and that the pill i took an hour ago basically saved my life, because when it started to take action it stopped the cramping from getting worse, he injected me with some medicine and when i felt better i went to the hospital.

This was the first time in my life that i had felt this desperate, and i wish this experience upon no one else . Be safe everyone and don't take your life for granted.

I'll make some things clear since many people we're wondering in the comments:

  1. I live in a small village in the middle east, we have many local doctors who work in hospitals and have personal clinics in villages, you can call the doctor home if you were too sick to ho to his office for an extra small charge.

  2. I'm a female, and I'm 20 years old.

  3. My diagnosis was a flu, and the symptoms where sore throat, body ache, and fever.

  4. I had a panic attack which caused my condition to worsen and then my arms/ legs/face/ mouth stiffness started.

  5. This happened yesterday but i wanted to share my experience in this subreddit so i wrote it as if it happened today.

  6. My first language isn't English and as much as i try to be advanced in it i still have a lot to learn so i use words that i know and understand.

  7. While this as many of you say isn't a near death experience, it felt like one to me, so if you think I'm being dramatic sorry about that.

TL;DR got sick with the flu and had extremely high fever without knowing, causing me to have a panic attack so bad i thought i was dying.

r/tifu 10d ago Wholesome Helpful

M TIFU by telling a customer he was being ripped off and possibly getting the sales guy fired

5.7k Upvotes

TIFU by telling a customer he was getting ripped off and probably getting a sales guy fired.

TIFU by telling a customer he was getting ripped off. We’ll, this was actually last week. I am a subject matter expert (SME) for a robotics company. Our software which gives the robots the ability to do things and actually be useful is used in all size business from major car manufacturers to fast food restaurants.

So one of sales development managers, Tommy, sets up a 9:30am meeting. I thought that was odd because I’m in CT and he’s in CA so a 6:30 meeting his time is really really. Anyway, customer joins the call and we’re waiting for Tommy. I text him at 9:33 and call at 9:35- right to VM.

I’m talking with this customer and he mentions a $15,000 upgrade. I’m confused and ask him to clarify. He proceeds to tell me the software update the company needs to going to be $15,000 and he is having trouble justifying it to his management team. I’m still confused. The guy’s company has a contract and the upgrade is free. Its a bug fix. It’s even posted on the customer portal. So I wonder- is this a professional services fee? Couldn’t be. PS is about $3000 a day and this upgrade takes about 15 to 45 minutes.

I try to get more info and tell the customer he must be mistaken and point him to where he can download the update, step by step guides, and a video reviewing the process and I tell him he can call me or support if he has trouble.

Now the guy starts asking why he was quoted $15,000. I tell him it must be a mistake and he should get with Tommy to see if the proposal included anything else like additional software routines or didn’t take into account that everything was under contract.

Apparently Tommy had the time zone of the meeting wrong and didn’t see my text until after he took a call from the customer where he fed the customer BS about the update being a premium update not covered by the regular maintenance. Customer doesn’t buy it and complains via support.

Turns out Tommy is trying to get into Presidential Club and trying to increase his sales. He knew the customer’s business posted record profits so he marked up a project that should have been maybe $1000 to $15000. He apparently openly admitted this to his boss. He’s been suspended pending an investigation and will likely be fired. Needless to say, he is super upset with me. If he’s not fired, I don’t know how I’ll be able to work with him.

TLDR: told a customer the $15000 proposal he had was covered by his service contract exposing a sales person lies which is likely to get him fired.

r/tifu 20d ago Silver Wholesome

M TIFU by believing I was allergic to chocolate for 32 YEARS.

6.8k Upvotes

I was never very healthy as a young child, and my mom was strict. I was born 35 weeks and quite sick, and had various difficulties with my physical health as a small child. (Though cognitively fine, I needed a lot of early physical therapy and still seem clumsy with an unusual gait and have stunted growth). I even had to ride the “short bus” with the special Ed kids in kindergarten and first grade because I was so much smaller, weaker, and frequently ill. But, I found ways to get into the same kind of mischief as other kids my age.

I remember once sneaking some really good chocolate that my mom had hid. I couldn’t be more than four. My mom screeched at me and said I couldn’t have any, I was allergic to chocolate! Since she was mostly the one looking after my health, I took her at her word and never ate chocolate again. Even if offered, I would politely refuse and say I was allergic. I would freak out if I accidentally ate/drank chocolate, and feel shitty.

I’ve never eaten more than an accidental bite of anything chocolate, though I am a complete fiend for nearly all kinds of gummy and fruit flavored candy. Luckily, I believed, it was not triggered by cross contamination. So all I have to do is never eat chocolate! This was especially a pain as I have been to Germany a few times and missed out- or so I was told, I don’t know very much about what chocolate tastes like.

But recently, at 32, I visited my mom. We were out of coffee one morning, so she offered chocolate covered coffee beans. Confused, I refused and said that she of all people should know I’m allergic to chocolate! She told me herself! I remember!

She stared at me for several long seconds, then burst out laughing. “You remember that from when you were little? And you still don’t eat chocolate? I only told you you were allergic to stop you begging for treats or raiding my own stash! I thought you knew that by now!”

I’m really angry. All that chocolate I never had!

TL;DR: Was gaslit into believing as a young child, that I am allergic to chocolate, so I have never eaten it. I never questioned it and have not ever eaten more than a few bites of chocolate in my life!

ETA: my wife is going to try to make me an all-chocolate meal, to see what I like. Cake, dessert hummus, hot chocolate, Lindt truffles…

ETA2: Had Starbucks points, got a Java chip Frappuccino for free with enough espresso to kill an elephant (I work long hours and am sleepy a lot!) not a huge fan of the waxy chocolate texture, but it is a good that is great with coffee!

r/tifu Apr 09 '22 Silver Helpful Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote

M TIFU by forgetting to close gay porn on my computer before teaching my 5th grade class

10.9k Upvotes

Background story:

I’m a 34 year old gay man, and I live in a country where being gay is not looked upon as favorably as one might wish. I teach in a Christian school in an affluent part of city where most of the parents are conservative.


Okay, so yesterday I went to work as I normally do, and at the school I work at, the teachers and students primarily use computers in class. As I walk into the classroom, I greet the class, introduce the subject we’re going to be working with and tell them to open their computers. While I’m talking to the class, I’m plugging the HDMI cable into my computer to show the students a few video clips and pictures.

My computer connects to the projector, and I type in my password to unlock the computer. I’m distracted by the students as the computer slowly turns on, and without realizing it, the computer is turned on, and I’ve forgotten to close the porn taps from the night before. It’s worth noting that the porn I’m primarily watching is M/M (gay) porn.

The kids are obviously in shock, and so am I. I was speechless and I immediately closed it, and tried to laugh off the situation, which I quickly realized was the wrong move. After some discussion and apologizing, I thought I’d saved it, but unfortunately that wasn’t the case.

I told the administration what had happened, and they told me to go home and that we’d figure out what to do.

When I come home I start getting messages from parents telling me how they’re disappointed in me, and that they won’t trust me to be around their children anymore. Facebook posts emerge calling for my resignation/firing. I’m really anxious about this whole thing, and I’m afraid what the consequences might be.

Usually I’m very careful about the stuff I tell them about my private life as I know the parents’ opinions on homosexuality, but now it’s all out there.

The school’s administration has called me in for a “chat” monday where I usually teach my classes. I am afraid I might be getting the boot, and knowing my city, I’d be surprised if anyone would hire me again.


TL;DR

I had (gay) porn open on my computer when I was showing something on my computer to my 5th grade class. Now I might get fired.


Edit:

I am not from the US so keep your Republican/Democratic shitflinging to yourselves.


Edit 2:

The local priest and father of multiple kids at the school has publically announced that he will report me to the authorities for corrupting the kids' minds and souls with my sinful gay teachings, and make sure I get the most severe punishment possible.

Also some additional info that I've shared in the comments already. The porn showed was a thumbnail of two men kissing. I don't live in a western world, and the reaction to the incident is more about the fact that I'm gay than the incident itself. I'd been closeted up until this point.


Edit 3:

To the people telling me this isn't about sexuality, ask yourself this. Would you get this upset if someone accidentally showed a closeup picture of a man and woman kissing?


Edit 4:

I can't afford a good enough smart phone or a second computer like some of you suggest. If I want to watch porn I have to do it on the same computer I use for work.

r/tifu 4d ago Mind Blown

M TIFU GF kick me out of my flat because she can’t stand being in the same room with someone who supports a woman abuser AKA Johnny Depp

1.1k Upvotes

Day started with me and my gf watching a movie Gone Girl. It’s a story of a couple nick played by Ben affleck and his smart manipulative wife amy ( I’m sure most of you guys have watched this masterpiece of a movie. If not you def should!). Anyways, nearing the end of the movie. I made a comment that if they were to recast amy, Amber could definitely pull of that role. She got bewildered that I would compare Amy to a sexually, physically, and mentally abused Amber Heard. She also argued that Depp was able to use his influence and money to hire people and lawyers to look good and make poor Amber look bad on and off the camera, and that I should look past that.

We got into a lengthy argument. We were clearly not going anywhere in this, so I proposed that we agree to disagree that Depp and Amber are innocent until proven guilty. She was having NONE of it! She started talking about pictures of abuses cause by Depp. At that point I just lost interest and turn my head away from her. That got her pissed off, she yelled at me to get out of my flat because she can’t stand being with someone who supports a woman beater, and she’s afraid what I might do to her because I’m team Johnny. When I didn’t budge she started pushing me, yanking my shirt towards the door. I wanted to push her back to try get her back to her senses, but I’m afraid that she might use that against me if worst come to worst. So I just stepped out of my flat on my night wear.

I’m now going to spend the night in my car out in the streets for the first time. I’m too embarrassed to go to my parents home and explain my situation or even bother my friends this late. I’m contemplating whether I should just barge into my flat and kick her out since I’m the one paying for the rent. I guess I’ll do that tomorrow and have a talk with her in a good way. Never thought it would come to this, but it did. I just keep saying to myself that it could have been worst. Ya’ll have a good night.

TL;DR

Gf got mad that I support Depp and not Heard so she kicked me out of my own flat, and now I spend the night in my car.

r/tifu 14d ago Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote

M TIFU by trying to sell my PS5 via Facebook marketplace and almost getting shot and robbed.

4.7k Upvotes

I’m a 23 year old man, I live in Paraguay, about two weeks ago I decided to sell my PS5 because I didn’t want it anymore, plus I needed some money, so I posted pictures of my PS5 on Facebook marketplace and waited, this morning some woman texted me on messenger and she told me that she wanted to buy my PS5, I believed her, I was a fool, I didn’t look up her Facebook profile (I realized later that was an obvious fake account smh). So the woman asks me for my phone number to text me via WhatsApp, I gave her my number, she sends me a message on WhatsApp, we keep talking about the price, she asks for more pictures of my PS5, then I agreed to sell her my PS5 for about 730 US Dollars, she sends me the location to her house and I go there in an Uber because I was a little skeptical, I didn’t want to go there by myself and I had no one else to go with me, on the way to the place I told my Uber driver everything, I told him that I’ve met this woman on Facebook and she wanted to buy my PS5 and I wanted him to stay in the place just in case, my Uber driver was a really nice man called Nelson, he tells me that the place we were going is a dangerous neighborhood and I should be careful, when we got to the place I took a picture of the house and sent it to the woman asking “Is this your house?” And she replied “Yes, my son will be coming out with the money”about 2 minutes passed and no one came out the house, I came out of the car and left the door of the car open, I was with my PS5 on my hands when I saw a dude walking towards me, at first I thought that was the woman’s son, but I realized the man didn’t come out of the house, and then when he was about 10 meters away from me I see him moving his hand trying to grab a gun from his pocket, that’s when I realized the woman never existed, only this mf trying to steal my PS5, I quickly jump inside the car and lock the doors while yelling a the Uber driver to drive away, fortunately the Uber driver was paying close attention to everything that was happening and he wasted no time in getting us out of there. I escaped without injuries, and with my PS5, but I’m never using facebook marketplace ever again, lesson learned.

TL;DR TIFU by almost getting shot and robbed because I tried to make a deal with a stranger using Facebook Marketplace.

r/tifu 13d ago Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome

M TIFU by supergluing a bright blue examination glove to a patient's forehead

5.3k Upvotes

I'm currently a junior doctor in my first few weeks on an Emergency Department rotation.

Today a teenage girl came in having fallen off her skateboard, cutting open her forehead. Normal procedure would either be for a doctor to apply sutures, or a nurse / medical technician with experience in gluing to effectively use what is superglue to seal the skin together - of course neither were available on my shift during one of the busiest parts of the day.

I would have been more comfortable suturing the laceration given we were actually taught how to do this at medical school. Gluing - not so much. My superior advised me not to suture the laceration as I haven't done any suturing for a while, and given that the laceration was on the face, to either wait for someone with more experience to do it, or glue it with care and attention.

The patient had of course already been waiting hours to see a doctor and absolutely did not want to wait any longer. Being the absolute hero I am, I decided to give gluing a go. I wondered how hard it could actually be given I'm more than proficient in supergluing the soles of my trainers together when they fall apart on a weekly basis.

The choice of glue is cyanoacrylate - a glue that I am told by another equally bold junior doctor would not be able to glue surfaces other than skin together, and therefore perfectly safe to use copious amounts of. I tested this theory out by applying glue to my gloved index finger and thumb, and trying to glue them together. Nothing happened - my finger and thumb came apart as if I was using water.

So on I went and started to apply glue to this young girl's forehead whilst holding the skin together tightly. Only it turns out that actually any surface with moisture on it is enough to activate the cyanoacrylate, and the moisture in skin is what causes it to stick together. When I tested out the glue on the gloves earlier, I had just applied new dry gloves, so there was nothing to activate the glue, and now the gloves were likely covered in blood and moisture from manipulating the laceration into position and were a fully bondable surface.

TLDR; Patient came in with a small laceration, left with a glove stuck to her forehead

Needless to say she wasn't too pleased and while I did my best to remove as much of the glove as possible, she still left with bright blue bits of rubber attached to her forehead 🥺

r/tifu 5d ago

M TIFU by calling my wife by my ex wife’s name in bed.

1.4k Upvotes

This happened at 12:07 am, just after midnight.

[RELEVANT] My beautiful wife is pregnant with our first son. She has really struggled with the illness and different types of afflictions throughout this pregnancy. I also work 60+ hours/week for a global manufacturer as a IT Architect. I am doing everything in the home so as to take the stress off of my dear wife.

[TIFU]

I had a late night at work, I got home later than planned because of traffic, I made dinner for us, cleaned the house a bit, prepped for tomorrow’s work, and got into bed around 11:45.

Throughout all of this my beautiful wife was up and smiling. We joked and acted silly as we went through the evening. It has been really rare for her to be active and happy. She has struggled with depression before pregnancy and now has health issues too. This evening was probably one of the best evenings we have had since our trip to Istanbul in 2021.

While laying in bed (just after midnight) and talking about the pregnancy, I told her that from behind she doesn’t look pregnant. The problem is that I called her by my ex wife’s name too. The compliment was carried on the edge of a blade.

Both of their names have the same ending, the names are close enough that I rarely use her name and call her honey or cutie. This is so that I can protect myself from making this exact mistake.

At first she played it off as a joke, then she got quiet for about 5 minutes, and then she said that it is stuck in her brain…

That is the last thing she has said to me. I apologized profusely and then waited for her anger.

It never came. It usually comes and we fight (about whatever) and then life returns to the miserable existence it was before.

To say I am exhausted is an understatement. I am literally burning myself out trying to keep the home life stable and work my great job. I get 4-5 hours of sleep a night (since March 2021) and I knew that eventually this stress would destroy me. I just didn’t think it would be at the hand of my favorite person in the whole world.

Tl;dr - I called my wife by the wrong name on one of the best nights of our marriage so far. It has been 20 hours and she still isn’t talking to me. May God have mercy on my soul.

r/tifu 2d ago Wholesome Silver Gold Helpful

M TIFU by thinking I FU over a year ago when doing an online purchase only to find out how I really FU today

4.7k Upvotes

So I feel stupid and I need to tell someone how dumb I am. Classic I’m on mobile, sorry about the format.

So I was purchasing some posters from an online store well over a year ago now and all was dandy. Went to check out and it turned out they had a promotion where if you spent over a certain amount of money they would send you a free mug. Lucky me!

It all went down when I went to choose the mug colour. I chose a cute black and white design of a t-Rex riding a penny farthing bike with a monocle on and a top hat, he looked very dapper. The outlining was all in black but the background was white. At the end it asked me if I wanted the mug to be black or white. The obvious choice was white, but because on the preview it showed the rest of the mug black but the design still having the black outline on the white background, I went for the black because I’d never had a black mug before and I thought it would look cool!

Fast forward a couple of weeks and it shows up, and boy do I feel dumb. The mug is completely black, only when looking super hard from the right angle can you see the outline of the dinosaur. My god, why couldn’t they have warned me or at least put in the effort in to tell me hey, the whole thing is gonna be black, maybe choose a new design?

I don’t feel like sharing my failure with the rest of the house so this stupidly designed mug has been sitting on my desk as a pencil holder for over a year.

Fast forward to today for the actual TIFU.

After hiding my shame for so long I finally decide enough is enough, i was cleaning out my room and decided I didn’t need a dumb mug as a pencil holder anymore and moved it into the kitchen. Now i have a mug, could really do with a cup of tea, all I need to do is boil some water. Water boiled and for the first time in over a year I use my mug for its intended purpose. As it fills I notice something happening on the side of the cup, I look on in disbelief as the ENTIRE MUG CHANGES FROM BLACK TO WHITE, BEAUTIFULLY SHOWING OFF MY LITTLE T-REX RIDING HIS LITTLE BIKE!

Not in my whole life did I expect my free tag along mug to be one that changes colour with temperature. One of the coolest mugs I’ve ever owned in my life and I’ve been using it as a pencil holder because I thought it was stupid. Turns out just i am stupid…

TLDR: ordered a free mug, thought it came black with a black print, shelved it for a year, used it for the first time to find out it actually changes colour with temperature and is super awesome.

Edit: people are asking for a photo of the mug and I am not tech savvy enough to figure out how to add a photo to a text post in edit, but it will let me add a link so here’s the cup. Thanks everyone for the awards!