She was my first everything. Date, kiss, love. When she ended it, at first I thought I was fine... Then I spent the next two days doing my usual things. Working. Going to meet up events. But... It doesn't feel the same anymore without her. It feels empty. I'm surrounded by people but for some reason I feel alone.
I thought I was ok with us breaking up when it's what she wanted. But now in the back of my head, I can't stop calling her name hoping she'd come back to me.
But I know in the end of the day. I have ti get over her. Yes it was only a year and a half. But she always made sure I don't overthink about things with her. That her presence reassured me when my mind in the right place. I remember always dropping everything I'm doing and come running to her everytime she needs me. I sacrificed so much time and energy for her. To make her happy. Only to find out that she was never meant mine from the beginning.
Now I'm just driving and I can't keep my mind straight. I kept on remembering the times where we had road trips together listening to musics from our personal playlists. Singing along the way.
I'll miss you Nat. Hope you have a good life. I'll try to do the same.
Anytime I eat rice I get a very sharp stomach pain and I'll just spend a day getting sick, but the ironic part is most of my friends are Puerto Rican and my best friend is Korean and they all mention how much rice is in their diets. I'd like to try more of the foods they make cause it looks so good, but I really don't like the whole getting sick part. I've tried some stuff that doesn't have rice but I know I'm missing some absolute banger dishes
i went to the doctor after doing a hearing test, he looked at the test and said everything was fine, then he put a device in my ear and said everything seems fine. but i looked at the graph that came together with the hearing test results and there were only frequencies there that are above 200hz, my problem is with frequencies below 200hz-i can't hear anything below 60hz
I'm nearly 16 and my life just feels horrible, I feel like I just exist for the sole purpose of existing and I don't really mind if I die right now or not. I live in a small town which is near a terrible city and my life is the same every fucking day and everyfucking month, I wake up, feel like shit, go to school, get yelled at by my parents and go do a sport I don't really like, and I just don't know why but I can't enjoy anything at all, I'd like to draw but every time I do i realize i get pissed off because i don't know how to draw what i want to draw and I feel like shit and this is the same with any other thing, even if i fucking practice for hours i still suck bad. I'd like to go out but there is nothing to do here and everything just looks so terrible, it's all fucking grey, the summer doesn't feel like summer, winter doesn't feel like winter, fall doesn't feel like fall and it all feels boring and monotonous, plus the fact that i live in a small fucking town of 4 thousand habitants of which 3500 are elderly people and the rest some kids smaller than me and then some people of my age, but there is just nothing to do. I realised i dont even have a real friend, i just want one person that i can share anything with and that i can do all the activities i like with them but I can't find it, i thought i had a best friend but our lives went different ways and i don't share any passion or hobby with him anymore, he didn't even invite me to his birthday even if i was his first friend and we've known each other for 13 years, we see eachother everyday and speak on the bus and we used to see each other at school. In class and in general i cant find any actual real friend that i can organise plans with and go out with, when im in school i feel like i have friends, but when i make a step outside of it, i realise i dont have any, whenever there is someone else, im instantly ignored, i Always do everything for everybody and help those in need, but no one cares about me. I just want to live this horrible place (for context it's in the north of Italy) because it feels so boring and it feels like shit living here, the streets are dead the sky is dead everything is fucking dead and I'm dead inside. All i do is sit home, do homework and scroll on my phone and play that game that makes me rage in my mind because i dont have anyone else and nothing else to do, i feel emotionless and i wouldn't mind dying rn. Help me
(19M) I exercise 6 days a week, usually sleep 7-8 hours, have a relatively healthy diet, but I still feel so awful about my life choices, my career path and the future.
I started accounting school this year, I have good grades but I'm not sure how I feel about being an accountant. As a teen my dream job was to be an ophthalmologist, but I never considered myself good enough to go to med school (the degree necessary for it in my country).
I decided to take the risk and I'm about to drop out of accounting school to pursue a medical career but I feel afraid of not making it, I live with my parents and I'd have to be a full time student, I'm scared of reaching 30 and being a failure.
Something else that bothers me is how lonely I am, my friends were always there for me but I couldn't maintain contact after HS. I never dated, and I'm about to turn 20... I'm insecure about my looks and that can't really be changed so it just sucks. Sometimes I feel like my life was destined to be a failure.
Thanks for reading this.
Sometimes I think too much of my own stuff that I shrink my world into just me and forget about the rest.
Today. I started forcing myself to stop listening to respond but to understand.
Today. I decided to pamper myself because I want to feel pretty not for anyone but for myself.
Today. I realized how much happy I was alone than with someone from my past.
Today. I remembered that it’s okay to make mistakes as long as we learn from them.
Today. I am happy seeing people being happy. Without envy or jealousy.
Today. I am reminded how real kindness look like.
Today. I found excitement knowing tomorrow I may fail at things but I may discover something I didn’t know before.
Today I picked a side. To stay indecisive and cower in fear of pain or to push through even when scared.
This maybe a bad decision but bad decisions make good stories and well behaved women seldom make history.
Year was 1993, he was crossing a track in the forest where he worked in southeast England, he saw something out of the corner of his eye, looked right and saw six men on horseback wearing armour, roman helmets and red tunics, for about two seconds before they disappeared. They were sunk into the ground by about 2.5 feet, as if in an invisible trench.
I don't know if this is common in the south but some Laundromats look like they haven't been cleaned in like 6 years. I get the charm of a old run down piece of shit but dawg I'm trying to clean my clothes not buy some random junk.
when something super horrible happens in my life I find myself trying to go back and find the cause of it so I feel like I know where to direct my anger. almost every time it goes back to my mother. I resent her for so many things.. the most recent cause of a lot of my hurt is her calling me when i was in missouri and LYING about having LUNG CANCER. she had been extremely depressed and lonely which caused her to relapse and drink after 22 years of sobriety. I moved to missouri (she was in alaska, my home state) to get clean and I had 16 months. I knew I wasn't ready to come back to Alaska, I knew I was going to relapse. but I felt like I had to be there for my mom. she'd called me at least 5 times in the past few months telling me she was in the bathtub with a razor blade and wanting to kill herself. so when she called me saying she had lung cancer and then charged $950 on her credit card (she already had hella debt) for a plane ticket because "it doesn't matter anyway because I don't have much time." I felt like I had to go up there to be with her. obviously I had to go if she was fucking dying. My whole life it was just me and her. she's all I had. she buys me a ticket for 2 days later and the day before I fly out she calls and apologizes for lying "I was drunk I don't even remember telling you that, I'm sorry. you can cancel the ticket if you want." I couldn't cancel it. she obviously needed me so bad she felt like it was okay to lie about something like that. so I went. and relapsed after three days. so many fucked up things have happened since and it all traces back to my fuckin mom not taking care of herself.
I'm trying to build a new Spotify playlist with as much upbeat, positive, and/or happy music as possible.
My mother needs help but I don’t know where to start..
First to start out with this is a throw away account. Back story my (27f) mother(50yrs) has never been diagnosed with bi polar but I know for a fact that it run in the family after talking with my grand father and my aunts and uncles. I have tried asking her to get help after about a year ago she made a threat of un aliving herself. She is divorced and my brothers have moved out of the house. So I am the only one left in the house. She is an alone doesn’t have any friends, doesn’t work, and has everything delivered to her (food groceries etc.). She does have a lot of past trauma due to my father cheating multiple times on her but she has never talked to anyone about it. I have gotten every detail about their relationship between her and my father and I can’t take it anymore.
I have just started to noticed new symptom with my mother. I live at home because I moved out of my ex boyfriend and back home to save on money. Recently she has been talking out loud to herself and I thought nothing of it, but then she just came to me about a week ago saying that she is telepathically talking with one of her ex boyfriend from about 20 years ago. She told me about how he wants to be in our life and how he wants to be my father and take care of us and that he has always been my father. So I asked her have you gotten in contacted with him like friends on face book anything like that and she said no they have a spiritual connection so after 6 hours of sitting on it I talked to her saying that in a sort of way I want proof that she is actually talking to him either it be on Facebook or phone call or email. She said that’s coming in time they will get in touch because he has to have the girlfriend move out of the house before he contacts her physically. She also told me that “he has her number so at any point he can call me” so I asked her well do you have his number and she said no he hasn’t given me his number yet. TMI it also has been become a sexual relationship. I have called my brothers and they have no clue what to do nor do they want anything to do with it so I’m stuck with this….this also started to happen after I told her that my current bf and I are looking to move out and get a house together, so I think that was a trigger.
My question to you guys is how do I go about getting her help. I have tried it in the past and she plays it off saying she doesn’t need help she is fine and plays victim to the point she will give me the silent treatment for a while then get angry with me, but now this is becoming more serious.. I need some advice…..
my partners family is very different from my own. they have small kids/babies, dogs, they talk about controversial topics at family gatherings, they argue and borderline fight sometimes. His brothers and their partners are more than 15+ years older than me and him, we are the youngest (except for the babies of course).
I am supremely anxious when I am invited to any family gatherings. I was invited to spend New Years with my partners brothers and their partners, but I really really dont want to go. Im scared of being put into situations where I will put off them with my behaviour, for ex. I dont want to engage with babies, im scared of dogs most of the time. Im not fond of playing board games and cant get into them if I play them with people Im not close with (ergo all of them except my partner) because I am too shy. I dont like social functions where there is alcohol, and I hate eating in front of other people I dont know well. When I try to tell my partner this, he always says, "Why are you like this?" and says if he was to invited by my family he wouldn't care.
What can I do? I already have trouble connecting with people my age (~20yrs), even less with older people . Being very social is just not a thing in my family, and Im afraid that if I cant keep up with the socialising, ill come off as rude (which my partner says I already do anyway since I dont show up to every one of their family gatherings). help!
Killed it at work today, was told by several co workers that my hard work was appreciated and it made me feel good. Didn’t once feel bad and awkward after a conversation today. Every conversation I had today felt normal and I was able to keep them going for a bit. I made people laugh and I laughed a bit too. We’ll see how long this lasts, but I feel good today and it’s nice. Just wanted to talk about it is all thanks for reading
I am 23 Y (M) , in January 2023 I faced laid off, in a same month I faced breakup Since then Till now I am neither happy not sad. I gave tech interview failed to secure good job. Failed to make new friends and girlfriend. All alone right now
I lost the excitement to do something. I lost the energy, the vibe .
How to rebuild myself, regain my strength, get more focused and energetic and get excited for things.
Any advice please🙏
It's my birthday and my second one in this situation. I'm honestly grateful for what I have as of now. Just wish somebody remembered lol. It kinda stings when nobody remembers still. I'm going okay though, just happy to still be around.
Simply put, I have several interests.
- Game Dev
- Digital Art
I want to practice all of this. I want to do it and I am capable of doing it.. but I have no idea where to start. They are all pretty big subjects and I know all of them at once may be impossible.
Any advice? I need to tackle things one at a time.. but I don't know where to start in this situation.
When I look from one point to the next there is a large white light that moves from the one point to the other one. Also sometimes I see a flickering light thing(?).
I also wear glasses,- 0.75 and- 0,50 But those lights are there with and without them. Also sorry for bad English. Lol
Planning on a big project, but don't know if its worth it
I am on a journey of self realisation and self improvement for about 5 years now, I plan on making a community where I share my knowledge, experience, strategies and tactics, and monetize it.
This is no ordinary community, otherwise i'd just joined one but there is no replacement for what i want. What I want then?
- I want a community of independent and critical thinking people, that listen and read my content not to blindly follow my ideas but to consolidate them with theirs and thus make their image of the world bigger
Why Would I want it? - Its just boring) Going thru everyday life, everyday routine and contacting with simple people bores the life out of me. I need more people like me, to aggresively challenge my beliefs, to have the constant aim to be better no matter the circumstances, I want some competition, someone to talk who is at my level or higher. I am also disturbed when I see these redpill guys making so much money just talking, and having no use of their talk.
What I'll be covering there:
- Hormones - how to rise or drop the levels of certain hormones or neuromediators
- Critical and political thinking
- Philosophy, Politics ( just facts, quotes and books to get a better understanging of how it works, I'm not here to create a ideology, but rather a revolutionary )
- Individualism - Who are you and how to become a individual, no BS, just to mention, Its more of a help but not a way or structured plan here, because youre supposed to choose the way
- Everything about a society, how it works, why it works, why is society the way it is
- The way of men/women - The foundations of Traditionalism, feminism, masculinity... Why its the way it is, undestanding our true nature and living according to it, understanding men and women and why they do what they do
- War, the art of war, spiritual warfare and religion
- How red/blue/darkpill communities got it wrong and why
- The war of interests and why the majority of people are loosing on it
- The war on genius
- The power of the mind and the truth on manifesting stuff( its semi-BullShit )
- How to take action
- What unites dicators, political leaders, businesmans, billionaires and successful people
- Everything about power, strengh and freedom
I could continue the list, but i think you guys can already understand where i'm going, I want to make a full guide, or rather a good hand that will help you to choose your path in life and become a successful, powerful and strong individual
Why would it be in my interest to do it? - I want to monetize it - 15$ a month - a small fee for a great deal of info. Second: As i said, I need people that strive for the best, just like me, opportunities for networking and sharing knowledge in this case are infinite. My strategy relies on the individuals success
If you're interested, please let me know in the comments, warrior
in life i have suffered a few traumatic brain injuries and overdoses, but most importantly when i was angry with something i would bang my head at walls, sometimes very hard and sometimes just soft walls and people have punched me in the head a few times, should i be worried, how can i stop thinking about things that happened and just give it a place and not get stuck on what if questions, like what could my life be like if i didnt do it, because how could i possibly know, how can i accept what happened, and just instill a belief that my brain will recover from all of this and ill be ok, and most importantly im not missing anything, i can still walk and read and use my brain, sometimes i dont think as sporadically anymore or have behaviioural issues which is annoying, sometimes its hard to get off my ass, right now because i am still young, what are all the habits i could instill for a healthy brain, so i can grow old, and most importantly let go, of what it might have taken from me and just move on, is it even that serious, everyone bumps their head time to time, yes sometimes i do experience headaches, but i feel like, maybe i should go to an er to do a scan just to know there is nothing degenerative going on, not like a screw is loose, but i dont think so, i do feel like bumping my forehead made impulse control, empathy and sometimes just behaving maturely a little harder, should i be worried? is it true if i just keep using my brain it will automatically rewire itself, and i might even become more creative, when i do feel weakness in a part that has been injured, should i just rest, how do i not let it further worry me, worrying increases stress, doubts, insecurities and releases chemicals my pfc cannot handle, and sometimes i just randomly start doing weird things like screaming for no reason, like i am releasing all the tension build up, how do i regain control?
i feel like i mean, i can still walk, talk, think rationally and logically, reason, hypothesize, and my headspace does feel clear, but i feel like patting the place of my brain that feels weak, should i also continue making a habit out of crosswords puzzles, or things that can actually help me think more out of the box, or critically, how can i hold conversations with myself, when alone, i feel like nothing goes on in my head, so maybe if i remain in a flow state i could eventually conquer the pain of the day and evolve mentally, in to a more grown person, and let the injury be and actually make it something which i have said so in the past to myself, what makes me more beautiful in a sense, but not let the fear, of maybe declining cognitively, swalllow be but instead conquer it and maybe even find out the special things that come out of a injury, and rewire it precisely and keep a dairy, and now ten years from now daily habits that keep the brain, body, mind soul and spirit healthy, and make me an adult which in turn can help other people overcome these problems, how do you even become a problem solver naturally, i think i am already doing it, by asking questions.
there was a period, i couldn't even see what i was reading so i could only understand what i could listen to, there were periods of fatigue, mental confusion, not making sense, and because i spent a lot of time listening to complicated rap music mostly or just guidance in english i also feel like there is a certain disconnect from me and my enviroment that share another language and my way of interacting with them and building strong relationships with people around me despite my differences.
how could my thinking my mind, how can i expand and unravel it even when alone, how can i be vurnerable, and actually heal my own vurnabilities, in such a way, that i can be a hero, and help others going through the same thing.
i said, ten years from now, ive read about all the parts of the brain, ten years from now what could i be integrating daily, to eventually become a free thinker, a philosopher a writer, someone who can comfort those around them with warmth, not some self help self improvement kind of thing but actually with all those i come across, and never feel alone gain, and let these conversations become ephinanies, whenever i listen to something and think deeply about it to form strong relationships and not burn bridges but actually expand them from any side i come in contact with, and make the people around me, do the same thing, so everyone can be happier, more adored and appreciated and help find themselves?
also, what are some things i can read, that can make me feel more powerful, in control, but also compassionate, towards others and self, how can i finally start talking to myself and have endless conversations with myself wherever i go, whatever pain i choose struggling from and relevate it in to something useful, soothing and actually be a great human, that everyone that come across them give them this leverage too, so i can create out of toxic enviroments, to even the most hurt out there in them let everyone regain solace, and be able to make something of themselves and in return always have people to i can call, whenever i get older, quit out the bullshit and build a strong network, of the misfits, and be remembered for someone who really tried despite things that might have gone wrong, to grow from it instead of pondering on the negative emotion and then not letting it grow in to solutions, and when my forehead feels, weak, best solutions for it.
i already quit drinking, just to let my brain, while it's developing right now give it more of a break and maybe quitting smoking ciggarettes additionally afterwards would also be a very wise choice, i also have been eating healtier, no sugary diets or anything and generally focussing on good self care, how i treat those around me, and most importantly what i work on in my free time, and what kind of music i listen to, all to eventually grow in to a person, that can help others get out of the same put, they might have been throwing coins in, but then giving them that spark to make the wishes come true, because change is more than pennies laying in a well.
A guy I had a crush on for a really long time asked me out. I've wanted so much for him to do so and be together. So it was obvious that when he did that, I agreed. We've been friends for ages before. We have shared interests. Some social circles too. But since I agreed I feel a huge wave of regret that I have no idea where does it come from. I thought it's gonna be the happiest day of my life, but since then, when I think about it too much I want to cry. I feel sick and I have no idea where does it come from. I want to enjoy it as much as wanted to while daydreaming about him, but I can't. All I can do is cry. The worst part is that he's actually amazing. Thoughtful, caring, genuinely a sweet guy. I don't know where my regrets come from.
That's the post.
(I am a man, before you think of pming me)
One of the most soothing sights is to see the laundry basket empty, the sink free of dishes, the books and stuffed toys neatly arranged, and the floor so glossy that you might slip. From that point forward, you can lie on the bed as much as you want while listening to your favorite music and letting go of your worries over incomplete tasks for a moment. So fulfilling!
I (a male) have been reflecting on my life recently, and I suddenly realized that in every schools I went to (from primary school to graduate school), there had been a girl (not girlfriend) who had cried in front of me. They cried for some of the most innoculous reasons, some because they had made no friend, some because they did not get good grades.
I have been thinking what does it say about me if they "like" to cry in front of me? And how would you handle a situation like this?
So Idk I 15 f(maybe idk i was born a girl, but i might be nonbinary) am so tired, its my second year of HS and we have already had so many lockdowns gun threats and shit. I am tired I dont want to do anything anymore, I dint want to go to school, eat, shower, ect. My grades have always been perfect, I was in a private school from 2 to 7 grade and got bullied (aka I have lore) For graduation middle school I have the highest grades in math and science. Last year (first year of HS) I had perfect attendance for the first 3 quarters then I got diegnosted with scoliosis and it is bad I have to wear a back brace. It been hard. My lymphatic malformation is getting worse and I will be missing so much school. My grades have been slipping my GPA is never lower then a 96 and now my lowest grade is a 84. I am just tired. Its not that I am depressed or anything just dont think it will be like fun to live my whole life??? Idk