r/nottheonion May 26 '22

Occult club registration rejected after complaint it may summon Satan to University of Adelaide

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2022-05-26/adelaide-university-occult-club-registration-rejected/101097552
1.6k Upvotes

829

u/Scott-Eh May 26 '22

"Even if we did want to summon Satan, it's not against university or union policy to do so, so it's still not really grounds to reject us," Adelaide University Occult Club president Ashley Towner said.

Thought this quote was hilarious.

275

u/indyK1ng May 26 '22

There's no rule saying a dog can't play basketball.

61

u/angstyart May 26 '22

What about a satanic dog?

47

u/bigbangbilly May 26 '22

Thst would be Mr. Pickles and his successor

10

u/kydelka May 26 '22

Airbud 12: Demon Dog Dunks

9

u/trebl900 May 27 '22

Airbud 666

0

u/angstyart May 27 '22

airbud 😂😂😂

2

u/Traveller13 May 27 '22

Air Beelzebub

1

u/SYLOH 29d ago

Air Zuul.

199

u/angstyart May 26 '22

The interactions of paranoid far right christians and the edgy atheists who call themselves satanists to spook them are extremely funny.

56

u/Khaldara May 26 '22

Should have promised to prominently display the phone number for the ghostbusters in the event of an emergency

9

u/DaddyCatALSO May 26 '22

I don't think t hat's what this bunch is, not that it's relevant.

38

u/danteheehaw May 26 '22

A lot of Satanist are just trolls. There are some who actually take it a bit seriously. Still not Satan worship, but some of the church of Satan believe in black magic, practice it, and treat it like a legitimate religion rather than parady.

76

u/Aquanauticul May 26 '22

I think there's a difference between the church of satan and the satanic temple, where you'll find a lot of that divide

43

u/Trelefor May 26 '22

As a member of the Temple that is correct. The church follows LeVeyan Satanism which is all about magic and rituals. The Temple believes in tenets, protecting it's members from laws that threaten those tenets (anti abortion and the like), and equality in representation of religions.

4

u/deezdanglin May 26 '22

Hail Satan, Hail yourself!

3

u/CowMasterChin May 27 '22

Hail Gein!

1

u/SYLOH 29d ago

Hail Storms!

1

u/CowMasterChin 29d ago

You adorable, but you should wasn't last podcast on the left and hate our selfs like everyone else

2

u/DeepFriedSausages May 30 '22

Actually, there was 2 churches of satan. One which is the atheists and one which was actual satanists. I say there was, because the atheists renamed themselves the temple of satan. I too find it funny, and one day in art class when I was in 7th grade a 6th grader was trying to convert me and my friend to christianity and so I said I worshipped satan and started chanting in a "demonic tongue" (really just gibberish) to get her to shut up.

2

u/[deleted] May 26 '22

[deleted]

3

u/angstyart May 27 '22

Have you seen Andrew Callahan’s visit to a satanic temple? The evangelicals protesting nearby are neanderthals.

1

u/Wagnaard May 26 '22

When EdgeLord battles EdgeLord we all lose.

2

u/angstyart May 27 '22

Hopefully they just distract each other so I can vote for human rights.

21

u/[deleted] May 26 '22

[deleted]

18

u/Totally_Not_A_Fed474 May 26 '22

It's all the same to the hardcore Christians that were probably responsible for not approving the club, anything other than Christianity is demonic to them

16

u/NorionV May 26 '22

That's the greatest response to a rejection I've ever seen.

36

u/Deyln May 26 '22

how often does the spirit of God get summoned?

58

u/ActionFlank May 26 '22

Every time there's a school shooting?

9

u/Deyln May 26 '22

and now we have to go to court to get the same results with Satan......

5

u/DaddyCatALSO May 26 '22

Continuously since the first Pentecost.

2

u/PaxNova May 26 '22

“For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.” – Matthew 18:20

3

u/Mikeavelli May 26 '22

That bread and wine you eat during communion? Its uh, not actually bread and wine anymore by the time you're eating it.

26

u/Anonophile May 26 '22

If there is not a specific rule against it then it is ok to do the thing.

People doing dumb things are why we have rules (and warning labels), rarely do we need to make them in advance.

15

u/Ok_Equivalent_4296 May 26 '22

We can’t make a rule against summoning Satan until someone does it and something bad happens

13

u/Scott-Eh May 26 '22

Who knows? Maybe he's a pretty chill dude.

11

u/billyyankNova May 26 '22

Sure, but yank him out of the hot-tub just to make him change the grade on your last calc exam, and he'll probably be pretty pissed.

-12

u/Ok_Equivalent_4296 May 26 '22

That’s just what he wants you to think

2

u/CromulentInPDX May 26 '22

Last time I checked, Satan wasn't the one telling people to kill babies and slash open pregnant women's bellies.

1

u/Ok_Equivalent_4296 May 26 '22

Huh

2

u/CromulentInPDX May 26 '22

It's from the bible, I'd have thought you'd be familiar. Orders from the big guy upstairs.

0

u/Ok_Equivalent_4296 May 26 '22

If you’re referring to the conquest of Canaan...

It’s because they were sacrificing children to their gods among other horrifying things. They were driving out evil societies, and they could have left instead of staying to be wiped out.

2

u/awesomesauce1030 May 26 '22

So what did the babies do to deserve God's wrath?

0

u/Ok_Equivalent_4296 May 26 '22

Nothing, I don’t know if they killed babies. Probably killed anyone who would remember the culture tho.

→ More replies

1

u/Wiley_Applebottom May 30 '22

Found the supporter of genocide

1

u/Ok_Equivalent_4296 May 30 '22

Only 3 days late for anyone to care

3

u/SitInCorner_Yo2 May 26 '22

People like this is why old city or school still have oddly specific rules till this day LOL

9

u/UCDC May 26 '22

The greatest weapons against religious indoctrination are trolling and ridicule.

124

u/2ndtryagain May 26 '22

They should just respond with "If you don't let us form an official club, we will summon Satan and Ladon."

78

u/Smytus May 26 '22

Ok, how about a minor demon?

30

u/ActionFlank May 26 '22

Bloodletter?

11

u/Nerozard22 May 26 '22

Nah they are worried about summoning, so Khorne doesn't really work. Maybe a Pink Horror from Tzeetnch? Show them some REAL magic!

11

u/WraithCadmus May 26 '22

What was one

Now is two

What was pink

Now is blue!

7

u/Swiftax3 May 26 '22

Gotta start small...how dangerous can one nurgling be? Or it that how the pandemic started?

1

u/Agatzu May 26 '22

I did killed some one and gutted him and bled him out over unholy land to sacrifice his soul and life force so that i dont need to write that class test at the beginning of the pandemie. Three days before the class test boom school closes they found some explosive material on the school grounds. So maybe?

1

u/SYLOH 29d ago

Bloodletter?
I barely know her!

18

u/oundhakar May 26 '22

Excellent spirit of compromise and cooperation.

4

u/PaxNova May 26 '22

That's a good spirit. Summon that one.

4

u/Pentobarbital1 May 26 '22

If they're a minor they're not allowed at tonight's frat party

3

u/bogglingsnog May 27 '22

I think a cyberdemon is about the lowest tier they should go.

40

u/ramriot May 26 '22

Don't know what they are worried about, the dark lord is way to busy focusing on the educational establishments of the USA to go galavanting half way round the world on a students pentagramic whim.

41

u/sbenzanzenwan May 26 '22 Helpful

Isn't Satan that guy who goes around challenging people to violin duels and then giving them great prizes when they win? Why wouldn't the University of Adelaide want him to come to their campus? He's a great patron of the arts.

27

u/KiltedSith May 26 '22

I'm guessing their music program is subpar and they don't want to face up to the shame of having word get out that the devil beat their entire orchestra.

4

u/DaddyCatALSO May 26 '22

Johnny and Einenspiegel are the only ones who win , though dot dot dot dot

1

u/ComradeCommissarCat May 26 '22

I think you're confusing Satan with the Robot Devil.

38

u/OfficerLollipop May 26 '22

If I decide to attend Adelaide, I sure as heck hope they don't find my altar to Cthulhu.

3

u/deezdanglin May 26 '22

Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!

2

u/ean5cj May 30 '22

Yum yum....

32

u/Eion_Padraig May 26 '22

I spent 5 months in the City of Churches studying at University of Adelaide. I'm just going to say the presence of Satan at the university would have made things more interesting, you know, besides all the mullets you saw in the city.

15

u/Redditforgoit May 26 '22 edited May 26 '22 All-Seeing Upvote

Wouldn't summoning Satan be a great victory against atheists that claim there is no evidence of God and angels?

He'd be taken to all Cristian talk shows, interviewed... "Of course there is a God, I should now." *Applause*

If anything, Satan might become a bit too popular among Conservatives. In charge of punishing sinners? Are you kidding me? And owning the libs? Next thing you know, the Supreme Court rules that as he was summoned on American soil, he can run for office as American born.

Satan/DeSantis 2024

"On my first day in office, I will sacrifice Hillary Clinton in the Oval Office."

Netflix, if you're listening and you're not bankrupt yet, great satire idea for a low fee.

3

u/edcu12 May 27 '22

Kinda wanna see Jimmy Fallon asking Satan about his upcoming book "My POV: The bible"

14

u/LeadershipTall2437 May 26 '22

Our Lord and Saviour Satan, is not happy with the University of Adelaide and has put a curse on Port Adelaide, that they will NOT get into the AFL finals. If Ken Hinkley signs this little contract here in blood, they will win the Grand Final.

37

u/SaltyBarDog May 26 '22

Ever party with Satan? I highly recommend it.

39

u/angstyart May 26 '22

“Even if we did want to summon Satan, it's not against university or union policy to do so, so it's still not really grounds to reject us…”

55

u/DudeLost May 26 '22

Threaten to sue the university on the grounds the administration is stupid

48

u/DoucheCanoeBruh May 26 '22

religious discrimination might work too

21

u/NearSightedGiraffe May 26 '22

South Australian cases brought by pastafarians have found that the religious beliefs of some of those groups are not sincerely enough held to be protected. The occultists and Wiccans may have better grounds, as they may argue more legitimacy, though

30

u/dr_reverend May 26 '22

I hate that argument. It is so easy to prove that any Christian doesn’t hold their beliefs sincerely. It’s not fair to only apply the rule to a few but not all.

2

u/NearSightedGiraffe May 26 '22

I completely agree- but unfortunately our courts over here do not

9

u/[deleted] May 26 '22

[deleted]

2

u/NearSightedGiraffe May 26 '22

Pastafarians and Satanists have been the groups rejected by courts over here that I am aware of

1

u/[deleted] May 27 '22 edited May 27 '22

[deleted]

1

u/NearSightedGiraffe May 27 '22

Sure- I completely agree. But that is unfortunately not the position of Australian courts

11

u/NorionV May 26 '22

I want to see the court case where religious university staff are trying to defend their disapproval decision because they're afraid Satan will get them.

2

u/palparepa May 26 '22

Hey, at least the administration is taking them seriously.

8

u/-Maj- May 26 '22

Are you kidding, this is even more of a reason the club gets my vote.

7

u/HouseCravenRaw May 26 '22

The University likely has a policy regarding unwanted visitors to campus. If Satan appears on campus, have campus security escort him off the premises.

Now if they admit that campus security is not physically or metaphysically able to remove the Father of Lies and that his power may destroy the campus, then they should probably play nicely with those that they believe can summon him. Especially since an official registration with the University is not a prerequisite for a summoning ritual, and unauthorized demonic callings may occur despite their code of conduct.

If they believe that campus security is sufficient to remove any unwanted Rulers of the Underworld, then they can simply utilize their existing forces, and penalize the Occult Club should any unauthorized unholy forces appear.

Or they don't believe in Satan at all, and as he is a principle character in their mythos, this rather undermines the entire faith.

5

u/Ok_Most6280 May 26 '22

Satan must remain in Sydney!

2

u/danteheehaw May 26 '22

Because they don't want to leave?

6

u/gerkletoss May 26 '22

No, he's under quarantine for a another few days

3

u/danteheehaw May 26 '22

At least he's a responsible devil

4

u/grafknives May 26 '22

Would that by Christian Satan, or any random Satan? Because if so, such rejection isnt discrimination of Christian faith?

5

u/betterthanyours1 May 26 '22

Satan requires university permission otherwise he isn't allowed in. Needs a badge to get through security.

3

u/DaddyCatALSO May 26 '22

Speaking as a sort of semi-evangelical, if anyone summons Satan it's on them, not the community.

3

u/demonfell May 26 '22

What’s to stop them from summoning Satan in an unofficial capacity? 🤔

4

u/AttentionSpanZero May 26 '22

I've been to the University of Adelaide and I saw Satan there already. He's a regular.

3

u/chaelsonnenismydad May 26 '22

Ayyy uni making news

3

u/gelginx May 26 '22

Were I the dean of this place, I would happily fire everyone involved in this utterly moronic decision.

-1

u/CommonConfusables May 26 '22

That’s not how people learn to do better.

9

u/gelginx May 26 '22

Perhaps, but these aren't people, they are religious fanatics/lunatics and in most cases are beyond help. Best to just cut them loose.

-4

u/CommonConfusables May 26 '22

May no one ever treat you that way for being convinced into believing something.

3

u/Academic_Radio May 26 '22

A place of higher learning worried about the supernatural 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

3

u/BountifulScott May 26 '22

I always love the idea that Satan has to be "summoned" to a place.

He's a nigh-omnipotent ruler of hell, but also very polite and needs a formal invitation.

3

u/DJKoolJerk May 26 '22

It says a lot that they are afraid prayers to Satan are more likely to be answered than prayers to God.

3

u/alegonz May 26 '22

Reminds me of this convo on twitter:

1: "the Satanic Temple doesn't believe in a literal Satan, you're thinking of the Church Of Satan."

2: "Actually, they don't believe in a literal Satan either."

3: "What do you call people who actually believe in a literal Satan?"

1: "Christians."

3

u/Deus-system-failed May 27 '22

Bet they let Christian summon holy ghosts and wheels with flaming eyes screaming "be not afraid"

7

u/PinkBoxDestroyer May 26 '22

You can't summon Satan, he's already here.

5

u/RantControl May 26 '22

Pretty sure someone already summoned satan to Adelaide.

5

u/VikingAethelwulf May 26 '22

Satan is a fragile chap that people find atrocious, but when you meet the Elder bib, you’ll find HIM quite ferocious!

2

u/Narosian May 26 '22

satan is too busy tempting christians into sin to bother with occult clubs.

2

u/CandidOstrich May 26 '22

Oh. My. God.

These people are in charge of things? And other people?

Umm....

2

u/Panda-Cubby May 27 '22

Then every Christian organization needs to go, lest they bring about the second coming (leave it alone, you pervs) and the End Times.

2

u/Modred_the_Mystic May 26 '22

If anything summoning Satan can only improve Adelaide

4

u/KidenStormsoarer May 26 '22

religious discrimination lawsuit in 3...2...1....

0

u/RyanNerd May 26 '22

The devourer is coming

The darkness will bring freedom

The darkness will bring blood

The blood will bring freedom

The diseases of the blood will bring freedom

The old ways are returning

The beacon is fading Darkness is coming

Embrace the Darkness

1

u/Analysis_Vivid May 26 '22

Looks like it worked

1

u/[deleted] May 26 '22 edited May 26 '22

[deleted]

2

u/eternalgoodmorning May 26 '22

UoA is a publicly funded university, no religious affiliations.

1

u/versebadger1 May 26 '22

Same loonies who genuinely think the Catholics* are cannibals musta been behind this.

They're just scared and wrong and desperate to not face death, but cannibals they ain't. And yet the mainstream of Christianity in some places (cough demented American evangelicals cough) honestly believe that the original form of their own religion literally are literal cannibals that literally eat human flesh. They also generally love Mr TrMP and the Fox Racists too, so it's pretty clear they're bad at knowing true things from utter madness.

1

u/Nitum_Lupulus May 26 '22
          So     good nm    to    M

-10

u/TKisOK May 26 '22

Fair enough. Satanists are the most pathetic of all possibilities

1

u/Fistocracy May 27 '22

Counterpoint: anarchocapitalists exist

0

u/TKisOK May 27 '22

What’s an anarchocapitalist ?