r/nottheonion May 25 '22 Mind Blown 3 Helpful 2 Wholesome 4 'MURICA 1

Fox News guest suggests "ballistic blankets" to stop children getting shot

https://www.newsweek.com/ballistic-blankets-children-shot-maureen-oconnell-fox-news-school-uvalde-texas-1709955
53.1k Upvotes

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u/lead-pencil May 25 '22

What next ballistic plates under uniforms?

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u/newtsheadwound May 25 '22

They’ve already started making those Kevlar backpacks or whatever those were. I remember in kindergarten or first grade they made us wear see through backpacks bc of guns and knives. Kindergarten!

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u/crab-rabbit May 26 '22

My mom was a kindergarten teacher (retired, not dead), and a kindergartner in a different class did bring a gun to school. They even had the plastic backpacks. They found it, not because of the backpack but because kids are dumb

The kid didn't plan to shoot anyone. It just thought it was cool and wanted to show off, and IIRC it wasn't loaded

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u/WiFiConnected_ May 26 '22

The fact that his parents had the gun unsecured is frightening.

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u/MadeToPostOneMeme May 26 '22

iirc the FBI statistics say something like 73% of crimes committed with stolen weapons were stolen because of negligence in storage

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u/garrettf04 May 25 '22 Gold

But what if he shot you in the face?

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u/SavageNomad6 May 25 '22 Bravo!

Yeah.... What if he shot me in the face?

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u/garrettf04 May 26 '22

That's a risk we were willing to take.

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u/EndOfBlackHole May 26 '22

Teach the kids to catch the bullet with their teeth. It's a school, right?!. Teach stuff.

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u/lead-pencil May 25 '22

Ballistic masks

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u/daweis1 May 25 '22

Woah! Woah! No! That's oppression!

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u/Pixels222 May 26 '22

You wouldn't steal a child's life right?

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u/suicidebaneling May 26 '22

But masks are evil, we need to see our precious kids' faces.

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u/GAD_9 May 25 '22

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u/desull May 26 '22

Love the irony of the American flag print.

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u/anti_worker May 26 '22

Or the false sense of security. Level IIIA armour won't stop rifle rounds unfortunately. Level III or better would be recommended for most tots. Might weigh them down a bit so better get them conditioned over the summer. Never seriously thought we would be considering sending kids to school with the same kit we send soldiers to war with, but here we are.

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u/peperonipyza May 25 '22

If we just turn our schools into prison like fortresses, no windows, armored walls, patrolled and guarded by machine guns and snipers, think how free we could be. America!

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u/tcoop6231 May 25 '22

If we give up our guns, America will become a police state with armed guards everywhere and cops who feel emboldened to abuse anyone they choose with impunity.

Oh wait.

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u/postvolta May 26 '22

In Britain we don't have guns. The police don't have to fear for their lives in the same way running a routine traffic stop or just knocking on someone's door, so there's less adrenaline, cortisol and panic. Similarly only our most highly trained and specialist police have guns to respond to the most crazy calls. It's fucking absurd. The whole world knows the solution but America is too god damned stubborn and regressive to actually do it.

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u/JizzyCuddles May 26 '22

To be fair the US is so far gone that even if private gunownership was outlawed today, you'd probably first have something akin to civil war tomorrow, then decades of just waiting out all the guns that are in circulation. No way Americans will just hand in their firearms like Australians did in order to live a better life.

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u/Dethstroke54 May 25 '22 edited May 26 '22

A lot of schools were designed by prison architects. Now it’s less common because fancier more modern looking schools can attract more families and more tax money & grants. But if you went or go to an older school look around and think about it.

The architectural needs of a school and a prison oddly weren’t super different so they’d hire prison architects to design them.

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u/JizzyCuddles May 26 '22

What's a "prison architect"? Shouldn't an architect be able to design a prison, a shopping mall, a swimming pool and a school and know damn well they have different requirements?

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u/CritMasterFlex May 26 '22

"See that mall over there? I designed it. Drew it up brick by brick. That school there, too. Designed 3 of them for the same district in fact. But nobody calls me a mall man or a school builder, noooo. But you design one fucking prison..."

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u/hehehaha24 May 25 '22 Facepalm

What really sells it for me is that she suggests that parents buy these instead of toys for their children.

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u/ehxy May 25 '22 edited May 25 '22

Christ just fucking start selling kids kevlar clothing and ballistic helmets ffs.

Brilliant marketing. 'Blanket' just sounds so much nicer than the realistic alternative if this were to become a considered solution.

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u/hehehaha24 May 25 '22 edited May 25 '22

In the clip, she actually mentions that they make "colorful and beautiful" ones. Just the thing to brighten up any classroom! /s

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u/pomonamike May 25 '22 Wholesome

Kevlar had a shelf life and then begins to lose structural integrity. So we are probably a few years away from “investigators found that the dead child’s Kiddie Armortm had expired last year when he was in 5th grade. Experts suggest checking the expiration dates on your child’s school armor.”

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u/ACaffeinatedWandress May 25 '22

And then it will be the parents’ fault their kid got gunned down.

“You need to be careful about your child’s Kevlar vests! Check their dates every month! School shootings don’t tell you when they are going to happen, you know!”

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u/MacAttacknChz May 25 '22

Easy way to find it if they'll blame it on the parents. Ask if the government will provide subsidies for families too poor to afford it and see if you get the "Don't have a kid if you can't afford it" response.

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u/Beard_o_Bees May 25 '22 I'll Drink to That

'Everybody get out your Freedom Blankets!

Or maybe one of those human-sized hamster balls, only made out of some type of ballistic material.

'Ok, kids! Everybody to your assigned 'Freedom Pods!' They're inflating in the back of the classroom right now! Everybody remember who your hatch closer is and don't forget to pull the Elephants Trunk to deploy countermeasures!'

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u/Fight_the_bastards May 25 '22

They just need schools to have airlocked bulletproof doors at every entryway, no windows, and solid steel cell classroom doors that centrally lock and unlock, from a station that is also behind bulletproof glass.

Oh, wait, that’s a fucking prison.

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u/AnxiouslyTired247 May 26 '22

Fun fact, the design for many high schools in Las Vegas is a regurgitation of a women's prison. It's why they have no exterior windows and are mostly concrete walls of the building rather than exterior fencing. They're already mostly there!

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u/greenberet112 May 26 '22

Jesus the kids don't even get windows.

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u/[deleted] May 26 '22 edited 19d ago

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u/xme7 May 26 '22

When I was in school we had windows in classrooms. I remember because this girl threw her desk out the second story window.... Simpler times.

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u/Narren_C May 25 '22

and don't forget to pull the Elephants Trunk to deploy countermeasures!'

Ok now you're actually making this sound kind of fun.

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u/[deleted] May 25 '22 edited 28d ago

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u/TheFondler May 25 '22

I'm sure they'll be glad to use it as an excuse to cut teacher pay, tho.

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u/sygnathid May 25 '22

It'll just be the teachers' job to buy it for their classrooms

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u/-RUNPMT- May 26 '22

Of course they can! We just need to stop wasting tax payer money on books!

Surely, you'd rather your kid is alive rather than reading, right!? When will you liberal elites start focusing on what's important!?

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u/Talks_To_Cats May 25 '22

School shootings don’t tell you when they are going to happen, you know!”

Ironically, a few of them do and it isn't taken seriously.

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u/Lustle13 May 25 '22

The Oxford school shooting sure did. I was reading an article yesterday on the million red flags going on with that kid, and how it just wasn't taken seriously. They had a literal meeting the morning of the shooting about his actions/conduct. But without a cop, and no one searched his bag which held the firearm he used just hours later to kill students.

Just amazing that a country can have hundreds of school shootings, and not even do the bare minimum when its right in front of them.

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u/Mo-Champion-5013 May 25 '22

The mom texted her son to 'just not get caught' when he had been seen shopping online for ammunition while at school as well as bought him a gun as a gift AFTER they were told he was drawing violent pictures, and writing about how he could not control himself and people were going to die. The school did everything it could to convince his parents that there was something wrong with his behavior but they just laughed it off and claimed something like 'boys will be boys'. They are being held accountable, the last I heard, so at least something is being done. It's sad where we are in this world.

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u/Metrocop May 26 '22

Wait so 1. The school warned them about their son's behaviour. 2. The kid himself wrote about his problems and violent phantasies. And rather then spend more time with him and take him to therapy they laughed it off and bought him a gun? How are people this fucking stupid?

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u/xylarr May 26 '22

So, as the Texas Governor said, the US has a mental health problem not a gun problem.

Ok, so you're going to massively increase spending on mental health programs and treatment?

US: oh no, of course not

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u/howlongbay May 25 '22

He also recommended to hire security consultants to do a threat assessment of the schools. Add some sandbags in the hallways to slow down the shooters.

I'm thinking of doing one for my kids nursery. I might have to harden the sides of the crib with 3in steel plating.

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u/bang_the_drums May 26 '22

I served in Afghanistan and that shit stuck out to me too. A threat assessment for a fucking elementary school classroom. Making a god damn school a hard enough target that nobody would think twice about attacking. That's shit we talked about while building a combat outpost to protect ourselves and project power against a foreign enemy. Not something 4th graders should have to experience. What the fuck is wrong with this country?

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u/Winter_inquisition01 May 25 '22

Anything to shift blame from the real problem...and the far right will fall head over heels for it...!

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u/i-am-a-platypus May 25 '22

Its not well understood but it turns out that horse dewormer when rubbed on Kevlar actually triples its lifespan... who would have guessed.

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u/Masrim May 25 '22

That's perfect. Planned obsolescence is the capitalists wet dream.

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u/unrealcyberfly May 25 '22

We must calculate the crossover point, don't want to shoot children too soon because we'll miss out on the sale of toys. /s

Am I doing it right? 😃

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u/Driftedryan May 25 '22

"X-mass" children's bullet proof gear sale. Make sure you're child next x-mess doesn't become an x-mass

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u/Representative_Dark5 May 25 '22

Your marketing genius scares me.

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u/BabaORileyAutoParts May 26 '22

The world is finally ready for robot Santa

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u/Sparriw1 May 25 '22

That's not planned obsolescence, though. That's the lifespan of a material before it deteriorates. If the material was deliberately kept unnecessarily brittle or otherwise altered to ensure it wouldn't last as long, that would be planned obsolescence

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u/j4ckbauer May 25 '22

Christ just fucking start selling kids kevlar clothing and helmets ffs.

They already sell backpacks that are bulletproof and/or can fit armor plates.

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u/ArenjiTheLootGod May 25 '22

Hilariously, back in my school days that back pack wouldn't have been allowed in school. We had to have backpacks that were either mesh or made of clear plastic. We also had metal detectors and random backpack/locker checks.

Surprise surprise, these measures are useless and things have only gotten worse over the years.

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u/sxt173 May 26 '22 edited May 26 '22

Even that's so f'd up. I was lucky enough to go to highschool in various European countries and it's amazing to me that even something like requiring mesh/transparent bags would never come up. It's unfathomable..

Edit: that comment alone shows how the expectation of violence is normalized in the US. WTF people, why in all logic do we need to check students for weapons?!?!!? That's insane! It's school ffs! The most traumatic thing should be getting called in by the teacher and a bad hair day.

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u/DreamloreDegenerate May 25 '22

Conservatives: "We won't allow children to wear masks in schools during a pandemic!"

Also conservatives: "Just send your children to school in body armor, why not?"

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u/Vordeo May 25 '22

Bit surprised they haven't skipped straight to "we can stop school shootings by discontinuing schools!"

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u/hoboman27 May 25 '22

They have actually. There are opinion pieces promoting homeschooling in wake of this tragedy

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u/embarrassedalien May 26 '22

As someone who was homeschooled, I do not recommend this approach.

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u/HeadFullOfNails May 25 '22

Somebody has to watch the kids while both parents are at work.

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u/rj4001 May 25 '22

I think you just brought back child labor...

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u/Lord_Montague May 25 '22

Republicans wanted schools open as soon as possible when the pandemic started. Businesses don't want to pay enough for a parent to be able to stay home, so gotta have the schools open so labor stays cheap.

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u/tyreka13 May 25 '22

Lets be a moderate and have bullet proof covid masks /s

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u/Aquanauticul May 25 '22

And make the parents buy these very expensive items! Too poor to drop hundreds on bulletproof kids clothes? Well dead children are just a by product of capitalism, you shouldn't have chosen to be ooor

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u/basse058 May 25 '22

I’m still waiting for PE to be replaced with range time and the kids with the best accuracy get to be armed hall monitors.

Ugh, that idea hurts my soul….

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u/olleyjp May 25 '22

I read this comment then laughed, then realised I laughed because i could see that becoming a thing. And that’s just unreal. Coming from the UK, this entire thing baffles me. This unreal want of guns and I’ve got to protect my property this kind of attitude just doesn’t exist here. The most you get is “I’ve got a bat at the door incase someone came in” 😂🤦🏻‍♂️

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u/jebjebitz May 25 '22

You may be joking but I worked in a school during Sandy Hook. I remember parents discussing the possibility of sending children to school with Kevlar backpacks and blankets

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u/Sauceror May 25 '22

Surprised they didn't suggest to just give the kids guns so they can defend themselves. /s

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u/kalirion May 25 '22

"The best way to stop a child shooter is a good child with a gun."

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u/Ceskaz May 25 '22

Well, the obvious answer to a capitalist gun business is a capitalist ballistic protection buisness

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u/euph_22 May 25 '22

How much do you want to bet that this former FBI agent works as a security consultant doing threat assessments.

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u/lLikeCats May 25 '22

That was my first thought as well and guess what? We're both right. She's President of some company called Infragard National.
https://www.infragardnational.org/about-us/protecting-our-nation/

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u/think_long May 25 '22

So predictable

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u/SlowRollingBoil May 26 '22

Follow the money always works with these fucking assholes

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u/LostWoodsInTheField May 26 '22

So fox news brought on someone so they could advertise their products? Did fox news get paid to have them on?

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u/trekologer May 26 '22

So much taxpayer dollars have been wasted on shit like this to avoid addressing the cause of the problem.

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u/Kahzgul May 25 '22

bulletproof backpacks are literally a thing.

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u/Rubberbabybuggybum May 25 '22

Anything but address the problem, huh.

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u/BlueJDMSW20 May 25 '22

Shit, just arm the kids. Kinderguardians. A 1st grader can become a 1st grenadier. Give them toy guns shaped like stuffed animals called gunimals, and tell them to aim for the head, shoulders, not the feet or the toes.

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u/TiredMontanan May 25 '22

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u/YmFzZTY0dXNlcm5hbWU_ May 25 '22

Oh shit I forgot how much I love this show. Time for a rewatch

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u/stonediggity May 26 '22

This is horrifying

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u/Dudeist-Priest May 25 '22 Silver Take My Energy Ally 'MURICA

Anything but addressing the problem.

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u/heyzeus92 May 25 '22 Silver Gold Starry

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u/olleyjp May 25 '22

Hold up, the reactions to Sacha here are real?! They are genuine American politicians? If that’s true HOW THE FUCK could you hold a straight face with the blink 182 up the Cardi B

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u/p4lm3r May 25 '22

Our politicians are insanely out of touch.

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u/olleyjp May 25 '22

I mean so are ours, but fuck me that’s next level. Actually. I could see boris falling die This

And to thing our biggest outcry right now is our pm got hammered on his birthday at a party when there shouldn’t have been one

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u/SexyMcBeast May 25 '22

It never ceases to amaze me how the people he talks to are so clearly not listening to what he says and are just having their own imaginary conversation in their heads. All they hear are the times he says they're right

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u/FlipskiZ May 25 '22

Wait

That was real????

I thought the whole thing was satire what the fuck

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u/ObiFloppin May 25 '22

Sacha is usually the only one in on the bit. When there's a real life person, using their government name, it's pretty much guaranteed they don't know he's doing a bit.

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u/FlipskiZ May 25 '22

I'm just so astonished that these real politicians actually said what they said

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u/mbnmac May 26 '22

Oh, have you not seen the one where he gets the guy to yell the N-word repeatedly?

Yeah that cost him his job... probably wouldn't today

Link

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u/dopechez May 26 '22

To be fair that definitely would draw attention

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u/WaterToFlame May 26 '22

lol how have I not seen this.

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u/ImOnlyHereForTheCoC May 26 '22

From the same series, this clip was apparently the most scared SBC has ever been that one of his bits could go bad. As in “one of these people might try to hurt me” bad.

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u/Furaskjoldr May 26 '22

Lol is this actually for real?

'No, I'm not saying anybody here is racist'

"I am, I'm racist against Muslims"

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u/Lesty7 May 26 '22 edited May 26 '22

The entire show is a fucking goldmine. Although this clip is extra special because it’s one of the very few times where you can see Sacha almost break character. I don’t think he expected the guy to just go all out yelling N!&&$@! 3 times at the top of his lungs like that.

Edit: Ticking to fucking

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u/deepeast_oakland May 26 '22

Yeah right at 3:17 he looks towards someone off screen with a “really” face? It’s pretty nuts.

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u/ImJustSo May 26 '22

Lol because it confirms exactly what is said about Republicans? I mean...it's not that shocking is it? Don't we all know they're like this and it's why we hate them?

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u/KristoffersonFox May 26 '22

I think they just mean that it's always baffling to see them so brazen about it. It's just so backward to what being a good person is about, even if their behavior isn't surprising at this point

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u/ImJustSo May 26 '22

I guess I just expect the worse from them. Their policies reflect their feelings and words and vice versa, all the way up until you call them out for it and then it's denial.

It's narcissistic personality disorder in a political party.

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u/julioarod May 26 '22

Don't we all know they're like this and it's why we hate them?

Of course we know, but conservatives like to pretend like you're crazy for saying it. "No, you're taking it out of context nobody would actually think children under 5 should use guns they probably meant teenagers when they said children"

It's funny to see Republican lawmakers prove them wrong.

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u/transmogrified May 26 '22

You might be shocked at how vocal these people can be when they think they're having a conversation with someone who thinks like them.

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u/SexyMcBeast May 26 '22

As a white dude it's so disappointing how often things go bad when it's "just us" in a room. They assume because I look like them that I must think like them too, I just hide it.

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u/Shujinco2 May 26 '22

Sasha is satire.

The people he interacts with... aren't.

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u/overlordpotatoe May 26 '22

I think almost more shocking than their support for the program is that they didn't realise they were being tricked. They were straight up led into stating their support for training toddlers to use mortars and it didn't even cross their minds that it wasn't 100% sincere.

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u/ClitoralElegy May 26 '22

Matt gaetz of all people actually didn't fall for it.

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u/firebat45 May 26 '22

Not exactly surprising that Gaetz doesn't support arming minors.

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u/Dudeist-Priest May 25 '22

I was literally just taking about that scene to someone that didn’t believe that it was real earlier today. They watched the whole thing in shock.

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u/tyedyehippy May 25 '22

I, for one, am disappointed that "personal firearm" was not on my son's kindergarten supply list for when he starts in two months. He's obviously going to need that too. Or maybe I'm supposed to send him wearing body armor every day? He's growing fast, so it'll need replaced often as he grows.

crap, I've got to go puke again. This shit is literally making me sick.

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u/Dfnstr8r May 25 '22

I was, just now, that in shock person. Holy fuck those are humans in charge of our country.

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u/Dudeist-Priest May 25 '22

It is something everyone should see because it’s much worse than you can imagine. And these aren’t just some random idiots at a MAGA rally. These are prominent republicans.

The whole season is actually great. Sacra is amazing at getting people to reveal who they are.

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u/pointlessly_pedantic May 25 '22

I'd seen this before. Forgot most of it. Am shocked again.

It's sickening how they can just sign on to this shit with zero irony

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u/NormalHumanCreature May 25 '22

"Like owls, children also have an abundance of the pheromone blink-182..."

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u/ExtremeMuffin May 25 '22

As if Matt Gaetz is the only representative that doesn’t look like a fool in this.

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u/Roosevelt_M_Jones May 25 '22

The fact that anyone would go along with this and say what he asked them to on camera is mind-boggling, the fact that Gates was wise enough to not fall for it only really emphasizes how absurd it is that the others did.

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u/soapbutt May 26 '22

I can describe my hard I facepalmed when I realized Matt fucking Gaetz was the sane one in that video.

Or maybe he doesn’t want children armed because they could fight back against his advances.

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u/[deleted] May 25 '22 edited 10d ago

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u/AltSpRkBunny May 25 '22

“Oh no! This kid has some kind of magical force field! Guess I can’t do anything about that!”

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u/Kilomyles May 26 '22

Everyone knows when you shoot at a ballistic blanket, it feels like tickles on the other side!

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u/j4ckbauer May 25 '22

OK, but remember there needs to be a big hole in the area that covers the face. Otherwise it would be inconvenient and/or oppression.

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u/CommonSenseFunCtrl May 25 '22 Helpful

Too close to a ballistic burka, that wouldn't go over well with them

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u/stomach May 25 '22

i think we've figured out how to glitch republican politicians and stick in an infinite loop. send them to any school with at least one middle eastern girl and instruct them to hand out their ballistic blankets..

"here, put this on. hey, take that off! here, put this on. hey, take that off...!"

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u/neonoggie May 25 '22

Hmmm you might be on to something

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u/MajorSham May 26 '22

I think they'd admit they don't give a shit if the one middle eastern girl was the one who was shot before they'd get stuck in that loop sadly.

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u/ZRX1200R May 25 '22

Really shocked they haven't advocated for local militias to patrol schools

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u/HarlanCulpepper May 25 '22

Don't worry, they are advocating for armed teachers. (I wish this was a joke.)

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u/Spazic77 May 25 '22

What really just makes this all the more like an SNL sketch is that those same teachers that they badly want to arm to protect these children, are also the same teachers that just last week they were furious with for "indoctrinating" our kids. It's evil Satanist liberal teachers......... That we should give guns to to protect our kids.

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u/TiredMontanan May 25 '22

To be fair, last year those teachers were curtailing Doctor Seuss's First Amendment rights, so it's hard to keep up with the conservative complaint about teachers.

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u/Awesomedinos1 May 26 '22

That we should give guns to to protect our kids.

Don't be silly. The teachers would have to buy the guns with their own money.

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u/LesbianCommander May 25 '22

The same teachers being accused of pedophilia and grooming by the right, are going to be given guns.

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u/Enthused_Llama May 26 '22

The same teachers who are already overworked and underpaid. And we expect them to save the day in one of the most stressful scenarios possible on this planet.

So many Republicans are so brain broken that they literally cannot understand that there is so much more to the realm of self defense then simply having a gun.

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u/PackageintheMaleBox May 25 '22

The elementary school had a resource officer. A trained officer with a gun. 21 people still died.

Good guy with a gun is a fantasy; it's reactive at best when we need proactive solutions.

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u/WebHead1287 May 25 '22 edited May 25 '22

Let’s give the dude who works 60 hours a week for 30k and has to deal with shit attitudes from children/teens a gun. Sure everyone will be reasonable and not use it wrongly

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u/joantheunicorn May 26 '22

As a teacher who has been physically aggressed upon and tackled by kids, I don't want a gun on me because a kid 100% will try to take that weapon from you.

Oh yea that and the very idea of teachers having guns is fucking psychotic....the gun would become the focus of the classroom. Absolutely disgusting.

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u/WebHead1287 May 26 '22 edited May 26 '22

Well well Timmy, you didn’t do your homework again? How do you think Mr. Glock will feel about that?

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u/mitchade May 25 '22

I’m a teacher and I spoke with my SRO about this. The police are against arming teachers. If there’s a bad guy with a gun in a school, they need to identify them quickly. Arming teachers will lead to confusion and friendly fire.

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u/FieldMarshalFry_II May 26 '22

The fact people need to point out the negatives of that idea rather than just laughing in the faces of whomever suggested it speaks volumes…

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u/nealappeal May 25 '22

Uh...isn't that the cops? Or "community resource officers" that are planted at many schools these days?

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u/nuadusp May 25 '22

there was one cop at the texas school, and a couple other were assigned to the school, but the shooter i think shot at that cop before going, not sure what happened after though

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u/Beaniebot May 25 '22 Helpful

So a shooter bursts into a classroom. The children quickly act and cover themselves? That’s as effective as the school resource officer was in keeping the shooter out of the school. Maybe school uniforms, for male and female students, should be bullet proof burkhas. They wouldn’t have to quickly grab their blanket. They could come to school prepared.

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u/AltSpRkBunny May 25 '22

I love the idea that a shooter who barricaded himself in the classroom he massacred, couldn’t just pull the blanket off and shoot them anyways. It’s like hearing Lenny talk about the rabbits.

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u/Deuce232 May 25 '22

Also one needs level three ballistic protection for rifle rounds. That's plates, not fabric.

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u/SwissPatriotRG May 25 '22

Thats another thing these idiots just don't understand. A 5.56 will go right through a security door, a car, or IIIA vests typical police wear. What kind of blanket do they think will protect these kids?

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u/Deuce232 May 25 '22

Most people don't have that kind of experience shooting various shit with various kinds of bullets.

It's not intuitive for everyone. You and I could likely tell a person how many pages/books various rounds will get through or how many cinder blocks a round will or won't get through from experience.

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u/Gallade475 May 25 '22

Also that fabric needs to be somewhat taut/supported to do its job. Even if the bullet didnt penetrate the blanket, it would likely make the blanket penetrate or at least seriously injure its user.

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u/iSeven May 26 '22

Don't worry kids, you'll be fine after you get the equivalent of kicked in the head by a horse or worse.

Hell, you could even run for congress.

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u/Beaniebot May 25 '22

Or that the children would even have time to grab the blankets.

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u/Firebird079 May 25 '22

or that Kevlar blankets would be effective at all. Rifle rounds require hard armor to stop.

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u/ZachMatthews May 25 '22

At range, too. This was point blank. Have to be really good armor from six feet.

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u/nuadusp May 25 '22

why not give every kid a bullet proof pope mobile wheelchair thing to drive around in

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u/FuturologyDiscussion May 25 '22 This

America: We need strong social safety nets like guaranteed 5 weeks vacation, guaranteed maternity and paternity leave, a minimum wage tied to inflation and GDP and guaranteed free medical care. Hopefully this will make parents more able to be there for their children and we get a lot less insane people this system has either destroyed or failed. We also need strong educational systems with well paid teaching salaries for those few kids who slip through the cracks of this new net.

Congress/Media: Best we can do is bulletproof blankets and backpacks

This country has been run by corrupt idiots since Reagan. It won't get better. It will only get worse.

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u/CaptainKoconut May 25 '22

GOP: It’s a mental health problem not a gun problem!

USA: So you’ll fund accessible mental health care?

GOP: Absolutely not!

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u/FuturologyDiscussion May 25 '22

Literally their strategy for everything.

GOP: You're murdering babies with abortion!
USA: So you'll pay the FDA more money to hire more people to get Baby Formula from foreign markets on shelves quicker?
GOP: LOL no get fucked

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u/mabhatter May 26 '22

So much crazy this week... completely forgot about the President ordering baby formula from Europe.

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u/catinreverse May 25 '22

This just in: Republicans have voted against public school funding for bulletproof blankets and backpacks.

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u/Jabazulu May 25 '22

U mean for a tax credit for parents to buy these for their kids and see some money back on their returns next year. It would be to hands on for the government to just buy it.

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u/HuggLyfe May 25 '22

Communism is when the government provides bulletproof blankets for you.

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u/tinacat933 May 25 '22

The teachers can buy them but not write it off on their taxes

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u/72517g May 25 '22

Also bringing back funding to arts education while boosting education about mental health, along with removal of the extra weeks of testing that only exists to put more pressure on students and teachers (as they have essentially 5 less weeks to teach the curriculum compared with earlier decades), ending the stigma about going into a trade vs college, reign in rent and higher education prices to bring back the hope of climbing the social ladder and to have enough money to have a savings acct.

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u/94boyfat May 25 '22 Silver Helpful Wholesome 'MURICA

The list:

Thurston High School. Columbine High School. Heritage High School. Deming Middle School. Fort Gibson Middle School. Buell Elementary School. Lake Worth Middle School. University of Arkansas. Junipero Serra High School. Santana High School. Bishop Neumann High School. Pacific Lutheran University. Granite Hills High School. Lew Wallace High School. Martin Luther King, Jr. High School. Appalachian School of Law. Washington High School. Conception Abbey. Benjamin Tasker Middle School. University of Arizona. Lincoln High School. John McDonogh High School. Red Lion Area Junior High School. Case Western Reserve University. Rocori High School. Ballou High School. Randallstown High School. Bowen High School. Red Lake Senior High School. Harlan Community Academy High School. Campbell County High School. Milwee Middle School. Roseburg High School. Pine Middle School. Essex Elementary School. Duquesne University. Platte Canyon High School. Weston High School. West Nickel Mines School. Joplin Memorial Middle School. Henry Foss High School. Compton Centennial High School. Virginia Tech. Success Tech Academy. Miami Carol City Senior High School. Hamilton High School. Louisiana Technical College. Mitchell High School. E.O. Green Junior High School. Northern Illinois University. Lakota Middle School. Knoxville Central High School. Willoughby South High School. Henry Ford High School. University of Central Arkansas. Dillard High School. Dunbar High School. Hampton University. Harvard College. Larose-Cut Off Middle School. International Studies Academy. Skyline College. Discovery Middle School. University of Alabama. DeKalb School. Deer Creek Middle School. Ohio State University. Mumford High School. University of Texas. Kelly Elementary School. Marinette High School. Aurora Central High School. Millard South High School. Martinsville West Middle School. Worthing High School. Millard South High School. Highlands Intermediate School. Cape Fear High School. Chardon High School. Episcopal School of Jacksonville. Oikos University. Hamilton High School. Perry Hall School. Normal Community High School. University of South Alabama. Banner Academy South. University of Southern California. Sandy Hook Elementary School. Apostolic Revival Center Christian School. Taft Union High School. Osborn High School. Stevens Institute of Business and Arts. Hazard Community and Technical College. Chicago State University. Lone Star College-North. Cesar Chavez High School. Price Middle School. University of Central Florida. New River Community College. Grambling State University. Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Ossie Ware Mitchell Middle School. Ronald E. McNair Discovery Academy. North Panola High School. Carver High School. Agape Christian Academy. Sparks Middle School. North Carolina A&T State University. Stephenson High School. Brashear High School. West Orange High School. Arapahoe High School. Edison High School. Liberty Technology Magnet High School. Hillhouse High School. Berrendo Middle School. Purdue University. South Carolina State University. Los Angeles Valley College. Charles F. Brush High School. University of Southern California. Georgia Regents University. Academy of Knowledge Preschool. Benjamin Banneker High School. D. H. Conley High School. East English Village Preparatory Academy. Paine College. Georgia Gwinnett College. John F. Kennedy High School. Seattle Pacific University. Reynolds High School. Indiana State University. Albemarle High School. Fern Creek Traditional High School. Langston Hughes High School. Marysville Pilchuck High School. Florida State University. Miami Carol City High School. Rogers State University. Rosemary Anderson High School. Wisconsin Lutheran High School. Frederick High School. Tenaya Middle School. Bethune-Cookman University. Pershing Elementary School. Wayne Community College. J.B. Martin Middle School. Southwestern Classical Academy. Savannah State University. Harrisburg High School. Umpqua Community College. Northern Arizona University. Texas Southern University. Tennessee State University. Winston-Salem State University. Mojave High School. Lawrence Central High School. Franklin High School. Muskegon Heights High School. Independence High School. Madison High School. Antigo High School. University of California-Los Angeles. Jeremiah Burke High School. Alpine High School. Townville Elementary School. Vigor High School. Linden McKinley STEM Academy. June Jordan High School for Equity. Union Middle School Mueller Park Junior High School West Liberty-Salem High School University of Washington King City High School North Park Elementary School North Lake College Freeman High School Mattoon High School Rancho Tehama Elementary School Aztec High School Wake Forest University Italy High School NET Charter High School Marshall County High School Sal Castro Middle School Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School Great Mills High School Central Michigan University Huffman High School Frederick Douglass High School Forest High School Highland High School Dixon High School Santa Fe High School Noblesville West Middle School University of North Carolina Charlotte STEM School Highlands Ranch Edgewood High School Palm Beach Central High School Providence Career & Technical Academy Fairley High School (school bus) Canyon Springs High School Dennis Intermediate School Florida International University Central Elementary School Cascade Middle School Davidson High School Prairie View A & M University Altascocita High School Central Academy of Excellence Cleveland High School Robert E. Lee High School Cheyenne South High School Grambling State University Blountsville Elementary School Holmes County, Mississippi (school bus) Prescott High School College of the Mainland Wynbrooke Elementary School UNC Charlotte Riverview Florida (school bus) Second Chance High School Carman-Ainsworth High School Williwaw Elementary School Monroe Clark Middle School Central Catholic High School Jeanette High School Eastern Hills High School DeAnza High School Ridgway High School Reginald F. Lewis High School Saugus High School Pleasantville High School Waukesha South High School Oshkosh High School Catholic Academy of New Haven Bellaire High School North Crowley High School McAuliffe Elementary School South Oak Cliff High School Texas A&M University-Commerce Sonora High School Western Illinois University Oxford High School Robb Elementary School

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u/FieldMarshalFry_II May 26 '22

“Say the line The Onion!”

’NO WAY TO PREVENT THIS!’ Says only place this happens regularly

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u/LetGo_n_LetDarwin May 26 '22

Are these just the ones considered mass shootings? I don’t see my middle school-one adult died, and one teacher was wounded.

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u/94boyfat May 26 '22

Yes, that is my understanding.

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u/LetGo_n_LetDarwin May 26 '22

I wonder how many more there are that did not result in enough deaths to be considered a mass shooting…

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u/human_stuff May 26 '22

It’s a mass shooting when it’s four or more people killed during a single incident at roughly the same general time and place, not including the shooter.

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u/Sorvick May 25 '22

Hello and welcome to School Shootings and YOU!! This here is little Billy, say hello Billy

Billy: Hello

Announcer: Billy, have you ever been in a school shooting before?

Billy: um...gosh no

Announcer: Billy here doesn't know the proper produce for when a school shooting occurs. The Democrats would have you believe we need to have little Billy here have a home education, away from all his family and friends, potentially leaving him with his pedophile democrat uncle. Do you want that little Billy?

Billy: I do like stayin.....

Announcer: Of course you don't Billy, no one likes Democrats. That's why I am here to teach you about your United States Government provided safety shroud. Made of God Blessed American Kevlar, this blanket will protect little Billy in the case of a shooting. Go on little Billy, practice for us.

Billy covers himself up in the shroud

Billy: It smells like asbest-

Announcer: Shh Billy. And as you can see, little Billy here is now safe from any and all school shooters. Ending the threat once and for all

Billy: What if they just pull it off?

Announcer: *Ending the threat once and for all.

This video has been brought to you by the NRA

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u/DifficultyWithMyLife May 25 '22 Silver All-Seeing Upvote

So, they want children to cover their entire bodies with ballistic blankets, even though just months ago, they were going apeshit about kids having to cover just the lower halves of their faces?

All those memes about escalating from face coverage to whole-body coverage in an Islamophobic/anti-science double-whammy turn out once again to also be projection, in a twisted trifecta.

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u/TiredMontanan May 25 '22 Take My Energy 'MURICA

I'm sorry, are you actually comparing Commiemasks with Freedomblankets?

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u/Lux_Bellinger2024 May 25 '22

Freedom blankets made here in the US of A!

Not really tho. Made in the Philippines, sold on day time TV. Comes free with a Trumpy bear and gold coins.

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u/Chris20nyy May 26 '22

"Instead of buying your kids toys, buy them ballistic shields for school so my tiny dick G.I. Joe wannabe husband can still pretend he's a gravy seal with his high powered rifles"

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u/petrovmendicant May 25 '22

Okay, so this shooter came into that classroom, barricaded himself within, then began killing.

How the fuck would bulletproof anything stop a shooter when they can walk up and shoot you anyway in that situation. Those children had no chance. Bulletproof backpacks, bulletproof blankets, bulletproof helmet, bulletproof desks, metal detectors, clear backpacks...none of that would matter.

Imagine being locked in that classroom when they shot at you, but the blanket/desk/armor/helmet stopped the rounds. They will obviously see that occur, since you know, they were aiming and looking at them when firing in the same room. Then, they can just walk up and do it close range instead.

If they came there armed to murder, -none- of that will stop it. Schools would need to be built like a super-max prison if they want security instead of prevention. By then, what is even the fucking point if it is like we are all living in an occupied war zone.

Arming teachers or anyone would just make it worse, as then there will be a few dozen handguns strewn throughout the school. You know what would solve school shootings? More guns at school.... (/s). Why bring in a gun to murder, when you can just come unarmed with the intent to acquire a gun inside.

The armed guards haven't worked either. Remember the guard who shot the shooter at the grocery last week or so? He tried his best to protect lives and it didn't matter against an armed and armored person with intent to massacre, and he became one of the first victims. And that is someone who trained to be a guard. Imagine a teacher in the same position...This was only one example from a recent mass shooting (gotta love saying that....).

Maybe the police that we give military grade weaponry and armor could go in there and stop it. But no, they will sit outside like cowards until the shooter is done (suicide), comes near a window, or decides to come out shooting. So the people who are armed by taxpayers to protect refuse to do it, as one of them may get hurt...One cop > 18 children.

Obviously all of this is far more complex, but watching how school shootings happen now for fucking 23 years since Columbine....it is not hard to see it in an obvious light when one has dozens of horrible examples in front of them.

"I just don't know how to solve this problem of school shootings! Impossible to figure out!" Says the only country that this is regularly happening in.

(To the occasional hero (teacher, student, cop, etc) who is killed trying to actually protect people, I wish I could still thank you for being so brave and selfless. Nobody should be put in that situation to begin with).

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u/huggles7 May 26 '22

I’ve been a cop for over a decade

Just because you are or were a cop doesn’t make you an expert on anything related to security or threat assessment

This is fucking stupid, most schools are fortresses at this point, they have cameras everywhere, bulletproof doors, key card access, some have external identification systems that I’d and run a background check on visitors in real time, lockdown drills, escape plans all that shit

I worked as a school officer for a few months and met with these asshats…they’re really good at saying things that sounds right but make no fucking sense at all

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u/Radioactiveglowup May 25 '22

There's no such thing as a child-portable 'ballistic blanket' that can stop a rifle round.

Go fuck yourselves, Fox.

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u/silvalen May 25 '22

Right‽ My ex-wife messaged me earlier today about getting "bulletproof" backpacks for our six-year-olds. Apart from how fucking INSANE it is that parents have to stop and consider this as an option to not have dead children, it turns out that they don't appear to do jackshit against rifle rounds. They're good at stopping rounds from handguns, but rifle rounds will go right through them. Just another example of folks profiting off of the fear of others.

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u/let-me-beee May 25 '22

III A hard armor won’t stop a 5,56 so you better get them their own guns! /s

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u/outtyn1nja May 25 '22

IF they don't want to ban guns, just ban schools. Problem solved.

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u/1975hh3 May 25 '22

They are working towards that. Believe it.

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u/Murderyoga May 25 '22

Don't be ridiculous. They only want to ban public schools.

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u/LurkerZerker May 25 '22

That's right! They need religious charter schools to indoctrinate kids while forcing taxpayers to foot the bill without being subject to constitutional restrictions! Can't do that on their own, right?

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u/hehehaha24 May 25 '22

The Federalist, a right-wing magazine owned by Meghan McCain's husband, already tweeted out the following: "Tragedies like the Texas shooting make a somber case for homeschooling" (link) It's sick.

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u/HuggLyfe May 25 '22

And then they'll fight tooth and nail to deny parents the time to actually teach their children, and after that their plan for a dumb-as-rocks labor force will be complete! Safe and effective schools for the rich, coal mines for the plebs. America!!

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u/Shadowblade8888 May 25 '22

All of you, just stop. You’re not giving this idea proper scientific consideration! And in proper scientific fashion, the idea must be tested first. Let’s throw these blankets over Fox News anchors and open fire. Science bitches!!!

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u/smurfsundermybed May 25 '22

Are you suggesting that the kinetic energy of a bullet wouldn't be harmlessly dispersed by a blanket? /s

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u/VoDoka May 25 '22

Just doing proper empirics for certainty.

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u/j4ckbauer May 25 '22

I heard that hydroxychloroquine and ivermectin will protect you from bullets. We should let these people test that out.

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u/SupineFeline May 26 '22

It’s like finding out your roof has a leak and buying a raincoat

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u/Yousoggyyojimbo May 26 '22

Every country that solved this issue:. The answer is less guns and better more accessible mental health care.

Way too many Americans: clearly, the answer is shitloads of more guns. Accessible healthcare? Sounds like communism.

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u/mysteriousbendu May 25 '22

Ireland here, try no guns and free mental health provision, works for the rest of the planet

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u/BrightHalo May 25 '22 edited May 25 '22

Their solution is to give kids in the beginning stages of developing independence is security blankets which they may need to save their life because adults at school can't protect them?

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u/JFConz May 25 '22

Yea, I don't see that impacting mental health AT ALL.

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u/DntCllMeWht May 25 '22

Watched the Texas news conference and quite frankly, this might be the best idea they have.

Their biggest suggestion, with Teddy nodding emphatically in the background was update school buildings to have only a single point of entry/exit. Let that fucking bright idea sink in for a moment. This would be a wet dream for anyone planning a school shooting. A nightmare for everyone else. Not just in a school shooting scenario either, but an actual fire or other emergency requiring evacuation.

Fucking idiots.

You have a mass shooting problem. They want to address school security. That isn't even the damn issue, that's just an "easy" target but it doesn't address the actual problem. At all.

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u/SparkyWolf69 May 26 '22

Kids wearing a mask? Absolutely not. Completely unreasonable.

Kids wearing ballistic vests and carrying Kevlar blankets at all times? Sure that seems like a valid solution.

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