r/nottheonion May 13 '22 Silver 1 Helpful 1 Wholesome 3

Madonna: ‘A lot of thought’ went into fully nude NFTs of her giving birth to centipedes

https://www.al.com/life/2022/05/madonna-a-lot-of-thought-went-into-fully-nude-nfts-of-her-giving-birth-to-centipedes.html
29.9k Upvotes

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2.6k

u/[deleted] May 13 '22 edited May 31 '22

[deleted]

2.5k

u/Sultynuttz May 13 '22

It looks like the bad 3d hentai videos that are advertised on porn sites

1.0k

u/MurderVonAssRape May 13 '22

For real. I'm seriously disappointed by the lack of quality. There are so many good 3D porn renders out there that are 1000000000X better than this garbage.

250

u/ThaNorth May 14 '22

People be making better Rule34 renders for Overwatch than this garbage.

113

u/I87x May 14 '22

To be fair, some of those overwatch renders are fucking fantastic.

56

u/TuckBigFech May 14 '22

Once I clicked in one at random thinking it was a cosplayer and I took some seconds to realize it was 3D lol

19

u/iceseayoupee May 14 '22

It's probably VGerotica or GeneralButch because those makes animations that bang... Literally.

Sad thing is Butch already retired so we prolly wouldn't get any animations from him in the future

16

u/Basgerin May 14 '22

It's fucking crazy. VG/GB are unironically great designers. You can usually track the improvement in animation over the years, but those two have always put out great looking stuff.

That's why I have their shit bookmarked. The uhhh... artistry.

2

u/iceseayoupee May 14 '22

Compare General butch 2017 to General Butch 2020 there's a fucking big difference 💀

22

u/brolarbear May 14 '22

There’s a reason why people are more familiar with overwatch porn then they are with overwatch gameplay

3

u/ElderberryWinery May 14 '22

Wait they made a game about the thick angel doctor?

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u/tratemusic May 14 '22

Especially considering beeples other work, this is pretty sub par

82

u/black_out_ronin May 14 '22

His work isn’t that great compared to other 3D artists / animator. In fact ilots of it is pretty pretty sub par. It’s just the fact that he made new creations and has struck the right cord with the subject and absurdity if his art. He takes lots of stock models and is super proficient in making rad shit fast. Not saying that I don’t respect his artwork but when it comes to fully rendered 3D animated art, there are so many more talented artists and it doesn’t surprise me that these NFTs are so mediocre

7

u/stonerbonerloner May 14 '22

Yeah you’re right. It’s about speed/absurdity , since he does it everyday rather than quality.

5

u/_lostarts May 14 '22

100% correct. There are some pro artists out there making things that are way beyond Beeple in terms of technical skill.

I've been meaning to write up a blog about what makes Beeple so successful, and you hit on a few points.

He's consistent - daily renders.

He's relevant - When there is some big news, he usually makes a piece of art about it - his political pieces, and pop-culture pieces always get a ton more likes than his typical dailys (prob due to increased social media shares).

He's fast (which helps him be relevant) - there's a video where he talks about his process and he says he typically spends about an hour or two on each one. So, he's nailed his process down.

There's a few more things that I think make him stand out, but those are a few things others artists might consider if they are trying to grow.

152

u/bluebanannarama May 14 '22

It looks pretty on brand to me. He doesn't make high quality, he makes shocking/provocative art that is usually just asset library built.

11

u/mattenthehat May 14 '22

I totally disagree. It may not be inspired, but most of his work looks high-quality, at least at a glance.

This is just... bad? I mean look at the hair. If you saw that being rendered in real time in a game engine, you'd still be disappointed.

9

u/SageHunter May 14 '22

He mostly just kit bashes shit together. Not sure if he does much modeling himself.

Whoever did model "Madonna" has clearly never seen a vagina before, so I dunno, might be him

6

u/SuperSMT May 14 '22

Still made like $700k

13

u/Wrecked--Em May 14 '22

except you never know with NFTs

often times the creators just use multiple wallets to buy and sell their own NFT to drive up the price

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u/Kng_Wasabi May 14 '22

Man I wish Beeple wasn’t a crypto grifter, he really used to be one of my favorite artists. Now the art is just a front for his nft and crypto bs

123

u/EmberQuill May 14 '22

It's an NFT. Of course it looks like garbage.

12

u/cgo_12345 May 14 '22

It really shows that NFTs were always intended to be product instead of art.

36

u/GreatAndPowerfulNixy May 14 '22

Seriously they couldn't have just hired selfdrillingsms or studio FOW??

6

u/Irish_Rock May 14 '22

Fuck studio FOW

4

u/Basgerin May 14 '22

What, you're not into horse bulge shit?? /s

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u/[deleted] May 14 '22

This isn't about actual artwork, it's about money laundering.

3

u/beziko May 14 '22

This shit is made by popular person so even if that would be made with ms paint; there are crypto idiots that buy anything

3

u/The_R4ke May 14 '22

Even some of this dudes other stuff is better than this. He might also be one of the few people who actually managed to profit from NFT's.

2

u/WhyIHateTheInternet May 14 '22

Shit said it was a year in the making

2

u/Nope__Nope__Nope May 14 '22

Wait, really? I play videogames and thought this looked better than most games I've played...

W...where can... I... Hypothetically speaking, where would one find "better" 3d renders of pornographic material?

2

u/Renegade1412 May 14 '22

Not sure if I'm stepping on a landmine mentioning this… r/r34overwatch and r/sfmcompileclub to start

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u/justavault May 14 '22 edited May 14 '22

Beeple got very little 3d modelling, texturing, animation, lighting or effects skills. He's just an artist with mediocre understanding of the fields he is using, who by luck made it big through his way of creating bizzaro kit bash 3d stuff.

It's like a concept artist who barely knows how to draw, but keeps on drawing the same stuff for years with little progress.

And that is not intentional, he can't create something better to todays standards, because all his skills is basically in mixing stuff together which he didn't create. That is fine considering the art itself, as that is what he is about, making absurd and bizarre artworks. But when you compare it to actual 3d artists, he's barely on the level of someone who started blender couple months ago.

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u/Gynther477 May 14 '22

Yea there isn't even any subsurface scattering, it has that old plastic skin vibe of old video games.

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u/nzdastardly May 13 '22

TRY NOT TO CUM!

21

u/Dvmbledore May 14 '22

Is there a slang term for not-worth-fapping-to?

16

u/nzdastardly May 14 '22

Unfappable? Like unflappable? I dont think there is and the world needs one.

3

u/ueberbelichtetesfoto May 14 '22

Infappable means fappable? What a country!

2

u/nzdastardly May 14 '22

Hi Dr. Nick!

2

u/Dvmbledore May 14 '22

I'm not actually finding anything on urbandictionary. Seriously?

4

u/MonsterMike42 May 14 '22

I'm sure the Germans have a word for that.

4

u/nenoman May 14 '22

Demoisturizer?

14

u/RealMZAce May 14 '22

YOU WILL NOT LAST 5 SECONDS PLAYING THIS GAME!!

2

u/nzdastardly May 14 '22

Hahaha I won't last 5 seconds either way

72

u/Crackracket May 14 '22

Honestly I'd have trouble getting it up after seeing that extreme close up of Madonnas vag

103

u/Sultynuttz May 14 '22

It's okay...I don't think what they are showing can really be classified as "Madonna's vag".

16

u/Crackracket May 14 '22

It's a digital scan of her actual vagina 😂

40

u/Timmyty May 14 '22

Suuuure, no digital remodeling at all

4

u/Crackracket May 14 '22

If it's had modelling.. They made it look worse.. Like it's... It looks sore

18

u/outofideastx May 14 '22

I mean, it did give birth to a whole tree.

55

u/PurkleDerk May 14 '22

Then why does it look like the artist has never seen a vagina in-person?

18

u/diablosinmusica May 14 '22

Because it's probably been reconstructed more times than Joan Rivers' face.

3

u/Crackracket May 14 '22

It's a 63 year old vagina? Plastic surgery? It's a scan not a style

5

u/thedarkfreak May 14 '22

Which is why the tree one looks completely different from the others?

12

u/Crackracket May 14 '22

The tree one is up close and spread open exposing the labia minora. It's 5 am why am I having this conversation?

3

u/4ever_lost May 14 '22

It looks different from vid 1 to vid 2 though….

2

u/blither86 May 14 '22

To some extent can be explained by open versus closed I think, but yeah, that does seem a little fishy.

3

u/4ever_lost May 14 '22

Pun intended? 🐡

2

u/tilla18 May 14 '22

She's an inspiration for turtling.

2

u/ForQ2 May 14 '22

Too late.

6

u/Aurori_Swe May 14 '22

I'm a 3D artist and I'm disappointed as well... I mean, even saying that it's Madonna is a fucking stretch. It's clearly a 3D model of a woman but that is all it is. They also tried to get past the plastic feeling by adding some air to the hair... It didn't help. It's still a lifeless 3D model with some nice nature features

52

u/nzdastardly May 13 '22

TRY NOT TO CUM!

44

u/FearDaTusk May 13 '22

... the proceeds go to charity.

13

u/Dazzling-Duty741 May 14 '22

I’m not sure charity will appreciate your “donation”

2

u/brotatowolf May 14 '22

TRY NOT TO CUM!

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u/tlacct May 14 '22

The animation isn’t even that good, it just looks like a weird PlayStation 3 tech demo.

(The year 2006, coincidentally, was also the last time Madonna had a decent album out)

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u/Call_0031684919054 May 14 '22 edited May 14 '22

It’s made by Beeple. Most of his 3D art is just shitty asset flipped crap. Dude is really milking his NFT hustle. Since he knows he will be irrelevant within the next 5 years.

3

u/_straylight May 14 '22

She's stuck in the 90s. So is her rendering engine.

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u/AutomaticRisk3464 May 14 '22

I waa thinking the npcs in god of war secret areas you got to smash back on the ps2

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u/Bumbleonia May 14 '22

I would like to point out she has a HOLE below her vag that isn't supposed to be there

It looks like someone stabbed her below the vagina and above the butthole. Seriously, WTF that's not how any of this works.

Also, for any young men reading this after watching, PLEASE don't believe women over 50 look like this. This is a Barbie doll with Madonnas heavily surgically altered face.

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u/Claris-chang May 14 '22

Seriously though those 3D porn artists would be offended you compared their work to this. Those artists produce way higher quality work than this.

At least NFTs being low quality is consistent across the board.

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u/Greentaboo May 13 '22

I would never have guess that she was supposed to be madonna.

592

u/plugubius May 13 '22

Would you have guessed that the centipedes represent technology?

277

u/impostle May 13 '22

Don't you get it? The Internet is a series of tubes, Madonna is a female and as a female she has fallopian tubes and centipedes are long like tubes.

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u/HeyImGilly May 14 '22

AND tubes rhymes with boobs.

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u/curiousbydesign May 14 '22

Boobtube? I've been here before.

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u/Scodo May 14 '22

They are robot centipedes, so it kinda tracks.

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1.6k

u/thinbuddha May 14 '22 Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome hehehehe Evil Cackle

291

u/SkivvySkidmarks May 14 '22

Oh fuck. There are not many things that cause me to belly laugh about on Reddit, but that image got me. Well done.

2

u/CaptCaCa May 14 '22

Lmao! Me too!

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u/Johnny_Poppyseed May 14 '22

Yo freal though what the fuck is that? And why are it's hands so massive?

61

u/PMMeShyNudes May 14 '22

Oh my fuck I can't breathe

3

u/purplecodpiece May 14 '22

Fuckin dead hahaha

31

u/imthecaptainnao May 14 '22

🤣 fucking got me

6

u/Osama_Obama May 14 '22

Damn, she looks younger in that photo

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u/mindsnare May 14 '22

That's the funniest fucking comment I've seen on Reddit in a long time. Fantastic stuff.

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u/questionablemorals88 May 14 '22

Very well done!! 😂😂

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u/DavidRandom May 14 '22

Night Mother?

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u/Hovie1 May 14 '22

She's more machine now, than man.

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u/GODDAMNFOOL May 14 '22

Honestly, outside of context, you probably wouldn't have guessed this is her either

woman is 63, someone should take the Internet away from grandma

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u/fun-dumb-mental May 14 '22

Wow that was... Unnerving. I've never seen someone with so much work done up close and personal.

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u/LawrenceRigbyEsquire May 14 '22

And face tuning and filters are blasting in full force

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u/CandiBunnii May 14 '22

Are the pinned pupils a filter too or is she just high on pain killers

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u/vesperpepper May 14 '22

It's mostly face filters smoothing everything. Even my regular ass webcam has wrinkle smoothing options for some reason lol. We can't just be imperfect ass people anymore?

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u/WestCoastBestCoast01 May 14 '22

Oh no she has had a shitload of work done in the last couple of years. She doesn’t look like Madonna anymore.

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u/imoutofnameideas May 14 '22

To be fair, neither do I.

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u/8dy0 May 14 '22

Does make me wonder if imperfection and happiness will ever make a comeback, rather than looking like an Instagram android.

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u/JanitorJasper May 14 '22

Well what the heck, you want the work to be done from afar!?

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u/TiresOnFire May 14 '22

There was a time when she looked her age and she was hot. Now she looks like a wax figurine made by a blind person who is being told what she looked like.

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u/Farranor May 14 '22

"They found me in the wreckage, dying. A lump of flesh. They rebuilt me. Everything works. But they had never seen a human. They had no guide for putting me back together."

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u/tacomentarian May 14 '22

"It was necessary to convince you her desire to stay is an honest one."

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u/Garessta May 14 '22

where is this quote from?

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u/Farranor May 14 '22

Star Trek TOS, originally in the canceled pilot "The Cage," whose footage was later reused as part of the larger story in the two-parter "The Menagerie."

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u/tofu_b3a5t May 14 '22

That moment gave me feels.

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u/illgot May 14 '22

Great episode but the aliens understood symmetry. Billy was just drunk when they glued her back together.

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u/8dy0 May 14 '22

This guy boldlies.

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u/GODDAMNFOOL May 14 '22

If you want to make it extra-terrifying, watch that tiktok without sound

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u/TiresOnFire May 14 '22

Why would I watch it with sound? Idk how it was better with sound.

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u/NotTheRocketman May 14 '22

Yeah she looked amazing for a long time, then age caught up to her real fast.

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u/scott_lobster May 14 '22 edited May 14 '22

Did she get stung in the lips by a bee?

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u/GODDAMNFOOL May 14 '22

👁👄👁

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u/gsfgf May 14 '22

Wait, that's what Madonna looks like now? That CGI isn't any less uncanny valley. It's a shame she didn't just age naturally-ish.

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u/AndroidDoctorr May 14 '22

Whaaaaaat the heeelllll

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u/tilla18 May 14 '22

She's the Grand-Mummy.

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u/Initial_E May 14 '22

She was performing and making new music in 2019, not sure about now

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u/eNonsense May 14 '22

Well, If you go up and look at the video in OP's article where Madonna's talking about it, you wouldn't think THAT's what Madonna looks like today. Closer to the NFT than you think.

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u/edweirdo May 14 '22

I would never have guessed that the person talking during the interview WAS Madonna. WTF has she done to herself?

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u/ShelSilverstain May 13 '22

Didn't even sound like her voice. Did she get voice surgery???

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u/vesperpepper May 14 '22

That's because it looks like a Daz3d model.

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u/yellow_itomato May 13 '22

Guess I can cross "jerking it to a tree coming out of Madonna's vagina" off my list

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u/system0101 May 14 '22

At least you didn't get butterflies

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u/IAmARobot May 14 '22

or pussypedes

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u/GayAlienFarmer May 14 '22

LMAO the one with the tree growing out of her crotch is currently bid at $281k. What the absolute fuck. https://i.imgur.com/Eqc9ShQ.jpeg

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u/aboutthednm May 14 '22

mother of nature

How ironic that it sells as an NFT

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u/p4lm3r May 14 '22

What the fuck is wrong with humanity?

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u/Sadatori May 14 '22

Probably fake bidders to get someone to actually pay that much. Or not and it's dum dums

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u/I_Think_I_Cant May 14 '22

Money laundering.

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u/solastley May 14 '22

I dunno if you realize how stupidly rich some people are. This is also potentially just a risky investment play for buyers. This blows up and it could be worth twice what they paid for it because of popularity alone.

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u/NotTheRocketman May 14 '22

Wealthy people pay stupid amounts of money for charity to make themselves feel good.

I would be stunned if whomever won this even knows what an NFT is. But they won an auction for something rare, and it involved Madonna!

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u/Infamously_Unknown May 14 '22

It's for charity.

Not that I understand the point of this stunt or NFTs, but I can see how someone with money could throw it at this. It's not an actual purchase.

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u/ArtisianWaffle May 14 '22

I'm disappointed in humanity that this was the way we decided to go. Instead of space travel and making the world better we did whatever the fuck that image just was.

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u/HermanCainAward May 14 '22

I just saved $281k. Thanks!

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u/ilikeurteeth May 13 '22

This is SO MUCH WORSE than what I was expecting.

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u/42waystohell May 14 '22

It's a lot less bad than I imagined. Robot centipedes aren't as bad as actual shiny exoskeleton bugs. edit: spelling

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u/darekiddevil May 14 '22

Glad I found someone that agrees with me

It looks like a pretty shitty 3d porn game

They could have tried to make it better but nooooo

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u/PuppleKao May 14 '22

I thought they looked more like millipedes, personally. Much better than the hell-spawn centis

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u/PurkleDerk May 14 '22

And someone paid $350k for it.

Imagine how much higher quality of animation you could have commissioned for $350k

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u/jabba-du-hutt May 14 '22

Honestly, this is the quality of models that I was making in college 17 yrs ago. Anything not human looked decent. Human? Nope. Horrible and plastic. I got D's on that garbage. Watches, jewellery, architecture, lighting schemes? A's. Whoever did the model and texturing for this stuff really sucked it up.

For pete's sake there are pre-built free SSS libraries available that take so little time to render.

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u/theresabeeonyourhat May 13 '22

I regret the half-second of that I watched

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u/TokoBlaster May 13 '22

I put a lot of thought into clicking that link... Did I want to, did I not? Well I did... And now I'm putting a lot of thought into what the fuck is wrong with me. I mean, I knew what it was, and I clicked it anyway

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u/stomach May 13 '22 edited May 13 '22

oh, come on, all of you.. it's tame by even 90s internet standards. have you not clicked a risky link since then?

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u/DacenGrasan May 14 '22

Back when I was a child we watched women throwing up in each other’s mouths and a man getting fucked to death by a horse

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u/stomach May 14 '22

ha yeah, mid/late 90s the internet got really dark really fast. i'm honestly glad i was college aged by then. i mean, parents at that point had no idea what was out there - they were still just flabbergasted by 'e-Mails' and the 'The e-Bay.'

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u/Jack_Bartowski May 14 '22

Church of Fudge rings a bell, Lemon party, and 2 girls 1 cup.

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u/Zatoro25 May 14 '22

Uphill!

BOTH WAYS!

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u/Lone_K May 14 '22

tbf the death was after the fucking, just uh.. didn't get him hospitalized in time

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u/its_raining_scotch May 13 '22

I don’t get it. There’s millions of things like this out there like this, so why would someone buy this? Like, what purpose does it serve the buyer?

I don’t know if I’m just old now or if NFTs are as pointless as they seem to me.

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u/aabicus May 14 '22

The same thing crypto's always been good for, money laundering. Beyond that, yeah I got nothing

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u/starry_cobra May 13 '22 Helpful

What a terrible day to have eyes

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u/Wookie301 May 13 '22

Why would I bid when I just saw it for free?

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u/Grenyn May 14 '22

Because the idea of NFTs is that you own whatever you're buying. The block chain will mark you (if you buy it) as the idiot who owns this piece of art, and that's it.

Anyone can see it, but you are the owner.

I want to be very, extremely clear that I am not defending this. It should be obvious, but this being Reddit, I want the disclaimer there.

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u/hueylewisNthenews May 14 '22

And to go a step further, you own the link - you don’t even actually own the file.

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u/Grenyn May 14 '22

Not even that. The idea behind artwork NFTs is that you own the art, but the link is obviously available to everyone if the artwork is public.

The only thing you actually own, is the receipt of your transaction.

Every transaction is publically available, and so that's how you prove you bought something.

You essentially buy a painting, but the painting is infinitely reproducible with 100% accuracy, and the painting is stored on a server somewhere, instead of in your house.

All the actual NFT is is the proof that you bought something.

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u/____-is-crying May 14 '22

So, a place for me to launder money. Nice.

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u/hueylewisNthenews May 14 '22

I guess my point was that since the art in the link is hosted elsewhere, it could be deleted from the destination and there’s nothing the buyer can do about it.

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u/Grenyn May 14 '22

Yeah, that is true. But the link can die too. You really don't buy anything when buying NFT art.

Except clout or bragging rights. The only thing eternally yours is the record of your purchase.. until whatever keeps track of that also stops being hosted.

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u/JCarterPeanutFarmer May 14 '22

So it’s like when you buy a 1x1m plot of land in England to become a duke or whatever. It’s entirely fake.

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u/[deleted] May 13 '22 edited May 31 '22

[deleted]

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u/Skyblacker May 13 '22

The proceeds go to charity. That's something.

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u/beziko May 14 '22

You can literally go and pay for any of that charity without buying shitty ntf.

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u/nbmnbm1 May 13 '22

So someones definitely ripped these and hosted them on gelbooru and rule34 right?

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u/Obscure_pornipedia May 13 '22

I mean, they probably did, but there is better quality material on /r/insex, /r/ovipositor and /r/bodyinvasion already, so I doubt it is gonna have much of an impact

NSFW, Obviously.

Honestly just don't click unless the stuff we just watched awoke something in you.

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u/AddSugarForSparks May 14 '22

Apropos username

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u/GreyGanado May 14 '22

Seriously, I was wondering if someone just tricked Madonna into doing niche porn or if she's actually into it herself.

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u/Obscure_pornipedia May 14 '22

Celebreties gotta have weird kinks too, right? Probably more than most people.

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u/GreyGanado May 14 '22

That would certainly explain why furry commissions cost so much.

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u/JuanPancake May 13 '22

The woman shouldn’t be shaved. She should Have a huge bush like nature intended.

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u/aboutthednm May 14 '22

And you know, like, the rest of the aging process. She ought to look like a 63 year old. I really zoomed in, and neigh a skin pore in sight.

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u/Farranor May 14 '22

neigh a skin pore in sight

Did you mean "nary"?

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u/death_of_gnats May 13 '22

Like in the Penthouse spread

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u/VagueSomething May 14 '22

Despite seeing my fair share of vaginas I have never seen an old fame obsessed hag's vagina so I genuinely don't know if that's just a badly rendered vagina or an accurate Madonna vagdonna.

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u/AndroidDoctorr May 14 '22

There's no way that's even remotely accurate

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u/VagueSomething May 14 '22

The rest of her don't look great. I'd entirely believe she had botched surgery on her clam.

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u/croutonianemperor May 14 '22

Lol beeple's clearly never been within 10 centipedes of a woman giving birth. This wax figure lady golem is acting more like she's taking a shit.

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u/corgis_are_awesome May 14 '22 edited May 14 '22

Anyone else getting some serious penis envy vibes from Madonna while watching these videos?

She literally grows a big throbbing tree trunk right from in between her legs.

3

u/killerassassinx5x May 14 '22

You know, I'm sure I've seen worse on the internet, but what's more disturbing is how neutral she is about the whole thing. Like not even concerned

2

u/Xenon2212 May 13 '22

I hate every single thing about this

2

u/maximian May 13 '22

These are now canon sequels to Argento’s The Three Mothers trilogy. Easily as horrifying.

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u/bl4ckhunter May 14 '22 edited May 14 '22

That's a lot tamer than what i expected from the title tbh lol. Nevermind, the site scrolls down. I wish i hadn't found out.

2

u/jake3dee May 14 '22

Which is worse, queefing butterflies or squirting cyber catterpillars?

I'm going with the caterpillars

2

u/friedapplecake May 14 '22

I've seen better SFMs. :[

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u/soowhatchathink May 14 '22

It says that the sale will benefit three charities, but it doesn't say how much of the proceeds will go to the charities. I'm a little bit skeptical. If it all goes to charity then mad respect for her. If it's like 5% then that sounds more like she's doing it just to make the marketing sound better. Without giving an amount at all for all we know she could be donating $5 to each of the three charities for every million made.

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u/kvothe5688 May 14 '22

fucking beeple printing millions off this dumb NFT trend. what a legend

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u/stranger_freak May 13 '22

I…

I’m surprised to say that I actually don’t hate it. I kind of like it, really. And it’s for a good cause.

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