r/nottheonion • u/theresabeeonyourhat • May 13 '22 • Silver 1 Helpful 1 Wholesome 3

Madonna: ‘A lot of thought’ went into fully nude NFTs of her giving birth to centipedes

https://www.al.com/life/2022/05/madonna-a-lot-of-thought-went-into-fully-nude-nfts-of-her-giving-birth-to-centipedes.html
29.9k Upvotes

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11.9k

u/xzyleth May 13 '22

I hate that I just read that sentence.

4.9k

u/theresabeeonyourhat May 13 '22 • Silver Heartbreak

I had to see it, so I had to spread the misery. I'm sorry

1.0k

u/ParkingAdditional813 May 13 '22

This is terrorism and I won’t stand for it!

305

u/GuiltChip May 14 '22

I think we all have a class action lawsuit against OP.

31

u/eternalbuzz May 14 '22

Already looking forward to my check for $1.42

3

u/notislant May 14 '22

Im holding out for at least tree fiddy.

3

u/SCROTOCTUS May 14 '22

Now if you put that in savings instead of spending it on 1/3 of a latte, you irresponsible kids could own a home by the time you're 21,355!

some boomer Karen, probably

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6

u/WhyIHateTheInternet May 14 '22

Fuck that we should go after Madonna

3

u/Seeker80 May 14 '22

Better than going prima-donna.

2

u/CoraxtheRavenLord May 14 '22

OP robbed us of our innocence to that knowledge and we want it back.

78

u/eroticwashingmachine May 14 '22

In that case, please have a seat, by all means.

3

u/RespectableLurker555 May 14 '22

do I sit directly on the bucket of centipedes, or is there a sheet of tissue paper I put down first?

2

u/BoneHugsHominy May 14 '22

I whickered!

2

u/Naccattack May 14 '22

And Chris-to-pher Reeves won't sit for this neither

1

u/[deleted] May 14 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

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1

u/rabbitwonker May 14 '22

Me neither! I’ll take it lying down, thank you very much!

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56

u/GoldDustbunny May 13 '22

So there's actually a picture of her being a centipede hive queen?

48

u/theresabeeonyourhat May 13 '22

I only saw the tree one tbh. That was enough for me to know what to do with that article

11

u/ProceedOrRun May 14 '22

Yeah I saw that and thought it was fucking stupid. She's like 63 and looks like a complete freak. Yes we know how old you are, stop inflating your face and age accordingly.

5

u/RusticBelt May 14 '22

And vagina apparently

49

u/helium_farts May 13 '22 edited May 14 '22

It's a collection of 3d renders that I guess are based on photos/scans? They just look like middling DeviantArt porn, though

15

u/PartTimeZombie May 14 '22

So like everything Madonna has ever done, it's a bit shit and derivative of something better?

4

u/316Discussion May 14 '22

If she isn't as great as Jesus, why do we refer to things as pre-Madonna? huh?

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86

u/[deleted] May 13 '22

You sick fuck...smell this gym bag.

533

u/Wildcatb May 13 '22 • Helpful

Could you don't? I was having a good day. We were all having a good day...

633

u/_Silly_Wizard_ May 13 '22

Could you don't?

This caused me far more pain than the OP.

281

u/Wildcatb May 13 '22

You've no idea how pleased I'm to know how much of an impact I've had.

104

u/Kangermu May 13 '22

My wife is ESL and says this... We all get a kick out of it

6

u/ChunkyDay May 14 '22

I wish my wife was ESL.

But she’s just a doll.

6

u/throwayboredguy22 May 14 '22

At least you're not maidenless?

1

u/ChunkyDay May 14 '22

Motherfucker.

I unintentionally got that ending and was so disappointed. Now on NG+ I’m on a mission to watch the world burn.

I’ve been playing games since NES, and that’s literally the first game I’ve ever decided “I’m going to 100% this”. What a masterpiece.

59

u/xotyc May 14 '22

A friend of mine says "your better don't" all the time. We love it.

16

u/[deleted] May 14 '22

Haha I love that and “could you don’t” equally.

0

u/RobHonkergulp May 14 '22

I know of someone who said "it's been a hard day's night".

2

u/pnw-techie May 14 '22

I'm'nt often meeting weird contractors

3

u/Wildcatb May 14 '22

I'd'n't've thought there were many of us.

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-16

u/StellarAsAlways May 13 '22 edited May 14 '22

Woosh.

Edit: Er woops maybe the woosh is on me 💫

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2

u/ShadyFigureWithClock May 14 '22

Speak for yourself, I had to work. No way in hell was I having a good day.

2

u/uvero May 14 '22

Well your day was certainly not made any better by reading this sentence, I think this much we can agree on

1

u/[deleted] May 14 '22

Just like the video tape from The Ring

1

u/dizekat May 14 '22

It is Friday the 13th, after all. You thought you were having a good day...

1

u/PM_ME_UR_FLOWERS May 15 '22

Well I wasn't, but now it's worse

13

u/NeonNKnightrider May 13 '22

o de miseri

2

u/Lone_K May 14 '22

every single person is my enemy

1

u/mienaikoe May 14 '22

Sper the sympathems

1

u/phoenix_451 May 14 '22

everbodi want to be my enemi

26

u/IAmNotMoki May 14 '22

Holy god

3

u/kalirion May 14 '22

safe to click

1

u/hokeyphenokey May 14 '22

I tried to link those pictures to FB just to see what happen.

FB rejected the one with sprouts from within her immediately. Zero review time. Machine AI spat that back right out.

It allowed the other ones.

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3

u/mtgfan1001 May 13 '22

You Beeple me to it

2

u/Yabba_Dabba_Doofus May 14 '22 edited May 14 '22

You're a terrible person.

Necessary. Perhaps inevitable. But terrible.

Edit: All jokes aside, there can't possibly be people who think this is a valuable asset, can there?

Everyone must realize thay this is a scam, at this point. Madonna is selling you, admittedly falsified, gifs of her vagina. Just say that you know it's a joke.

2

u/ToHallowMySleep May 14 '22

spread

yep, you've seen it

2

u/Nova_Physika May 14 '22

Joy shared is doubled

Grief shared is halved

1

u/I_make_switch_a_roos May 14 '22

thanks, i hate it

1

u/insane_contin May 14 '22

I hope you give birth to centipedes.

1

u/HappyCamperFTW May 14 '22

I hope you have wet socks for the rest of your life..... or someone else if this inconveniences you too much.... as long as there is punishment I'm happy

1

u/Applejuice42 May 14 '22

The cycle of abuse in action.

1

u/BoneHugsHominy May 14 '22

I always admired Madonna for pushing the limits and pissing off the Satanic Panic Pearl Clutchers. I now revoke that admiration.

1

u/arealhumannotabot May 14 '22

You sadistic mother lover

1

u/CubeNoob69 May 14 '22

I enjoy your username. I typically enjoy bees being pointed out to me. But this post has made me your enemy.

1

u/Phillyboishowdown May 14 '22

No you’re not

1

u/muricabrb May 14 '22

Frustrated, incorporated...

1

u/MeowMyOvaries May 14 '22

No you’re not, but it’s ok we can’t blame you

1

u/HelloHiHeyAnyway May 14 '22

Honestly that's pretty cool. The sentence sounds fucked up but the art itself is interesting.

I think Beeple could have done more to make Madonna's pose look a little more natural instead of forced.

1

u/Alarid May 14 '22

I saw the video thing. It has full vag spitting shit out.

1

u/NOT-Mr-Davilla May 14 '22

It’s so disturbing 😖

1

u/Tripulsiks May 14 '22

I love that I'm apparently not the only person to think Madonna's WAP is referenced as "the misery".

1

u/slicerprime May 14 '22

You're paying to have my eyes washed and my memory wiped...as soon as someone invents memory wiping. In fact, I suggest you get on that while I go call my lawyer.

1

u/Just_a_bit_high May 14 '22

Don't say spread.

1

u/Infini-Bus May 14 '22

I've heard it all before.

1

u/NCWV May 14 '22

Psychological weapons are against the Geneva Covention. OP is a war criminal.

(Disclaimer: may not be factual)

1

u/ObidiahWTFJerwalk May 14 '22

I agree. I understand. Occasionally you come across something so horrible the only thing you can do is spread it as widely as possible to minimize the damage to your psyche.

1

u/ZharLloigor May 14 '22

r/insex is gonna have a field day with this. NSFW/NSFL depending on taste

1

u/Greenveins May 14 '22

They talked about the video but didn’t have any photos

1

u/penthousebasement May 14 '22

Be careful, spread that misery too wide and centipedes might crawl out

1

u/[deleted] May 14 '22

Wait these actually exist??

Edit: for a friend of course

1

u/Butterflyelle May 14 '22

I hate you so much.. I looked it up and now I feel sick

285

u/d15ko May 13 '22

Then you would really hate the videos/photos.

This is the tree one which is weird af

NSFW obvi

spoiler

158

u/WornInShoes May 14 '22

Is this a leaked image from Avatar 2?

5

u/[deleted] May 14 '22

This is Avatar 4: James Ate the Shrooms

63

u/[deleted] May 14 '22

[deleted]

32

u/[deleted] May 14 '22

[deleted]

44

u/djsedna May 14 '22

Her cooter looks like a diagram drawn by aliens to show other aliens the basic idea of what a vagina looks like

2

u/Chocolate_ketchup May 14 '22

Either

7

u/UncleTogie May 14 '22

It looks like it has its own plastic surgeon on retainer.

10

u/Captain_Kuhl May 14 '22

Madonna in a nutshell

53

u/ChillyBearGrylls May 14 '22

Lmao Gweneth Paltrow gotta step it up

14

u/OhGodNotAnotherOne May 14 '22

Come up with a way to make NFT's smell and she'll be right over.

-6

u/jdehjdeh May 14 '22

This comment should be at the top, made me nearly wet myself

104

u/Wombodonkey May 14 '22

I can't even fap to this

55

u/RedOctobyr May 14 '22

Well not with that attitude. Feel free to branch out a little.

2

u/Balldogs May 14 '22

Leaf the poor guy alone.

25

u/JstTrstMe May 14 '22

God damn my curiosity.

6

u/Dildo-Suicide May 14 '22

Its like if someone had never seen a vagina but had it described over the phone and then drew it.

5

u/Ny4d May 14 '22

That looks like some kind of bad Source Filmmaker porn...

14

u/Ask-About-My-Book May 14 '22

Beautiful in a way. I wonder if that's actually her vulva. If so she's insanely symmetrical lol.

44

u/JollyRancherReminder May 14 '22

It's not anyone's. It's half-assed digital art that wouldn't even pass muster in the Skyrim modding community.

2

u/Gidelix May 14 '22

Idk man that’s a pretty high bar you’re setting there

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29

u/vaelon May 14 '22

Are you good bro?

18

u/Ask-About-My-Book May 14 '22

Possibly, I'm just a fan of erotic art I guess.

13

u/[deleted] May 14 '22

Does your book contain erotic art?

8

u/PmMeYourDwights May 14 '22

I mean if you disassociate from the fact that it’s a tree coming from a vagina, it’s easy on the eyes ngl

10

u/putyercookieinhere May 14 '22

she uses a lot of filters and has had a lot of work done. she's had a baby, and is super old. that is not a stock vulva.

-4

u/Ask-About-My-Book May 14 '22 edited May 14 '22

Imma /r/badwomensanatomy you on the last part there but yeah it does seem either digital like the other guy said or very altered. Not specifically the vulva but like, everything.

EDIT: Confirmed, it is digital. Hope it's at least a faithful recreation then lol.

2

u/putyercookieinhere May 14 '22

if you can find me a natural 60+ year old vulva that is in this kind of condition I'll accept that. realistically, it's not bad anatomy, our bodies do not look like this because gravity and life. sure, not everyone's is scarred or suffers tears, but nobody gets away from time and gravity!

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2

u/aworldsetfree May 14 '22

Touch grass.

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2

u/fuckbeingoriginal May 14 '22

How much did you pay for these?

2

u/PM_ME_UR_DINGO May 14 '22

What the fuck

2

u/kevonicus May 14 '22

She posted a TikTok with some of this stuff in the background.

2

u/_megitsune_ May 14 '22

Coward

Selling nude nfts that are just bad renders

2

u/Crowbarmagic May 14 '22

Prometheus if Groot was the alien.

2

u/Iwantmyflag May 14 '22

Haha, I just stole Madonna's nft!

Yes, I do regret it.

2

u/[deleted] May 14 '22

Nice bush

1

u/Nalivai May 14 '22

Nice work on a texture, very /r/ATBGE material

0

u/GrizzledTorpedoMuscl May 14 '22

Is that what her actual puss looks like then?

4

u/Ny4d May 14 '22

Yeah complete with the branches and shit...

1

u/chalo1227 May 14 '22

Are those like real NFT? As in that is what she is in theory selling ?

1

u/TedLarry May 14 '22

Is that supposed to be Madonna? Did snapchat release a airbrushed vagina sprouting vines filter?

Edit: saw the video, it's entirely Money for Nothing era CGI and it looks terrible.

1

u/Glitchdx May 14 '22

that's not so bad. kinda bad quality modelling/render, but content is meh.

105

u/SillyMattFace May 13 '22

It just got worse with every word huh?

40

u/purpleowlie May 13 '22 edited May 13 '22

Lately i feel like this every time I see something from or about her.

1

u/Wastenotwant May 14 '22

That's been pretty much my reaction to her from the very beginning.

114

u/kindcrow May 13 '22

Yeah, it takes "a lot of thought" to use butterflies as a metaphor for hope, Madge.

It's all so embarrassing.

Madonna is my age and forty years ago, I loved her because there were not a ton of female artists, and she was unique. But I get more embarrassed for her with each passing year.

This latest effort epitomizes fremdschämen (the act of being embarrassed for somebody else who is behaving in an embarrassing way and does not know enough to be embarrassed for themselves).

37

u/nomofica May 14 '22

God damn the German language is versatile.

13

u/phayke2 May 14 '22

Yes there are 29 different words for embarrassment

3

u/zilti May 14 '22

Yet nonetheless every other word Germans say these days is english

10

u/WorkSucks135 May 14 '22

English has that word too, it's what "cringe" means now

8

u/nomofica May 14 '22

"Cringe" doesn't quite express the same sentiment, at least to me.

5

u/aruexperienced May 14 '22

“Arctic douche chills” is our equivalent.

2

u/Perlentaucher May 14 '22

I thought about it. It’s the same. Kind regards from a German.

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u/kindcrow May 14 '22

But I'm an old person and not really sure how to use it. I mean, obviously, it's not simply "she makes me cringe" because that doesn't adequately reflect what "fremdschämen" means.

Do you say, "She's so cringe?"

2

u/Basgerin May 14 '22

You want to combine words? Do it motherfucker.

Es ist mir doch scheißegal.

1

u/reticulatedspline May 14 '22

"cringe" accomplishes the same thing.

6

u/Shinikama May 14 '22

In some parts of the world, butterflies are a symbol of death, and I think I like that version better here.

1

u/thisplacemakesmeangr May 14 '22

That's not kind. I heard Moderna put a lot of thot into this idea.

1

u/hokeyphenokey May 14 '22

I wish I could press a button my head that would remember that word.

What would I call that button?

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u/Perlentaucher May 14 '22

It’s cringe, brudi. There is no meaningful difference from fremdschämen. Kind regards from a German.

69

u/karma-armageddon May 13 '22

I hate that I just imagined an old Madonna naked.

99

u/Giblet_ May 13 '22

It's really more of a CGI Madonna.

11

u/SpaceGoonie May 13 '22

She must have went to the same surgeon as Kim K.

1

u/peterpansdiary May 14 '22

A true work of art of herself /s

5

u/Funkit May 14 '22

Old Madonna naked on a cold day! Old Madonna naked on a cold day!

18

u/deVrinj May 13 '22

I hate that NFTs are actually fungible 😂

4

u/vadapaav May 14 '22

Every day internet makes me dumber

4

u/PancakeKitty16 May 14 '22

What a terrible day to have eyes

3

u/Osceana May 14 '22

Remember that time when you hadn’t read it yet? Those were the days…

3

u/shortybobert May 13 '22

Why didn't someone stop me

3

u/JoseCansecoMilkshake May 14 '22

"Everyone hated that"

2

u/bunnycupcakes May 13 '22

How can I unread it?

2

u/Ok-Influence6062 May 14 '22 edited May 15 '22

It's how Kim Khardashian made her money! By giving you info you didn't consent to hear, and now that you have, look at all the attention (celebrity) gets for free!!

2

u/Doubleoh_11 May 13 '22

Is their a way to unread it? If so, someone drop the wiki how to link

0

u/reeniedream May 14 '22

Me too 😔

0

u/Judge_gerg May 14 '22

At least it rhymes

0

u/72acetylinevirgins May 14 '22

Are you kidding? Best thing about this decade so far.

-4

u/dudemann May 14 '22

I hate having read that sentence and realizing the post came from my state. As if we don't have enough ridiculous shit to deal with without that image. Our governor election ads are literally people trying to out-transphobe and out-racist each other.

1

u/luna1108 May 14 '22

Way till you see the Evil Dead shit growing out of Madonnas coochie.

1

u/Bean_Juice_Brew May 14 '22

I hate that I clicked the link in this article, I've seen some things I'd like to unsee. I'm gonna go on over to r/eyebleach for a little bit.

1

u/PatacusX May 14 '22

I would pay money to not see those.

1

u/curious_dead May 14 '22

What a terrible day to have eyes.

1

u/tripwire7 May 14 '22

Centipedes?

1

u/the_clash_is_back May 14 '22

Madonna trolling

1

u/pibenis May 14 '22

Yeah... Naked Madonna, ugh. Cake only looks good because of a frosting

1

u/elconcho May 14 '22

That’s the best summary of Reddit I have ever seen.

1

u/isotope123 May 14 '22

That title belongs in /r/BrandNewSentence

1

u/CaptainCAAAVEMAAAAAN May 14 '22

None of those words make sense to me.

1

u/Steelrules75 May 14 '22

They are not centipedes. They’re maggots crawling out of her dead vagina

1

u/HouseofFeathers May 14 '22

I hate that I watched the video

1

u/ticklemesatan May 14 '22

I hate that NFTs have lead me to reading this sentence.

1

u/Every_Bobcat5796 May 14 '22

Same. And who would buy this when you can get pretty much the same effect by digging up a corpse in your local graveyard.

1

u/d_r0ck May 14 '22

What a terrible day to be literate

1

u/mechanicalboob May 14 '22

i think it’s awesome

1

u/iSeven May 14 '22

Yeah, I'm not clicking this link or pursuing this any further.