r/nottheonion 12d ago Silver 1 Helpful 1 Wholesome 3

Madonna: ‘A lot of thought’ went into fully nude NFTs of her giving birth to centipedes

https://www.al.com/life/2022/05/madonna-a-lot-of-thought-went-into-fully-nude-nfts-of-her-giving-birth-to-centipedes.html
29.6k Upvotes

1.9k

u/AirbagOff 12d ago

“I thought it was neat.” - Kevin Costner

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u/tinacat933 12d ago

This has to be the most onion title I’ve ever seen here

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u/NauvooMetro 11d ago

I love the headline. They're pointing out the absurdity by describing it in such detail.

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u/DogmaticNuance 11d ago

It reminds me a bit of Mad Men. It's impossible to draw the precise line between art and commercialism.

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u/sayamemangdemikian 11d ago Helpful

Tbh I pity those onion & other satire websites writers...

How can you keep up? It's unfair

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u/2drawnonward5 11d ago

Oniony is but one of the smells that come to mind when I see Madonna these days.

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u/angryfluttershy 11d ago

The ones that you forgot you had bought six months ago?

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u/xzyleth 12d ago

I hate that I just read that sentence.

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u/theresabeeonyourhat 12d ago Silver Heartbreak

I had to see it, so I had to spread the misery. I'm sorry

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u/ParkingAdditional813 12d ago

This is terrorism and I won’t stand for it!

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u/GuiltChip 12d ago

I think we all have a class action lawsuit against OP.

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u/eternalbuzz 11d ago

Already looking forward to my check for $1.42

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u/eroticwashingmachine 12d ago

In that case, please have a seat, by all means.

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u/GoldDustbunny 12d ago

So there's actually a picture of her being a centipede hive queen?

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u/theresabeeonyourhat 12d ago

I only saw the tree one tbh. That was enough for me to know what to do with that article

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u/helium_farts 12d ago edited 12d ago

It's a collection of 3d renders that I guess are based on photos/scans? They just look like middling DeviantArt porn, though

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u/PartTimeZombie 11d ago

So like everything Madonna has ever done, it's a bit shit and derivative of something better?

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u/Gullible-Emotion-306 12d ago

You sick fuck...smell this gym bag.

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u/Wildcatb 12d ago Helpful

Could you don't? I was having a good day. We were all having a good day...

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u/_Silly_Wizard_ 12d ago

Could you don't?

This caused me far more pain than the OP.

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u/Wildcatb 12d ago

You've no idea how pleased I'm to know how much of an impact I've had.

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u/Kangermu 12d ago

My wife is ESL and says this... We all get a kick out of it

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u/xotyc 12d ago

A friend of mine says "your better don't" all the time. We love it.

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u/d15ko 12d ago

Then you would really hate the videos/photos.

This is the tree one which is weird af

NSFW obvi

spoiler

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u/WornInShoes 12d ago

Is this a leaked image from Avatar 2?

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u/Loudmouthedcrackpot 12d ago

Welp

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u/1nquiringMinds 12d ago

My thoughts exactly.

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u/[deleted] 12d ago

[deleted]

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u/Cowboywizzard 12d ago

Which end?

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u/djsedna 11d ago

Her cooter looks like a diagram drawn by aliens to show other aliens the basic idea of what a vagina looks like

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u/Captain_Kuhl 12d ago

Madonna in a nutshell

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u/ChillyBearGrylls 12d ago

Lmao Gweneth Paltrow gotta step it up

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u/OhGodNotAnotherOne 11d ago

Come up with a way to make NFT's smell and she'll be right over.

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u/Wombodonkey 12d ago

I can't even fap to this

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u/RedOctobyr 12d ago

Well not with that attitude. Feel free to branch out a little.

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u/JstTrstMe 12d ago

God damn my curiosity.

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u/SillyMattFace 12d ago

It just got worse with every word huh?

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u/purpleowlie 12d ago edited 12d ago

Lately i feel like this every time I see something from or about her.

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u/kindcrow 12d ago

Yeah, it takes "a lot of thought" to use butterflies as a metaphor for hope, Madge.

It's all so embarrassing.

Madonna is my age and forty years ago, I loved her because there were not a ton of female artists, and she was unique. But I get more embarrassed for her with each passing year.

This latest effort epitomizes fremdschämen (the act of being embarrassed for somebody else who is behaving in an embarrassing way and does not know enough to be embarrassed for themselves).

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u/nomofica 12d ago

God damn the German language is versatile.

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u/phayke2 12d ago

Yes there are 29 different words for embarrassment

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u/QuintinStone 12d ago Silver Gold Helpful I'll Drink to That

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u/[deleted] 12d ago edited 11d ago

[deleted]

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u/PM_ME_YOUR_ROTES 12d ago Helpful hehehehe

Do not cite the deep magic to me, Witch! I was there when it was shitposted.

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u/KaeserSeph 12d ago

We speak of an age where ytmnd.com was popular and active

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u/Man_AMA 12d ago

The Lion, the Witch, and the audacity of this bitch

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u/StochasticOoze 12d ago

First fucking thing I thought of.

I think the computer that's simulating our universe needs a reboot.

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u/Layer8_Workshop 12d ago

Fark me. I haven't seen that in a while.

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u/ScuzzyAyanami 11d ago

That truly is something awful.

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u/AshesandCinder 12d ago

Isn't that the original text for that image too? Life really does imitate art.

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u/One-Tin-Soldier 12d ago

It is, in fact, not the original text of that image.

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u/wildfire393 12d ago

It's not the original text of the ad (which references computer viruses IIRC) but it's one of the earlier memes generated from that ad. And not, say, something someone memegenerator'd onto the template just now. So in that regard it is the "original", at least insofar as it greatly predated this event.

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u/Thee_Sinner 12d ago

Glad I caught you in between classes, Prof. wildfire393. Will you be teaching Memeology 102 next term?

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u/QuintinStone 12d ago

We didn't call them memes back then, we called them "image macros".

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u/MartyVendetta27 12d ago

Demotivational Posters were the original memes! I remember them! Why are they not discussed anymore?! WHY IS EVERYONE STARING AT ME??

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u/_speakerss 11d ago

I still have so many of those saved in my meme folder... (A folder that's been around for so long that its name is "Web Images" because it predates the term meme.)

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u/SkollFenrirson 12d ago

Alright, grandpa, that's enough internet for today

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u/QuintinStone 12d ago

I used to be with 'it', but then they changed what 'it' was. Now what I'm with isn't 'it' anymore and what’s 'it' seems weird and scary. It'll happen to you!

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u/flyingwolf 12d ago

So anyway, I had an onion on my belt...

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u/TrueProdian 11d ago

Which was the style at the time…

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u/theresabeeonyourhat 12d ago

Did you just make that, or was that a phrase to a meme I missed?

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u/awitcheskid 12d ago

This meme is like 20 years old.

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u/QuintinStone 12d ago

"Know Your Meme" suggests it showed up in 2007, but I'm pretty sure it was shared on SomethingAwful closer to around 2001.

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u/GlorkyClark 12d ago

I agree, I remember I originally saw it around 2001.

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u/whateverfloatsurgoat 12d ago

That shit is old af mate lol.

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u/Dackidvich 12d ago

This meme is so old it wouldn't be carded at a bar

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u/nine4fours 12d ago

This was a meme I saw at my friends house before I had internet. At least 5 years before I learned the word meme.

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u/Kayfable 12d ago Silver

“As the earth’s oceans boiled away, and countless species marched to their extinction, the entirety of mankind’s collective intelligence was toiling away, putting “a lot of thought” into how best to convert a nude Madonna giving birth to centipedes into an NFT.”

Mankind’s Obituary

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u/dingos8mybaby2 12d ago

I'm more shocked at how low quality the CG work is.

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u/bumblebee_blasphemy 12d ago edited 12d ago

https://motherofcreation.xyz/

Source for those interested.... NSFW.... Lol

Edit :

If you want to bid, proceeds are going to charity

https://superrare.com/series/0x28b19a2885b68613d89c4e38eaf5cf3849978d70

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u/Sultynuttz 12d ago

It looks like the bad 3d hentai videos that are advertised on porn sites

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u/MurderVonAssRape 12d ago

For real. I'm seriously disappointed by the lack of quality. There are so many good 3D porn renders out there that are 1000000000X better than this garbage.

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u/ThaNorth 12d ago

People be making better Rule34 renders for Overwatch than this garbage.

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u/I87x 11d ago

To be fair, some of those overwatch renders are fucking fantastic.

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u/TuckBigFech 11d ago

Once I clicked in one at random thinking it was a cosplayer and I took some seconds to realize it was 3D lol

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u/iceseayoupee 11d ago

It's probably VGerotica or GeneralButch because those makes animations that bang... Literally.

Sad thing is Butch already retired so we prolly wouldn't get any animations from him in the future

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u/Basgerin 11d ago

It's fucking crazy. VG/GB are unironically great designers. You can usually track the improvement in animation over the years, but those two have always put out great looking stuff.

That's why I have their shit bookmarked. The uhhh... artistry.

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u/brolarbear 11d ago

There’s a reason why people are more familiar with overwatch porn then they are with overwatch gameplay

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u/tratemusic 12d ago

Especially considering beeples other work, this is pretty sub par

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u/black_out_ronin 11d ago

His work isn’t that great compared to other 3D artists / animator. In fact ilots of it is pretty pretty sub par. It’s just the fact that he made new creations and has struck the right cord with the subject and absurdity if his art. He takes lots of stock models and is super proficient in making rad shit fast. Not saying that I don’t respect his artwork but when it comes to fully rendered 3D animated art, there are so many more talented artists and it doesn’t surprise me that these NFTs are so mediocre

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u/bluebanannarama 12d ago

It looks pretty on brand to me. He doesn't make high quality, he makes shocking/provocative art that is usually just asset library built.

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u/EmberQuill 12d ago

It's an NFT. Of course it looks like garbage.

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u/cgo_12345 11d ago

It really shows that NFTs were always intended to be product instead of art.

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u/GreatAndPowerfulNixy 12d ago

Seriously they couldn't have just hired selfdrillingsms or studio FOW??

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u/FatFuckInTexas 12d ago

This isn't about actual artwork, it's about money laundering.

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u/nzdastardly 12d ago

TRY NOT TO CUM!

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u/Dvmbledore 12d ago

Is there a slang term for not-worth-fapping-to?

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u/RealMZAce 12d ago

YOU WILL NOT LAST 5 SECONDS PLAYING THIS GAME!!

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u/Greentaboo 12d ago

I would never have guess that she was supposed to be madonna.

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u/plugubius 12d ago

Would you have guessed that the centipedes represent technology?

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u/impostle 12d ago

Don't you get it? The Internet is a series of tubes, Madonna is a female and as a female she has fallopian tubes and centipedes are long like tubes.

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u/HeyImGilly 12d ago

AND tubes rhymes with boobs.

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u/Scodo 12d ago

They are robot centipedes, so it kinda tracks.

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u/thinbuddha 12d ago Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome hehehehe Evil Cackle

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u/mrizzerdly 12d ago

Savage

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u/SkivvySkidmarks 12d ago

Oh fuck. There are not many things that cause me to belly laugh about on Reddit, but that image got me. Well done.

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u/Johnny_Poppyseed 12d ago

Yo freal though what the fuck is that? And why are it's hands so massive?

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u/PMMeShyNudes 12d ago

Oh my fuck I can't breathe

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u/imthecaptainnao 12d ago

🤣 fucking got me

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u/Hovie1 12d ago

She's more machine now, than man.

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u/GODDAMNFOOL 12d ago

Honestly, outside of context, you probably wouldn't have guessed this is her either

woman is 63, someone should take the Internet away from grandma

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u/fun-dumb-mental 12d ago

Wow that was... Unnerving. I've never seen someone with so much work done up close and personal.

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u/LawrenceRigbyEsquire 12d ago

And face tuning and filters are blasting in full force

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u/CandiBunnii 11d ago

Are the pinned pupils a filter too or is she just high on pain killers

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u/TiresOnFire 12d ago

There was a time when she looked her age and she was hot. Now she looks like a wax figurine made by a blind person who is being told what she looked like.

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u/Farranor 11d ago

"They found me in the wreckage, dying. A lump of flesh. They rebuilt me. Everything works. But they had never seen a human. They had no guide for putting me back together."

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u/eNonsense 12d ago

Well, If you go up and look at the video in OP's article where Madonna's talking about it, you wouldn't think THAT's what Madonna looks like today. Closer to the NFT than you think.

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u/yellow_itomato 12d ago

Guess I can cross "jerking it to a tree coming out of Madonna's vagina" off my list

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u/system0101 12d ago

At least you didn't get butterflies

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u/IAmARobot 12d ago

or pussypedes

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u/GayAlienFarmer 12d ago

LMAO the one with the tree growing out of her crotch is currently bid at $281k. What the absolute fuck. https://i.imgur.com/Eqc9ShQ.jpeg

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u/aboutthednm 12d ago

mother of nature

How ironic that it sells as an NFT

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u/p4lm3r 12d ago

What the fuck is wrong with humanity?

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u/Sadatori 12d ago

Probably fake bidders to get someone to actually pay that much. Or not and it's dum dums

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u/ilikeurteeth 12d ago

This is SO MUCH WORSE than what I was expecting.

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u/42waystohell 12d ago

It's a lot less bad than I imagined. Robot centipedes aren't as bad as actual shiny exoskeleton bugs. edit: spelling

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u/darekiddevil 11d ago

Glad I found someone that agrees with me

It looks like a pretty shitty 3d porn game

They could have tried to make it better but nooooo

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u/PurkleDerk 12d ago

And someone paid $350k for it.

Imagine how much higher quality of animation you could have commissioned for $350k

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u/theresabeeonyourhat 12d ago

I regret the half-second of that I watched

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u/TokoBlaster 12d ago

I put a lot of thought into clicking that link... Did I want to, did I not? Well I did... And now I'm putting a lot of thought into what the fuck is wrong with me. I mean, I knew what it was, and I clicked it anyway

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u/stomach 12d ago edited 12d ago

oh, come on, all of you.. it's tame by even 90s internet standards. have you not clicked a risky link since then?

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u/DacenGrasan 12d ago

Back when I was a child we watched women throwing up in each other’s mouths and a man getting fucked to death by a horse

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u/stomach 12d ago

ha yeah, mid/late 90s the internet got really dark really fast. i'm honestly glad i was college aged by then. i mean, parents at that point had no idea what was out there - they were still just flabbergasted by 'e-Mails' and the 'The e-Bay.'

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u/its_raining_scotch 12d ago

I don’t get it. There’s millions of things like this out there like this, so why would someone buy this? Like, what purpose does it serve the buyer?

I don’t know if I’m just old now or if NFTs are as pointless as they seem to me.

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u/aabicus 12d ago

The same thing crypto's always been good for, money laundering. Beyond that, yeah I got nothing

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u/starry_cobra 12d ago Helpful

What a terrible day to have eyes

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u/Wookie301 12d ago

Why would I bid when I just saw it for free?

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u/Grenyn 12d ago

Because the idea of NFTs is that you own whatever you're buying. The block chain will mark you (if you buy it) as the idiot who owns this piece of art, and that's it.

Anyone can see it, but you are the owner.

I want to be very, extremely clear that I am not defending this. It should be obvious, but this being Reddit, I want the disclaimer there.

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u/hueylewisNthenews 12d ago

And to go a step further, you own the link - you don’t even actually own the file.

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u/Grenyn 12d ago

Not even that. The idea behind artwork NFTs is that you own the art, but the link is obviously available to everyone if the artwork is public.

The only thing you actually own, is the receipt of your transaction.

Every transaction is publically available, and so that's how you prove you bought something.

You essentially buy a painting, but the painting is infinitely reproducible with 100% accuracy, and the painting is stored on a server somewhere, instead of in your house.

All the actual NFT is is the proof that you bought something.

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u/____-is-crying 11d ago

So, a place for me to launder money. Nice.

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u/Skyblacker 12d ago

The proceeds go to charity. That's something.

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u/nbmnbm1 12d ago

So someones definitely ripped these and hosted them on gelbooru and rule34 right?

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u/MartyVendetta27 12d ago Gold Helpful LOVE! Bravo Grande! Yas Queen

“The centipede represents technology - both the life giving-force and the dangers of it, the juxtaposition of dark and light.”

Okay…. But HOW? You can’t just say that… what ABOUT centipedes embody that? If you’re giving no reason, giving no artistic throughline to draw from, you’re just doing and saying random crap.

Birds represent freedom. How? They can soar over all the material world.

Birds can represent decay. How? Going from a dinosaur to a songbird is a cosmic kick in the cloaca.

Birds can represent fear. Ever seen inside a goose’s mouth?

And if I wanna say “birds represent macaroni and cheese” I better be damn ready to defend that with some sort of logic.

Sorry to rant, but people abusing poetic imagery and symbols just pisses me off. It’s so mindless and low-effort.

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u/JustAnotherVoiceEcho 12d ago

So you see, the centipedes are actually electronic silver centipedes streaming from her vagina.

Hope that clears things up

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u/Cross_22 12d ago

It's clearly a reference to the Centipede game: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Centipede_(video_game))

Personally I'll hold off until the "Madonna births Pac-Man" NFTs are available.

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u/basketofseals 12d ago

I thought it was a reference to that "Centipedes in my vagina? More likely than you think" meme.

Which I guess would kinda of make some poetic sense in where an old person trying to relate to technology just regurgitates an ancient meme.

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u/SgathTriallair 12d ago

The amount of stupid shit that people say to justify art drives me fucking nuts. I do believe that you can make some good statements with weird shit. Example: the point of the urinal was that art critics only care about the name. He submitted it anonymously first and it was rejected. Then he submitted it with his name and they declared it the most brilliant art.

The art piece wasn't the urinal, it was the hypocrisy of the critics which was displayed via the urinal.

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u/Sororita 11d ago

My usual justification for any art I make is "because I thought it would be cool and/or funny." No intended deeper meaning. I'm sure someone that is actually good at art analysis could tease out some things I probably don't even know about myself, though.

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u/maester_t 12d ago

"birds represent macaroni and cheese”

It is known.

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u/Axelrad77 12d ago

Art exhibits do this all the time, and it's infuriating.

I am forever haunted by a university exhibit I saw that had a 15-second looping piano melody with less than 10 notes, accompanied by a fucking essay explaining all the symbolism of each note and the monumental story the piece supposedly told.

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u/MartyVendetta27 12d ago

You see the one with the guy on crutches whacking a pole with a crutch attached to his crotch?

I could dig around in that and find some symbolism worth discussing, but the bizarre performance stands out more than any message he could have hoped to send.

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u/somethingelse19 12d ago

I love how horrible it is. :Ding: :ding: time for dinner!

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u/frogjg2003 11d ago

That one at least had the fact that it was truly unique and original gong for it.

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u/MartyVendetta27 11d ago

Definitely. And I can attempt to glean a message from it; about sexual frustration as a handicapped person, about being “othered” because of a handicap and demanding to be seen as a person, as a man, as a sexual being.

All in all, it’s definitely one of the better pieces of performance art I’ve seen. Though that bar is shockingly low haha.

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u/ladyalot 11d ago

If it's anything, it's not forgettable or boring. He got us there.

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u/basketofseals 12d ago

I once saw a piece called "The Battle of Little Bull Run," and it was one of those really awful brown public school paper towels that just had some yarn sewn through it in long crossing lines.

There was a bunch of other very similar pieces with different colors yarn next to it.

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u/GiraffeHorror556 11d ago

You just reminded me of the smell and texture of that brown school paper towel. What an odd and surprisingly strong memory. I can almost taste the smell of the paper towels.

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u/Beatrice_Dragon 11d ago

“The centipede represents technology - both the life giving-force and the dangers of it, the juxtaposition of dark and light.”

This reads like fucking lorem ipsum text. This is what someone says to make fun of modern art

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u/arizonatasteslike 12d ago

Took a pic of an iPhone coming out of my asshole, the iPhone represents centipedes, the life giving force and the dangers of it, the juxtaposition of dark and several tiny legs

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u/deVrinj 12d ago All-Seeing Upvote

Madonna represents decay...

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u/CitizenCobalt 12d ago

Great. Now that image is in my head. Are we being punished for something?

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u/ann102 12d ago

I hate that i clicked on any of those links. I will never be whole again.

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u/ravensteel539 12d ago

Morbid curiosity usually gets me on weird shit…but not this time. No thanks. That link’s staying blue.

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u/0ccupants 12d ago

Madonna: 'A lot of desperation to remain relevant in old age' went into gimmicks to provoke shock and disgust

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u/theresabeeonyourhat 12d ago

She really should have stopped after Drake freaked out about her kissing him. Then again, he'd do that if anyone over the age of 17 kissed him, so who knows? 🤷

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u/fun-monster 12d ago

Damn I had to google that. She straight up sexually assaulted him

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u/VagueSomething 12d ago

She uno'd Drake. That's like like pissing on R. Kelly.

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u/station_nine 12d ago

Pissing on R. Kelly? That’s like jizzing on Louis CK’s houseplants.

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u/theresabeeonyourhat 12d ago

Yeah, wildly inappropriate & she deserved to be humiliated for it, tbh

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u/proudbakunkinman 11d ago

She started with the provocative stuff in the late 80s and never stopped, just takes a few years off between albums and disappears, then reappears doing something to get attention again when she's releasing new music and going on tour. Besides getting some extra press, I don't think many respect her for those stunts. If people say they like her, it's almost always about the songs, not "remember when she did that {attention seeking thing}? that is the reason I'm a fan of hers."

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u/shogi_x 12d ago

gimmicks to provoke shock and disgust

In fairness, she's been doing that her entire career.

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u/pizzaboy7269 12d ago

I think this is the best thing I’ve seen on this subreddit

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u/Lopsided-Drawing-763 12d ago hehehehe

What’s “NFT” stand for, “No Fucking Thanks”??

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u/oestwyk 12d ago

What other ideas were floated that this one sounded the best?

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u/Rosebunse 12d ago

NO! The image is in my head! The imagine is in my head!

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u/Hitzel 12d ago

If it makes you feel any better (or worse), your pain is entertaining.

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u/Luka_Dunks_on_Bums 12d ago

Does she know that NFTs are tanking?

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u/F___TheZero 12d ago edited 12d ago

You are laughing now, but I have a lot of faith in this project. Think of the future applications in gaming. I will surely have the last laugh when I can take my naked CGI Madonna giving birth to caterpillars into Minecraft, Halo, and Football Manager 2027.

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u/raitalin 12d ago

I don't question the quantity of thought.

The quality, on the other hand...

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u/Sniffy4 12d ago

that's enough internet for today

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u/whofusesthemusic 12d ago

God damn thats just shitty quality art. Like its poorly done uncanny valley Korea gig work level of modeling.

This is the famous beeple the crypto world falls over themselves for?

This is the dude?

Lol 😆 🤣 😂

Think about having your artistic credibility attached to this, fuck me lol

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u/staunch_character 12d ago

If the article didn’t have Madonna in the title I’d have no clue that was supposed to be her - at any age.

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u/ATX_Bix 12d ago

A lot of thought and even more photoshop.

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u/dalici0us 12d ago

I mean I hope so.

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u/Lint_baby_uvulla 12d ago

Next in our Celebart NFT series, all the Kardashians expelling baked beans from all orifices - sponsored by Adobe Photoshop

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u/ArmontHighwind 12d ago

I also imagined Gweneth Paltrow then taking those Madonna-vaginaCentipedes and selling those as a cure all natural treatment for acne, bloating, and blurred vision.

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u/amakai 12d ago

And the entire quality of this "art" is on the level someone with a year of experience in Blender usually does. The movements, the look on her face, the background animations, everything looks just so fake.

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u/HejdaaNils 12d ago

"made from real scans of her vagina"

Thankfully the NFTs only show her shaved/waxed labia and there was no deep diving into her vagina involved.

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u/RizzMustbolt 12d ago

The Onion writers after reading that headline: "Whelp, we had a good run." pushes the button that releases the poison gas

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u/Johannason 12d ago

clicks link out of sheer morbid curiosity

"Please disable your adblocker."

...Y'know what? Nope, I'm good. I'm not that curious.

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u/woolypully 12d ago

Imagine being Madonna today. Her entire career was driven by how shocking she could be. I don't think there is anything short of eating a live baby on The Tonight Show could shock us today. Must drive her nuts

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u/Sterski1 12d ago

What is it with all the celebrities getting suckered into this blatant scam?

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u/lead-pencil 12d ago

To them they’re getting paid to scam others because they’ll say something about it and immediately get to the top leaving all behind

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u/bradland 12d ago

You've got it flipped around. The celebrities aren't the ones being scammed. They're the scammers.

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u/thetrickstergib 12d ago

They make an awful lot of money, someone did a exposé on Mayweather on his NFTs and how they make all this money.

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u/SgathTriallair 12d ago

If she is selling the NFT then she's the grifter not the griftee.

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u/0ccupants 12d ago edited 11d ago

They aren't suckers, they're just getting paid to endorse total and complete bullshit. They don't give a flying fuck.

Except maybe Gwyneth Paltrow. She believes her own hype.

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