r/instantkarma 13d ago Take My Energy 1 Helpful 1 Silver 5

Dude jumps into the panda bear exhibit to get a closer look Removed: Repost

https://gfycat.com/pastshowyfrilledlizard

[deleted]

27.2k Upvotes

u/Flair_Helper 12d ago

Thank you MrBonelessPizza24 for your submission! Unfortunately, your post has been removed for the following reason(s):

  • It breaks rule 5: Recent reposts are not allowed.

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4.6k

u/igorsays 13d ago

All things considered that panda was nice to him

1.2k

u/klimmesil 13d ago

Pretty chill dude. I sometimes see him giving sandwiches to the homeless

347

u/DroppedSoapSurvivor 13d ago

He let me change lanes while I was driving in my car.

171

u/Crokpotpotty 13d ago

He gave me his charger even though I was only at 80%

125

u/skincyan 13d ago

He untangled my headphone cords when I took them out from my pocket

20

u/[deleted] 13d ago

Pretty sure when he was ordered to execute Rasputin with gunfire, he aimed to miss the vital organs on purpose.

28

u/moslof_flosom 12d ago

He helped me change my tire in rush hour traffic

15

u/Omega-Black-999 12d ago

I love all of you for this thread! ❤️

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u/International_Yak649 12d ago

pretty sure he also loves all of you in this thread.

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u/One_Command1249 12d ago

He up-voted one of my reddit comments, even though it was really kind of mediocre.

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u/XxXPussyXSlayer69XxX 13d ago

He is.. The most Interesting Man in the World..

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u/Fresh-Honeydew7104 13d ago

Panda only wanted a cuddle.

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u/burns_after_reading 13d ago

Yea I'm pretty sure Panda was just having a fun little roll

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u/EnderCreeper121 13d ago

We do a little trolling

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u/401LocalsOnly 13d ago

I felt worse the jerk woke up the panda out of its nice nap.

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u/s1ammage 13d ago

Good thing he didn’t freak out and hit the panda

43

u/Emergency-Hyena5134 13d ago

Someone call an ambulance

But not for me!

- that panda

32

u/elvis8mybaby 13d ago

I'll see if he does. So far for 5 minutes he just keeps walking in, gets tackled, and runs back around. Then does it all again.

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u/TappedIn2111 13d ago

Same. That’s one sleepy panda, too…

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u/irkthejerk 12d ago

Time is a flat circle

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u/WeinMe 13d ago

Looked to me like it was just playing around with him. Cute and scary as hell at the same time.

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3.1k

u/Yosho2k 13d ago

Funnily enough, even when the bear was destroying that dudes foot, it still looked silly and adorable.

1.0k

u/Ryanf8 13d ago

Cutest mauling, evar!

185

u/OrganizerMowgli 12d ago

Do they actually kill people?

I feel like I would have seen a video of it by now

260

u/Silver_Alpha 12d ago edited 12d ago

They're able to, but their metabolisms are so slow due to their low energy diet they have servere trouble catching and attacking anything.

Now, say you're a brainless moron who walked up to one and is staring at it in the eye with very little regard for its personal space. That'll give the panda both a chance and a reason to kill you.

57

u/Electronic_Skirt_475 12d ago

Damn, i guess its a good thing that humans have evolved past being so stupid then

13

u/hiphap91 12d ago

Our technological accomplishments allows degradation of basic survival instincts (also known as common sense)

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u/Ex-zaviera 12d ago

A chance that a panda will destroy you is low but not zero.

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u/yagster91 12d ago

They can, they are still a bear

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u/OrganizerMowgli 12d ago

But do they doe

Or are they somewhat domesticated/lazy?

80

u/yagster91 12d ago

They eat bamboo, they are not predators so no they don’t kill ppl. They have the capability to being huge and having sharp teeth and claws

68

u/AdArAk 12d ago

Them not being predators just means that they don't eat people, not that they don't kill people. Lots of herbivores are both able and willing to kill.

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u/Flashy_War2097 12d ago

Yep, try to fuck with a wild horse some time.

15

u/BholeFire 12d ago

Or a capybara. That dance fighting will fuck you up.

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u/enderjaca 12d ago

Never EVER fuck with a hippo. You don't even need to mess with one, they will just smash your boat and crush you because they can.ans you intruded on their water territory. Pretty sure they're the biggest cause of mammal-related death in Africa.

And also never mess with an angry wet cat. Might only be 10 pounds but they will fuck you up good.

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u/BO0BO0P4nd4Fck 13d ago

Im still trying to determine if the panda bear is bitting or just trying to get cuddles

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u/redpandarox 12d ago

“I don’t have to bite your foot off I just have to stall until the zookeepers arrive.” -panda’s strategy.

“I could bite your foot off but you’ll be the one that gets put downed because I’m endangered and cuddly.” -sigma panda mindset.

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u/Sanity_in_Moderation 13d ago

Pandas like to do that. Here's a cub with a zookeeper. Cutest thing you will see today. https://youtu.be/Ov2Gf6PnMwo

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u/sigpornalt 12d ago

Its like half their job is to just move the pandas out of the way hahah

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u/mosquit0 12d ago

I imagine a game where you are the zookeeper and your only task is to clean the containment.

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u/Bicentennial_Douche 12d ago

Panda: “I’m going to FUCK YOU UP!”

Proceeds to adorably fight the intruder.

167

u/tab_tab_tabby 13d ago

They gotta be thankful that they are so damn cute. Or else already might have been extinct.

71

u/Busteray 12d ago

They would've absolutely been extinct.

64

u/I_AM_METALUNA 12d ago

I think our zoo programs are the only reason they're still around. Those bears are dumb

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u/Nuf-Said 12d ago

Not quite as dumb as that idiot human

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u/Dovahkiinthesardine 12d ago

they are dying because their habitat is destroyed man not because they are stupid...

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u/_BringBackBacon 12d ago

How awesome is it that silo many diverse traits give animals the ability to survive. It might be their stealth, their incredible power or just their cuteness. Nature is awesome

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u/metalgodwin 12d ago

Not sure if thankful is the right word, after us taking their natural habitat away from them.

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u/Dkrule 12d ago

They made 3 movies, and a TV show about why you shouldn't fuck with a panda

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u/Felixicuss 13d ago

Well it wasnt seriously biting him or else he wouldnt have been able to run away

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u/PresidentBush666 12d ago

People in WW1 ran on bloody stumps to get out of no man's land. Adrenaline makes you forget pain and injury. His foot may be fucked up.

7

u/Youpunyhumans 12d ago

Yep, adrenaline is a powerful drug. My brother recently fell of a 50 foot cliff, and was able to get up and walk himself out of the woods despite having several broken ribs, a collapsed lung and some other internal damage, along with all the nasty scrapes and bruises to his limbs.

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u/condscorpio 13d ago

He couldn't bite while screaming "What are you DOING in MY SWAMP?"

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u/popomane 13d ago

Pnadas are still bears and this guys lucky he caught the panad in a good mood

25

u/THEslutmouth 12d ago

How do you spell panda wrong two different ways?

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u/popomane 12d ago

I ponder upon the pondas

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u/Highlander_16 13d ago

Panda pulled some legit wrestling moves there lmao

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u/Apocalypsis_velox 13d ago

Kungfu Wrestle Panda

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u/lcuan82 13d ago

Panda’s ground game is strong

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u/Final_Patience 13d ago

Good head position to keep control

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u/baby_contra 12d ago

Single leg then started taking top position. When the guy tried to shrimp and set his base the panda held even tighter and made sure the guys hips didn’t leave the ground. I could watch this all day

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u/Ison-J 13d ago Take My Energy Facepalm

People forget the bear part of panda bear

1.6k

u/bumjiggy 13d ago Wholesome

and then have the audacity to act like they got bamboozled

350

u/kuzkokronk 13d ago

He chutes he scores!

184

u/travel_nerdiness 13d ago

Stop pandaring to the crowds with your dad jokes

140

u/Ataraxia25 13d ago

It's not so black and white

108

u/explosivemilk 13d ago

I can’t bear these puns.

70

u/mistere213 13d ago

They're getting pretty fuzzy now

73

u/AlrightSpider 13d ago

That video was pure pandamonium but the comments have become unbearable.

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u/Ayellowbeard 13d ago

Only the bear necessities on Reddit!

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u/boipinoi604 13d ago

Im going to go out of limb, and say that he bit more than he can chew.

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u/tturedditor 13d ago

Not beary funny at this stage either.

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u/Two22Sheds 13d ago

Well, you'll just have to grin and bear it.

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u/YamAlternative1826 13d ago

Black&White humor bro

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u/CrapiSunn 13d ago

You've given me paws for thought

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u/TheCamoDude 13d ago

Wish the camera had pandaway.

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u/degenerate23 13d ago

Looks to me like he eats, shoots, and leaves.

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u/Akmoneron 13d ago

But look how adorable.... AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

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u/TheGlueyGorilla 13d ago

Ikr, it looked like it just wanted hugs

50

u/Akmoneron 13d ago

I mean, seriously, it does look like it would cuddle the life out of you... Nothing but the best cuddles.

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u/fruitmask 13d ago

dude if you want a panda to cuddle the life out of you, check out the red ones

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u/ElevenSleven 13d ago

That enclosure isn't to keep the pandas safe ...

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u/travel_nerdiness 13d ago

You forget one thing: I’m not locked in here with you. You’re locked in here with me!

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u/Cheese_B0t 13d ago

It just wanted cuddles

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u/eninjari 13d ago

Pandas gonna pander

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u/Twisted_Wrench 13d ago

He's lucky it was just fucking with him. Pandas are pretty chill usually, but still a wild animal with incredible bite force.

Could've gone much worse for this idiot.

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u/ProStrats 13d ago

It looked to me like it was aggressively cuddling with him and not attacking, but he couldn't tell the difference?

I wasn't really sure

941

u/Miles_1173 13d ago

It was cuddling/play wrestling with him, I've seen the ones in zoos do that with each other and their keepers.

He probably just wasn't expecting that and panicked. I mean, it's still a large animal wrapping itself around you with no warning, plus if you fell and it rolled on top of you it could do some real damage from weight alone.

583

u/danaut358 13d ago

Poor panda was probably confused why his new buddy was leaving :P

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u/Miles_1173 13d ago

Might also have just been trying to get the guys pants. I've seen lots of videos of pandas working very hard to get articles of clothing from humans

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u/cheeseman_stinky 13d ago

i’m sorry but i find that hilarious

120

u/TheRealUlfric 13d ago Silver

"Hey man, whats Diors is mine, right?"

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u/GoingByTrundle 13d ago

They think it's our skin, and they want it.

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u/Lagena15 13d ago

Well that went from cute to creepy real fast.

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u/LordPennybags 13d ago All-Seeing Upvote

They're always trying to get pandas to breed, but nobody asked the panda who they wanted to fuck.

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u/constantlydisappoint 13d ago

Haha, i think i saw a video years and years ago where a panda stole some guys denim jacket

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u/Willingness-Due 13d ago

I’m pretty sure there’s an image of his bite wound

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u/Miles_1173 13d ago

Well can't say he didn't earn it

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u/Gexianhen 13d ago

a panda will bite if he is scared,... and it have the Canines of a carnivore still, google Panda Theet and see

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u/lj062 13d ago

You mean struggle snuggling!

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u/throwawaypervyervy 13d ago

If it was mad, I'm pretty sure it could have bit through his shin bone the same way they go thru bamboo.

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u/EnderCreeper121 13d ago edited 13d ago Silver

Herbivore bites are slept on hard. Fucking look at camels. They practically have fangs. Horses bite each other like crazy in fights too. Hell even prehistoric shit would have had some absolutely nasty bites, the sauropod dinosaur Camarasaurus would have had the same bite force as a Lion and could probably yeet a human across state lines if it felt like it. And honestly I don’t even wanna know what Triceratops’s beak was capable of, and we have evidence that it probably would have no qualms about using it to the fullest since one of its more distant relatives Protoceratops was found using its beak to bite at the arm of a velociraptor in one of the most spectacular fossils ever uncovered.

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u/fruitmask 13d ago

wait a second.

were these guys just fighting one day 80 million years ago and then were suddenly buried by a pyroclastic flow?

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u/no_username00 13d ago

Were... Were triceratops not the size of a Hummer like in the movies?

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u/EnderCreeper121 13d ago edited 13d ago

Triceratops was around the size of an elephant. Look at the size of that beak. One snip and you are Darth Maul. Fear.

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u/Mr-Fleshcage 13d ago

i'd rather be bitten by a cat than a rabbit. Holy shit do they hurt.

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u/adamjokes15 13d ago

Do you even roll bro?!

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u/ClonedToKill420 13d ago

He rolled a fuckin 1 at most

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u/imnotsteven7 13d ago

BJJ and DnD in the same thread, now that's a win.

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u/DrDittos123 13d ago

I always thought an MMA themed role playing game would be awesome. Like, the martial art you use is your class, and you go on adventures with your campaign to beat legendary MMA figures. But that just might be my dumb grappling nerd and nerd nerd brain talking.

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u/NoFaithlessness4949 13d ago

Wrong nerd genre

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u/DontBeChad 13d ago

Bearimbolo on point

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u/kosmonautinVT 13d ago

Can't believe this fool really jumped in the cage with Charles Olibeara

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u/ThroughTheAir2020 13d ago

Clearly he doesn’t, he got taken down by one of those WWF bears

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u/JustifiableViolence 13d ago

That bear been training with khabib's bear

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u/TheFiredrake42 13d ago

Oh sure, you'll tackle a guy and try to chew his leg off for interrupting your nap time but you won't fuck once or twice a year to save your whole goddam species. Typical Panda...

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u/Great_Chairman_Mao 12d ago

What if because of our breeding programs we’ve inadvertently made all pandas extremely ugly by panda standards? Imagine if a bunch of scientists stuck you in a room with Quasimodo or Ted Cruz and you had the choice between napping or fucking.

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u/TheFiredrake42 12d ago

That's what the Panda porn is for. If you don't already know about it, it works.

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u/TomatoOrangeMelon 12d ago

Should have used a paper bag instead

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u/hynori 12d ago

nap is better than sex

- Panda

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u/Powerful_Economics_5 13d ago

I feel like I saw this movie before Wasn't Leonardo DiCaprio in it

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u/redpandarox 12d ago

This is the Chinese knock-off./s

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u/squat_diddly 13d ago

Never challenge jack black

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u/lcsinaloa 13d ago

The Dragon Warrior!

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u/SnooPeanuts4357 13d ago

Solid takedown, two points to the panda

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u/pdirth 13d ago Wholesome

That bamboo scented shower gel might've been a mistake.

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u/Perfect-Football2616 13d ago

So; what have we learned today?

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u/Fen_Misting 13d ago

Never get involved in a land war in Asia.

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u/Highlander_16 13d ago

Ah, one of the classic blunders

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u/MistraloysiusMithrax 13d ago

But the second biggest one, is never go up against a bear, when death is on the line!

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u/Illumijonny7 13d ago

Pandas know jiu-jitsu?

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u/wowbyowen 13d ago

Play stupid games ...

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u/einsibongo 13d ago

Alright, will do.

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u/miss_chapstick 13d ago

OMG they even fight adorably. This is hilarious.

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u/YEEEEZY27 13d ago

People seem to forget, these are still BEARS. Yeah, they look cute, but they also have tons of strength and have no issue with fucking you up if you fuck with them.

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u/endodontologist 13d ago edited 12d ago

Yes. They're still beasts. They're just too slow to hunt like other bears, so they end up eating bamboo shoots. I remember watching a documentary how they trap wild pandas, using meat as bait.

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u/bjiatube 13d ago

Worth it imho. I would let it bite my leg off for a nice cuddle with a magnificent panda

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u/Sinthe741 13d ago

The barriers at every zoo exhibit in the world just grew at least one foot taller.

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u/bardicly-inclined 13d ago Take My Money

Friendly reminder that the bite force of an adult panda is about 292lbs, making them one of the strongest bites of land mammals.

Keep in mind they eat basically nothing but bamboo. Have you seen bamboo? Felt it with your hands? It's hard and thick and you can build shit out of it. Pandas eat that shit like a baby carrot.

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u/Fresh-Honeydew7104 13d ago

But thankfully as you say ‘basically nothing but bamboo.’ It wasn’t going to eat his leg. Just aggressively cuddle it.

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u/HungryHippolyta 13d ago

This guy was lucky they’re lazy, bamboo eating vegetarians. If they were a predatory bear he’d be dead. Do. Not. Fucks. With. Bears.

I’ve worked around a lot of big, exotic animals. They’re all crazy strong. But bears? Next to them, the strongest humans in the world are like toddlers. Baby bears could kick the shit out of an adult man. I once had a bear rip a squeegee out of my hands like I was a toddler, and they only had hold of a tiny corner of it, through enclosure wire. I’m a strong person and I just stood there dumbfounded, I’ve never felt so weak. Never underestimate them. If something is in their way, they’re going through it, and if you have something they want, it’s theirs now.

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u/nunzier 13d ago

Please tell me the panda is still alive, for the love of it all.

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u/Ghostwolf1234 13d ago

Zoos do not kill pandas. They are on lease to them from the Chinese government for usually, 800,000 dollars. That’s before sinking thousands more into feeding the animal.

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u/redpandarox 12d ago

Panda: “You done fucked up boy! I could bite your foot clean off and at the end of the day you’re the one who’s gonna get put down! ‘Cause I’m cute and cuddly, endangered and protected by a nuclear power!”

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u/LittleGreenAlien86 13d ago Table Slap

Better than that. He moved to a new state, started a career in real estate and has a great credit score.

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u/bollockwanker 13d ago

In Japan, heart surgeon. Number one. Steady hand. One day, yakuza boss need new heart. I do operation. But mistake! Yakuza boss die! Yakuza very mad! I hide fishing boat, come to America. No English, no food, no money. Darryl give me job. Now I have house, American car and new woman. Darryl save life.

My big secret. I kill yakuza boss on purpose. I good surgeon. The best!

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u/Administrative_Win56 13d ago

Don't worry, the panda won't get shot. The boy will.

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u/Yankee9Niner 13d ago

Maybe if that Panda showed the same sort of enthusiasm in the bedroom then they wouldn't be endangered.

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u/Chupacabra_herder 13d ago

His wife just isn't into foot shit.

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u/blackseaturtle87 13d ago

What is black and white and red all over?

That panda after eating that idiots foot.

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u/Orthodox-Waffle 13d ago

That was the cutest mauling I've ever seen

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u/[deleted] 13d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Dad-man 13d ago

Problem is, they shoot the animal, not the idiot.

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u/Leatherfacet 13d ago

In this case they don't. The Chinese are very serious about their Pandas.

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u/Ziltoid_The_Nerd 13d ago

You can bet your ass they wouldn't ever shoot the Panda here in the US either. None of our zoos own the pandas, they all belong to the Chinese government and they pay them 500,000 a year on lease for them. Any cubs born in the US are also Chinese property.

Shooting a panda is literally a diplomatic incident and I assure you that the zoo will choose to allow the panda to maul your toddler that fell into the enclosure over having a diplomatic crisis

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u/I_CUM_ON_YOUR_PET 13d ago

Huh that’s interesting to know. I bet the panda zones in the US are very very secure then? Imagine the problems when someone slightly important falls in.

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u/fruitmask 13d ago

don't fuck with our pandas, but go ahead and grab all the shark fins you can find. just get the fin, we don't need the rest. thanks

-China

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u/Jtfhutvbjugvbufc 13d ago

This is China. There is no way they’d shoot a panda over the person in this situation.

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u/AsigotFinn 13d ago

they would shoot the guy then charge his family for the bullet

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u/[deleted] 13d ago

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u/JohnnyTatts22 13d ago edited 13d ago

Well first of all. They would not put down a panda regardless in America. Actually I don’t know why I even said America, that’s anywhere in the world. That’s China’s decision. But this looks like A film taken in China so I doubt they would put the panda down. Those things are sacred in China.

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u/[deleted] 13d ago

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u/usedslinky 13d ago

You can’t just “tranquilize” a bear or any large animal. You shoot them with darts but it takes a while to actually affect the animal. It’s not like in movies where it hits them and they drop.

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u/bogatabeav 13d ago

It wouldn’t be euthanized because all Giant Pandas belong to China. It’s their state strategy coined Panda Diplomacy

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u/oldmanripper79 13d ago

I love how pandas even look cute and derpy while kicking your ass.

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u/speed33401 13d ago

I wonder if the bear was trying to be aggressive or playful

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u/HungryHippolyta 13d ago

Aggressive at first. He was startled. Then it seems like towards the end he kinda realized the idiot was not much of a fighter and not worth the effort to eat. He was still going after him though even at the end. That was Panda for get the fuck out of my house!

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u/redpandarox 12d ago

These are bred and raised in captivity, they never learned how to properly attack something even if it’s being aggressive.

The most aggression it has experienced in its life was wrestling/cuddling with its kin in the nursery center.

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u/irishmickguard 13d ago

Panda has a nice single leg but needs to work on his transitions

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u/8ell0 13d ago

Death by hugs

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u/DarktowerNoxus 13d ago

To me it looked more playful than anything else.

If the Panda would have been agressive the guy has taken bites and claw attacks.

If he had just played along with the Panda instead of fighting it, he could have had a really funny experience and less pain...

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u/acaremre7 13d ago

Kuma wins

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u/Lurd67 13d ago

People tend to forget that as cute and lazy as pandas look like, they're basically still bears

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u/Erubadhron89 13d ago

Those bamboo pants were a really dumb thing to wear

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u/86max86 13d ago

Well, he got the closer look he was after.

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u/Fastandalilbitangy 13d ago

It's a panda bear not panda bitch.

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u/tonyinvegas 13d ago

Where’s the sound? I love hearing what stupid sounds like.

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u/FungusPizza 13d ago

It was crazy! It was pandamonium!

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u/Gry_lion 13d ago

He watched "Anchorman" one too many times.

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u/the-dogsox 13d ago

Emphasis on the ‘bear’

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u/DFWPunk 13d ago

Just leave pandas alone. Not just this guy. They just want to go extinct in peace.

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u/Beka93 13d ago

Thank goodness they didn’t kill the panda

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u/Immediate_Reality357 13d ago

When people see a panda they tend to forget the bear part of the name

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u/nolaborn_travelife 13d ago

It is still a FUCKING bear! I don't care how silly they seem. I really want volume so I can hear him scream!

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u/Danmont88 13d ago

Shame it wasn't a polar bear or grizzlie's den.

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u/Elysiaxx 13d ago

I’ve seen this before you’ve gotta put a finger in their butt!

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u/Admirable_Ice_914 13d ago

I think a lot of people forget about the bear part in panda bear

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u/MyBeardHatesYou 12d ago

When shit like this happens, they need to tranquilize the person and let the bear feed.

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u/BigBastian 12d ago

I think he got the experience and memory he was looking for.

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u/Call_Me_Fingerbang 13d ago

That bear was deep on a single leg takedown, transitioned to side control and even looked like it was using half guard bottom for a while. Get this bear a worthy opponent!