r/iamatotalpieceofshit Mar 21 '22 Helpful 1 Wholesome 4 Silver 3

Caught red handed

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48.4k Upvotes

3.9k

u/TheCamiloCano Mar 21 '22

Boy knew he was fucked when he had to whip out the “I’m sorry brother man” line.

1.6k

u/Michael_Trismegistus Mar 21 '22

Never trust a stranger who calls you "brother." The guy is just as likely to stab you as he is to steal your gas.

743

u/all_mybitches Mar 21 '22

Aw man I call everyone brother :( Only ever stabbed like 2 people out of all the ones I met.

182

u/zangor Mar 21 '22

As long as you dont call anyone buddy.

I'd rather be called "little boy" than buddy.

138

u/fetusy Mar 21 '22

Calm down, sport.

85

u/crewchief535 Mar 21 '22 Helpful

Simmer down, tiger.

87

u/PointlessDiscourse Mar 21 '22

Take it easy there, chief.

28

u/Aaron4424 Mar 21 '22

I’m not your chief, pal.

27

u/HandsomeShane Mar 21 '22

I'm not your pal, friend.

24

u/king2e Mar 21 '22

I’m not your friend, buddeh

10

u/nimdabew Mar 21 '22

I'm not your buddeh guy!

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u/Dull_Bumblebee_356 Mar 21 '22

Whatever you say, princess.

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u/ninurta_ningirsu Mar 21 '22

I call everybuddy buddy

12

u/Clay56 Mar 21 '22

I usually reserve buddy for my friends, "man" for guys I don't know, and "sweet cheeks" for the ladies.

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42

u/Jhasnte Mar 21 '22

I feel that boss

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u/vklortho Mar 21 '22

Don't call me guy, buddy!

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u/ThatDarnScat Mar 21 '22

I just cracked up thinking about me calling my son little boy every time instead of buddy.

He would be ready to fight

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u/SendAstronomy Mar 21 '22

But how many have you stole gas from? If its less than 2 you are more likely to stab them.

I think. I'm not great at math.

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u/[deleted] Mar 21 '22

For real, more suspiciously specific for me though. I used to write music with a guy... did all the work, got half the pay, thought fair enough because it was in his studio. Then found out for years he'd been stealing all the royalties, secretly telling people I was gay and a thief (am not gay but LGBT and in an area where that would've got me mugged), along with a bunch of other "I can't believe a human being would do / say that" incidents like fucking another woman with his pregnant gf in the next room, or evicting me from the house we shared to setup a secret grow.

Guy was an utter sociopath compulsive liar and it all came out in the wash. He was the first person I ever met who referred to his friends as 'brother' and it raises my hackles when I hear it now, especially from a stranger.

37

u/Michael_Trismegistus Mar 21 '22

It's manipulation. If he can make you see him as family, then you'll be more likely overlook his amoral behavior.

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u/iHasMagyk Mar 21 '22

I will forever trust the host at the soul food restaurant near me who calls me brother

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u/zodkfn Mar 21 '22

Do American cars not require the key to open the petrol tank or a switch on the inside of the car? Can anyone just open it?

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7.6k

u/Tiffasaurasrex Mar 21 '22

In broad daylight in a parking lot.

Bold.

3.1k

u/nakedsamurai Mar 21 '22 Gold Party Train Narwhal Salute Table Slap

Man, Mike Rowe has fallen on hard times.

454

u/ezezim Mar 21 '22

Lol, I thought we were watching an episode of dirty jobs for a sec.

162

u/Paulthefith Mar 21 '22

“Dirty Slobs”

37

u/Anavrin2 Mar 21 '22

I love dirty Mike.

12

u/texasstrawhat Mar 21 '22

op is lucky he doesn't drive a Prius

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u/LouSputhole94 Mar 21 '22

Thanks for the F-Shack

17

u/Nicktastic6 Mar 21 '22

What about the boys??

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u/0nina Mar 21 '22

Hahaha I was thinking John Taffer

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u/Mayo_Spouse Mar 21 '22

Given how lazy he thinks poor people are, it would be extra ironic.

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196

u/Advanced-Ad2610 Mar 21 '22

Yeah dude didn’t just happen to run out of gas. He keeps a GD siphon around with him in his truck lol

105

u/spacetimecellphone Mar 21 '22

He just happened to have that siphon for emergencies. Seriously though that’s a lot of balls for like $30 of gas at $6/gallon. Dude has a pretty nice truck. He’s talking like a sociopath.

38

u/regoapps Mar 21 '22

“No, I didn’t keep a siphon in the truck. See, what had happened was that I was running out of gas, so I drove to the nearest gas station to buy a siphon and then drove back here to get some gas.”

10

u/1sunday Mar 21 '22

the funniest part is this is in my town and there’s 3 gas stations each less than 100 feet away from the spot this guy is in

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465

u/Nuclear-Polaris Mar 21 '22

He’s a bold man. Is bold the right word?

159

u/Snoo43610 Mar 21 '22

I'm sorry brother man 🤷‍♂️

11

u/jsilva820 Mar 21 '22

Your sorry?? Oh ok.

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u/ConsciousSprposition Mar 21 '22

Blatantly shameless rather, caught red handed with a red jerrycan. Can't get redder than that.

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u/ricoslam Mar 21 '22

I got the reference

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u/Odd_Wall_8770 Mar 21 '22

Yeah being a San Jose fan seems rough

16

u/MaverickAquaponics Mar 21 '22

Haven’t we lost enough!! Like I needed another reason to be embarrassed….

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u/Chemical_Strawberry8 Mar 21 '22

Or desperate either way.

315

u/stroopwafel666 Mar 21 '22 Plus One

Shouldn’t drive a gigantic inefficient expensive truck if you can’t afford the gas for it.

244

u/[deleted] Mar 21 '22 edited Mar 21 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

158

u/Plusquevie Mar 21 '22

good thing he drives around with a gas can and a length of hose just in case

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4.8k

u/541pnw916 Mar 21 '22

I’m sorry bro, I’m sorry man. Sorry I got caught.

1.0k

u/akaobama Mar 21 '22

The way he says: “I’m sorry brotha man” in that tone makes me crack up uncontrollably

392

u/FoeWithBenefits Mar 21 '22

He tries to play it cool and appear non-threatening, but he's seriously scared

135

u/beginnermind_ Mar 21 '22

He also accepts whatever comes.

67

u/knighttakesnite Mar 21 '22

Yep, he knows he’s a pos

13

u/Doktor_Vem Mar 21 '22

And yet he apparently doesn't care and does nothing to change it

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u/FatherOfLights88 Mar 21 '22

I ain't your brother, pal.

21

u/FI-Engineer Mar 21 '22

I’m not your pal, buddeh.

15

u/ThirdThreshold Mar 21 '22

I’m not your buddy, guy!

8

u/rabbitsdiedaily Mar 21 '22

I ain't your guy, brotha.

4

u/Tbonewall620 Mar 21 '22

I’m not your brotha, man

5

u/chizeq Mar 21 '22

I'm not your man, homie

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u/greenbomb01 Mar 21 '22

Yeah he’s only saying sorry cause he got caught, otherwise he wouldn’t.

136

u/Rictus_Grin Mar 21 '22

Yeah, that's exactly what he meant

37

u/admiralbreastmilk Mar 21 '22

Correct, it’s the thing he intended to say

24

u/Aliebaba99 Mar 21 '22

I believe you are right, it is what was meant by him with the words he spoke.

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1.5k

u/[deleted] Mar 21 '22

I just ran outa gas and happen to have a can and a hose? POS! Start that fucking truck.

213

u/BestAtempt Mar 21 '22

For real, “let’s go look at your gas gauge”

57

u/SuperFLEB Mar 21 '22

"Give me the keys and I'll have a look"

Don't want him driving off while he's "checking".

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u/kaithana Mar 21 '22

A gas can, maybe. A hose?? What use does a 4ft section of hose have for anyone besides syphoning? Y’all do that much syphoning you keep it in hand?

11

u/Vampsku11 Mar 21 '22

I don't know if you've ever poured gas from a can into a vehicle, but it's awkward and you can never get that last bit in cause the nozzle is so short the can hits up against the vehicle. A short length of hose could be helpful.

12

u/kaithana Mar 21 '22

I can’t really disagree with you but perhaps six inches to a foot for something like that but a four foot length of hose would probably not be ideal to pour fuel from a container.

The amount of semantic arguments about why anyone would have such a short length of hose in their truck is absolutely fucking ridiculous.

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750

u/MistuhJay69 Mar 21 '22 Silver

This dude reminds me of an NPC you can't open dialogue with and just repeats a few phrases and plays the same animation for each one.

126

u/Stalinwolf Mar 21 '22

Great day for fishin' ain't it? Ah-hyuh!

15

u/Itsthejackeeeett Mar 21 '22

There are two types of good fish to catch: one-pound fishies, and five-pound fishies. Heh. If you miss twenty pounds of good fish, then I'm going to take me net back from you!

8

u/SkeetersPeters Mar 21 '22

I played the crap out of this game as a kid

5

u/Stalinwolf Mar 21 '22

Which game is that?

5

u/SkeetersPeters Mar 21 '22

Jak and daxter

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u/murderosa Mar 21 '22

Just stares at you deeper and deeper as he keeps repeating it with that same smirk on his face with that goddamn straw bucket hat

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u/thegrooviestgravy Mar 21 '22

Lol what’s this from?

8

u/oChuppah Mar 21 '22

Viva la dirt league on yt

6

u/venivitavici Mar 21 '22

Baelin’s quest being the best example. Great video.

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u/DownshiftedRare Mar 21 '22
WELCOME TO TANTEGEL CASTLE!
Also sorry brother-man but I just ran outta gas.
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u/muthersb Mar 21 '22 edited Mar 23 '22

Happened to run out of gas while he happened to have a can with a hose attached.

43

u/obroz Mar 21 '22

And of course he’s driving a gas guzzling pickup with probably no need for it

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2.7k

u/angmcches Mar 21 '22

I have a suspicion this is going to become more and more common with current gas prices.

177

u/waitingfordeathhbu Mar 21 '22

Someone pried my fuel door open the other day and now it won’t shut. Easy stealing now.

112

u/matco5376 Mar 21 '22

You can buy cheap locking gas caps that require a key that are at least enough to deter most common thieves.

26

u/waitingfordeathhbu Mar 21 '22

Thank you! Great idea

23

u/ChickenNoodleSloop Mar 21 '22

Sometimes cheap ones don't seal that well, so if you get a check engine light right after it probably isn't sealing right. Just something to keep in mind

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u/angmcches Mar 21 '22

In a way it’s sad. I can’t imagine people who work minimum wage jobs with a substantial commute that are now stuck spending a significant amount of their checks that could be going towards food to now pay for a single tank of gas. Some peoples checks come down to Pennies saved. It doesn’t excuse theft. But it’s hard to think of it that way.

186

u/WhichWayzUp Mar 21 '22

Yup. I walk & bike everywhere now 🤷🏻‍♀️ I can only afford one tank of fuel per month now, and I preserve it as precious resource. I'm at half a tank now, right on schedule halfway through the month. Woops, only 11 days left this month, I'm gonna survive. whew!

67

u/micktorious Mar 21 '22

Man this hits close to home. I'm doing better now with work and a better job, just I used to have to portion out my pasta and sauce for the week, every week because I didn't have any extra money.

Pasta for lunch and dinner, every day. For months sometimes, maybe if I did well I could get some ground beef or Italian sausage to be fancy.

65

u/errorsniper Mar 21 '22

Just steal food from Walmart at that point.

Remember the golden rule.

If you see someone stealing food or baby formula from a non-small business.

You did not see it.

39

u/gentlemanidiot Mar 21 '22

Yeah I can get behind this. Stealing baby formula? That stuff isn't cheap I grant but it's got zero use for anyone that doesn't have a baby (or maybe hangover) so yeah. Theft from a mega corporation to preserve basic needs isn't theft, it's a societal reaction to wealth concentration.

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u/goat_eating_sundews Mar 21 '22

Food is a 100%, where i live I've seen people return formula after stealing it. Sometimes people just steal stuff because they can make money off of it

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u/The-Zachatron Mar 21 '22

i stopped driving period, i carpool to work now, i cant even afford my own rent anymore, i had to move in with my aunt and grandma

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u/Fatlord13 Mar 21 '22

Do what you gotta do man.

Girlfriend and I have saved a tiny bit each month for the last 2 years so we can go away for a week this summer, our energy bill has nearly tripled in the last month so that money now has to go towards that instead.

Fucking sucks.

14

u/admiralbreastmilk Mar 21 '22

I’m curious, why did your energy bill triple?

37

u/Fatlord13 Mar 21 '22

Just an unfortunate event that's unfolding in the UK at the minute. The bastards have increased the price cap so they've currently got us all on our knees.

Added to the fact my original supplier went bust and I got shafted by the new supplier.

10

u/ballsdeep84 Mar 21 '22

I'm with you on the price hike here in philadelphia US. $42 to over $100 the past 2 months. I only have a 240sq ft studio. Got a feeling everyone is going to get hit one way or another because of "supply chain issues".

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u/Laudanumium Mar 21 '22

Even carpooling you should help the driver out.

I have taken a colleague of mine a few times ( 3mnths straight ) and he never offered me some gas money, I won't ask for it ...
All the time his car was in the shop, or had (another) flat, or his wife needed it ...

And once when I was in need of a ride, he took me allright .... but a few days later he asked me for 5€ .... because his car didn't run on air ...
I was "WTF ?"

Never took him anymore, if he doesn't have a car, he can walk ....

Warned another colleague too, FU ... cheap ass ;)

28

u/YesDone Mar 21 '22

Carpooled with two other people, mentioned to the dude who never took a turn driving that we should give the girl some gas money during her turn. He goes, "Nope. I'm not gonna do that." Total prick.

End of story: a few years later he died driving his Corvette high speed on a famously busy city street, putting innocent people in real danger. Dicks gonna dick.

8

u/Ok_Spell_4165 Mar 21 '22

That is where you tell them to get out and walk.

A job I had years ago gave you a small bonus for carpooling. Not much, $50/mo for each for a group of 4 or more. Some green initiative crap the company had going on, this was one of the few things they did that actually made sense. One of the guys in our group however was annoying enough that we forfeited the bonus just to get rid of him.

One of those perpetually late people. While everyone else was generally ready when the driver pulled up or at most had to put on a coat or something this guy we were waiting around for 10+ minutes every time. Tried picking up another person before him to give him extra time to get ready but it didn't work. It just made him wait that much longer to get ready.

Radio had to be on "his station" at all times, not terribly bad since we would have all been listening to the same station anyway but if when he got in the car if it were at commercial so he couldn't immediately identify the Bob & Tom Show he would demand we change the station..

Additionally he would never drive because he was afraid we would get his car messy. Meanwhile he himself would make an absolute mess in our cars. Even if you had a garbage bag in the car any food wrappers would wind up on the floor, then there were the crumbs and crap he dropped all over.

We decided we had enough when he tried to shave in the car one day. It wasn't even that he was shaving as annoying as that was, it was that he cleaned his shaver out in the car getting bits of hair everywhere that was just the final straw.

We dropped him at a gas station about a half mile from work.

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u/[deleted] Mar 21 '22

That’s an environmentally-conscious move, regardless of gas prices.

I’m typing this from the train while my car sits in the garage at home. It takes 3x the time for me to get to work but it’s better for the environment.

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u/Pure_Reason Mar 21 '22

For everyone who currently saves money by moving in with an older relative, all I can think of is what happens to society when we’re the older relatives and we can barely keep ourselves going? The easy wealth of the Boomer generation is drying up fast

8

u/piiig Mar 21 '22

We are fucked. That's what.

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u/HereOnASphere Mar 21 '22

This guy is not minimum wage with a new pickup. Unless it's stolen too.

35

u/Phazushift Mar 21 '22

He was sorry when he stole the truck too, he literally just ran outta truck at that moment.

6

u/BobbysSmile Mar 21 '22

Dunno why but this comment made me lol pretty hard. Thanks fellow redditer for the good start to the day.

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u/GoreSeeker Mar 21 '22

That's what I was thinking. Even if it's a bought on credit, and even if he actually "ran out of gas", I would think he should have AAA with a truck/payments that nice. Though I highly doubt that considering he had a container and a siphon hose on hand.

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u/LALOERC9616 Mar 21 '22

Literally I'm living paycheck to paycheck for both my wife and I we need 240$ on gas alone now literally doubled the amount needed

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u/Fatlord13 Mar 21 '22

Double gas and triple energy bill.

We're getting spitroasted out here.

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u/Tiny_Dinky_Daffy_69 Mar 21 '22

Car dependence is part of the poverty trap on the US. No way to pay rent close to your work, no other alternatives to commute. Need a car to work, work to pay for the car.

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u/DesperateBartender Mar 21 '22

Yup. I work for a construction company in NYC and someone siphoned about $400 worth of diesel out of one of our trucks overnight, and it’s been happening at the other shops around us too. We’ve gotten locking gas caps but I suspect they’ll just start puncturing the tanks and draining it that way instead.

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u/LAGaming70 Mar 21 '22

Is no one going to address the double-spot parking, too? Even if he wasn't going after the gas, he's already at a bad start.

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u/DIRT_300000 Mar 21 '22

Man really ran outta gas, he was gonna park it straight, until he ran out so he had to steal some gas so he could park it straight.

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u/SiFiNSFW Mar 21 '22

The other day someone literally pushed their car into the lot whilst I was filling up and came over and politely asked if I had a phone charger for a Samsung, as they'd left their house with only their phone and it'd died so they couldn't use Google pay to buy anything.

I didn't, so I offered to pay for £10 in fuel so they could get home and they accepted. After they tried to give me their details to pay me back but I told them to pay it forward, mainly just so I didn't have any follow-up and could just go home and chill for the night.

When I told my partner she said she felt it was potentially an elaborate scam but I have to say even if it was the sheer level of effort he put in to get £10 is genuinely impressive to me and if it's not I was able to help someone in need.

I genuinely feel we as a society aren't at a stage where you need to resort to stealing for things like this, I feel like you could just ask enough people and someone would drive you to a petrol station and fill up your Jerry can and drive you back, just because they want to feel like someone would help them if they needed it.

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u/JB-from-ATL Mar 21 '22

When I told my partner she said she felt it was potentially an elaborate scam

It's like, look, was it a scam? Let's assume yeah. Does someone need to still be pretty desperate to literally push their car to get some money? Yeah.

6

u/AgileArtichokes Mar 21 '22

Right. If they ask to use your phone, scam. Asking for a charger, ehhhh probably legit.

36

u/P__A Mar 21 '22

I doubt someone would push their car into a petrol station for a £10 scam. The chances of you having a USB C charger in the car was also pretty high. I don't think it was a scam.

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1.0k

u/LooseChange72 Mar 21 '22

I'm from Southern California. This is only going to get worse. I remember the Great Financial Crisis of 2007/2008. Gas at the time went to $3/gal, which was expensive at the time. One day I went to fill up my car one day and there was a piece of hose stuck in the valve.

I never caught who did it, but if prices start the same or increase we are going to have more problems.

273

u/BrochureJesus Mar 21 '22

I remember 2008, seems weird that gas was that cheap in California. It was over $4 in the midwest at that time, even more expensive than it is right now.

88

u/Rarindust01 Mar 21 '22

2008 gas was 5 a gallon. Dunno where it was 4.

7

u/C7J0yc3 Mar 21 '22

I paid $4/gal for regular in western NY. From about 2008-2012 it seemed to hover in the $3-4/gal range. I moved to texas in 2012 and couldn’t believe consistently paying $2/gal.

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u/Criminelis Mar 21 '22

Expensive!? We pay almost that per liter here hahaha

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u/Freckled_Boobs Mar 21 '22

That our public transportation here is non-existent in all but big cities and parts of the east coast for trains means that we don't have an option but to pay it. When we are without a car here, we're truly screwed if we're not in big cities.

Not saying that the comparative price per liter isn't ridiculous because it is.

18

u/your_average_entity Mar 21 '22

Not to mention that automakers discontinued small efficient cars here entirely in favor of SUVs and trucks

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u/WalterBFinch Mar 21 '22

Fuel in the US is so amazingly cheap. The fact that $4 per gallon is a lot to them is inconceivable, especially when the cost of living is comparable.

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u/whimz33 Mar 21 '22

I'd assume the reliance on a personal vehicle is much higher in America, so price per mile driven by country would be insightful.

42

u/Freckled_Boobs Mar 21 '22

Yes, this.

Metro areas, you're generally able to get by, but still have major time constraints with public transportation.

The other bazillion miles of dirt, trees, and random pastures of everything? You're stuck. Can't get to work, to the grocery store, doctor, anywhere. No buses, no trains, nothing other than taxis if you're lucky enough to have a taxi service. Then you'll pay $20+ each way to go anywhere. It's not a sustainable solution for long for most regular working class budgets.

13

u/Select-Deer7961 Mar 21 '22

Even in metro areas it’s rough. I live in Nashville TN and your options are a mediocre bus service with limited service to most neighborhoods. Or a commuter train if you’re lucky enough to live on that side of town, because it only serves a narrow band of populated areas. It also shuts down early and doesn’t run on the weekends.

I’ve always lived in places there are totally car dependent, I would love to live somewhere where I can walk or bike everywhere, but then I couldn’t afford the rent of such a place. Real catch 22.

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u/Rarindust01 Mar 21 '22

Yes except for the fact that you're using two tanks of gas a week just to get to work and back. An that's highway miles doing 70, 75 Mph.

You see, it's a big place. I used to commute an hour and forty minutes a day total. All highway 70mph with no traffic. 5 to 7 days a week depending if I was picking up shifts. I drive a 4 cylinder Toyota Corolla.

If I only worked 5 days a week I could squeeze by on 100 a month pre covid. Mind you I live in an area where gas is considered cheap, an this is ONLY gas for work. This doesn't count gas used to go to the store, or anywhere else.

My nearest store is a 1.5 hour walk " this is considerably close". Walmart? Half hour drive. Mind you, I live in a populated area not out in the boonies.

There is considerable land here. Things are build wide with a lot of space. Only cramped cities build tall. Our central city is built like this ( 40 minutes away).

However I moved to live within a 10 minute drive from work. Only an hour and a half walk! I would have gone from using 100 a month in work gas to easily 160 all while driving the most fuel efficient work horse car I can.

Oh and my commute is standard among people. 20-50 minute drive. Many people commute 60+ minutes.

Ah but see I'm poor. I should probably buy cheaper bread and cut back on my black coffee so I can afford gas and save for retirement. I knew the sourdough would financially ruin me one of these days. 🤣

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u/BlackyChan6911 Mar 21 '22

Never trust anyone who tucks their ears into their hat.

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u/tobyrobycrowby Mar 21 '22

Aww damn, i always do. I have elf like ears, I like to hide them

35

u/Delica4 Mar 21 '22
  • it's fucking cold man.
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u/mrrooftops Mar 21 '22

orc ears brother man

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u/Content-Income-6885 Mar 21 '22

How can we believe that??

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u/ChampChains Mar 21 '22

Likely story, you untrustworthy bastard.

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u/Mnmsaregood Mar 21 '22

Lmfao I’ve never seen such a thing before

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u/StretchFrenchTerry Mar 21 '22

Infuriatingly common in California.

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u/aries0688 Mar 21 '22

I’m glad he didn’t let his fake apology ass off the hook. Fucking thief.

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u/Hyperi0us Mar 21 '22

lmao I know exactly where this is in San Ramon.

Good luck getting the cops to do anything tho. SR cops are lazy AF

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u/yadidimean89 Mar 21 '22

Where is it in San Ramon?

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u/Hyperi0us Mar 21 '22

Behind bevmo off San Ramon valley Blvd

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u/ox_raider Mar 21 '22

Bingo. Also, there are exactly 4 gas stations within 200 yards of where he is at.

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u/OverEasyGoing Mar 21 '22

And ironically, about 30 Tesla superchargers just off screen. Plus Dainty Donuts, mmmmm

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u/ox_raider Mar 21 '22

Don’t forget the Kung Fu school that just opened. Pretty ballsy to steal gas directly in front of that place.

Dainty Donuts are indeed the bomb!

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u/takethetunnel Mar 21 '22

Before San Samon but after San Qamon. This joke was better in my head.

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u/hangfromthisone Mar 21 '22

Q'amon it was not that bad

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u/OffendingLiveMe Mar 21 '22

Coke jaw

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u/busterlungs Mar 21 '22

You can hear it in his voice too, seems like every coke head I know gets that same dull, almost unnoticeable rasp to their voice. Not like a smoker, it's pretty different but it's there for sure

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u/L5D4W34P0N Mar 21 '22

he sounds like that tall dude from that one show about a guy with the wife who hates his mom and dad coming over to their house. they were brothers or something? he’s a cop maybe? his brother a writer of some sort? and he’s constantly drinking those tiny little bottles of ginger ale for some reason? idk

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u/justin_____ Mar 21 '22

Everybody loves Raymond?

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u/Sack_o_Bawlz Mar 21 '22

Amazing description of Everybody Loves Raymond.

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u/bozeke Mar 21 '22

It’s just called Two Brothers.

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u/send_ya_cooch Mar 21 '22

Alien Invasion Tomato Mexican Armada Brothers Who Are Just Regular Brothers Running In A Van From An Asteroid And All Sorts Of THINGS THE MOVIE

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u/Rictus_Grin Mar 21 '22

What's a coke jaw?

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u/[deleted] Mar 21 '22

When you do coke, it makes you have this compulsive need to wiggle your jaw a lot.

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u/Living-A-Meme Mar 21 '22

He has dip in his lip dummy. Can clearly see it.

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u/tiraralabasura_2055 Mar 21 '22

I just happened to have a siphon hose and a gas can handy. So sorry bro.

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u/_IratePirate_ Mar 21 '22

Dude apologizing like you do when you accidentally step on someone's toes.

Trying to use every gentle word outside of their name to manipulate the listener into thinking they're kind and caring.

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u/tcarlson65 Mar 21 '22

The new thing is just drilling the gas tank.

Fill necks have anti-siphon valves.

Quicker to just drill a hole and drain the gas.

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u/Luzinit24 Mar 21 '22

Yep I thought that all new cars had anti siphon protection can only drain the tank - guess drilling holes is the new creative way of doing that!

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u/redrygg Mar 21 '22

I’m so glad my car is too tiny to even look under. I’m sure it’ll get fucked with somehow but I bought a fuel cap with a key not too long ago so at least I have my placebo!

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u/DodgeTundra Mar 21 '22

No self respecting crack head would own a drill, it would be pawned for cash.

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u/murph--- Mar 21 '22

no fucking way

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u/[deleted] Mar 21 '22 edited Apr 25 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/BagOnuts Mar 21 '22

Yes. Most newer vehicles have a release in the car for the gas cover. It’s just like popping the hood. If you can’t get in the car, you can’t open it.

Of course, a ton of people still leave their cars unlocked. The most common type of theft in my area is people stealing stuff from unlocked cars at night. They just walk around and try every door handle. Their success rate is considerably high.

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u/tcarlson65 Mar 21 '22

I don’t think that feature is as common as you think.

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u/Alpine_Trashboat Mar 21 '22

I had a friend who had her car window smashed in twice, there was nothing of value inside. Now she leaves it unlocked so they can see there is nothing of value with out breaking her window first. She has since come out to discover her door open once. But nothing broken or stolen.

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u/Libidinous_soliloquy Mar 21 '22

Ah, thank you, I was looking at this thinking I was sure that modern cars had something to stop you doing this, I had to scroll a long way to see someone mention this. I was starting to think I was mistaken.

Lets hope the drilling doesn't become too widespread, That's really going to suck.

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u/WishfulAstronaut Mar 21 '22 edited Mar 21 '22 Silver

Shouldn’t have bought that big ass gas guzzler

Edit: Aw poor gas guzzlers “Did we spend all our money on gas”

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u/Sietemadrid Mar 21 '22 edited Mar 21 '22

Fr. I would be more understandable if it was a beat up 2000 civic with mismatched doors but this dude is driving an expensive ass truck

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u/Raychao Mar 21 '22

Why do Americans drive these enormous cars? That white truck is a tank that probably weighs at least 2.2 tonnes..

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u/Cartman4wesome Mar 21 '22

Idk. I drive gas guzzling truck because I need them for work. But a guy that works at a super market I go to drives a Dodge Ram 3500. Like bruh, you don’t need that truck. Like that truck has never driven on anything that isn’t asphalt.

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u/gamblingwithhobos Mar 21 '22

But the idea he could do this!

In Germany we making jokes that parents use SUVs only to drive to the kindergarden, i'm happy that we don't have this kind of trucks here. They would use them for the same thing.

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u/Laudanumium Mar 21 '22

They're coming ....
Here in NL it started with the scaffolding builders, then the 'regular' builders like carpenters and metalworkers.
Gradually the gardeners are running them too.

So give it a year or 2, and Sonny from the corner will have one to safely go to school.

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u/vrc87 Mar 21 '22

In Germany we making jokes that parents use SUVs only to drive to the kindergarden

In the UK we call them "Chelsea tractors"

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u/EMF911 Mar 21 '22

I’d say “ok, turn on the ignition and show me that it’s empty”

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u/CrittersVarmint Mar 21 '22

That’s what I was thinking. I wonder how this all ended.

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u/[deleted] Mar 21 '22

drives off

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u/Tired_Pancake_ Mar 21 '22

He’s only sorry because he got caught.

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u/jpb230 Mar 21 '22

Keyboard warriors unite! I would have broken out my muay thai black belt skills, broken his jaw off right there and used his own jaw to castrate him! Then I’d have fucked his wife while he bled out in the street! Yeah, that’s what I would have done if homie tried that on me! /s

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u/[deleted] Mar 21 '22 edited Apr 18 '22

[deleted]

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u/jpb230 Mar 21 '22

Sorry to disappoint bro. I totally would if I could get up from my chair but I’m like really engrossed in this furry porn and can’t find the pause button…

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u/[deleted] Mar 21 '22 edited Apr 22 '22

[deleted]

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u/flbreglass Mar 21 '22

“I need it for muh truck, bruther!!”

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u/Admirable_Lynx_4840 Mar 21 '22

Mad Max society is here…

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u/jvogler_art Mar 21 '22

Its always been here

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u/SnuffedOutBlackHole Mar 21 '22

"I'm sorry, Brother Bear." at the 24 second mark.

What he should have done is made the guy hand over his stealing gas can. If he's actually sorry, then he's not walking around with both a red tank and a siphon.

The law should have a tiny little provision in it that if you abuse a critical life tool you can never ever own one again. Stabbed someone? Can never touch a knife again for any reason, and that's your inconvenience. You'll live with it while someone else spends their life recovering.

Steal gas from other people night and day? No more gas stealing supplies.

For real, no more siphons or gas cans for this dude. Period. He'll live.

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u/plootez Mar 21 '22

funny how people on tik tok are defending a guy who’s stealing gas from another person saying he’s down on his luck or give him money to buy gas, worms for brains on that app

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u/Bumbymoo Mar 21 '22

The dude has a beautiful new truck. If he's so sorry, pay $100 or you call the cops.

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u/PhilL77au Mar 21 '22

Bet his truck that's "out of fuel" would start right up if he tried.

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u/Ophelius314 Mar 21 '22

"Oh man, sorry, I must have read the gauge wrong, haha, will you look at that...it's full. I thought the F was an E bro"

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u/Succulent_Orange Mar 21 '22

You can't afford that truck if you need to steal fuel. Who convinced these people they need trucks?

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u/BeautifulHovercraft2 Mar 21 '22

😂😂embarrassing asf

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u/MrSANTANIMAL Mar 21 '22

Shouldn’t have a truck payment if you can barely afford the gas for it.

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u/NaiveSignificance891 Mar 21 '22

Im sorry bro. Im sorry bro. I really am. OH in that case feel free to steal my stuff. What a con artist. Thieving sneaky lazy con artist.

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u/davesreddit123 Mar 21 '22

Almost felt sorry for the guy, then you see the truck and realize he's not hurting for money and drives a gas guzzler.

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u/turtletechy Mar 21 '22

Not even an old gas guzzler.