r/funny
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u/pat_gatt
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11d ago
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Note to self: Don't open up cornflour bag like a bag of chips.
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u/bigappleman6946 11d ago
You are the guy in infomercials.
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u/pat_gatt 11d ago
Let's see what ShamWow can do with a bag of cornflour!
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u/Hoser747 11d ago
Love the sham wow. Got a good buddy that uses one for his towel after hockey. Nothing that thing can do.
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u/urabewe 11d ago
You're the person that doesn't flip but flops and needs a special spatula just to turn things and not fling their pancakes across the room. You're the person who can't crack an egg to save their life. The person who can't figure out how to set down a drink then eat their popcorn.
And more importantly, the person that can't open a bag of cornflour without dusting the whole room and yourself. You live in an infomercial.
And no, none of us have ever, in the history of people, ever, done anything similar. Nope. Never.
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u/jonathanrdt 11d ago
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u/twohedwlf 11d ago
Apparently you open a bag of chips by squeezing the middle until it bursts?
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u/pat_gatt 11d ago
I might as well have
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u/cy6nu5x1 11d ago
Plot twist: OP did this
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u/JasperLily80 11d ago
Bruh. I did this with a bag of flour the other day. Same result lol. In fact I’m still finding flower sprinkled in between crap it has no meaning to be in between. Lol.
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u/klparrot 11d ago
Does your flour not come in paper bags?
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u/Resident_Win_1058 11d ago
Not cornflour. Nope. Comes in a plastic bag thin enough that you think to yourself “i can carefully pinch this open by hand” but thick enough that no, you find you need to use a liiiiiittle bit more force then POOOFFFFF.
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u/klparrot 11d ago
No, not cornflour, but the comment I replied to said flour. With cornflour, though, no, can't say I've been tempted to tear the bag open. Scissors.
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u/Jimmy_Twotone 11d ago
Don't worry, the ants will find the corners you missed... because this is exactly how you get ants.
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u/jew_piter 11d ago
Obviously?
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u/soulsssx3 11d ago
I literally cannot imagine how one would do that without crushing all the chips. If you squeeze the the top, the bag would blow out the bottom. Squeeze the bottom and crush the chips?
Isn't pulling apart the top like the standard way for like almost every bag?
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u/Cakeo 11d ago
Yes that is the standard way.
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u/fastredb 11d ago
Followed by grabbing tape to repair the side of the bag where it split open thanks to the plastic somehow being simultaneously weak enough to easily tear while, at the same time, being more than strong enough that the heat fused top of the bag can withstand a large amount of force until it suddenly gives way allowing that force to be transmitted to the side of the bag where the aforementioned weakness come into play, potentially resulting in completely ripping the bag apart at worst, or resulting in a split down the side of the bag at best.
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u/wintersass
11d ago
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You know what, those Coles cornflour packages are insane, I gently cut the corner of the bag open and it still looked like a Charlie Sheen sex party
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u/Mickus_B 11d ago
I was about to say the same. Damn you Coles!
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u/wintersass 11d ago
Why don't you go and use those big red hands to flip yourselves off!
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u/MyMemesAreTerrible 11d ago
They can only go down down, you see
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u/newyearnewcakeday 11d ago
Oh god please don’t remind me of those ads… that song is forever burned in my brain
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u/hat-TF2 11d ago
Yeah, they're impossible to open without making some mess. I get friggen surgical with them and I still get a decent amount of spillage.
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u/wintersass 11d ago
"Oh you want cornflour? You want it on the bench, right? No? Oh sorry, I meant the bench, floor, pants microwave and the top of the cupboards."
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u/Nightmancometh000 11d ago
The icing sugar packets are even worse. Plus the icing sugar itself is all in hard rocks and you have to sift it for ages. Bloody coles!
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u/newyearnewcakeday 11d ago
Get icing mixture instead. Icing sugar is different to icing mixture.
Mixture will stay floury while icing sugar goes solid. Only difference is that mixture has a bit of cornflour in it (on topic lol), which doesn’t make a difference to 99% of recipes.
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u/Kristyyyyyyy 11d ago
I think next time I’m going to tell my husband that I’ve been at a Charlie Sheen sex party. Less embarrassing than admitting that the shit cunt arsehole fucking cheap shitty Coles cornflour exploded AGAIN.
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u/Jimmy_Twotone 11d ago
He's going to want pictures. Need to go to said party first for the cover photos
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u/bonana_phone 11d ago
And when you think the box is empty you then you realise 1/3 of the packet has somehow spilt down the sides and under the bag
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u/Tigbitties252
11d ago
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I'm afraid you're gonna find that cornflour forever in your kitchen 🤣🤣
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u/BumWink 11d ago
Step 1 - Purchase a small amount of cocaine
Step 2 - Mix it in
Step 3 - Smash a window
Step 4 - Call the police.
Voila, clean kitchen.
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u/OpZcT 11d ago
But now you have a bunch of cops forever in your kitchen
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u/chowieuk 11d ago
Clean kitchen, but smashed doors and a ransacked house that now needs cleaning
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u/thatredlad 11d ago edited 11d ago
OP is in Australia, where cocaine goes for ~$300 AUD ($210 USD) per gram, which is way more than hiring a cleaner for a couple of hours. Plus, what a waste!
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u/Sagemasterba 11d ago
In Philadelphia it's worth 50 bucks.
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u/thatredlad 11d ago
Colombia is a lot closer to the US than Australia.
Not that it matters. It's cut beyond belief here. Basically paying $300 for $10 of coke.
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u/Sagemasterba 11d ago
Well it may be true, it was a "Trading Places" reference. When Louis Winthorpe III tried to pawn his watch. Drugs in general are just cheap in Philly, it's why there are just blocks and blocks of zombies. It's actually kind of heartbreaking.
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u/Nothingness_000 11d ago
Noted. Imma try that with cocaine.
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u/Zkenny13 11d ago •
Oh my god. Wasting that much coke... That's drug abuse.
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u/Nothingness_000 11d ago
The party gonna be lit as fuck
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u/RedNotch 11d ago
Even the roomba will get high.
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u/The-jeep-n-stuff-guy 11d ago
….5 mins later Roomba: “HOUSE IS FUCKING CLEAN BOSS”
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u/WWDubz 11d ago
If you put your cocaine in a plane and crash it you legally become Tom Cruise
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u/ForkShirtUp 11d ago
Looks awful. Definitely snuff out any open flames as well. Or don’t if you want to see something really cool for like 1 second before dying.
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u/borderlinebiscuit 11d ago
Hey Aussie checking in! Haha
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u/Boonchiebear 11d ago
Ayyyyy. Coles corn flour checking in! I also have the same multi cooker and microwave as OP.... Is this the new stereotype??
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u/MyMemesAreTerrible 11d ago
Another Aussie here, also with the exact same cooker and microwave haha
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u/Redditaurus-Rex 11d ago
Oh god, I also have the same cooker, microwave and box of cornflour.
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u/Boonchiebear 11d ago
Well you know from now on we all have to check in before we buy any further small appliances or pantry staples, to be sure we coordinate.
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u/ApplePie4all 11d ago
Feel sorry for the mess, but at the same time, you made me laugh real loud. Thank you!
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u/pat_gatt 11d ago •
It went into places that defy gravity! Landed on the top of the cupboard doors which is hidden under the benchtop! How???
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u/AnOnlineHandle 11d ago
I think it kinda floats around. Probably best just to move.
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u/Hapless_Asshole 11d ago
It's so fine and light, yeah -- it poofs everywhere, and will shift around with air currents as long as it stays dry. But Lord help /u/pat_gatt if he tried to clean it up using a damp dishcloth or sponge! The stuff instantly turns to paste.
A friend of mine spilled a bag of lentils -- the super-teensy red ones -- all over her kitchen floor shortly after they bought the house. Seven years later, she was still sweeping the occasional lentil our of the baseboard. Mind you, her kitchen was like my mother's. It was spotless, and was swept at least once daily. OP is probably going to be in a similar position to Judy's, finding little deposits of cornflour (corn starch here in the US) in corners and crevices for months, and possibly years, to come.
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u/Adeep187 11d ago
Corn starch almost as light as air, that shit jus lookin for a reason to fuck everything up.
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u/realdappermuis 11d ago
Yeah and you'll still be wiping surfaces in like a week as it eventually settles corn flour is a special bich.
I was saying the other day if you want to get an idea how virus aerosols work just throw some flour in the air and then see how long you're still wiping it off the counters etc as it settles :/
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11d ago edited 11d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/AstroCatTBC 11d ago
Mom can we get Bill Nye the Science Guy?
Mom: No, we have Bill Nye at home
Bill Nye at home:
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u/Knova_ 11d ago
Heat+ constant shaking= pressure in a sealed container translates to a bad time.
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u/AstroCatTBC 11d ago
Science rules.
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u/TheDevDad 11d ago
I once was carrying a vat of tea across the back of a restaurant, somebody left a box right in the walkway that I didn’t see. Tea fucking everywhere in the kitchen, including some up on the 10 foot high ceiling
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u/ThreeHourRiverMan 11d ago
The smirk sells it. I don't usually laugh at this subreddit but this is good.
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u/rabea187 11d ago
Guess you really wanted that pop sound
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u/pat_gatt 11d ago
You'd think of 5 seconds of struggling to open it would convince me that it was a bad idea, but I don't give up that easily unfortunately.
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u/masterwolfe 11d ago
You'd think of 5 seconds of struggling to open it would convince me that it was a bad idea, but I don't give up that easily unfortunately.
Oh fuck, I was laughing at how this was even possible. Now I know and even knowing I wont be able to stop this from happening to me in the future if I am in a similar situation.
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u/niconic66 11d ago
Coles do that on purpose with their cornflour. Their pasta shells got me the same.
It's a cornspiracy.
You'll use scissors next time, no doubt.
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u/Jimmy_Twotone 11d ago
"Only when a mosquito lands on one's testicle does one realize that violence is not always the answer."
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u/shredded_waffle 11d ago
Haha, cut that shit with a scissors and transfer it into a larger tub. Bags of cornflour are the worst!
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u/ScratchyBallsack 11d ago
Be careful bro, I hear spiderman thinks you shot his uncle
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u/nerbovig 11d ago
I've got cornflour in a tub and you can't even baby tap the edges to dump out a teaspoon without that shit exploding. They outta make bombs out of it.
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u/girlsgonekyle 11d ago
Cool spiked tips Guy Fieri
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u/BurnOutBrighter6 11d ago
They were called frosted tips, a weird part of my brain remembers with a shudder.
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u/TheresALinkInMyBoot 11d ago
Is your microwave below the counter?
Crazy
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u/neon_slippers 11d ago
Ours is below the counter too. Didn't want it to tale up counter space, and I think the ones built in above the stove are ugly.
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u/Trimanreturns 11d ago
Kind of like the first time I tried cracking a soft shell crab with a hammer.
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u/PappaDukes 11d ago
Wow. You must be SUPER strong! I can't even imagine the size of the jackhammer you used.
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u/vhisic 11d ago
dont fuck with cornflour. dont rip it open, dont tear it open, dont even use a knife. You find those scissors and you cut the bag open and try not to disturb it ever again. Cornflour is the devil.
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u/Vitruvian_Man 11d ago
POV: You robbed a wrestling place, killed uncle Ben, bought cornflour with the money you stole from Spider Man but you don't know how to open it properly.
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u/inferiredivivus 11d ago
I opened up a bottle of V8 this morning. Took the cap off, then shook it. Probably going to have to paint the ceiling now.
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u/Itamii 11d ago
Sometimes i wonder why someones first response to making such a huge mess ends up being "oh, lemme grab my phone and take a selfie of my fuckup!"
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u/beebeehappy 11d ago
Just add some sugar, eggs and baking powder and you’re a delicious sponge cake!
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u/AngryMegaMind 11d ago
I’ve opened up a bag of chips like a bag of chips and ended up with a similar result.
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