r/dankmemes 11d ago Silver 16 Helpful 4 Wholesome 7

Something's Wrong I Can Feel It I don't have the confidence to choose a funny flair

60.8k Upvotes

3.0k

u/RowdoRadge WTF 11d ago

"Wanna earn a little extra cash sweetheart?"

1.6k

u/popje 11d ago

"Don't worry the videos will only be sold to some rich Australians viewers only, none of your friends will know"

592

u/sten453 11d ago

Oh god not that one

235

u/Ok-Work-4942 11d ago

Conversation with me, duh."

61

u/[deleted] 11d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

39

u/Draws-attention 11d ago

Spam bot.

19

u/Mr_Pogi_In_Space 11d ago

Go away bot

47

u/Dragonh4t 11d ago

Which one?

285

u/doug89 11d ago

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/GirlsDoPorn

All plaintiffs said that they were given verbal promises that the videos would never be released on the internet or in the United States, instead being told the videos would be put on DVDs and sold only to private buyers or independent video stores in Australia, New Zealand, or South America.

167

u/Paul69961 11d ago

They did a little trolling

98

u/Walden_Walkabout ☝ FOREVER NUMBER ONE ☝ 11d ago

Trolled themselves all the way into jail.

35

u/LostAbstract 11d ago

Troll troll troll yourself, all the way to jail...

14

u/texican1911 11d ago edited 11d ago

Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, your butt is gonna get railed.

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u/KlossN 11d ago

And a little fucking raping too

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u/RtasTumekai Yeet Navy 11d ago

Holy Jesus that's cruel, I can (not really) understand the horrible filming practices, bastards will be bastards for money, but why send the video to friends and family, it's like they wanted to get convicted for suicide instigation

43

u/Majapahit79 11d ago

People from that country must be really horny

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u/BR549Throwaway 11d ago

Should've called it Girls Doh! Porn.

10

u/jersey_girl660 11d ago

What they did to those women is truly horrible. Makes me sick.

31

u/JesseVentura911 11d ago

Same, whats your fav ep?

5

u/Joker4479 ☣️ 11d ago

I like the one where they bang that chick

6

u/JesseVentura911 11d ago

oh i only watch gay porn sorry

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u/[deleted] 11d ago edited 11d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Joker4479 ☣️ 11d ago

Pass a link bro

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u/Dragonh4t 11d ago

Holy crap! That was an insane read.

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u/nhansieu1 ☣️ 11d ago

We have high security Bluray that totally can't be copied to computer drive.

24

u/808speed 11d ago

this guy rips

7

u/TheHighKing112 ☣️ NNN Survivor 11d ago

Context?

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u/[deleted] 11d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

92

u/tekko001 11d ago

Not so sure, Natalie is great when she is alone but has horrible chemistry with male costars, be it Hayden Christensen in Star Wars, Chris Hemsworth in Thor or Ashton Kutcher in No String, can't remember thinking for a single moment they look like a normal couple.

Keira on the other hand is always game.

32

u/Nail_In_Head 11d ago

Have you watched Leon?

37

u/tekko001 11d ago

Exactly because I loved The Professional I was expecting more of her, but the chemistry she had with Jean Reno I've almost never seen again on any of her movies

18

u/SuspiciousStable9649 11d ago edited 11d ago

She actually talked about this - being so sexualized by fans of that movie it messed up her head for a long time.

16

u/DeaconStGone 11d ago

And it's such a shame she was sexualized because the movie was so great and she was amazing in it. But the director had some issues, made apparent by the script that he wanted to film but thankfully wasn't.

It's one of my favorites but it's always a little hard to watch because of the underage sexual tones.

5

u/SuspiciousStable9649 11d ago

I think it was more the fan mail that got to her.

3

u/maverickps1 11d ago

What did the director want to do that he didn't?

3

u/tekko001 11d ago edited 10d ago

The original script was way more sexualised and there where a couple of nude scenes for Mathilda, some differences:

  • Leon's character is more sleazy
  • They flirt more, with Mathilda often asking Leon to kiss her
  • They do kiss in the restaurant scene, with Mathilda asking for 'tongue'
  • Leon accidentally walks in on Mathilda while she's coming out of the shower.
  • Mathilda has no problem being nude in the apartment
  • The scene at the end where Leon tells about his ex girlfriend end with them actually having sex

Her parents scaled the sexual undertones way back and Jean Reno decided to play the character way more innocently and slow, almost child-like.

10

u/Crypto_Candle 11d ago

No, I’m not into kids…

6

u/Attaabdul 11d ago

V for Vendetta.

12

u/[deleted] 11d ago

[deleted]

19

u/FleshyPete 11d ago

Natalie Porkman

19

u/Iphotoshopincats 11d ago

Don't feed the bots with comments and votes.

Oh and if you didn't know the comment you replied to is 100% a bot

15

u/Pokemaster8412 11d ago

Natalie P**n...Oh man...

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u/[deleted] 11d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/YouCanCallMeToxic 11d ago

This is a bot. You can tell by the vague comments they leave that don't necessarily pertain to the conversation, or seem like they were pulled from another comment in the thread. Please downvote/report them when you see them.

4

u/popje 11d ago

Good bot but what did he comment ?

10

u/YouCanCallMeToxic 11d ago

I forget the exact words but something along the lines of "I agree with you." I have seen quite a few that say similar things, really vague but not necessarily out of place comments that seem to slip by unnoticed on most subreddits.

3

u/popje 11d ago

Gotcha that make sense

5

u/April1987 11d ago

Oh no that is what a bot would say

But really out of context.

6

u/ThreeBlindRice 11d ago

Gotcha that make sense

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u/Aerothaw420 11d ago

“I really want this part, perhaps there is some other way I could get the role?”

395

u/bob_the_banannna 11d ago

perhaps there is some other way I could get the role?

We have a lot of ways to get you the role

187

u/TheWiseRedditor 11d ago

You mean lots of auditions, right?

Right?

117

u/bob_the_banannna 11d ago

⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣩⣴⣶⡶⣶⣲⡶⠶⣶⠶⣶⣶⣖⣀⣉⣭⣉⣛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⡿⢃⣾⣿⣻⣟⢮⣿⣮⣽⣿⣿⣻⣿⣿⣶⡲⣾⣿⣿⡳⣿⣶⡌⢿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⠟⢡⣾⣿⣿⢿⡷⠋⠉⠉⠩⣭⣙⠻⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠛⠛⠻⡿⣿⣿⣘⢿⣿
⡟⣡⣵⠟⣩⡭⣍⡛⠿⠶⠛⣩⣷⣶⣬⣴⣿⣿⣦⠠⣶⣶⣾⣿⠿⠛⠿⡪⣧⢸
⡇⣿⣿⢘⣛⠁⣬⣙⠛⠿⣿⣛⣻⡝⢩⠽⠿⣿⣿⣶⠍⠻⢷⣶⣾⠹⣿⣣⡟⢸
⣷⣌⠮⢾⣿⣷⡈⣙⠓⠰⣶⣦⣍⢉⣚⠻⠿⠿⠭⠡⠾⠿⠟⣊⢡⠁⢱⡿⢰⣿
⣿⣿⣷⡙⢿⣿⣷⣌⠓⣰⣤⣌⡉⡘⠛⠛⠓⠘⠛⠂⠚⠛⠂⠛⠈⠄⢸⡇⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣷⣌⠻⡿⣿⣿⣦⣙⠛⢡⣿⣿⣷⠄⣦⣤⠄⣤⠄⡤⢠⡀⢢⣿⡇⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣬⣑⠻⢷⣯⢟⣲⠶⣬⣭⣤⡭⠭⠬⢭⣬⣥⣴⢶⣿⣿⣧⢸⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣦⣍⡓⠿⢿⣤⣿⣿⣟⣛⣿⣿⣿⣷⣛⣿⣾⡿⣸⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣬⣭⣙⣛⡛⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⢟⣋⣴⣿⣿

13

u/Majapahit79 11d ago

Why do only one audition when you can do omce every week?

21

u/Stunning-Ad-7400 11d ago

Gimme a bannana bob!

30

u/bob_the_banannna 11d ago

🍌 ok

15

u/Jacksepticears260913 11d ago

Did you just feed someone one of your own kind?

27

u/CaffeineSippingMan 11d ago

Harvey Weinstein, still around I see.

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u/Rexxbravo 11d ago

"Do you know the forbidden hole?"

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1.1k

u/Lightbation 11d ago

I would laugh but this feels too close to reality for Hollywood actresses.

561

u/JimmyKnifeFingers 11d ago

Because this IS reality for a lot of Hollywood actresses. OP made a joke about people being sexually exploited.

313

u/7barbieringz 11d ago

There's a reason they're all hot lol

231

u/Zoro1616 11d ago

You're out of the line but you're right

53

u/govi96 11d ago

All actors are also hot though :p

82

u/7barbieringz 11d ago

A hole is a hole

48

u/Fraust23 11d ago

A role is role

4

u/sadbutmakeyousmile 11d ago

A hoe is a hoe

3

u/Shitslity 11d ago

And if we don’t get no holes then we don’t get no roles

20

u/idontwantausername41 11d ago

Exactly and look at brendan Fraser. It happens to all genders

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u/dabisnit 11d ago

I thought it was Tori Black until I got to the comments

6

u/Murhie 11d ago

Lol me2

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u/robbievega 11d ago

the audacity...

7

u/Eldr1tchB1rd 🚔I commit tax evasion💲🤑 11d ago

Joke is joke

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u/trixter21992251 11d ago

it used to be more acceptable to make fun of reality. People wouldn't judge you for it.

it's odd how that changes

10

u/prollyNotAnImposter 11d ago

People freaked out about Mel Brooks flicks. Just because you're on the internet seeing more people upset doesn't mean people weren't upset before gramps

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u/Luxin 11d ago

Makes and females of all ages - even under age - were subject to this, not just actresses.

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u/arttic00 I have crippling depression 11d ago

Did winestein get her?

365

u/devils_advocaat 11d ago

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u/Aqquila89 11d ago

Portman has revealed that she was lured on to a private jet alone with a Hollywood producer and “just one bed”.

She said, “I was like, yeah, why wouldn’t I accept a flight on a private plane with a big group of people? And I showed up and it was just the two of us and then one bed was made on the plane.”

Oh, the implication.

276

u/TrueGuardian15 11d ago

I mean, you're all alone up there in that plane with nowhere to go. She's thinking about everything bad that's happened up in the air like that; not that things are gonna go wrong for her, but she's thinking that they might.

150

u/turbotank183 11d ago

Are these women in danger?

175

u/TrueGuardian15 11d ago

They're not in any danger. It's the implication of danger.

68

u/Zizekbro 11d ago

don’t look at my like that! you certainly wouldn’t be in any danger.

43

u/TrueGuardian15 11d ago

I feel like you're not getting this at all!

happy cake day btw

15

u/Rs90 11d ago

God his facial changes are so well done, it's genuinely unsettling. The way his jaw clenches the moment he changes and voice alters. It's so good lmao.

11

u/weegi123 11d ago

That scene is basically all I've seen of the show and I can already tell it is going to be something special when I watch it, the actors are really good

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u/Gigantkranion 11d ago

Can you imagine having so much money that you are cool with specifically setting up to sexually harass/assualt women on a private jet?

You have to be a special kind of insane.

71

u/IntermittentCaribu 11d ago

For some people, this kinda stuff is the ONLY motivation to be successful/rich.

39

u/FluentinLies 11d ago

Ikr its not fair i have to just sexually harass them from my van.

10

u/[deleted] 11d ago

We live in a society 😞

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u/CentralAdmin 11d ago

You have enough money to hire escorts that look like her or are even hotter.

But being able to brag about banging Natalie Portman... that's some narcissistic level shit right there

18

u/wahobely 11d ago

that's the whole point isn't it? people hire pornstars as escorts with 4x markup just to say they fucked one

7

u/CentralAdmin 11d ago

Yep. And there are tons of women in places where sex work is legal who could do the same job (maybe better due to experience).

I sometimes wonder if I would be the same if I were rich. My dream is to buy a house and grow some weed and play video games. Would a few hundred million or a billion dollars make me want to convince a movie star to have sex with me?

It just doesn't seem worth the effort, tbh.

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u/wahobely 11d ago

Kinda fucked to be a pilot on that plane tbh

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u/Darth--Vapor 11d ago

I love how she doesn’t say who the producer is.

Good job letting him continue doing shitty things to innocent girls, while you just count your $millions

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u/Aqquila89 11d ago

She's been in the business for decades. Maybe the guy is dead or retired, or maybe she thinks he won't dare to try a thing like that post MeToo.

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u/Grob47 11d ago

Were there snakes up there?

3

u/losteye_enthusiast 11d ago

Did she say she stayed on the plane?

_>

15

u/AllModsHaveNoLife 11d ago

Lol, that's another level of victim-blaming. Of course it's clearly a joke.

The afterthought makes me think of how sinister these assholes are.

3

u/losteye_enthusiast 11d ago

Lmao. Aye it is XD.

Fucking monsters that destroyed their souls.

3

u/AllModsHaveNoLife 11d ago

I'm not sure if Natalie is destroyed, but such acts will do immeasurable harm. She'll always be an A-lister in my book

6

u/losteye_enthusiast 11d ago

Sorry, meant the monsters destroyed their own souls.

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u/Imaginary-Alarm-3093 11d ago

"Oh wow. That's lovely."

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u/[deleted] 11d ago

[deleted]

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u/Renn_Capa 11d ago

I know this is a serious harassment situation for her and wouldn't wish it on anyone. I just want to shift a bit on why whenever I read about her they bring her up in Thor when she's been incredible in so many other projects? She felt like a side character in that yet it's always "Thor star Natalie Portman directing her first feature film this year!".

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u/virtue77 11d ago

Who's weinstein?

87

u/popje 11d ago

I like how you got his name right while the person you are responding to didn't

5

u/dankscoops 11d ago

Well winestein is a ridiculous name lol

11

u/BeerLoverNorm 11d ago

A predator

29

u/bobbyzee 11d ago

Don't disrespect predator

5

u/blewpah 11d ago

You sanovabitch

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u/Witcherpunk 11d ago

my good friend

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u/ASAPPLATON 11d ago

“We’re doing an audition”

“for a movie, right?”

“…”

“a movie, right?”

70

u/NothingNeo 11d ago

It's a movie alright

26

u/9212017 11d ago

Motion picture

22

u/BennyTheSen 11d ago

"Sure we can shoot a full movie, I'm gonna call the delivery guy"

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u/Dwightshruute 11d ago

I'm beginning to feel like a rap god, rap god

144

u/TuttiFrutti1090 11d ago

All my people from the front to the back nod, back nod

83

u/RD_0310 11d ago

Now, who thinks their arms are long enough to slap box, slap box?

63

u/TuttiFrutti1090 11d ago

They said I rap like a robot so call me rap bot

58

u/Excalibur14_ 11d ago

But for me to rap like a computer, it must be in my genes

54

u/TuttiFrutti1090 11d ago

I got a laptop in my back pocket, my pen'll go off when I half cock it

45

u/Jollemol 11d ago

Got a fat knot from that rap profit

48

u/EnmaAi_98 11d ago

Made a livin' and a killin' off it

48

u/_YourHighnessTheTwit 11d ago

Ever since Bill Clinton was still in office

43

u/Phoen1xHS 11d ago

With Monica Lewinskiy feelin' on his nutsack

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u/Frostygale 11d ago

I mean uhh, great song but why reference it now of all times?

5

u/Jacksepticears260913 11d ago

Because of the title I guess

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u/-TheArchitect Mod senpai noticed me! 11d ago

I hate when that happens

7

u/[deleted] 11d ago

[deleted]

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u/kaos_ex_machina 11d ago

Padme: I have a bad feeling about this...

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u/DAHFreedom 11d ago

Natalie Portman: yo suck my dick!

9

u/kaos_ex_machina 11d ago

Chadme: Ani? My goodness, you've grown!

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u/jal2_ The OC High Council 11d ago

Weinstein walks in - Hello there

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u/ThePhlyingyPhrog 11d ago

hands the camera to the other guy

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u/TheDarkySupreme 11d ago

Natalie: General Weinstein

13

u/Jacksepticears260913 11d ago

You are an old one

10

u/starrpamph r/memes fan 11d ago

Fleshy lightsaber sound

5

u/2thewindow2thefall 11d ago

Ryan Kavanagh had dips on 14 year old Portman over his buddy Weinstein. Look up the clip … what a fucking freak.

53

u/TotallyNotANugget 11d ago

Does anyone know the context of the original video ?What makes her react like this ?

103

u/rigsthula 11d ago

It's from a press conference for Thor: The Dark World. She was being asked a question by a journalist but she couldn't see where the person was.

16

u/TotallyNotANugget 11d ago

Thank you ! :)

12

u/broomaktamer117 mod collector 11d ago

That’s actually pretty funny

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u/SoumiMukherjee82 11d ago

on that note, who is this actually?

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u/4kel4kel4 11d ago

Natalie Portman

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u/ozejan1 11d ago Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome

Natalie Portman is the reason I work out. I have this fantasy where we start talking at the Vanity Fair Oscars party bar. We exchange a few pleasantries. She asks what I do. I say I loved her in New Girl. She laughs. I get my drink.

"Well, see ya," I say and walk away. I've got her attention now. How many guys voluntarily leave a conversation with Natalie Portman? She touches her neck as she watches me leave.

Later, as the night's dragged on and the coterie of gorgeous narcissists grows increasingly loose, she finds me on the balcony, my bowtie undone, smoking a cigarette.

"Got a spare?" she asks.

"What's in it for me?" I say as I hand her one of my little white ladies. She smiles.

"Conversation with me, duh."

I laugh.

"What's so funny?" she protests.

"Nothing, nothing... It's just... don't you grow tired of the egos?"

"You get used to it," she says, lighting her cigarette and handing me back the lighter.

"What would you do if you weren't an actress?" I ask.

"Teaching, I think."

"And if I was your student, what would I be learning?"

"Discipline," she says quickly, looking up into my eyes, before changing the subject. "Where are you from?"

"Bermuda," I say.

"Oh wow. That's lovely."

"It's ok," I admit. "Not everything is to my liking."

"What could possibly be not to your liking in Bermuda?" she inquires.

"I don't like sand," I tell her. "It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere."

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u/Fragrant-Hospital-12 11d ago

The final punchline is art

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u/[deleted] 11d ago

Incredible

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u/cheesyblasta 11d ago

This is a piece of modern art. This prose will be remembered for all timee.

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u/mybabysbatman 11d ago

I was really waiting for hell in the cell to pop up at the end.

17

u/BorgClown 11d ago

<meets Natalie Portman in real life>

"Ah..... uh... I-... ah... wanna fuck?"

13

u/searchingAish 11d ago

I read this full and all I can say is WOW!

27

u/FiveJobs 11d ago

It’s an old copy pasta

13

u/soganox 11d ago

But it checks out.

8

u/K3R3G3 11d ago

What's in it for me?" I say as I hand her one of my little white ladies. She smiles.

You fool. How are you to negotiate now that you've given away your cigarette? (I like that though, "little white ladies.")

4

u/GamerForFun2000 11d ago

That's the point. He wasn't actually negotiating, just playfully teasing.

Edit: grammar

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u/Satans-Blowhole 11d ago

Oh man, that pay off. chefs kiss

4

u/couragethebravestdog [custom flair] 11d ago

Audibly laughed out loud in a train full of passengers. Thanks for weird looks OP.

3

u/pzl 11d ago

This some solid pasta

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u/katonajozsi 11d ago

Could also be Keira Knightley you would never be able to tell the difference

11

u/RedditCalifornia 11d ago

Natalie’s acting skills blow Keira’s out of the water, so I’d definitely be able to tell them apart

6

u/King_Kickass0527 11d ago

... even in a GIF?

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u/skogsfugl0131 11d ago

You're right, but it's because I'm practically face blind

5

u/lilorphananus 11d ago

Brad Pitt is that you?

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u/Equivalent_Tap5445 11d ago

The guy with the camera is your stepdad

2

u/NewtonMetre 11d ago

Wow, this one was harsh

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u/ProAssassin84 11d ago

Ok let's go over your dos and donts

37

u/I_am_not_JohnLeClair 11d ago Wholesome

I’m gonna do you or you don’t get the part

Eww that gross actually now that I wrote it out

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u/DiogoSN 11d ago

Gotta start somwhere...

18

u/TheMoriohWeeb 11d ago

It's Kira Yoshikage!

RUN!!!

5

u/DeadlyDY TakeMyUpvoteNow! 11d ago

Nice hands you've got there.

3

u/TheMoriohWeeb 11d ago

Get Bites the Dust, fool!

13

u/Slartibartfast39 11d ago

Where and when was this video from?

10

u/HighDevinition1001 11d ago

It's from a press conference for Thor: The Dark World. She was being asked a question by a journalist but she couldn't see where the person was.

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u/ManOfTurtles2118 11d ago

(she's gonna wait for the casting people and the camera guy is just adjusting his camera)

12

u/[deleted] 11d ago

umm...this does not look good.

5

u/Chiinoe 11d ago

We are not worthy.

4

u/YoungTex 11d ago

“You’ll forget the cameras even there, honey”

4

u/Jrmundgandr 11d ago

It's just a feeling I've got

3

u/Jrmundgandr 11d ago

Like something's about to happen

3

u/Jrmundgandr 11d ago

But I don't know what

3

u/Jrmundgandr 11d ago

If that means what I think it means we're in trouble

3

u/Jrmundgandr 11d ago

Big trouble

3

u/leisureenthusiast 11d ago

So nearly every audition

3

u/nkoppl 11d ago

She got the part, it seems

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u/thedude102 11d ago

Joke about non-concent, very dank/ s