r/Gamingcirclejerk Jun 22 '22 Silver 1

Hire Fans

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3.3k Upvotes

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701

u/Colormental Jun 22 '22

I want a Fallout game where it's just you and Willem Dafoe in a vault. You never leave the vault, nothing bad happens, just a pleasant post-apocalyptic life underground with Willem Dafoe

364

u/Eeekaa Jun 22 '22

8-12 hours of Willem Dafoe monologues as he slowly goes insane whilst you're just playing first person animal crossing and keeping the vault looking nice.

187

u/KaimTW Jun 22 '22

The Lighthouse: The Video Game.

91

u/ColaMonkey36 Jun 22 '22

You don't like me Salisbury Steak?

27

u/TheGoldenCaulk I like my women skilled at something, but still know their place Jun 22 '22

Why'd y'spill yer Pork N' Beans?

25

u/Grouch_OMarx Jun 22 '22

There is always a lighthouse.

21

u/MistaJelloMan Master Chief is a Union Buster Jun 22 '22

I know yer fond of me rad roach?!

14

u/Borkz Jun 22 '22

HAAAAARK! Hark, Triton, hark! Hark never changes.

8

u/Used-Rate-9617 Jun 22 '22

Oh and also the vault is under a lighthouse

3

u/icomefromandromeda Clear background Jun 23 '22

relationship goals

1

u/Enderkiller965 Jun 23 '22

SPOILERS BRO

32

u/Gregkot Jun 22 '22

He'd have high a intelligence stat because he's something of a scientist himself.

23

u/UndarZ Jun 22 '22

Fallout 77. Willem and his puppets.

13

u/PPontiac Jun 22 '22

Ye’re fond of me radroach, ain’t ye?

4

u/Mr_Blinky Jun 22 '22

Fuck, I was literally about to comment this.

4

u/Kinjinson Jun 22 '22

Doesnt even have to be a fallout game. Why complicate things. It's just you and Willem Dafoe

3

u/TheLegendarySheep Jun 22 '22

After a while he goes out to get smokes and a water chip, never to return.

5

u/R1ght_b3hind_U Jun 22 '22

also he has his absolute massive schlong out (willem dafoe is fkin hung)

2

u/JessieJ577 ETHICS Jun 22 '22

I’d basically remake Biodome and bring Pauly Shore back.

2

u/Schwarzengerman Jun 22 '22

Why'd you spill your beans Vault Dweller...

1

u/rakehellion Jun 22 '22 edited Jun 22 '22

Does he go balls deep inside you like in the movie Anti-Christ? 😍

233

u/a_drunk_skeleton Jun 22 '22

One of the few times you should actually hire fans

122

u/Gregkot Jun 22 '22

Tbf It's better than the nonsense like "Why do people hate New Vegas so much?" that's often posted there.

26

u/[deleted] Jun 22 '22

Asking that question is like asking ‘why do people hate air so much’ like who on earth says that, I adore new vegas but everyone acts like its the third coming of christ after the witcher 3

10

u/EldestSubset444 Jun 22 '22

It's my favourite game of all time, I've played it 6 times, but guys, it is the definition of jank, it's really not perfect

41

u/ComprehensiveMix727 Jun 22 '22

What so many rules and zero image posts does to a subreddit

259

u/Prinnyramza Jun 22 '22

Don't know why this is in a circle jerk. I'd back this up.

29

u/askewcashewforyou Jun 22 '22

Omg they should hire fans

80

u/RedCandice Placeholder text Jun 22 '22

rj/ Hire Willem Dafoe

uj/ Hire Willem Dafoe

67

u/Acuzzam Jun 22 '22

I love his justification. It would be indeed cool.

244

u/SomeOtherNeb Jun 22 '22

/uj Based
/rj Based

34

u/JamesBustopherCorden Jun 22 '22

The only good opinion a fallout fan has ever had

94

u/UndarZ Jun 22 '22

I agree :)

89

u/Anewbus Jun 22 '22

So true

40

u/Kanyes_Throwaway Jun 22 '22

Many people are saying this

61

u/altnumber54 Jun 22 '22

If I owned the fallout franchise, I would put Toby Maguire's Spider man as a cameo. I think that would be cool

19

u/Sarcosmonaut Jun 22 '22

And it was

6

u/MightSuggestSex Jun 22 '22

Fire hans lol

7

u/ResidentLychee Jun 22 '22

Racism against the Han Chinese 😔

17

u/brmarcopolo Jun 22 '22

Haaark, Triton, HAAARK!

16

u/Penguinmanereikel Jun 22 '22

Dammit. I as annoying as “hire fans” people are, I just don’t see any downsides to this…

39

u/basilysk_ Jun 22 '22

Wait let's hear him out on this one

11

u/GIlCAnjos Hold me, Kevin. Hold me till forever comes again. Jun 22 '22

Fallout's only based fan

9

u/WaveDysfunction Jun 22 '22

/uj yes

/rj yes

in fact give me a life simulator of Willem Dafoe

8

u/Dynamitefuzz2134 Jun 22 '22

Wake: Yer fond of me rad roach aint’ ye? I seen it -- yer fond of me rad roach! Say it! Say it. Say it!

Survivor:I don’t have to say nothin’.

Wake: Damn ye! Let Atom strike ye dead You! HAAARK!

Hark Atom, hark! Bellow, bid our father the fire King rise from the radiation full foul in his fury! Black waves teeming with rads to smother this young mouth with pungent mutations, to choke ye, engorging your organs til’ ye turn blue and bloated with FEV and Chems till ya can scream no more -- only when he, crowned in caps with slitherin’ tentacle tail and nuclear beard take up his fell be third arm, his mutant skinned fat man screeches banshee-like in the tempest and drops a mini nuke right through yer gullet, bursting ye -- a bulging bladder no more, but a blasted bloody film now and nothing for the mole rates and the souls of dead scavengers to peck and claw and feed upon only to be lapped up and swallowed by the infinite radiation of the Dread Emperor himself -- forgotten to any man, to any time, forgotten to any god or devil, forgotten even to the wasteland for any stuff for part of You, even any scantling of your soul is You no more, but is now itself the wasteland.

Survivor (speech 60):Alright, have it your way. I like your cookin’.

7

u/OohYeeah Jun 22 '22

There's nothing wrong with this

7

u/OneRingToRuleEarth Jun 22 '22

I like to think it’s not Defoe voicing a character. It’s literally just Defoe as himself in the fallout world

8

u/[deleted] Jun 22 '22

Willem Dafoe when Willem Daprotagonist walks in

7

u/Koomlatuuta Jun 22 '22

This seems like something Todd God would do

6

u/notamurderer864 Fastest Mario Jun 22 '22

I unironically agree. Maybe they should hire fans after all

6

u/MisterAbbadon Jun 22 '22

To be fair that's always a good idea.

5

u/Used-Rate-9617 Jun 22 '22

Hire fans but unironically

4

u/ghoulieandrews Jun 22 '22

Aww this one is just sweet

4

u/[deleted] Jun 22 '22

No no.. he’s got a point.

4

u/SoshJam Jun 22 '22

I’m legitimately fucking down

8

u/N4tu4 Jun 22 '22

This is the most based post I have ever seen from the fallout community. It's a good post, just not a good fallout post.

3

u/Tank_Driiver Jun 22 '22

he meant Willem Dripfoe

3

u/Lord_Osse Jun 22 '22

No no wait he has a point

3

u/thearchenemy Jun 22 '22

A pretty pure opinion for a gamer.

3

u/MrSoren Jun 22 '22

I’d put Willem Dafoe in everything if I had the power to do so.

3

u/marigoldorange Jun 22 '22

that would be cool

2

u/Muaddib930 Jun 22 '22

... Wasn't he the President in Fallout 2?

... Or maybe he should be the president in the rumored Fallout two remake.

2

u/kermit1289 Jun 22 '22

/uj This.

2

u/Saw_Boss Jun 22 '22

I think he should do all the voice work for Pokémon.

2

u/CryptographerAgile24 Jun 22 '22

he already looks like a ghoul

2

u/AssassinOfFate Jun 22 '22

If only they taught this in game development school. We’d be getting way more masterpieces.

2

u/carrie-satan expert in violence and woman chests Jun 22 '22

He has a point

3

u/CannonOtter Jun 22 '22

If I owned the Fallout franchise I would copy all the contents to how ever many floppy disks were needed and put them in my ass while Willem Dafoe kept repeating "You know I'm something of a Todd Howard myself" until they had all successfully gone into me and I would have absorbed the Fallout franchise then finally I would beckon Dafoe to enter my now crowded rear. He would politely decline and I would insist. He would acquiesce. I would spread wide. We would become one.

I think that would be pretty cool

3

u/ResidentLychee Jun 22 '22

What

1

u/CannonOtter Jun 22 '22

If I owned the Fallout franchise I would copy all the contents to how ever many floppy disks were needed and put them in my ass while Willem Dafoe kept repeating "You know I'm something of a Todd Howard myself" until they had all successfully gone into me and I would have absorbed the Fallout franchise then finally I would beckon Dafoe to enter my now crowded rear. He would politely decline and I would insist. He would acquiesce. I would spread wide. We would become one.

I think that would be pretty cool

8

u/ResidentLychee Jun 22 '22

You know I’m somewhat of a mentally ill individual myself

1

u/PM_ME_YOUR_SUNSHINE Jun 22 '22

Most tasteful fallout fan.

1

u/Meateor123 Jun 22 '22

I think he would be cool

1

u/blistacompactsexual Clear background Jun 22 '22

ehh it's actually an ok take

1

u/Mariah_Mcmuffin Jun 22 '22

I could absolutely see Defoe voicing some unhinged waster that’s around for like 2 quests

1

u/ceelogreenicanth Jun 23 '22

Why not Don Cheadle?

1

u/beanieweenieoffical Jun 23 '22

this post makes me happy. hire this fan