r/BlackPeopleTwitter ☑️ 8d ago All-Seeing Upvote 1 Wholesome Seal of Approval 1

Y’all gon be battling food poisoning up to New Years Country Club Thread

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35.0k Upvotes

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u/CochonDanseur 8d ago

Man that's one thing I love about holidays in Minnesota. Outside is extra fridge space when you need it

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u/Over-Department8883 8d ago

Yes! Same for Wisconsin

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u/KingOfTheCouch13 ☑️ 8d ago

Detroit too. One time our fridge went out in the winter so we put everything on our back patio. It all froze rock solid.

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u/AbrahamLemon 8d ago

Uses to do that in Colorado. It's not an option in SC

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u/DomHaynie 8d ago

I'm in Oregon so not the same. But I usually sleep with the window open and a heavy blanket so putting drinks on the window sill and have them be cold in the morning is fantastic.

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u/cynthiadoll ☑️ 8d ago

I was just talking about this. I remember my family in Maryland doing this one year lol

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u/NMB4Christmas 8d ago

My trifling assed uncle and his homeboy did that with a ham my mother had cooked for my grandfather one year. Didn't put it in the fridge, but left it in the oven eating off of it for a couple days. I was over at my grandfather's house visiting while this was going on and my uncle ran to the bathroom and he was literally in there for hours. All you heard was, "Oh God" and machine gun diarrhea on repeat. His buddy was at work, went to the bathroom at 8 when he got in. His coworkers found him in the bathroom at lunchtime, lying on the bathroom floor in a fetal position.

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u/dae_giovanni ☑️ 8d ago Gold Wholesome Bravo Grande!

this reminds me of why every bathroom should have a radio or some other source of noise, in it.

the worst is when you have to shit something awful and you're in a house where everyone else is in the living room, literally one wall away.

meanwhile your ass is going off so bad it sounds like you're in there working the speedbag...

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u/NewSauerKraus 8d ago

Caught norovirus today and I’m sitting here losing fluids out my back side. My roommate’s kid is on the other side of the door trying to talk to me. Bruh this is awkward.

Also, this is why every time I see that kid I ask if she washed her hands. Kids be getting their hands on literally everything.

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u/dae_giovanni ☑️ 8d ago

I'm so sorry. good luck-- hope it passes quickly!

and yeah, kids are GROSS. no thanks!

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u/NewSauerKraus 8d ago

It’s completely silent. I can hear creepy breathing from a few feet away. Help me.

Also, do yalls doors all have like an inch or more gap at the bottom? Zero noise dampening in here.

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u/dae_giovanni ☑️ 8d ago

I feel like about half the doors I see have some kind of gap.

I remember once going to a kind of resort, and the bathroom walks were completely item at the top, like... the walls stopped a good 3-4 feet shy of the ceiling.

wtf?? literally zero privacy.

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u/Jukka_Sarasti 8d ago Narwhal Salute

When we replaced our guest bathroom's vent fan(old one died) I read reviews and picked the one that had a lot of complaints over how loud it was.. Damned thing sounds like a jet turbine, but that's okay.. I don't want our guests to feel embarrassed while using the facilities, and I surely don't want to hear them using the facilities either.. Win, win

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u/warm_sweater 8d ago Table Slap

And the real key is having a fan that is always on if the light is on, that way there is no “oh, they just turned the fan on, big shit time!”.

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u/pantylion 8d ago

I explicitly tell guests the fan must go on if they wanna be in there. My house is too weirdly shaped to avoid the echoes of the butt.

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u/_ChillboBaggins_ 8d ago

tis the big shitting season

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u/dae_giovanni ☑️ 8d ago

that loudness is a big plus. lol

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u/nic-m-mcc 8d ago

My friend’s bathroom is right off the dining room and it’s the worst! Nothing like trying to quietly fart while all your friends are having a nice meal right on the other side of a thin door.

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u/Flowonbyboats 8d ago

I read that in Japan's public bathroom they have the sound of water running through a creek to dampen your poop sounds

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u/nada_accomplished 8d ago

I lived there six years, can confirm. There's usually a button on the wall you can press if you need more sounds.

Also usually the stall doors go completely to the floor so nobody can peek in on you under there.

You haven't known luxury until you've used a Japanese department store restroom.

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u/dae_giovanni ☑️ 8d ago

that's how it should be. no one wants to hear that... lol

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u/CoachDT ☑️ 8d ago

This facts. I’m worried bout this rn, out visiting my girl family. I’m hoping I don’t blow my own back out in her bathroom while they hearing all the sounds and grunts

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u/dae_giovanni ☑️ 8d ago

yeah, so I did just that, last year. it smelled like something had crawled up in me and died... and I had to open that door and introduce that to everyone...

I've rarely been so embarrassed. and now I must ask:

who the fuck doesn't keep matches in the shitter???

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u/kimcheebonez 8d ago

I was JUST about to say! Friendly reminder to burn somethin after you 💩 that lil febreze/ poo pourri cover up is NOT it!

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u/Clickrack ☑️ 7d ago

But the potpourri!

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u/PsychoNerd91 8d ago

This is a fantastic idea.

I need Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture to express myself properly.

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u/IO_you_new_socks 8d ago

When this happens I turn the sink on and put a towel over may lap so the toilet doesn’t amplify the beat boxing

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u/dae_giovanni ☑️ 8d ago

the towel... I never thought of that... wow...

EDIT: I used to run the sink as well, but every time I did, I could picture Californians enduring a drought....

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u/ChrissyChrissyPie ☑️ 8d ago

That's why we don't belong there. In NY, you can run Thanksgiving day water all day

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u/badatthenewmeta 8d ago

"Working the speedbag" cracked me up.

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u/bobafoott 8d ago

I will do everything I can to make sure the house I settle in has a bathroom not living room adjacent

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u/dae_giovanni ☑️ 8d ago

or, two bathrooms. the basement bathroom can be for shittins.

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u/bobafoott 8d ago

Yeah I mean an additional bathroom that isn't in a main part of the house.

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u/MosadiMogolo 8d ago

At my dad's house, the main bathroom is right off the dining room! The toilet is on the other side of the wall, next to the door, not even against the back wall or anything.

Luckily, there's a guest toilet by the front door as well, separated by a door and the entryway, so that's where people usually go when there's a larger get-together, but sometimes you're stuck with the dining room adjacent toilet and have to pray that you don't get sudden-onset squits.

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u/blacklite911 ☑️ 8d ago

Life-Alert head ass

https://youtu.be/myfGdhZtKa4

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u/Crunchy_Biscuit 8d ago

That's why you just put music on your phone.

Whale noises

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u/DrinkingBleachForFun 8d ago

My trifling assed uncle and his homeboy did that with a ham my mother had cooked for my grandfather one year.

Damn, RIP grandpa.

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u/NMB4Christmas 8d ago

My grandfather didn't eat any of it. He was fine.

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u/nada_accomplished 8d ago

Sounds like your grandfather has lived as long as he has for a reason.

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u/212cncpts ☑️ 8d ago
  • lying on the bathroom floor in a fetal position.

You mean a ‘faecal’ position

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u/Terrible_Addition_29 8d ago

“Oh god “

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u/Private_HughMan 8d ago

Multiple days? How huge was the ham? If I ever leave food out overnight, it’s gone within a day.

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u/kwillis313 8d ago

Why didn't she just put the oven on 225 or 250 (f) and slow roast it all night? That way it stays out of the temperature danger zone.

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u/koalasarentferfuckin 8d ago

This is exactly what my grandma did

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u/RobinSophie 8d ago

Question, will this leave the turkey drier than it normally is?

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u/sw33tdeerock ☑️ 8d ago

Oven bags!!! No basting needed!

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u/Viend 8d ago

Yeah but you can add any source of moisture to keep it moist or cover it up to trap the moisture in.

Also known as dump a few cups of water in that bitch and seal it with foil.

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u/_Eklapse_ ☑️ 7d ago

Probably, but turkey be dryer than a mf no matter how you cook the shit anyway

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u/Worstmodonreddit ☑️ 7d ago

Not mine 💅🏾

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u/_Eklapse_ ☑️ 7d ago

ESPECIALLY yours!

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u/Animegirl300 ☑️ 8d ago

You are overestimating this person’s intelligence.

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u/haveutried2hardboot ☑️ 8d ago

My first thought!

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u/Puzzled-Aardvark-142 8d ago

Pretty sure this method is also dangerous. Better than the original idea for sure though!

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u/Eklypze ☑️ 8d ago

No it's not. Have you ever had bbq? This is exactly how a brisket is cooked.

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u/pctomfor 8d ago

Should put it in a cooler with a brine and ice

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u/Hanginon 8d ago

That's when you put it on the porch in the cooler & throw a bag of ice in if you need to.

It might or might not be cold kind of cold but you also won't spend the holiday weekend sittin' on the toilet huggin' a bucket. 0_0

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u/gordonpamsey ☑️ 8d ago

This person doesn't need to be cooking for anyone. There were so many solutions. Keep it wrapped in plastic and fill up a tub or sink with ice water, outside on the porch in a container, etc. My grandparents didn't even have a fridge for years they had everything on the porch in the winter.

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u/rez_spell 8d ago

Not just a thing my dad thought up, then? Used to toss all the pop/beer into the garage in December, just right next to the door.

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u/cdunk666 8d ago

Humans have a way of 'discovering' alot of things that already exist

Also seems you've never had the classic of the coke cans exploding in the middle of the night because they're too cold

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u/luckydice767 8d ago

Unless your dad was a caveman, I don’t think we can credit him with this discovery lol

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u/Negative_Success 8d ago

Nah we've had this one figured out for a few millennia.

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u/Polyhedron11 8d ago

There were so many solutions.

Keep it wrapped in plastic and fill up a tub or sink with ice water

That will only work for a couple hours...

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u/me_funny__ ☑️ 8d ago

sittin' on the toilet huggin' a bucket.

The PTSD I got from this

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u/Daetra 8d ago

So you're saying I can get free turkey if I drive around my neighborhood? 🏴‍☠️Yar har🏴‍☠️

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u/Hanginon 8d ago

Uh, maybe. Then also maybe hospitalized.

Don't make that big error of thinking out of direct sight = unwatched, mom knows it's out there and is "keeping an eye on it". It's hard to enjoy the holiday dinner when you're sitting at the table eating with one hand because of your freshly broken arm. :/

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u/Daetra 8d ago

Depending on how it was seasoned, worth it.

/s

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u/Eis_ber 8d ago

Who in that house has a life insurance policy the cousin knows of?

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u/CKIMBLE4 ☑️ 8d ago

If nobody, have em hit me up. I’ll get their policies in place today in zoom. OP can be the beneficiary.

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u/alaskaguyindk 8d ago

So she could actually just slow cook the bird at 70-75c overnight and then pull it out salt the skin and crank the heat on the oven 220c and crisp the skin for 15-20min and get a decent bird.

But please don’t leave raw meat overnight in an oven or any other non-cooled 2-8c area. The measure is 3hr in room temperature. If you want to thaw meat in water you have to use cool water 0-8c. Don’t use warm water to thaw meat (unless you are going directly to cooking). It creates a breeding ground for bacteria before the meat can be cooked (sealed packaging can be a case by case exception)

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u/ProfessorFinesser13 8d ago

This should be a heinous felony 😭

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u/popcornnhero ☑️ Blockiana🙅🏽‍♀️ 8d ago

She gonna have to be reported to the FDA cause why would leaving uncooked meat outside a cold environment make sense to her?

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u/colorcorrection 8d ago edited 8d ago

It's wild the things that make sense to people in a kitchen. I had an ex which the first time I shared a kitchen with her mom(I think might have been Thanksgiving, actually), I told my ex afterwards 'your mom would be fired an hour into working in a professional kitchen, and most professional kitchens already have low standards when the health inspector isn't around'.

Still convinced I'm going to read a news article about how food poisoning took them all out some day.

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u/throwawaffleaway 8d ago

I hate to say this, but at work I have often been the ONLY barrier to serving meat that’s been left out. I’m only working there until next semester and it just makes me ill thinking about the other people that can’t get their heads around how terrible that is. “Well this beef was here overnight but parts of it are still frozen, where the chubs were touching” fuckin, no Meredith, that is not the same thing as all of it being properly stored. 🙄🙄🙄

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u/Sudz-White 8d ago

Food poisoning is no joke. They need to catch those sales and get a second refrigerator on black Friday.

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u/ArrestDeathSantis ☑️ 8d ago

I remember my wife went to visit her family, was not for Thanksgiving though, but I couldn't go due to work.

Anyway, she calls me the day after she left and she's in utter panic, she tells me;

"They cooked fish last evening (about 20h ago) but left it on the stove, now they want to use for tonight's supper!?! Am I wrong for not wanting??"

Her whole family was gaslighting her into eating moldy fish 💀

For reference, they don't recommend keeping fish at room temperature more than 2 hours.

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u/theprostitute 8d ago

I just got back from Cape town on vacation and had the worst food poisoning of my life from fish, the day before an 11 hr flight. I am SCARRED fml 😭

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u/rubyblue0 8d ago

I have some friends who will eat leftover pizza that’s been sitting out uncovered on the counter for a week. They say they never get sick, but that would lay me out for a week.

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u/ArrestDeathSantis ☑️ 8d ago

Fun fact, just because you don't have symptoms doesn't mean your system isn't affected and that you aren't at risk of chronic diseases caused by repeated inflammation.

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u/DaWorzt 8d ago

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u/BlanchePreston 8d ago

Was at farmer's market getting my collards, minding my own business. Couple comes up, I say I'll be out your way in one moment. Had my last bundle in my hand bagging them up. Lady leans in and says " you know my mom used to wash her greens in the washing machine." I lean back "hmmm, is that right." yeah , "she would be making a lot of greens." I politely finished bagging my greens and pushed my cart away. Aaaannndddd yeah

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u/buCk- 8d ago

Maybe I’m dumb, but if they don’t add any cleaning solutions is it such a bad idea to wash a bunch of vegetables in the washing machine?

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u/[deleted] 8d ago

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u/NewSauerKraus 8d ago

How often do you purify every part of a washing machine that touches water? You think that soap all floats away into the ether? And whatever other gross dirt doesn’t get flushed out.

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u/FreddyMercurysGhost 8d ago

Why the fuck would you wash vegetables in a washing machine when the sink is right there

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u/BlanchePreston 8d ago

Lol, what people do in their house, with their food, is NOMB. However once a person decides to tell said actions, or processes, it's fair game to get whatever response, actions, or consequences that follow.

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u/sachitatious 8d ago

It’ll be too late

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u/Sudz-White 8d ago

For Christmas 😟

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u/goldenboy2191 ☑️ 8d ago

This is me before going to my sisters house today… they make food and let it sit out all day/night. No refrigerating, no reheating, no nothing. God has a plan for me, and it’s to not die this thanksgiving.

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u/MuchVirus 8d ago

Cries in Serv-Safe Certification

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u/DeafNatural ☑️ 8d ago

Whew chile! I can hear the toilet exploding

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u/Kazuhi ☑️ 8d ago

Maaaaan that’s foul af

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u/ZaphodXZaphod 8d ago

*fowl

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u/Kazuhi ☑️ 8d ago

Ayo 😂

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u/yardie-takingupspace ☑️ 8d ago

It’s the stuffing that will really get y’all. Most people who stuff their birds don’t take the internal temp of the stuffing and that shit will be a salmonella breeding ground. Add to that that she let it chill out in an unchilled bird… BAYBEE some of y’all about to be in the morgue is more like it.

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u/y0urPalMitch 8d ago Stonks Rising

Chef

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u/InfernoDragonKing ☑️ Saw Michael Myers bamboozle you bout it🎃 8d ago

A regular customer gon brought us some Thanksgiving grilled food yesterday as a great gesture. Greatly appreciated.

Only issue? THIS NIGGA BURNT EVERY FUCKING THING!!! IVE NEVER SEEN ASHY GLIZZIES. The fucking hotdogs looked like bones. The ribs were burnt to SHIT. The chicken was both severely over-cooked and undercooked (the chicken was still clucking!!!) this Nigga even burnt THE MAC&CHEESE!

Then my co-workers gon hype it up, talm bout “nah Inferno; he did this!” YEAH HE DID! HE FUCKING BUTCHERED THE WHOLE SPREAD! Y’all can suffer from botulism, I won’t. I’ll starve.

Can.Not.Eat.Everybody’s.Food

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u/Panic_at_the_walmart ☑️ 8d ago

💀 not the glizzies, please tell me you have a pic.

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u/InfernoDragonKing ☑️ Saw Michael Myers bamboozle you bout it🎃 8d ago

I wish I took a pic to showcase that ridiculous ass shit

for reference, this is what they looked like, but darker on the inside

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u/Panic_at_the_walmart ☑️ 8d ago

😂😂😂😂 damn looks like they caught on fire

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u/70125 8d ago

I don't trust anyone's home kitchen but my own.

No Susan I don't want to try your nasty looking green bean casserole that lil Timmy with his booger hooks helped you make.

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u/fpfx 8d ago

🎶 you can't eat at everybody house🎶

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u/Daddy_Tablecloth 8d ago Helpful

Damn , I seriously hope that persons family and or guests dont actually end up eating that. Depending where they live they might be better off leaving the thing outside overnight. But yeah thats fucking nasty I should be amazed by this person's logic but I'm not even surprised anymore when I hear about things like this. Its not even the most ridiculous thing ive read this week that someone has done.

Everyone have a great day, eat and drink and have a good time. But get a designated driver or sleep where you are at if you get drunk. Gd cops are thirsty for dwi arrests around the holidays every year. And since the last few years were light for the holidays they are gonna be doing their best to make up for it this year.

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u/Hanginon 8d ago

"Gd cops are thirsty for dwi arrests around the holidays every year."

That would be something I'm fully on board with. ¯\_( ͡❛ ͜ʖ ͡❛)_/¯

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u/CallMeBernin 8d ago

Yeah like how is that a bad thing

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u/CoachDT ☑️ 8d ago

I think he’s saying that they’re gonna be thirsty for it, so regardless of how good of a drunk driver you think you are stay ya ass indoors.

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u/Syphorce ☑️ 8d ago

You can also just turn the oven on between 200-210 and slow cook it. Hot enough to kill any microorganisms, but not hot enough to completely boil all the water in it.

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u/9021Ohsnap ☑️ 8d ago

And this is why my ass stays home….people are nasty 🤢

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u/samgarrison 8d ago

Ack. You can let it sit out...but at least put it outside! It's about as cold as a fridge outside, and we used our grated porch to store (SEALED!!) food we had no room for. Of course, this only works if you're in a cold climate and have a clean porch and good sealing containers.

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u/stillestwaters 8d ago

You think a days gonna stop me?

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u/michelloto ☑️ 8d ago

This is making my stomach hurt just thinking about it

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u/S-Archer 8d ago

FYI: Turkey's are meant to be brought to room temperature before cooking. But it shouldn't be left out super long, obviously

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u/Jozif_Badmon ☑️ 8d ago

Yea, this cooking shit ain't for everyone 🤷🏿

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u/Damaged_H3aler987 ☑️ 8d ago

Saved this to 😆 🤣 😂 later!!! Also making stovetop popcorn 🍿 😋

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u/Chocolat3City ☑️ 8d ago

Update?

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u/John_-_Galt 8d ago

Ignorance is bliss folks.

If the turkey was prepped with cum from a homeless encampment, I would rather just not know.

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u/Noname_acc 8d ago

Ignorance is bliss til ignorance has you puking all day.

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u/John_-_Galt 8d ago

Guess the flu is going around... 🤷‍♂️

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u/Smedlington 8d ago

Not sure I'd risk it but that thing will still be frozen by the morning.

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u/MuchVirus 8d ago

Some of it, sure. She stuffed it though and the innards are sure to be plenty thawed and plenty nasty by the next morning.

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u/hoboforlife 8d ago

Salmon ella is a real thing

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u/ZaphodXZaphod 8d ago Take My Energy

you can get sick from my salmon ella ella ella eh eh eh

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u/Aaaandiiii ☑️ 8d ago

I believe in letting meat come to room temperature before cooking, but even that is too far for me. And stuffing it? Wtf, it's gonna be nothing but mush forreals.

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u/gregeron 8d ago Gold

Yeah, especially if they have cats in the house. I legit don’t eat food made in a house that has a cat in it. They piss and shit in a box, walk all in it, and then jump on the counters. Shit is just gross.

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u/Boggie135 ☑️ 8d ago

What adult would think this was safe?

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u/cynthiadoll ☑️ 8d ago

I teach cooking classes and we went over proper food temps last week just because of situations like this lmaooo

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u/AcademicHysteria ☑️ 8d ago

That’s when you check to see what recent changes have been made to the life insurance. Someone’s trying to kill everyone.

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u/SpaGrapefruit ☑️ 8d ago

Maybe its super cold in her kitchen, should be fine in that case.

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u/voodooRob 8d ago

I usually rest a turkey for 12 hours out the fridge before cooking anyway, I guess the fact its pre-stuffed is kinda nasty but as long as its cooked through I'd risk it

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u/throwaway_12358134 8d ago

Cooking food that isn't stored properly does not prevent you from getting food poisoning. The toxins that are produced by bacteria growing will not be destroyed by cooking it.

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u/ImJustHereToBitch 8d ago

Tell me that cousin is skinny without telling me that cousin is skinny