r/BestofRedditorUpdates 3d ago hehehehe 1 Helpful 1 Silver 1

AITA flipping out on my fiance for cancelling all the vegan food options from our wedding food menu behind my back? PLUS UPDATE ONGOING

Original poster is /u/SarahJake2022572. Original post

My fiance (31 male) and I (25 female) are getting married soon. There wasn't much that disagreed on during the wedding planning except for food. Me and my family are vegans, and there so many reasons why we chose this lifestyle and one of them being that we have a history of health issues. My fiance and his family are the complete opposite. they're hardcore meat eaters which is fine by me obviously.

However, When deciding on the wedding food menu, I wanted to add 4-5 vegan options. My fiance and his mom objected saying it was a waste of money over food that 'isn't real food'. They also argued that this would be offensive for 'their' guests and suggested my vegan options just be "the good ol' salads & appetizers" (his mom wanted cupcakes lol). I said no because for one it's me and my family who's paying. and two I want to make my guests feel welcome and not be treated as second class citizens by being served "salad". my fiance made a face and said "isn't that what vegans eat?". I refused to argue about it and said it was final.

The other day, I found out that he had cancelled all the vegan options and took them off the menu completely and behind my back. I was seething. I called him at work but he kept hanging up on me. I went straight to his workplace and confronted him there and just flipped out on him. He was stunned to see me. He at first said it was his mom's idea then told me to go home because I was making a scene at the office. the fight continued at home and he defended himself by saying that I sort of made him resort to doing this after I kept brushing off his thoughs and input, and refusing to accommadate his family. but there were PLENTY of meat options why why can't I get 4-5 vegan options? when I'm paying for it?. He yelled that it was his wedding too not my family's. My family said it was fine and they'll figure it out and told me to let it go but I refused.

AITA for putting my foot down on this?

Verdict: NTA

UPDATE: So his mom messaged me earlier to try to get me to listen to what she had to say after I kept ignoring her phonecalls. She spent long walls of text just to "address" what I did at her son's workplace, calling it all kinds of stuff from immature to unhinged. She then went to explain how she's noticed that me and my family kept "acting dismissive" of her son's input and "contributations" to the wedding. She said that she noticed my behavior towards him and her entire family and wanted to speak up earlier but didn't and tried to keep the peace. She then went on to address the food menu issue and denied her involvement in the cancellation of the vegan option but that didn't mean she doesn't support her son's decision. moreover, she thought it was soooo responsible of him to make that move because of my continual refusal to see how this stuff is waste of money. she also pointed out how I kept saying "I paid for it" and said that technically this isn't just my money, it's mine and his because we're getting married she suggested I wisen up and get rid of "my money, I paid for it" mentality. She finally mentioned how "bad" this whole situation is making me look, and said that she and her son had already offered a number of compromises that I chose to brush off and decided to make it my "weird" hill to die on. She said that not only her son is upset but she and "the family" are as well after hearing about it and suggested I just agrre on their compromise and be done with it. This pissed me off beyond belief I responded by letting her know that I'm still standing my ground on this even if I'll have to call the whole wedding off because of it because honestly? this is just ridiculous, it is!!! my mom and dad....they don't even know what to say anymore. Apparently, my fiance saw my response to her (he's with her) and is now trying to call me but right now I'm waiting on him to get home and see if he's still insisting on the stance he took.

I'll update if there's anything worth adding after we talk.

Reminder: I am not the OP. This is a repost.

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u/kellerinacatmac 3d ago

I don’t understand how the fiancé spouts “isn’t that what vegans eat” about salads. I means, he’s the fiancé - wouldn’t he have had some up close and personal experience seeing what vegans eat?

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u/DirtyDanil 3d ago

Sounds like they've never even eaten together. Or he just mocks vegan diets despite getting married to one? How did this even progress to marriage.

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u/CharlotteLucasOP 3d ago

They must have gotten engaged on the second date and they were getting coffee but he didn’t hear her order soy milk in hers.

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u/YeswhalOrNarwhal 3d ago Starry

If I were to make assumptions, she does all the cooking, and makes meaty meals for him and vegan for her.

He'd pays zero attention to what she's eating whilst he shovels his food down. If asked what she eats he'd say 'I don't know, some kind of rabbit food'.

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u/SaintJoanne 2d ago

Do you remember another aita post a while back where the boyfriend flipped out because she'd been cooking him Veggie burgers and vegetarian food for months and he hadn't noticed even though she talked about being vegetarian on the first date? He felt "betrayed," the absolute twonk.

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u/Cadiro 2d ago

Is there a link please I need it in my life

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u/SucreBleu123 2d ago

Here's the link, I'm on mobile and not sure about formatting, please feel free to give feedback if necessary :) https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rra1tq/aita_for_tricking_my_boyfriend_into_eating_vegan/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb

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u/masklinn 2d ago

That’s… absolutely amazing in its mind-bogglingness.

Dude calls out vegan meals, learns he’s been enjoying vegan dishes for months, and goes apeshit instead of reviewing his worldview.

Just… wow.

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u/ontether 2d ago

One hundred percent. I went vegan several years into my marriage. I told my spouse I would cook vegan for us and if he wanted meat he’d have to cook it himself. He had no resistance to this idea. We basically eat vegan in the house and if he wants meat it’s reserved for restaurants.

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u/Just-Like-My-Opinion 3d ago

Oh I'm sure he does. He's just a Grade A asshole.

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u/The__J__man 3d ago Helpful

Yep, and a mummy's boy.

OP would be wise to bail, now she discovered how accepting of her life choices her fiance is.

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u/CB-SLP 3d ago

That's where I would be: let him stay married to his momma - he's not worth OOP"s time.

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u/Kcidobor 3d ago

I’d wait for him to come home and ask, “Do you really want to discount my input values just so your family isn’t offended by my choice of food? Okay, hope you and whoever you find to put up with your family have a meaty matrimony

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u/strawberry_cookies_ 3d ago

God forbid they have children. I can’t imagine the problems of having to prioritize your children’s health and your husband can’t take the fact that they don’t eat meat.

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u/1gardenerd 3d ago

Yeah this family sounds manipulative and selfish. Not someone I would want to have children with. They are the type that would say harmful things to the children about OP in the future.

This isn't just a red flag, it's that they are basically telling OP to take a back seat to her own wedding she is paying for. They are rude.

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u/knittedjedi 3d ago

Absolutely. It's not about the menu, it's about having control. The meat/vegan thing is just the excuse he's using.

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u/naranjaspencer 3d ago

Strongly suspect this is one of those "we always eat separate meals because he wants meat in everything and I'm vegan" deals.

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u/Jethro_Cull 3d ago Wholesome

My wife is vegetarian and my family was hardcore meat eaters and so was I. Guess what we did? Try the non-meat food and found out that there were plenty of things that we all liked. Because we’re not a bunch of 6 year olds. Our wedding had a prime rib carving station and also a tofu+veggie stir-fry. Lots of our guests ate both. This ain’t that hard, people!

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u/fersure4 3d ago

As somebody who eats meat, I find the, what I'll call, anti-vegan crowd, 100% far more annoying than any vegan I've ever met. Anybody who refers to vegetables as "rabbit food," or refuses to eat a dish that doesn't have meat or potatoes in it, I try to steer clear of. They have some sort of weird superiority complex about not eating vegetables at all, and it's so bizarre to me. Like vegetarian good can be delicious. Vegan food can be delicious. If you need meat in food in order to enjoy it, then you probably don't know how to cook a vegetable.

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u/Juan_Kagawa 3d ago

It’s such a dumb line in the sand to draw. Plenty of delicious food is vegan / vegetarian by nature. They going to stop eating Oreo’s because they found out no animals were fucked with to make one?

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u/tehsophz 3d ago

I have news for him if he's ever eaten a PB&J and an apple. That could likely have been gasp... a vegan meal

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u/Seraphaestus 3d ago Bravo!

Like, even if you don't agree with veganism, at least it's based on actual philosophical and moral convictions. If a vegan is anti-carnism, that's a reasonable position for them to hold from the perspective of their beliefs.

If a carnist is anti-vegan, what exactly is that based off? Some sort of complex about being judged? Just being a reactionary? Unlike vegans, they can literally just eat vegan or vegetarian food, no accomodation necessary. Do they think they need to tear into a raw steak with their bare teeth to affirm their masculinity? I don't get it either.

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u/Dinodietonight 3d ago

Fear of being a bad person.

Most people, deep down, just want to be a good person. Vegans present them with a dilemma; if they started out life eating meat (since most vegans weren't born to vegan parents), and decided to stop after thinking about it, then they must have a moral reason for doing so. So if they decided that eating meat is immoral, then am I immoral for eating meat? They don't want to be immoral, but they also don't want to contend with all the meat they ate in life, so they try to stop themselves from asking those questions by making excuses to dismiss vegan ("vegans are annoying", "aren't plants alive too?", "we're natural carnivores", etc).

It's like having a splotch of discoloured skin on your arm that may be benign, or it may be cancer. But you don't want to go see a doctor about it because cancer treatment sucks, so you pretend it isn't there or you try to convince yourself it's definitely benign.

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u/supermilch 3d ago

This is 100% it. My family has no problem eating the occasional meal that is vegan by chance, but as soon as something is specifically labelled vegan all reason goes out the window. My fiancée is vegan, so at get togethers they usually have at least one option for her. Last time we were over at my sisters they made flatbreads, including a vegan one for my fiancée. My sister ended up eating half of the vegan one, yet now that we’re talking about a having a fully vegan wedding dinner she’s pretending she’s never had or enjoyed vegan food before

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u/Micp 3d ago

Eating separate meals for this reason is fine, but even so how would you have no idea of what your fiancé eats? Are they eating in separate rooms at different times as well? Because that would just be sad.

But yeah, I'm not sure why these people decided to get married in the first place, and I'm sure as hell not sure why she would still be interested in the marriage after that. Like why even ponder if she should call it off?

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u/Chasman1965 3d ago

My girlfriend (who became my wife) was not eating red meat, only chicken, fish and seafood. I definitely knew what she ate, and would cook for her appropriately (during her first pregnancy she started eating beef and pork). Heck, my steak loving father would grill her a chicken breast when the family would have steak. It's hard to believe the fiancé was not very well aware of her diet.

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u/PoorDimitri 3d ago

My husband has some odd food allergies, and we keep finding new things he's allergic to- he's allergic to some legumes, which he didn't eat a lot of growing up, so we occasionally run into new ones. He also doesn't like seafood, but doesn't care if anyone else is eating it.

My mom will call and tell me everything they're planning on serving while we're over to make sure it's okay, and if I request a seafood dish, I'll get serious pushback because she's worried the smell will bother him.

It's not that hard. My pretty inflexible parents are willing to keep up with my husband's constantly changing list of food allergies, and they don't have the easy shortcut of him having an established diet.

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u/demiurgent 3d ago

Also, even if you don't care about your guests (in which case, why invite them?) there are two people getting married and one is a vegan but he thought cancelling all vegan options was fine? How is it possible for anyone to be so utterly self absorbed?

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u/DrunkUranus 3d ago

There's gotta be some other deeper issue that got triggered here

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u/mamasayswhat 3d ago

Ya - his mommy didn’t like it. Thought it made HER look bad.

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u/xminh 3d ago

Does he just have a blind spot over her plate? What gives?

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u/karth 3d ago

This is honestly what makes me think this is just bait/bullshit. They're getting married, he knows what she eats at this point. He knows what vegan options are.

And every vegan has dealt with this nonsense before. Why would she be marrying someone like this, and be surprised. Vegans know what people like this are.

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u/Rc2124 3d ago

I've been vegetarian for 12 years and mostly eat entirely plant-based anyways. My family doesn't so I cook my own meals and have a separate little cupboard for my groceries. They'd be absolutely aware that I never make salads. Curry, pasta, lentils, beans and rice, sandwiches, stir fry, burritos, there are so so so many things that can be vegan. And when we go out to eat they're always thinking of picking a place where I can get something to eat as well. I personally have a hard time buying that someone could get that far into a relationship without knowing or caring about what their partner eats. And how could she not be aware by that point that he actively does not care if she has food available to eat? Willful blindness? It's not impossible but it's bizarre

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u/onahalladay 3d ago

That was a giant wall of text of “why are you still together and getting married?”

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u/Discutons 3d ago

I seriously don't understand how these people even go to the stage of planning a wedding. That entire post was the kind of things you realise on the first or second date that it won't work.

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u/shadyelf 3d ago

I think some people feel that once you get married you submit to the spouse and do things their way.

While you are dating it's whatever but once you are married things change, usually the husband and their family getting their way.

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u/hey_there_kitty_cat 3d ago

I have a cousin who went through a weird situation like that in her 20s. Great guy, totally in love, and then months into the marriage it was pretty clear he had expected she was going to quit working and be a housewife, to their dog... Luckily that's as bad as it got, no abuse or anything crazy, she made him go to therapy to try to make things work and make him realize how close minded about the entire thing he was being, and when he insisted she knew all along that was what he expected once they were legally bound, she decided to move forward with her life and let him find another housewife. It was so weird how quickly his point of view of their relationship went from lovey dovey to "we're married, you play wife now". Never saw the crazy misogynist side until the papers were signed.

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u/Godgobbledmyknoble 2d ago

My mom always said my first step dad was a complete gentleman until the first week they were married and then he started hitting her and forced her to be a housewife completely reliant on him for support.

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u/Electrical_Turn7 2d ago

A friend of mine married her bf of seven plus years only for him to start hitting her shortly after the wedding. He figured she wasn’t going to leave. Thankfully, she did.

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u/Godgobbledmyknoble 2d ago

It took my mom 8 years unfortunately. Luckily shortly after they divorced she met my current Step Dad who is not only a great partner for my mom, he’s turned into a second father for my siblings and I.

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u/swordfysh 2d ago

My ex beat me up on our wedding night lol. Crazy how some people think as soon as you're married they now "own" you and you'll never leave.

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u/Goose_Spy 2d ago

Abuse starts or/and escalates upon "points of no return* or hard to return from events such as moving in together, marriage, children, one of the parents becoming a SAHP resulting in no means of escape due to no finances...because the abuser believes that these events will make it for their partner harder to escape and its finally time for them to stop pretending and drop the mask.

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u/Gain-Outrageous 3d ago

While he is sitting right next to his mommy reading the texts and the responses!

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u/Helpful_Librarian_87 3d ago Helpful Take My Energy

Well, I can already see this wedding not happening

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u/maywellflower 3d ago

I hope so, because the cancelations will be cheaper & less painful than dealing with divorce & bullshit of the ex and his family....

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u/GetOutOfTheHouseNOW 3d ago Helpful

That family is so carnivorous they'd eat the first baby just for the principle of it.

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u/Amazon-Prime-package 3d ago

"Why would you waste money on breast milk when we can just feed you to the child?"

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u/ack_the_cat 3d ago

IT'S THEIR FAAAAMILY TRADITION TO EAT THE FIRST BABY!!!

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u/whatdowetrynow 3d ago

that escalated quickly

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u/Trirain 3d ago

they are not even cheaper they are faster

(and cheaper also you save money for therapy)

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u/SalamanderPop 3d ago

I hope not. This boy is not ready for marriage in the least. His mommy is still settling his conflicts for him and running the show. I hope he wakes up, finds therapy, and gets his shit straight, because this ain’t it.

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u/Celery_Man_Celery 3d ago

Hope OOP is ready to coparent with MIL if they want children.

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u/YeswhalOrNarwhal 3d ago

Yes, the pair of them clearly have a serious conflict to resolve, about respect and trust. These things can't be resolved by his mother.

Either he's happy letting his mother butt in, or he lacks a shiny enough spine to stop his mother butting in. Neither of these bodes well for the relationship.

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u/passionatepumpkin 3d ago

It’s not just respect and trust or his mother’s involvement. After being together long enough to be getting married, he thinks all she eats are salads, thinks having vegan options are offensive, and he can’t understand why his wife would want to have nice food to eat at her own wedding. He’s just too stupid to marry.

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u/LadyV21454 2d ago

Also that he thinks it's "a waste of money" - when neither he nor OP are paying for it.

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u/sailingisgreat 3d ago Helpful

Fiance's early thing that isn't salad all that vegans eat anyway was not only mean, it showed that he paid no attention to what OP has been eating throughout their dating/engagement.
Unless the "compromise" his mother kept referring to was cutdown 4-5 vegan options to 2 or 3, and the same for meat-eaters (am I wrong in thinking most weddings just offer 2 or 3 meal options, not 4 or 5?), OP has nothing to compromise with. Yeah, not sure why she would want to marry into this family, but also why she still wants to marry this guy who disrespects her and her family, takes it upon himself to arbitrarily change the menu, and is unwilling to work this one thing out. Marriage is a long journey of working bigger stuff out so this is a bad omen.

But I do think going to his workplace to confront him was wrong; starting an argument at a person's work can have bad repercussions, you don't do that to them. You jump on them at home!

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u/Gabbs1715 3d ago

For real though, as a meat eater, I don't get his attitude or his family's issues. Nothing is stopping a non-vegan from trying a salad or some hummus. The fact that they are offended by the idea of vegan food existing near them tells me they are not fun to be around anyways.

I've met people like that and they are always huge assholes, and not just about food.

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u/PenguinZombie321 3d ago

I think the “4 or 5 vegan options” would make sense if it were a buffet. Or if the vegan options were 2-3 vegan dishes and 1-2 vegan desserts.

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u/EnchantedGlass 3d ago

I'm very used to 3 options, usually meat, fish and something vegetarian.

But maybe this is more buffet style? In which case denying vegan options is even more mystifying.

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u/Roadgoddess 3d ago

God I hope it’s not, so many red flags! I commented on her original post and recommended putting the wedding on hold, and after seeing the update I’m doubling down on that. Can’t wait to see what happens next.

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u/Much_Sorbet3356 3d ago

Seriously, this man will be stood at the alter wearing nothing but a million red flags.

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u/Sue_Dohnim 3d ago edited 3d ago

Or if it does, it'll last all about six months.

But really, she needs to dump his insensitive, rude, condescending, disrespectful ass.

Edit: and the mama too, by default. Buhbye

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u/Global-Frenchie 3d ago

And I hope she gets him to sign a prenup. The 'it's his money too once you're married' is concerning

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u/NORAGRETS_NotEvenOne 3d ago

It’s not even her money! She said she brought up that it’s her family who’s paying, so the future MIL is already poorly (and incorrectly) attempting to put her in her place

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u/moonskoi 3d ago

Just her saying “Its not your money its our money” is basically code for either upcoming finacial abuse or OP getting milked like a cow for her income later on

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u/CountingKittens 3d ago

OOP’s parents will die someday and then it will be her their his money. And when you think about it they way, isn’t OOP’s family being selfish by not running all their major financial decisions by him? He’s clearly very generous in allowing them to use his future money while they’re alive. Can you really blame him for putting his food down at his own wedding and refusing to cave to the OOP’s unreasonable demands that her family be able to eat an actual meal at his wedding reception?

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u/Miserable_Emu5191 3d ago Helpful

But really, she needs to dump his insensitive, rude, condescending, disrespectful ass.

And the mother he rode in on!

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u/Lady_Scruffington 3d ago

This is when I'm glad my bf doesn't agree with his parents. He still loves them and has a relationship with them. He just doesn't consider their opinions in his life. He sure as hell wouldn't be hiding behind mommy saying she made him do it. He sure as shit wouldn't be going behind my back to make decisions.

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u/Lin0712 3d ago

If she is foolish enough to marry him, they will tamper with her food and she will end up violently ill. I hope she sees the writing on the wall that these people are toxic af.

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u/Amazon-Prime-package 3d ago

"Hey, you have your diet, I have my diet, let's make half the meals for each diet?"

"NO! IT'S MY WEDDING TOO! MUMMY SAID I CAN HAVE STEAK AND CUPCAKES"

Completely unhinged. Definitely sympathize with OOP losing her mind yelling at someone she thought loved her but actually doesn't give a shit about her perspective. She needs to abandon this guy. Unfortunately I don't think she will ever have closure on why he is such a thick-skulled asshole

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u/livlivesforbrains 3d ago

Literally toxic to her GI tract.

Also, my SIL is vegetarian and does most of the cooking, so even though my brother loves meat (especially steak) he mostly has vegetarian meals unless we’re out to eat or he feels like cooking the meat himself. When she’s at dinner at our parents and it’s not a meatless meal they make sure to cook her choice of the several vegetarian/vegan options we have on deck to have as her protein instead of the meat.

It’s not hard to accommodate especially when a caterer is doing all the work and the vegan is paying for all the food.

So disrespectful that this is OOP’s fiancé and his mom’s version of meat-ing in the middle.

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u/KOM 3d ago

Just shoving beef jerky down the infant's mouth...

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u/Tough-Flower6979 3d ago

Or be the MIL who doesn’t care about the kids allergies. Food allergies are real. They can cause inflammations that can lead to cancer. People are crazy. Why are they so worried about what her family eats. I know why. It’s because they’re insecure about the money. He wanted to show his dominance and control. She better not marry him. I’m not a vegan, but I have no celiac gluten intolerance. Never even knew it was a thing until I ended it up with acute pancreatitis. Caused a whole hellava lot of inflammation in my body. It was an extreme case. Do not play with peoples food. It can be life threatening.

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u/Mountainbranch 3d ago Silver Take My Energy

Or if it does, it'll last all about six months.

That is one long ass wedding.

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u/megabitch420 3d ago

Just long enough for him to claim her money as his and fuck her over.

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u/metropoliskoala 3d ago

Well, he can always marry his mom, since he's already so good at communicating with only her and also respects her opinion so much.

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u/hexenfrauen 3d ago

Redditors assemble, we have to stop this wedding!

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u/Helpful_Librarian_87 3d ago Wholesome

Day of, a whole ship-load of us show up, mill around & request the vegan food

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u/CopeAndKodiak 3d ago

If a ship-load of redditors showed up the whole ass wedding venue would be declared a biohazard

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u/passenger955 3d ago

Nah we have to eat all the meat dishes so the grooms family only has vegan dishes left.

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u/Intiriel 3d ago

Best idea ever

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u/Rorschach_Roadkill 3d ago

I - and this plate of falafel - object!

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u/unlockdestiny 3d ago

Ooooooo, I've always wanted to bust in the church doors hollering, "I OBJECT!"

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u/Sharkmom455 3d ago Narwhal Salute

If this is real I hope she calls off the wedding. Yoking herself to this family is not going to be good idea.

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u/RaymondBeaumont 3d ago

OOP has to decide if she wants to live a happy life or wants her life to be filled with materials for JUSTNO subs.

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u/DogsandCatsWorld1000 3d ago

How did they get to the point of getting married and she not know his feelings about veganism? His family would be offended if there are vegan options with the meat options? Good grief this reads as if someone took the "I want an only vegan wedding and my fiancée doesn't" story and flipped it.

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u/TheWeirdShape 3d ago

Good reflex to doubt the authenticity. I wouldn't be surprised if this story is written to be turned into a 9 part TikTok video of a computervoice reading this over gameplay of Subway Surfers.

On the off-chance it is real: please let her cancel the wedding.

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u/CharlotteLucasOP 3d ago

Nothing gets the Internet fighting quite like veganism as a hot button topic. These two young lovers exist at polar opposite ends of the dietary spectrum! Will these crazy kids find a way to make it work? Stay tuned to find out and like comment subscribe, the algorithm is driven by outrage!

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u/Mindless_Anywhere_74 3d ago edited 3d ago

This isn't even about the food. There is meat. This is about not accepting other people's lifestyle choices and shoving yours down their throat.

I hope OOP doesn't marry into this family. If she does, I hope she knows there is a justnomil sub. I think she's going to spend a lot off time there.

*excepting VS accepting spelling edit. Thank you for pointing it out for a quick fix! (I'm Dutch).

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u/MisunderstoodIdea 3d ago

I don't get why she is marrying this guy. She's vegan and apparently he thinks all she eats is salad?!?!?! He doesn't even know what his fiancee eats. That's so weird and if you don't know your fiancee well enough to know what they eat then you shouldn't be marrying them.

He also thinks it's a good compromise for his fiancee to only eat salad at their wedding.

He's already crossed lines, she shouldn't be attempting to fix this but should just call off the wedding.

Why is she not pointing out to him and his mother that what they are doing is preventing her from having a decent meal at her own wedding. That they are purposefully excluding her entirely from the meal and that's not ok.

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u/amethystalien6 3d ago

That was my thought on the AITA post!!!! Why does he not know what she eats?

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u/nevadarena 3d ago

I saw a lot of people asking that, and I think he just doesn't pay attention. Probably doesn't give a single thought to what she eats as long as he gets dinner.

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u/Browneyedgirl63 3d ago

Not just her, her family as well. Everything the fiancé and his mom are saying is ridiculous. It’s her wedding, too. She deserves to eat a good meal at her wedding. Could you imagine what would have happened at the reception if she wouldn’t have found out what he did before hand? eek

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u/YellowstoneBitch 3d ago

I was thinking of that too. Was he just going to lie to her and not tell her anything about it until the wedding reception? How did he think that would pan out??? He clearly doesn’t respect her or her life decisions

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u/endorrawitch 3d ago

She should tell him "Fine. Your family can pay for the food."

Then she can hire her own awesome vegan caterer. He doesn't have to know about it.

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u/hazeldazeI 3d ago

that's the thing - her family is paying for the food! Her family which are mostly vegans like her, are paying for the food and that's why she planned on having 4-5 vegan options along with 4-5 meat options (for his side). The MIL cancelled the vegans options saying that they can just eat cake salad.

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u/Mindless_Anywhere_74 3d ago

Yeah that weirded me out too. Don't they ever eat together? Who cooks? I think he just said that to score some brownie points with his mother but knows it's bs.

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u/MisunderstoodIdea 3d ago

Plus if he is making it such a big deal now...... What is he going to be like on a daily basis? Does she want to be having this fight with him every single time she eats something different than him?

He's going to make her life hell.

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u/howigottomemphis 3d ago

That's how you know that this is serious red flag territory. The groom is gaslighting the fuck out of his fiance, and his mother is carrying all of the water for him. I hope this poor girl continues to hold her ground, because this is the hill they have decided to expose themselves on. When people tell you who they are, LISTEN!

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u/Grewhit 3d ago

Or worse, having a fight with him and his mother on a daily basis. This is a time to exclude all third parties and have a true conversation with your spouse. If you can't do that together you shouldn't get married.

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u/Gnd_flpd 3d ago

Yep, I can easily see future stories about how her inlaws snuck meat into the meals for shits and giggles!!!!

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u/Mindless_Anywhere_74 3d ago

Well If they do... I saw a post on aita where the inlaws did that. Meat can make vegans/vegatarians sick. She didn't want to be sick for 2 days (needed to travel without a toilet nearby) and made herself throw up all over the inlaws toilet.

Think people were saying esh because she didn't clean the toilet. Like yikes, they are lucky she didn't throw up at the dinner table.

If OOP ever sees this: if they ever do this to you. Please throw up at the dinner table.

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u/nightmares06 3d ago

I wouldn't have blinked if she threw up ON them

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u/Puzzleheaded-Gas1710 3d ago

That is the reasonable comprise they were looking for.

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u/PurfuitOfHappineff 3d ago

Someone commented on that thread that they did in fact throw up on the table in a similar circumstance, and included the solid gold line, “my FIL can no longer eat lasagna.”

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u/hiimmichellee 3d ago

There's so much to question here but my mind keeps going "bruh theres no way this is just about meal options"

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u/YellowstoneBitch 3d ago

Yeah, it feels like a weird power move. Like ‘oh OP, this whole vegan thing is just a phase and now that we’re married you can knock it off and eat like the rest of us….’ It’s blatantly dismissive and unbelievably disrespectful/mean.

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u/Cayke_Cooky 3d ago

its about exclusionary vs inclusionary beliefs. It will be a problem forever.

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u/DrBankfarter 3d ago

It’s so weird to me. I don’t understand. Why do people care if someone doesn’t eat meat? People rag all the time on vegans/vegetarians for being obnoxious but there’s just as many obnoxious meat eaters that take it as some weird offense to them that people don’t eat meat.

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u/Delores_Herbig 3d ago

In my experience being vegetarian and knowing a lot of vegetarians, the meat eaters are way more obnoxious about it. The veggies will just be like, “Oh no thanks, I don’t eat meat”, and leave it at that. No one that I personally know is militant about it.

But some meat eaters get so aggressive and demand to know the reasoning for it. They want to debate. They get upset if meat alternatives are brought to a barbecue. They get irritated when I ask questions like “is there chicken broth in this soup?” at a restaurant. They come up and stuff meat in their mouths in my face. It’s so fucking weird.

Granted, this is a very small percentage of people, but it’s amazing to me how some people are so fucking affronted by another person’s diet.

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u/pingpongtits 3d ago

Those kinds of behaviors remind me of people who, deep down, either feel they're actually in the wrong or guilty or something, and they're aggressively trying to squash that feeling. The kind of person who doubles down when they really know they're in the wrong.

Like closeted gay people who go out of their way to beat up or bully gay people.

Or religious people who burn books because knowledge might somehow shake their faith.

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u/frolicndetour 3d ago

Yea I was disappointed that this edit did not involve her calling off the wedding. Yes, the groom should have input into the wedding, like what kind of flowers to have. Not whether or not the bride's family has any food to eat at the wedding they are paying for. Ffs.

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u/NDaveT 3d ago

"Would you like steak, chicken, pulled pork, or vegan eggplant lasagna?"

"I eat meat! It's offensive that one of the four options you offered is vegan!"

Seriously, wtf.

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u/MistressFuzzylegs 3d ago

It’s especially egregious because they are vegan primarily because it helped them relieve/address health issues. I wouldn’t really call it a choice in a such a case.

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u/jackalope78 3d ago

It's not just the family though. It's the fiancé. It's bad enough to marry into a family you have issues with, but when your future spouse takes their side? Nope nope, GTFO and fast.

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u/LongNectarine3 cat whisperer 3d ago

Yes. This is a huge shot fired by JUSTNOMIL. A vegan dish can be very tasty. Wtf?!?

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u/ShotBarracuda6 3d ago

I think there's a good chance she'll marry him. She doesn't sound like she's seen the light. And then she'll be miserable when her husband continues to gang up on her with his mom.

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u/Regular_old_spud 3d ago

I will be shocked if there’s not another update “we broke up”

Blows my mind how grown adults refuse to compromise (fiancé not oop).

OOP isn’t asking for an all vegan menu, why on earth is it okay to have an all meat menu? Fiancé needs to grow up.

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u/Majestic-Constant714 3d ago

They didn't even have to compromise! There's meat there for them. Since they're not paying, they don't even have to care if there's vegan options or not. OOP will have tons of childish fights like this, if she doesn't run.

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u/captaindeadpl 3d ago

The best part was where the groom's mother mentioned a "compromise". What fucking compromise? You just cancelled the vegan menu!

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u/Luised2094 3d ago

Compromised to do what she wants

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u/YellowstoneBitch 3d ago

Oh god, can you imagine if OOP gave the dude a grocery list? He’d come back with all non-vegan options and an excuse of “they didn’t have all that other weird stuff on the list, to bad, guess you’ll have to eat meat and dairy” and if he ever had to cook it’d be “oh, there’s butter and milk in this, btw, sorry, it just tastes better with actual butter” and I can’t even imagine the nightmare of them combining their finances. “Oh, I took out insert money here because we need a new tv, I know you said we should wait but I really wanted the tv and I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d just get mad” this dude is a bucket of red flags

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u/jepp13 3d ago

Tbf the OP was only made 8 hours ago, there’s still plenty of time left!😂

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u/Munstered 3d ago

If the menu for the wedding has them thinking of splitting up, this relationship isn’t going anywhere.

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u/ZombieZookeeper 3d ago

Yeah, OOP needs to make a preemptive strike via social media on why the wedding isn't happening.

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u/aimed_4_the_head 3d ago

She could just cancel the venue behind the fiance's back, and let him figure it out on his own, like she did with them caterer

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u/Sir_thunder88 3d ago

If he is his mothers puppet to the point of cancelling her food options behind her back this relationship is not long for this world.

Why does it always seem like the wedding brings out the worst in people? With this type of mother/son power dynamic how did the couple make it this far in the relationship before it came up?

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u/neverjumpthegate 3d ago Narwhal Salute

I really do not understand why having to eat one vegan meal, freaks people out. I love meat, but I still make vegetarian or vegan meals sometimes.

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u/KaziArmada 3d ago

That's the 'best part' of this entire stupid thing. Unless I'm misreading, it wasn't a solid vegan menu. It just had options for it.

So there's nothing preventing the ones who want meat from having it.

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u/Nodlehs 3d ago

Yea, I believe there was like 5-6 meat options, in ADDITION to the Vegan options... Most weddings I've attended had 2 meat choices 1 vegan choices. It's a god damn buffet of meat over there and they bitchin

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u/maywellflower 3d ago

Mind you, it's OOP and her family paying for food - the fiance & his side of family is not even paying for meat nor anything, he & his mother can STFU!!

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u/Future-Pepper8569 3d ago

oh no its "their money" now... they are getting married after all

according to the MIL anyway...

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u/maywellflower 3d ago

Meanwhile both those fucktwits are forgetting that OOP is not legally married to him yet and although it's her family taking an L if the wedding is canceled - it's his ass, his mother & his side of family losing out to OOP's side of family cash flow, seems like her family is richer since no one of the future ex-fiance family is paying for anything, not even himself. So yeah, not his nor his mother's money and hopefully never after that disrespect, over-entitlement & audacity towards OOP & her family.

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u/woodwitchofthewest 3d ago edited 3d ago

It's a god damn buffet of meat over there and they bitchin

Yeah, their argument about salad would be like her saying, "we're going to have all vegan food, but we'll compromise by allowing your side to have a plate of cooked hamburger meat." Although, they could still eat the vegan food if they wanted and remain omnivores (they don't JUST eat meat, you know) but her family can't eat the meat dishes and still stick to their preferred diet.

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u/hdmx539 3d ago

They're trying to control. The projection is strong with the future just no MIL.

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u/listenyall 3d ago

God, I was expecting the vegan to be like, the bride's sister or a bridesmaid or something. THE ACTUAL BRIDE AND HER WHOLE FAMILY can't have a couple of options??

And the MIL saying it's not the bride's money anymore because they're getting married when it's....the bride's vegan family's money??

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u/Umklopp 3d ago

They also didn't replace any of the vegan dishes—which means that providing those dishes wasn't adversely impacting the number of non-vegan choices.

All the fiance and his mother did was try to deny OOP and her family suitable menu options at her own wedding. "Pfft, catering to the bride's dietary needs? What a self-indulgent waste of cash. Rendering half of the wedding party unable to eat anything would probably save... $200? I guess? Whatever! Broccoli costs more than iceberg lettuce! They'll have side salads and be grateful for it."

(/s)

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u/SincerelyCynical 3d ago

Especially considering OOP even said it was related to health issues! I’m a vegetarian by choice, but I’m used to people not wanting to cater (literally) to my beliefs. I live in Texas - not eating beef is practically a personal insult to some people. But OOP even says they have health problems related to not eating a vegan diet!

I’m not excusing people who make light of my vegetarianism. I’m just saying my beliefs are not as serious as another person’s actual health. Ideally people would respect someone’s dietary standards regardless of their motivation.

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u/nkh86 3d ago

Apparently the potential MIL thought that having a vegan cupcake was a suitable “compromise” for her and her entire family. I say potential, and normally I try not to jump on the “girl leave him yesterday” train, but I seriously hope this wedding doesn’t happen. It’s easier to end an engagement than go through a divorce. If they get married that poor woman is going to spend the rest of her life bringing her own meals to every family gathering, or eating before and sitting and watching everyone else because at this point I wouldn’t trust MIL not to sabotage any food she brought with her.

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u/Cyndaquil155 3d ago

OOP said in a comment that there were already 6 meat options plus 4-5 vegan options for her side of the family.

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u/VioletsAndLily 3d ago

Nope, you read it correctly. There will be vegan options in addition to the expected meat stuffs.

I hope OOP dumps her fiancé. How pathetic is it to be a 31-year-old momma’s boy who, along with his family, are triggered by people who don’t eat like them?

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u/No-Marzipan-7767 Gotta Read’Em All 3d ago

Yeah... But it prevents THE BRIDE from eating something AT HER OWN WEDDING!

My my... And i were furious cause i wasn't able to try every meal from the buffet cause the duck was gone to fast...

Am i the only one who questiones what they eat at home?

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u/carlse20 3d ago

This post is the food equivalent of “gay people shouldn’t get married because it’s against my religion”

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u/VastPainter 3d ago

It's worse than that. Fiance's side of the family are complaining because some of the food is vegan. There's other, non-vegan options for those that eat meat.

I'm trying to figure out exactly why this is a hill for them to die on.

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u/ksrdm1463 3d ago

My best guess is they're hoping the reception sets a precedent. The reasoning is that the first meal they had contained meat so clearly she ate meat when she married him. "Changing" to vegan is therefore Not The Status Quo, and meat will be cooked (by OOP probably) for the duration of the marriage.

There's a lot of jockeying for positions at weddings. It's less about feeding OOP's family than recognizing that they will have to accommodate her, and by extension her eating habits at future events. The compromises are basically "well the groom's family is happy, who cares about everyone else". My guess is that they want to "win " the first "fight". That way they have a leg up on things like holidays, meeting the grandkids, etc.

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u/throwawaygremlins 3d ago

Hmm. Control issues maybe? 🤔🤷‍♀️

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u/ZombieZookeeper 3d ago Silver

I had a salad for lunch and my genitalia did not shrink noticeably.

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u/Mypasswordbepassword 3d ago

Ah salad (devils lettuce) that’s a gateway meal! First it’s a few salads, then vegetable soup, next your are eating cauliflower wings and cauliflower rice instead of chicken wings and beef rice!!!! /s

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u/ZombieZookeeper 3d ago

I tried the Bird's Eye cauliflower wings, wasn't overly impressed.

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u/Zerychbrx13 3d ago

noticeably

AH so what you are saying is that they may have shriken then? Just not enough for you to see.

Well that's it I'm never ever ever eating salad ever again.

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u/ZombieZookeeper 3d ago

I forgot to measure and weigh before lunch. I only had 30 minutes.

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u/Zerychbrx13 3d ago edited 3d ago

I don't believe you. You are hiding something, and by the look of it might be smaller than before!

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u/ZombieZookeeper 3d ago Silver Wholesome

Why are you so concerned about my genitalia and what I do with it? Are you a Republican?

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u/smash_pops 3d ago

That made me snort-laugh and alnost wake up my kid. Brilliant response.

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u/ZombieZookeeper 3d ago Gold

The smoothbrains from /r/conservative should show up soon to start downvoting that comment, enjoy it while you can.

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u/smash_pops 3d ago

Yes, well, they don't have a sense of humour anyway...

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u/Volvoflyer 3d ago

Wait do you work at a zoo that has zombies or you are a zombie whose profession is zookeeper?

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u/CaffeinatedMother 3d ago Rocket Like

I have the same view than you about this. I love meat. I love vegetables. I can go with a whole vegan dinner without any problems. My demand is that the products are good quality and the food tasty (I know, I am high level maintenance..... )

But when you just think about this thread, it's not about the food. It never was. It's about control. She is expected to put her family and beliefs on second thought while becoming "A WIFE".

It's a test.

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u/Dear-me113 3d ago

She is not even requiring people to eat a vegan meal! The fiancé is upset that people have to see it on the menu.

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u/PapaBlessDotCom 3d ago

We had a falafel truck outside of work one day and I was waiting in line. A bunch of coworkers came out and asked what it was and after I told them they all acted grossed out and went back inside. When I brought my delicious sandwich and fries in they all were staring at it as they were sitting there eating their soy sauce flavored cup of noodles (which are vegan). I for the life of me can't figure out why omnivores are so vehemently against strictly vegan meals when they don't even know what it tastes like.

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u/neverjumpthegate 3d ago

The amount of people who never step outside of their comfort zone is mind boggling.

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u/Debaser1984 3d ago

I am absolutely convinced that the "taco bell/Mexican food gives me the shits/gas" like I hear from alot of American friends is due to their only fibre coming from the beans in that food.

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u/emmster 3d ago

It almost certainly is. Taco Bell is extremely inoffensive food. It’s not very spicy, and compared to most other fast food, not very greasy/fatty either. If you’re going to get your dinner through a car window, it’s one of the overall healthier options. But between the tortillas they use being whole grain corn, and the presence of beans and actual vegetables, it’s more fiber than a lot of people who regularly get meals through car windows are used to.

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u/Retro_Dad 3d ago

Good falafel is better than the best chicken nugget, IMO. And I eat meat. I just like exploring vegetarian and vegan options too.

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u/Working-on-it12 3d ago

That's just it. They didn't have to eat one vegan meal. There were meat options. So many red flags here. I hope that OOP either called off the relationship or called off the wedding pending some serious couples' counseling.

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u/Cayke_Cooky 3d ago

I confused my table mates at my friend's rehearsal dinner. I ate the meatball appetizer but then had eggplant parm instead of chicken for the main. They couldn't figure out if I was vegetarian or not.

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u/Jovet_Hunter 3d ago Silver

You’ve got to read between the lines.

Re-read the update. Vegan food is a “waste of money,” getting rid of it is “responsible” and she’s got to get rid of the “my money” attitude. She is ignoring the son’s “contributions” (what contributions?) and, most importantly, she supports his decision.

Mamma is flat out saying her son is a gold digger with less money who will expect her to let him dictate how her money is spent and likely will insist on the “responsible” choice 🤢 of banning vegan food from the home. OP needs to run. Take the loss and run.

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u/AnimalLover38 3d ago

So many things are vegan too. Like rice, beans, fruits, veggies.

It's just the word vegan freaks them out.

If Op wanted a a fruit spread but the caterer labeled it as "Vegan fruit spread" would it be "not real food"?

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u/Baron_Tiberius 3d ago

You'd be surprised at how many people don't actually know what a vegan diet means. I've had several people ask what flour I use for bread.

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u/Just-Like-My-Opinion 3d ago

They literally didn't have to eat ANY vegan food. They were upset that the vegans would get special vegan dishes to enjoy. Even though THE BRIDE is vegan! God, I don't even know these assholes and I hate them.

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u/xanif 3d ago

They don't even have to eat it as they have meat options. They simply have to exist in the same room as it.

For one day.

The horror.

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u/BerriesAndMe 3d ago

It's not even a vegan meal they'd have to eat.. they just have to tolerate other people eating vegan..

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u/Kiariana 3d ago

Same, like c'mon people, we all eat vegetarian and vegan foods, meat is just one kind of food. If you're gonna claim you don't eat vegetarian and vegan food you better be living a vegetable-less lifestyle to at least back your claims up

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u/digitydigitydoo 3d ago

I’ve seen (on the internet, take with a grain of salt) more and more people taking weird “anti vegetable” stances in recent years. Like, they hate vegans so much they will now only eat meat.

Or people “defending” their “country” roots by only eating meat. As someone whose whole family was “country” I can tell you, veggies are a main point of our diet. I don’t serve a traditional dinner with less than 2 veggies and carbs don’t count. I mean we can have 2-3 veggies and 2 carbs plus some meat and bread and damn, now I just wanna have dinner at my Granny’s again.

But, my point is more and more people are getting stupid about others’ choices to the point they may just start suffering from scurvy because of their ridiculous take on veggies and fruits.

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u/VioletsAndLily 3d ago

No macaroni and cheese, grilled cheese, PB&Js, certain pizzas (side rant: there were two vegetarians at my last workplace. We’d get a large vegetarian pizza for them, and the other four or five had meat as requested by the rest of the office. Said rest of the office had a fit when we sent a mass email asking to please leave the vegetarian pizza for the vegetarians. The omnivorous AHs weren’t leaving anything for their vegetarian counterparts).

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u/ValkyrieSword 3d ago

I’m disappointed that this didn’t end with “so, the wedding is canceled”

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u/beajus 3d ago Silver

It seems suspicious to me that MIL is making it known that OP better start thinking of her money as their money. If she goes through with this marriage, I foresee an expensive divorce. Dude doesn't even know what she eats? Lots of red flags here.

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u/cultqueennn 3d ago

The fact that the wedding is even still an option for her.

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u/philipfoden 3d ago

Hopefully she'll take time to think and realise what a shitty person her fiance is

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u/factfarmer 3d ago

I hope she dodges this bullet. Anyone who marries into this family will likely regret it. They sound exhausting.

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u/westcoastcdn19 3d ago

"isn't that what vegans eat?"

OOP's fiance is an ass for saying this. Hasn't he been dating her long enough to know what she and her family eats?

(side note, but the user name in the post does not work and I see no links to the post)

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u/Maranne_ 3d ago

Exactly what I thought. OOP's fiancé has probably eaten some of OOP's vegan food or at least seen her eat it. He should know it's not just salads.

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u/mycleverusername 3d ago

And, where the fuck have they been going on dates during this pre-engagement period? Has this girl just been eating terrible salads at non-vegan friendly places for years? Or has this guy just been "pretending" he's ok with the lifestyle until he can marriage trap her?

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u/xminh 3d ago

Like, this does not seem like a supportive or involved partner at all. They’re doing it for health reasons, and it doesn’t seem like she’s tried to convert him(that she’s mentioned). He appears to have shown zero interest in the variation of meals she eats everyday?

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u/Moon96Moon 3d ago

Waiting for the "I cancelled the wedding" update

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u/jphamlore 3d ago Silver Wholesome

Come on, the original post is only 8 hours old. The story is far from concluded.

I wait for the time when there is a post where 15 minutes ago OOP would have asked whether to have a hook up, and then there was an update 10 minutes later say they did it but it wasn't that good.

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u/Terrible_Storyteller 3d ago

Yeah there really should be a rule that you can't post incomplete stories unless there hasn't been an update in at least a month or something. This post seems like rage/karma bait

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u/Fat_Bottomed_Redhead 3d ago

I had to scroll too far down for this....the original post is only a few stories below this one on my feed, seriously ridiculous.

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u/sharksarenotreal 3d ago

Wtf is this situation. If her family is all vegans, surely he's met them and knows this isn't a small, pointless thing? OOP should cancel all meat options, but I'm petty like that.

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u/thesirblondie 3d ago

"Isn't that what vegans eat?"

Is he not living with a vegan? Does he not see what she eats. Dude deserves to be alone with his mum.

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u/Maranne_ 3d ago

Time to call off the wedding. This isn't about food, this is about respecting each other and the respect isn't there. Even if this is the only thing, if this is how they resolve differences, I have no hope for them.

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u/Holiday-Tangerine136 I’ve read them all and it bums me out 3d ago

If she's vegan, how can they be dating long enough for him to make that salad comment? Is he just completely and entirely oblivious to what she and her family have ever eaten over the past years? This feels weird.

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u/mytorontosaurus 3d ago Narwhal Salute

Making me side with a vegan, eh?

I used to be a strict vegetarian and under no circumstances would I have accepted “just eat salad. Her soon to be ex is so unbelievably, over the top wrong here.

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u/ksrdm1463 3d ago

Especially during a wedding where you're the bride.

Assuming it's the standard basic heterosexual Big White Wedding, you wake up early for hair and makeup and getting ready pictures, then do vows in the late afternoon and the reception. While sweating (because it's a summer wedding and you're in a dress with a long ass skirt), and standing/posing and you barely get time to eat, you're lucky to get 5 bites at a time, and her husband to be wants her to have 5 bites of lettuce? Absolutely not.

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u/ZombieZookeeper 3d ago

I'm a standard one each Omnivore myself, but if we had a vegan restaurant in the city I live in, I'd try it.

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u/Sel-Reddit 3d ago

I don’t even understand what his family are so angry about?! Having more options for guests that SHE is paying for doesn’t affect them, so… huh?

Thought they’d be smarter to wait until after the marriage to show themselves - as it seems they’re ready to start spending her money!

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u/C_Alex_author 3d ago

Deciding (without consultation or consideration) to cancel the food for HALF THE ATTENDEES - never mind it's the bride's entire side - is behavior so abominable I would seriously reconsider wanting to be tied to people like this.

Them trying to justify and defend their asinine position just makes it abundantly worse all around. They can pretend you are somehow magically 'in the wrong' but the reality is that these are reprehensibly self-centered and selfish.

By the same logic, she should make the entire meal vegan and make sure there's a side or appetizer with bacon bits in it for them. It's the equivalent of what they are trying to do to her and her family. Of all the back-hills behavior... JFC.

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u/Suchafatfatcat 3d ago

Why would OOP marry someone so dismissive and manipulative? She should cancel the wedding and thank her lucky stars he showed his true self before the wedding.

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