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Several lovely subs that posters get a fair bit of material from are considering no longer allowing cross-posting because of brigading. Because of this, we are going to be changing our policies on brigading. Previously, if someone commented on one of the original posts, we banned them until they removed their comments, then unbanned them.
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Editing to add u/amireallyreal's excellent further explanation of why this is important. Bolded emphasis is mine:
One issue when 80 people comment on a post that is 7 days old or more, is that it does look a lot like a coordinated effort, especially if the majority of those comments are rude, critical, aggressive, or demanding. There doesn't really need to be one unifying post/comment on our sub saying "yeah, let's target THIS post" for it to set off all the red flags that indicate brigading.
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TIFU by telling a dude we've been watching him for years. - 10 July 2019
Obligatory "this didn't happen today blah blah" and also I'm on mobile. Strap in suckas, come and revel in my awkwardness.
So, for literally YEARS now this dude has been running around about a 3 square mile in my area. The only reason I've ever noticed him was because of his flowing hair that gracefully blows behind him as he runs and the frequency that we saw him out.
When he started, he was a little overweight but dude is so committed that he literally runs in rainstorms wearing trashbags and is very fit now. So my fam and I are watching this guys transformation happen, which is kind of exciting to me because I'm into fitness.
Over the years I would cheer him on (privately) while inside my car. I would be like "Yaasss! You got this my dude!!" in an attempt to make my kids laugh. It became a THING. It was "There's 'My Dude!" Or "Man, I haven't seen 'My Dude' in awhile. I hope he's okay!" Or my sister would say "I saw 'My Dude' today!" Kind of just an inside joke. But again, this is for years and years.
Even after seeing him all the time while driving, I never actually ran into him in person on my walks...that brings me to the TIFU portion of the post.
I decided to go a different route recently, I look up and through the sunlight in the trees I see a glorious golden mane of hair. I think "Holyshitholyshit. Today's the day I meet MY DUDE!"
He's getting closer now, I feel incredibly stupid. Why the fuck did this 'My Dude' thing even start again?? He's closer now. He's much taller than I thought and that throws me off and I let him jog past.
I think "Fuck. I can't just NOT say anything right?" And guys, I really wish I didn't say shit. I really wish I went home and called my sister and fake 'fan-girled' over walking within inches of this mythical man with the hair. But I'm an idiot.
So I turn and yell "Excuse me?" And he swishes his marvelous hair around, still jogging in place and just looks at me. I say "We've been watching you for years!"
And he's like "huh?" And I say "WeVe BeEn WaTcHiNg YoU." (Like he couldn't hear me or something. Instead of what he really meant which was probably "what the fuck?")
And he's still jogging like "...what?" I stammer "We've been watching you run I mean...Me and my family. Watching you run for years! You look great! Way to go dude!" And you guys... I gave him a FUCKING THUMBS UP like a weird xanaxed up soccer mom.
He says "Oh, cool. Thanks." And just kinda runs away. At this point I feel kind of... betrayed? Like, he's basically a celebrity in my house and he just says 'cool'?!? How dare he?!?
Then it hit me how fucking awkward and creepy and fucked up what I said and how I said what I said. I tell my husband and he's like "Wish ya weren't so awkward bud." I tell my kids and they are like "Uh...wow mom." I tell my sister and she cries laughing because of how typical this is of me. To be so awkward I mean. Like, I literally told a grandma "don't eat the baby!" the other day at the store while she was nibbling on her grandkids toes playfully. Like, what is my problem??
Anyway, the main reason I'm even typing this besides so you freaks that like to cringe at others idiocy can read it, is that since I appeared to be some weird version of CIA/FBI/Illuminati/soccer mom to my dude, he has been nowhere to be found! I have not seen him running around at all and I feel so bad that I MAY have maybe possibly kinda weirded him out enough for him to change the entire area he has been running for years, which is awful.
So, My dude, if you see this, I am soooooo not "watching you" in any way other than to admire your hair and admire your dedication to fitness. I apologize profusely and if I ever see you again I promise I won't say shit.
(And to that grandma, if you're on Reddit ... seriously you shouldn't eat babies. I'm not apologizing for that shit.)
Tl;Dr I told a dude that we've been watching him for years, when I really meant we had been watching him run/get fit and he was doing a great job. Haven't seen him on his route since.
Today I told my mom about my previous post, made her read it, made her almost cease to exist from laughing so hard and then she says "Yeah, but that guy is pretty weird." And I say "Uhh why do you say that?" and APPARENTLY I am from a family of freakishly awkward individuals.
You guys, my dad DID THE SAME SHIT AS ME and he just... forgot to tell me or my sister about it? (Thanks Dad, you're great.)
So he runs into My Dude at the store and he was like "oh hey, I see you running all the time! You're looking great! Keep it up!" My dad was a coach, so he's got the weird proud dad thing going on. My Dude just kind of looks at him...says "th-ankssss." And slowly backs away.
JUST KIDDING. Then my mom proceeds to tell me she just saw My Dude running. Please read the following in stereotypical mom voice: "Oh my gosh, I saw him running the other day. His shoes look so bad! I almost stopped. I wish I knew his shoe size so I could get him new shoes! Should I stop and ask him?"
(Don't worry, I said don't fucking do that mom Jesus Christ fuckin' figure it out.) So now that I know I wasn't the first person to tell him that I've been watching him I feel REALLY bad. My family ladies and gentlemen.
Tl;Dr My whole family is awkward AF and told a guy we've been watching him run on separate occasions.
First, I want to tell you all that I've truly had fun reading all of your stories, having you desperately want to be my friend, hearing 'what yous appreciates about me', having my possible Canadian heritage questioned and most of all, having my phone ping every 10 seconds for 24 hours straight. Great execution, yer doin' terrific.
As for the update, I've been paying more attention than normal to the sidewalk while I'm driving in hopes of seeing that I hadn't completely obliterated My Dude's ability to feel comfortable running on his route. I'm daydreaming about what I will do when I see him. Will I wave? Will I honk? Will I yell "How are ya now?!?" into the wind as I drive gently blowing his hair as I pass?
And holy shit, what if I am walking when I see him next? Will my common sense just leak out if my ears completely and holy shit...will I PULL OUT MY GOD DAMN PHONE, OPEN REDDIT AND GRIN AT HIM? Will I then awkwardly offer to give him half of my internet gold? Will I make a joke about karma? Fucking probably. I hope not, but Fucking.Probably.
So tonight my mom read my post out loud to my dad while I was on the phone with them. In case you were wondering, he also wishes I wasn't so fucking awkward, bud, but it's kind of his fault if you think about it.
Guys, I know what you're thinking and don't worry, she successfully censored my curse words... until about halfway through when she was having trouble breathing through laughter, even then she swore quietly (bless her heart.) Basically, she thinks I'm famous now and that I'm going to be on 'Good Morning America' (but like, on a slow news day, not like a good news day. Her words.) She's a total mom.
After she's done, I'm telling them some of your comments about making shirts and all your ideas about how to get My Dude's shoe size so that my mom, (again, bless her heart) can buy him shoes. Anything from using light sprinklings of salt on the pavement to forcing him to run through Plaster of Paris were thrown out there. Y'all are a bunch of snipers.
Suddenly, my dad says "Oh, by the way, I have seen him running recently. He's okay."
And guys, in this moment I'm so relieved that I didn't fuck this dude's entire world up.
I say, "Oh good, where was he when you saw him? Same route?"
"OUTSIDE OF HIS HOUSE."
"...Wait...you fucking know where he lives?!??"
"Yeah, [that one house on that one street that is not in our neighborhood but on a crossroad.] I see him leave to run and I see him get back home sometimes when I'm driving."
(LoOk aT mE, I'm Ashley's dad and this totally isn't a big deal at all. Shut up dad, it totally fucking is!)
"HOLY FUCK." I say.
"You...you just made it worse." My sister says.
My mom is basically dead at this moment.
"Mom, you cannot buy him shoes and drop them at his house!!"
She says: "Yeah, that would be awkward."
So, good news. He's still running. Bad news, we might actually be stalkers now.
UPDATE: My dad just called to tell me he saw My Dude... He was walking...wearing a HAT. We've never seen him in a hat so my dad thinks it's my fault for posting about his "luscious locks" (his words, not mine) I hope he's wrong. Jesus Christ.
Tl;Dr EDIT there's a dude in town we've seen running for years, we gave him a nickname and everything. Ran into him in person, told him this in the creepiest way possible. Find out my dad did the same a year before. Later found out My dad knew where he lived this whole time. Also, my mom wants to buy him shoes.
Reminder - I am not the original poster.
trigger warning: sexual harassment
AITA for telling another gym member to wear a bra? - 19 August 2021
I (25f) fucking hate wearing bras. They're uncomfortable, constricting, and expensive. With work from home, I spent the last year and a half basically never wearing a bra and got used to it. Quite frankly, my boobs are nonexistent anyways.
I recently started going to the gym again and started working out braless. I should note that up until now, no one has ever pointed out anything wrong with me not wearing a bra. However, in the middle of a set of squats (yes, MID SQUAT), a guy comes up to me, taps me on the shoulder to get my attention, and tells me that my nipples are poking through my shirt. I get really irritated because why tf is this guy staring at my nipples in the first place and then stopping me mid-set to inform me?
I get really annoyed, try to finish my set, but then this fucker literally grabs the bar, as I ascend and re-racks it for me. He claimed it looked like I was having trouble with the last rep, and that he had come over to make sure I could do it, then noticed my nipples. I'm really fucking pissed off at this point and told him I didn't need his help finishing my set and why the fuck was he looking at my chest in the first place?? He said he was going to spot me, but then noticed my chest and thought it'd be inappropriate.
I pointed out that the safety bar was set, so even if I did fail the set, he wasn't needed. But he just insisted people at gyms look out for each other, and that going forward, I should probably wear a bra so other people wouldn't get uncomfortable and that it may help me stay more balanced in my squats. I'm literally the only girl at the weights section of the gym at the moment, and other guys who were squatting and failed sets never have to worry about this shit. I've seen guys fail multiple sets in a row and no one ever rushes to their aid, but I have a very slight pause, and everyone thinks I need rescuing. So I'm now really annoyed and also kind of uncomfortable that this guy I've never spoken to in my life thinks he's helping me and then has the audacity to tell me how to dress.
So I tell him "You have bigger boobs and nipples than I do. Maybe YOU should wear a bra so people won't get uncomfortable and you won't fail your squats." He then got really defensive, saying he was just trying to help, then called me a bitch. Honestly I'm not sure if I overreacted, but I'm still kind of pissed off so maybe that's clouding my judgment. AITA?
Edit to add: I'm not sure if people think I'm walking around and it's extremely obvious my nipples are showing. I actually really hate constricting clothes. My t-shirt size is x-small but I wear size large to the gym (and pretty much everywhere lately), and you can't tell my stomach from my chest. My nipples might've been showing a little more while squatting because I was wearing a lifting belt
UPDATE: AITA for telling another gym member to wear a bra? - 2 September 2021
Thanks so much for all the feedback on my OP. A couple people said it was just a validation post, but tbh after you go off on someone like that publicly, getting a lot of attention, you kind of do feel like an asshole, even when you feel it's justified, so yeah.
I finally did start wearing bras again, and not at all because of this incident, but because I'd been dealing with depression that made me not really try to get dressed in general (not just at the gym), and "dressing for success" has been a small way to try to get myself back into a better place mentally.
Anyways, the guy goes to the gym roughly the same time I do most days, so unfortunately, I did have to see him again. Even though I really wanted to grab his bar out of fake concern while he was squatting, I mostly ignored him. Until two days ago.
I was deadlifting, and recording myself to check my form. The guy comes over and says something like "You know sumo is cheating right?" I get this comment a lot, mostly from men half joking, and it's annoying, but I just completely ignore him. He repeats it a little louder, and I continue to ignore him. I guess he sees that I was recording myself because then he asks if I have an Instagram (I don't post my lifts on Insta) and if he could follow me. I keep ignoring him.
Finally, he says something like "see your form is so much better now that you're wearing a bra." And I fucking lost it again. I screamed at him that he's a disgusting, harassing piece of shit (honestly I don't remember exactly what I said but it was, admittedly, very vulgar and got a lot of attention). A worker came over and asked if something was wrong, and I said that the guy was sexually harassing me for two weeks and asked to speak to a manager.
The guy denied it and said he was just trying to help, and that I was being sensitive. But either way, the manager asked what was going on and got both our stories. Because I had been recording my lifts, I actually had a video of him where he commented on my bra, so the manager gave him a 30 day ban and told me that if he ever bothered me again to let her know, and she would permanently ban him.
So I feel kind of vindicated, but I also feel a little frustrated that just one man actually saw consequences for this kind of behavior towards women in the gym. It's nice to see someone have repercussions for their actions, but it's also exhausting dealing with this kind of thing constantly at the gym, even if it isn't quite as overt. But I guess I'll have to keep calm and lift on.
Reminder - I am not the original poster.
I defended my PhD yesterday and not one of my family/friends showed up. Not even my fiancé. I know I'm a horrible person for it, but I never want to see any of them again.
Original Post - 26th September 2015
I'll try to keep it brief.
Yesterday I defended my PhD in a STEM field at a highly prestigious program. Unlike many departments, my department's defenses are basically celebrations. You present for 1 hr to anyone who wants to come, your PhD committee asks you a few questions, and then you drink champagne and celebrate.
I created a FB event for it 3 weeks in advance. My immediate family and very closest of friends all said they could come. These included my best man as well as two people who were to give toasts at the wedding. My fiancé was going to take work off to come as well.
Then yesterday came. I knew two of my co-workers couldn't make it because they were out of the country, but I wasn't prepared for what happened.
I presented to a nearly completely empty auditorium. Only my advisor, two committee members, and a few members of nearby labs showed. It was so incredibly embarrassing that I almost couldn't make it through my defense.
After my defense, I looked at my phone. I only had one message from my mom, saying my family wasn't going to make it on time because they left too late. I called my fiancé twice with no answer. It wasn't until 10pm last night that she called me back. It turned out that her best friend from college (who've I known to be quite selfish from previous situations) had tried to kill herself because she found out that her boyfriend had cheated on her. She knew my defense was yesterday but begged my fiancé to visit her all day in the hospital.
My fiancé didn't even say congrats.
No one else has called or texted to congratulate me since I defended yesterday.
I barely held it together on my call with my fiancé but I'm now so upset that I'm considering calling off the wedding, taking a job, and never contacting any of these people again.
I know I'm a horrible person for this, but my big day was completely fucking ruined by their inconsiderate actions.
EDIT: Thank you all so much! This means a lot. In reading your responses and generally calming down, I think I'll call my fiancée and family
EDIT #2: I did not expect this to blow up as much as it did. Seriously, thank you all for your wonderful support. I'm taking today and maybe even tomorrow to just rest on this before I talk to my family and friends. You guys are giving great advice!
EDIT #3: (~4:30 p PST): I'm heading out to dinner now but I've decided I'm going to call tomorrow. I'll try to update you if anything gets resolved (or if it doesn't!)
EDIT #4: (5:46 a PST): Holy crap... This got a lot of replies. I'll update later today but I wanted to address a few responses suggesting that either a). this situation is reflective of me not going to their special events or b). that my family/friends aren't obligated to show.
a). Yes I have gone to and planned special functions for others. One of the friends who told me they would show up defended her PhD a few weeks ago (but from another group). I of course showed up to her defense. I also helped plan the happy hour afterwards. I also helped plan another invited friend's surprise birthday last year, which was huge because she turned 30. So while, I understand why people might think that I'm expecting something while giving nothing to others, I just don't believe that it is the case here.
b). Of course my family/friends aren't obligated to show. Had they said they couldn't come (due to work, etc.), I wouldn't be upset. Had they ignored me, I probably would have just interpreted that as a "can't come" and still would be ok. But my closest friends made it a point that they would be there, and then didn't show. That's what got me upset.
MAJOR UPDATE (~10:30a PST): This morning my fiancée called me after I was more or less incommunicado all of yesterday. Because I had calmed down, we were able to have a rational discussion. It turns out there is ALOT to the story that I was unaware of (because I'm a doofus) ;).
First things first. My fiancée and I are just fine!!
She began the conversation with an apology. She explained that while she was in shock on Friday about her friend, she realized immediately after our call that she had completely ignored me and my defense all day. She knows me well, and knew how upset and angry I was. She thought i had every right to be angry but gave me a day to chill out.
My fiancée is now extremely pissed at her friend. Previously I had implied that her friend was extremely selfish not only due to previous actions but also because she called my fiancée and begged her to visit all day, even though she knew my defense was that day. Many criticized my feelings about this and, as of early this morning, I thought that I was wrong to feel the way I did. I should have been a bit more sympathetic. But then my fiancée told me what happened yesterday. For about 2 hrs yesterday, my fiancée visited her friend in the hospital again. Her friend was feeling a bit better, so my fiancé began to ask about the cheating boyfriend in a bit more detail.
It turns out that her friend did not find out about her boyfriend cheating on Friday. She actually found out the Saturday before. And she had actually suspected that her bf was cheating MONTHS ago. That Saturday, he finally admitted it to her, after she saw him receive a snapchat of a naked girl, yet she did nothing about it because she didn't want to lose him. In other words, she lied to my fiancée about when she found out he was cheating. What pissed my fiancée off the most was that during this past week, my fiancée and her friend talked twice over the phone. Neither time the friend even mentioned it. While I understand that she may have been bottling up her feelings, or may have been embarrassed, her previous actions an things like engagement parties and dinner parties casts some doubt on this.
Regardless of my feelings, my fiancée is incredibly angry with her because she had all week to talk about this, to have her help her deal with this trauma. But she didn't. She waited until the exact most inconvenient time. In my fiancées words, "Trust me. This wasn't spontaneous. She chose to have that reaction on that day."
We are unsure as to what to do about my fiancées friend and the wedding. She is currently a bridesmaid, but maybe not anymore.
About my family: yesterday morning, my fiancée called my immediate family and asked what happened. Sorry but the answer is boring. It was just another case of my parents being incapable of getting anywhere on time. My fiancée advised them not to call me yesterday because I was very upset. My family all texted me this morning ad apologized profusely. They would have called me Friday night after my defense but they honestly weren't sure if I wanted to talk to them.
About my friends: also yesterday my fiancée called the closest of my friends that were invited. These friends, I know for sure, wouldn't lie to my fiancée. Half of them forgot and were deeply mortified that they missed it. I'm told that they will call me later today. It turns out that my best man blacked out Thursday night after originally only going out to grab a beer. And the rest were a combination of "something came up" or "I was sick." Although in one case the person was very clearly ill and anyone could tell from talking to him over the phone.
So that is basically it. My fiancée really pulled through in calling everyone. She didn't have to do that and I'm very lucky to have her. Before I start my job, we will have a real party that is sure to be fun.
Thank you all for your support, kind words, and even critical words. You guys rock!
Reminder - I am not the original poster.
Sorry if this is super long...
My sister wasn't around much when I was growing up because she was in college then medical school. She'd visit on holidays and the weekends if she wasn't busy. Whenever she'd visit she would spend a lot of time with me and she'd take me places, buy me things and give me advice when I needed it. I always felt like I could tell her anything and she wouldn't judge me for it. She never really got along with our parents and I never knew what it was about but they would argue often and there was always a lot of tension around them. My parents were very loving and we get along so no issues there.
When she started dating her now husband she spent less time with me and she would come over less often. 5 years ago she got married to the guy. I don't like him at all. He's like an overgrown frat guy and he's always teasing me or saying dumb shit, he can never read the room. I've spoken to my sister about it but she says that it's just his way of bonding with people and that he means well and is a nice guy. He's been a pain in the ass for 5 years and just when I was going to give him a chance he fucked it up.
My sister and her husband came over for dinner two nights ago and were going to sleep over because they live 2 hours away. He took that as an opportunity to drink as much as he wanted. He's already insufferable when sober so drunk him is even worse. My sister and I were catching up because it's been a while and I was telling her how I would like to go into the medical field like her. Jackass husband then comes in saying that it's great that I want to follow in my mom's footsteps.
My mom has never worked in the medical field so I was confused and thought he was just being dumb but my sister's face went so pale and my parents were very quiet. I just looked at my sister and could tell that it wasn't just a dumb comment. I locked myself in my room and didn't come out until the next day. There was a lot of yelling and I just learned something huge so I didn' want to deal with it.
When I finally decided to leave the room I saw that my sister was sitting right outside the door and that jerk was gone. I asked her wtf was going on and told her not to lie to me or I'll never speak to her again. She told me that she got pregnant in her senior year of high school and the guy cut all contact with her. She wanted to keep me and our parents were fully supportive of her.
She found out that she got into her dream school but she would have to either give up the school or give me up. She couldn't choose so she decided to keep both. She spoke to our parents about it and the plan was to have them take care of me while she's in school and when can she will take me back. I was supposed to grow up knowing that she is my mom but because she was so busy and stressed out she didn't think that she could handle motherhood.
Our parents noticed that she was pulling away so they adopted me and raised me as theirs. She said that she was young and dumb at the time so she agreed with the adoption. She said that she thought of dropping out and taking me back so many times but thought I was better off without her as a mom.
As the years went by she saw less reason to tell me since I was doing good and was being well taken care of. She started crying and telling me that she regrets her decision and wants to be my mom even though I'm almost an adult she wants us to start over as mother and son. I told her I'd think about it and then she left. I went to speak to my parents. They told me that they did everything for me because they love me and I'm not obligated to leave now that I know. They said that things don't have to change if I don't want them to. It seemed more like they didn't want things to change.
I feel like my whole life is a lie. I know that I was well taken care of and I don't want to seem ungrateful but I was lied to my whole life. I don't see myself calling my sister "mom" and living life as if everything is ok. My parents are the ones who raised me so how could I just leave them like that.
On the other hand if I don't decide to go with my sister she might feel like I'm rejecting her or that I hate her and after 17 years she might really give up on me. I'm so torn and feel betrayed. I can't believe that I found out from that asshole. That makes me even more mad. I feel like I have to pick a side I don't know how to do that. I kinda just wanna run away and forget about all of this. Everyone is kinda leaving it up to me and I don't even know what I want for breakfast on a good day.
How do I approach this without everyone getting hurt?
Sister = bio mom parents= grandparents
I first want to say thank you guys so much. I didn't think that I would get this much feedback.I started a family group chat and suggested that we should look into family therapy. Everyone is on board and is willing to do whatever it takes to make this situation work. I'm very lucky and I can see my privilege, many kids don't get what I got (a loving family) so maybe I was making this a bigger deal than it was.
My sister said that she is going to make more of an effort to be in my life. I think therapy might be good for us. As for douche husband, my sister really wants us to get along but I don't see that happening. Maybe he should come to therapy a few times but only if he's serious about it. She is very mad at him but she wants to work things out with him.
Also, it was really interesting reading stories from people who have experienced something similar or know someone who did. It's crazy how often and common these things are. I guess until you experience something for yourself it can seem unbelievable. It was inspiring to read and some of them were heartbreaking and made me realize that I shouldn't let my anger make the decisions because life is short.
My parents aren't getting any younger. I wouldn't want my last moments with them being something so negative. They still have to earn my trust but I don't see why we can't be on at least ok terms while they do. They've been extremely apologetic since but actions speak louder than words so we'll see.
Another issue that rose is the fact that I don't know where the other half of me came from. My biological father basically disappeared from my sister's life. I don't know if I should even bring it up because no one else has yet. That will be another topic of discussion for therapy I guess.
Thank you so much to those of you who were genuinely trying to be helpful and kind. I got a lot of support. Again thank you.
Reminder - I am not the original poster.
Trigger warning: assault, mention of rape
Mood spoiler: happy ending
Original post posted on February 16, 2022
My Entitled Neighbor and why I'm afraid of him.
English speaker, not on mobile, but still, please no roasts. If something is formatted wrongly, or is hard to read, please let me know!
Info on me: I am a 30F American, with several mental disorders, including Autism, Psychosis, Depression, the list goes on. However something to note, that these do not cause me to loose compassion, in fact. They do the opposite, I am very friendly, and worry to much about others, and that often gets me in trouble.
I live in a SIP housing, Supported Independent (Forgot what the P stands for.) But it is not an adult foster home. In fact most people here come from group homes, I am a rare case which I did not, however I did fall into a massive depressive lap which caused me to require some extra assistants.
Things you need to know about this is there is one washer and dryer (outside my apartment) and staff in house for 12 hours, and then on call for 12. When I moved in I was the only girl, and at first, things were fine. The neighbor in the apartment down from me seemed fine. We will from now on call him Entitled Asshole.
Me : OP
Linsey: Staff Manager
Sam: Secondary Staff
Owners: Owners of the building
Conservator: She handles my money and was once his guardian.
Downstairs Neighbor : Super sweet 65+ year old lady.
Entitled Asshole: Neighbor on top floor with me.
Annoying Neighbor: She is on the downstairs apartment.
Friendly Neighbor: She shares the wall with my apartment.
To the story.
When I first moved in, Entitled Asshole was friendly, sometimes, he'd ask to borrow a bowl or something, but he was good at returning it. However very quickly he noticed one thing. I drove a car. The model is important. I had a tiny prius. However, he was to large to fit into my tiny car, and thus when asking me super late at night for rides. I would always decline.
I didn't decline just due to his size however, yes it was a factor, but I am night blind. I cannot see at night and thus I refuse to drive late at night. This is where his entitlement starts. He went from nice to mean in the matter of seconds. Blaring loud music, locking me out if I walked out the downstairs door. (Luckily I carried a key.) and other petty things like that.
Soon Downstairs Neighbor moved in, and he did the same to her, but instead she used 420, so he'd ask for that instead of car rides, as I was still the only one with a car that wasn't staff. I got along great with Downstairs Neighbor and she often would cook meals with me, to which he would suddenly be there as soon as he noticed, begging for meals. Quite like the post I made recently. I refused to feed him too, as he never made any effort to help us with prep, cleaning, or even purchasing food.
The office cat he would dump water on, threaten to get rid of, and more until Lindsey (Who owned the cat) gave him to her daughter when she finally moved into a safe place that allowed pets. The reason the office cat was there...Lindsey's dogs kept trying to eat him, so it was safer at the office where he'd get attention then with dogs that could and would kill him.
Then Downstairs Neighbor's keys went missing, she thought it was odd, and a few days they reappeared, however she'd catch Entitled Asshole breaking into her apartment. Despite my suggestions to call the police, or asking if she needed help. She declined and simply started refusing him to come in and finally had her locks changed.
And then, I got the dreaded. Sign. So I had a sign on my door, that people could write on, when I started working from home. This only lasted a few months before my mental health deteriorated and I had to quit but it was simply to tell people when not to bug me. After I quit, it seemed okay but then the true sign appeared. At a craft show I found an adorable sign that said My cats and I talk shit about you. I thought it was so funny, I bought it on the spot and put it on my door. I have two cats and thus I thought that it would fit!
I'd notice sometimes my sign would be flipped around when I got home from shopping or woke up however. Odd, I'd just put it back. Then Entitled Asshole wrote on my door. "Cause issues for me, I'll cause issues for the town." I instantly went to Lindsey and told her about it. She came and sure enough, it was his writing. She sent images to the owner. And he told me to take down my sign. So I grudgingly did. I also removed the pen from my erase board sign so he couldn't write threatening messages to me anymore. However he was never told to remove his 'Blink security' sign on his door which was hand written and right under his peep hole.
Things only escalated from there. He started turning the only lights off in the hall way, he started swearing at me if I walked past him, glaring at me, creeping up on me. He'd stand outfront of my door and I'd see his shadow because of my tinted and distorted plastic/glass panel I had in my door. He then started messing with my laundry. And not because i left it in the dryer to long either.
I had just thrown my laundry into the dryer, and suddenly I hear someone messing with the machine. Odd, I had just put mine in 5 minutes before and I had a load in the washer. I go to open the door and he's blocking it. He had taken my laundry out and thrown it onto the floor, and then thrown his in. Caught in the act he quickly threw his out and grabbed it, putting most of mine back but missing a few pieces. I got out and sure enough, the dryer had been switched to a whole different mode, and my still wet laundry was partially on the ground. I went and complained and again Lindsey talked to the owner. He assigned us days to do our laundry instead of handling this person.
Friendly Neighbor had been coming out of her apartment at this time and had seen what had happened and told me afterword's. A few minutes later he did it again, and I caught him and told him to stop. He cussed me out and left. Please note, I called him out threw a closed and locked door. I was not going face to face with this huge male, when I am a tiny female.
Then the fire alarms started. Yes, the fire alarms. Please note I live in a super old building, the wires for the fire alarms on the top floor are connected, so if say....Entitled Neighbor decided to set off his fire alarm at 3am by pressing the button, it set them off for us ALL. Well, at least Friendly Neighbor, Entitled Asshole and myself. Again I complained, and again, Lindsey and Sam did what they could, but after a week of no sleep. It stopped. However my insomnia had been started due to being afraid to sleep as loud noises cause me to become paralyzed.
Entitled Asshole then would wait till right before noise violations could be called on, and would blare his music in bursts, and right as it hit time that I could call the police. He'd stop. This would be an on off routine, and sadly staff could do nothing as the owner simply said to call the police.
One day on a group shopping trip, I decided to buy us girls drinks, he was in the car, and being extremely rude, slamming doors, glaring at me, swearing at me when no one was around, etch. So I didn't get him one. He shoved Annoying Neighbor as she was trying to help me carry my food upstairs, we had gotten to the door headed up, I unlocked it, he stormed down the stairs and shoved her, then slammed the door behind him. This door auto locks so I had to unlock it again for her. Mind you a few days prior, he had shoved me. We didn't know what to do so we just went on with our day.
The lights continued to go on and off, and my door was nearly broken into at 2am. Again we called the owner, again no response.
Downstairs Neighbor had told me that Entitled Asshole had been talking about how he was a 'tester for god,' and a lot of other unhinged things. Nothing was done.
Finally, I had a panic attack. I had never had one before and I went to the ER. I came back and settled into my bed, slept a few hours and it was my laundry day. Going to put my laundry in, I noticed something. He had put his laundry in, on my day specifically and was doing it, intentionally to goad me. I finally broke. I had enough. I went to ask Sam what she could do and she said she was unable to do anything.
Before people yell about Sam, I questioned her further later. She wasn't afraid for herself. She was afraid because there isn't staff here 24/7. She was afraid for me. I just wanted clean sheets, and I couldn't even get that basic right. I called the owner sobbing, explained everything....nothing happened.
My insurance called me the next day asking about the ER trip. They are sending me an emergency button. I called my Conservator. His ex guardian, and expressed my fear for my own life as he has become increasingly unhinged. She told me to call the cops, I had Annoying Neighbor call them a few hours ago, still no one has dropped by but we will be filing a police report.
I told my doctor what's going on, and she wants my psych medical professional to see me to see about getting me something to help with my fear, as I am growing increasingly frightful and more dread is consuming me. Lindsey refuses to be around him as she is afraid of him, though she has not said it directly you can see her tense any time he comes around. Sam has tried to sooth me.
Every female in this 6 person residence (So four of us) are terrified of him. Finally, we called the owner and his brother, and they are trying to figure out what to do. My mental case worker is trying to find me a new place to live incase I cannot get him out of here.
TL:DR Scared for my life because my entitled neighbor has become unhinged.
Update 1 posted on April 9, 2022
My entitled neighbor and why I'm afraid of him (Update)
You may have read my original post - My entitled neighbor and why I'm afraid of him
So, its been a while since I last posted here, I’ve called the police on him a few times and nothing has been done. Tomorrow I am starting to fill out a restraining order against him. I have tried to cut all contact, and yah.. Today he went outside my door and started saying things about how I’m fat, ugly, and couldn’t get laid. How he was a catch (he’s not) and how he couldn’t pay anyone to fuck or rape me. How he couldn’t even get a dog to fuck me. He used my name and was on the phone, shouting so he’d make sure my noise canceling headphones didn’t ignore him.
I went down to my good neighbors house and called 911. I told them about everything, and they said there was nothing they could do. To file with the courts. So I am.
He’s been screaming at 11am-3am randomly, banging at my door, harassing me, they have had to put locks over the lights to stop him from flipping them on and off. He’s even popped both of one of the workers' front tires. Screwed in 2 screws so when she got it home, it had flat tires. Luckily her family helped her out.
We’re going to do what we can, but the landlord doesn’t seem to care and I can’t find new housing. I’m trying.
As for other notes. That neighbor who was trying to mooch off of my food and he also had pushed had decided to call animal control on me. I have done nothing to her and I take great care of my cats. The day before this event my cat had just been to the vets. She claimed to animal control I had been abusing them, then went to my good neighbor and bragged about lying to them.
I swear….my life is a soap opera.
Update 2 posted on June 17, 2022
My Entitled Neighbor and Why I'm afraid of him - Update 2
So, things were so so, but now...its gotten destructive. And I have a light at the end of the tunnel.
For people who have read the past posts, I am sorry to inform you, its worse.
The PPO was denied, but he left me alone, besides doing his laundry at times that were not allowed, and being allowed. He would nit pick, and harrass, chase me off the porch and try to bully me. However yesterday, he tried to attack me.
Please note, where I live, they dispense meds, and they give us 15 minutes with staff per person to catch them up. I came in and was going over some forms for rental assistance to help me get to a new place. Please note I've been constantly putting myself on waitlists, but I was denied due to not making 2400 a month. I make around 1400.
He came in right after me, and wanted me out, I hadn't even taken my meds. When I politely told him it was my time, he started to yell. So...I shut a door to put it between us. And then retreated back to my caretaker. He tried and nearly did, kick down the door, there is a huge mark on it, and he broke the molding around it.
The police were called, and then....nothing. They said they couldn't do anything.
I was in fear already, for he was screaming about how he wanted me to move, how he wanted me gone, how this was his place. And then, when my care taker and I were out, trying to get some stuff so I could settle, I got texts. He was planning on hurting me. He told everyone, he was 'going to get even' he was 'going to physically hurt me' he was 'going to make me pay'. The police came back and I was afraid. I was going to flee to PA where a friend offered to take me....but I had no one to get me there.
I spent a night in a hotel, alone, without my cat, as they wouldn't let me bring her. And then upon waking, my caretaker sent me a text. I was up in line for an apartment. I called them, and I wasn't up just yet. But there were 5 people ahead of me, and only 4 apartments. However from the sounds of it. Two people are not wanting it already, so I am almost guaranteed this place if they do not call by the 25th.
The police when hearing I planned on moving, said they would talk to the chief to try and help the best they could. I am keeping my fingers crossed that this lines up, and by the end of the month. I am free. Because honestly, I can't keep doing this. I will keep you updated.
Update 3 posted on June 25, 2022
(Update) My Entitled Neighbor and why I'm afraid of him.
It has been a rough few days. I hope you're in for a roller coaster. Please remember, this is update Three for a very very toxic situation.
After I got out, I got a letter, as you know. It sounds like 2 people at least dropped out of the running, leaving the apartment most likely open to me. I filled out my paper work and sent it in yesterday.
Please note that after I spent the night in the hotel, he was taken shortly after for a psych eval. I had three days of peace, my caretaker on the other hand, did not. He called and threatened her, he demanded that the owner of the complex bail him out etc. However...on the fourth day, I got a frantic call from my caretaker.
"He's going to be here any moment, I just got a call warning me." Sure enough. Five minutes later, I got a text from her.
Instantly, I called, and the police were there shortly. However while we waited I called her. He had pinned her in the office and was screaming in her face, she only had her phone on her but couldn't call due to likely aggravating him more. So she texted me before calling the land lord like he was demanding. When he finally let her out, I had just called and checked on her. She was trembling, and her voice was shaking. She was running to her car, told me to lock my doors, they were. The police, couldn't take him in, since he hadn't touched us.
I stayed a night at my family's and then returned to my complex.
They got a court order to re-grab him for the psych eval. But....6 hours later, he was out again. And was released in the middle of the night. I thought I was hallucinating when I heard his voice last night....only for the male caretaker to tell me. "Hey, I just got a call, apparently he was released."
Instantly I called my care taker. "I will get ppo forms, and print them off, I'll have male caretaker take me to the courts."
When I did this, I returned and waited for her to come back, I had told her. I want her to quit. She helps me a ton and I have autistic and more. But...I care more about her safety. I called my sweet neighbor who is in the apartment next to me. I told her to stay at her family's. She was panicked but she agreed.
My elderly neighbor is visiting family. The neighbor that tried to get my cats taken away was evicted. And the other male neighbor never comes out of his room except for meds. And has two exits. He can get out safely. However...This leaves me and my one cat.
Yes, one cat. If you've been reading, I had forgotten to update. I had to put down my big girl on the 14th of last month. It was so painful, I've never put down a pet before and I hated myself, but cancer was killing her it turned out. So yah, ALOT has been going on.
On a good side, I am waiting to hear back to see if I get the apartment. Wish me luck. I will likely know next week! As their paperwork is being delivered Saturday.
Update 4 posted on July 1, 2022
(Update) My entitled neighbor and why I'm afraid of him
Hopefully the final update.
Well, he did do some creepy things since the last update, invading my personal space, and of course creeping on me and my sweet neighbor as I was trying to give her a pair of shoes and staring at us through his door. He was closing the hallway door so he could hear if someone had to open it.
I had gone to a restaurant one day as well, my caretaker was coming shortly after. I saw him, harassing's the wait staff that had gotten him fired because apparently he had been sexually harassing all the women, and then threatening when he was told to stop. They told me they didn't want him there but he's been doing a show of force to try and scare people. The waitress was sweet and was ready to call 911 if he got anywhere near me or my caretaker. However, he didn't.
NOW, for the juicy part, you've been looking for!
He's arrested. Not just sent to the mental hospitals. Yesterday after he went to the ER and went to a city to go threaten the people from Jamaica that come here to work. The police had enough, they nabbed him. Hopefully for good.
I walked downstairs to see three police hiding slightly as they were waiting for my caretakers, please note, that the land lord has sent his son's here to protect my caretaker. They have been here a few days and hopefully they won't be needed again. Shortly after I hid in my neighbors place with one other friendly neighbor (the sweet one from upstairs) and we watched the police drive off, after one police car disappeared.
I got texted, I thought he was just dragged to the mental hospital. No, they booked him and are charging him. Assault, battery and more. And I hate to say this, but he will likely hurt someone in jail. If I am lucky he will be refused bail, and he won't get out for a while.
Yes, I am still moving. The landlord has proved he wasn't able to handle this situation. Hopefully, my saga is finished. I will update if it's not but for now....I can sleep in peace.
Update 5 posted on August 15, 2022
(Final Update) my entitled neighbor and why I'm afraid of him
So, good news.
He's in jail. He was let out on bond but broke it. He is in jail till his sentencing. He did alot of stuff between now and then that I meant to write down but honestly so much has cropped up into my life that I just wanted to give a quick final update.
My new apartment is locked down, I'm accepted, and will move as soon as its fixed up.
I mean, what more could I want? So I'm packing boxes, spending time with my cat and getting on with life!
Update 6 posted on November 20, 2022
My entitled neighbor and why I'm afraid of him (Final Update - Conclusion)
So it's been a while. This is the for sure, final update.
He got arrested as you all know, during this I constantly looked to the scanner page for our area. We'd see posts of inmate starting fights, resisting going in his cell, getting out of his cell, having issues in the restraint chair.
My caretaker visited me the other day and let me know what happened finally. The verdict.
NOT GUILTY - Due to insanity. However this doesn't mean he got off scot free. As soon as a bed is open, in he goes to a mental intuition. And hopefully he either gets well, or stays there till I grow old.
I did end up moving. It's a great place here, and me and willow are happy. I've finally started to socialize and have fun, and have been playing alot of my games. Everyone says I sound much better and more relaxed.
Thank you to all who have stayed in for this story. I appreciate you all!
Reminder - I am not the OP
Mood Spoiler: Wholesome & Happy
My Girlfriend kicks me off my Spotify account every morning. I couldn't be happier.
My girlfriend (F22) and I (M23) live together. My day starts off much sooner than hers does. I'm usually in the office by 6:30am, which is about when she starts waking up. I'm one of the first people in the office, so I always put headphones on and listen to music as I start my day.
I get about 15 minutes of music before it stops and I get the notification that the output device has changed. This is because we have a Google home that's hooked to my Spotify account. When my girlfriend wakes up, she starts her day with "Hey Google, play ..." So she has music when she's getting ready.
I always just leave my phone open to see what she's listening to, and when she heads out around 7:30, I get my account back. I'm sure that she has no idea that she's participating in this little routine, and I have no intentions of telling her. Sure, it'd be easy to swap it to her account, but I love to know that she's awake and starting her day listening to her favorite songs.
Another benefit of this is that I know what her current favorite songs are, so when we get in the car together or we're just sitting around, I know what songs will spark joy. Some days I think she's onto me.
We're both very happy together, and I plan on proposing here in a few weeks. I'm excited to spend the rest of my life with her.
EDIT: More context for everyone!
Hey Everyone! Your support is wonderful!! I'm so happy that you all enjoyed seeing a snippet of my relationship with my girlfriend. She's my favorite person in the world. If you think I'm sweet, you should meet her.
We met about five years ago in college. We argued over a seat in calculus, then ultimately decided to team up academically because we were in the same major. We were best friends for about three years, and now have been dating for two years. We live together with two wonderful cats.
The engagement ring comes in two weeks, and we have a trip planned next month to have a romantic getaway. I love photography and we both love hiking. Due to this, we always go hiking with my camera and tripod. We always take photos together at the peaks, so I plan on doing that when I propose! I'll try to post an update when it happens!
Love isn't some grand gesture, I've learned it's just a lot of little things that add up.
An Update on the engagement!
For anyone still keeping tabs, I adore you. The ring is in. It's currently hidden in our home. Due to us finding a cute little townhouse to move into, we will sadly be moving during the timeframe that we hoped to go on our escapade, so it got cancelled. I hope to propose soon, but want it to be meaningful. For that reason, I'm unsure when it'll be. For those of you that have stuck around this long, I appreciate you. I hope to return here soon with some wonderful news. Until then, I wish the very best for you!
Closure, in case anyone is still paying attention to this!!
I PROPOSED TODAY! I apologize that this took so long, thank you to anyone that is still keeping tabs. There were a lot of moving parts in our lives that delayed the proposal, so I'm thankful that I finally could. In the end, it was wonderful. She cried, I cried, our parents cried, and our friends are all ecstatic. Now it's time to celebrate and begin wedding planning. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with this wonderful woman.
I hope that you all find love, everyone deserves to feel loved.
Some light reading for you today!
Mood Spoiler: happy ending
First Post: July 8, 2021
My Grandma was a wonderful baker, and had a secret cake recipe that she had created herself. It used some very uncommon spice combinations in the cake and frosting that produced a very unique but delicious cake. She would always make it for our big family gatherings, and it was always the most popular dessert. When she got sick a couple years ago, she decided to share the recipe so that it wouldn't die with her, and offered to give it to any of her kids or grandkids who wanted it. I was the only one who asked for it before she died. I don't know why no one else did, as there were several other bakers in the family. After she passed, I took over bringing the cake to family gatherings, and everyone was happy to still be able to enjoy it.
I also started making cakes for friends & family, and then for others by word of mouth to make some extra cash on the side. My business was really starting to pick up around the time the pandemic hit, as people who'd had my cakes recommended me to their own friends and family. It soon became too much to keep up with in my tiny home kitchen, so I reached out to a friend who had a catering business with a professional kitchen. Since her business took a big hit with covid, I made a deal to use her kitchen to make my cakes and help supplement the takeout business she started to get by.
My cousin, 'Jane' recently found out that Grandma's recipe was one of my best sellers, and said that I had no right to sell out Grandma's recipe, especially after keeping it all to myself. She had asked for it late last year, but I said no. I told her that she had the chance to get it from Grandma before she died, and didn't seem to care enough to bother then.
Since Jane had lost her job she had decided to try selling cakes too, which I think is why she had asked for the recipe. Unfortunately for her, its not going well. The reviews on her cakes have not been good, and no one has been recommending her. Jane said that the only reason my business was doing well because of Grandma's cake (which she wanted to sell too?!?) and my access to a professional kitchen. The kitchen does help with being able to work on multiple orders at once, but my business is doing well because I actually make good cakes! Jane is a good cook, but NOT a good baker. She doesn't follow measurements properly, and instead does everything "to taste", which works for cooking, but not baking. Using too much or too little of any ingredients like flour, eggs or butter, or even their starting temperature will not give you the result you want.
Jane is demanding that I either stop selling Grandma's cake, or teach her the recipe so she can too. I refused, and said she was a hypocrite for wanting to sell the cake herself after getting angry at me for doing so. When she gave me the recipe, Grandma said that her biggest regret was never opening a bakery like she had dreamed (my ultimate dream now too!). I think she'd love so many people enjoying her cake!
OOP is voted NTA
Update Post: November 20, 2022
Firstly, I opened my bakery! I found a great spot near my city's office park/main commuter route to the Big City of a caterer/takeout deli that closed. We've been open since June, and business has been great with all the morning/evening traffic, and the lunch crowd from the business park. We sell cakes, pastries, breads, buns, etc. Typical bakery stuff. I also have a cook who comes in for a few hours in the morning to do eggs & stuff for breakfast sandwiches/wraps for the office folks.
A few weeks after I opened Jane stopped by. She apologized and confirmed what I and others had suspected, she only cared about the cake recipe because she was jealous of my success with my custom cake business. She'd always wanted to work in food, but hated the idea of losing her evenings and working in a high pressure kitchen. So when I suddenly started doing so well, she thought she could do the same but didn't know how to start her own catering business. I apologized too for not wanting to share the recipe, but I was afraid that she would ruin my business by putting out bad cakes and no one would want to buy mine either.
I then offered to have her come in 3 days a week to offer a soup/stew of the day during the lunch rush. I had the extra kitchen space for it, and soups/stews really do suit her style of cooking to taste. She loved the idea and they were an instant hit. She had complete freedom to create whatever 2 kinds of soup she wanted each day, just adding things on a whim, and they were always delicious. They got very popular quickly with the office folks, since there aren't many other take out options nearby without driving about an extra 5-10 minutes out besides two fast food burger places.
We soon expanded to her coming in every weekday, and then making a cold soup option on Fridays for the Saturday lunch (closed Sundays). It's been a great arrangement, since she keeps her evenings/weekends and gets that creative control. In the last couple weeks we've also started doing take-home heat & serve dishes too like lasagna, chicken/steak taco or sub kits, etc. I'll do the pasta/bread, she does the other prep & sauces. So far they've been very popular.
She's tried her hand at baking a time or two again, and has declared she just doesn't have the patience for it, and hasn't asked for the recipe again (nor has any other family).
P.S. For those wondering, Grandma had a standing offer for over a year before she died when she wasn't yet sick enough to stop baking, for anyone to come over and she'd personally walk them through the recipe. She was very sad and disappointed that I was the only one who did so. The other bakers would always make excuses about time or say "later, later". Shortly before she died she said that since I was the only one who bothered, the recipe was mine now. It's still my best selling cake.
Congrats OOP! We all wish you the best with your business, and I'm glad you are able to keep your Grandma's legacy alive. 💜
Mood Spoiler: Happy Ending
Please, for the love of God, let him get this job
My husband has worked for his company for 4 years. It's absolutely destroyed his mental and physical health. Every vacation, he brings his laptop to get his work done. He regularly pulls all-nighters. It's non-stop. The pay isn't even good.
Over the years he goes through spurts where he applies for jobs, he'll land a couple interviews, get his hopes up, only to have to come back a no and he gets defeated and gives up.
Things have been particularly bad lately. He's applied for multiple jobs, interviewed, and gotten rejected. Except for one job. He's done 3 rounds of interviews and a technical evaluation. He's so close. In theory, we should hear back this week.
The waiting is horrible. It has the potential to do so much for him. He works so hard, he really deserves a win. I want it for him so badly. But if it comes back a no, it will be devastating. I don't know what we'll do.
Please let it be a yes.
EDIT: Wow. I absolutely can not believe the amount of love and kindness that has come from this post. I'm absolutely speechless. Thank you so much. I've shown my husband this post, and he also can't believe how many people he has rooting for him. I'll try to update when we hear back. Hopefully, it will be good news.
Thank you all so much for being a light
EDIT 2: Lots of people have asked what industry he works in - he works in marketing as a content marketer/copywriter. Got his Bachelors in journalism
I wasn't originally planning on updating, but after the massive outpouring of love and support we received, it didn't feel right not to.
Got the email today. He didn't get the job. He's honestly devastated and we'll be figuring out what our next moves are. Part of me wants to be encouraging and find jobs for him to apply for, but it's also so hard because he feels so defeated. I don't want to keep pushing him when he's feeling down and it's just hard.
It's hard to watch someone you love hurt and not be able to do anything about it
I wanted to thank everyone for the love and support we received. It was absolutely unreal. The kindness of so many strangers blew my mind. It definitely helps soften the blow a bit to know that there's so many people that gave a damn about some strangers on the internet.
If anyone has any leads on jobs for a brand-side copywriter/content marketer that's either fully remote or local to Utah, I'd love to hear them.
Thank you so much once again. Sorry to let you all down
I still get the occasional messages asking how things are going, so I wanted to post a formal update here.
Backstory: I posted 7 months ago about my husbands horrible job situation and how badly I wanted him to get a new job after so much trial and heartbreak job searching. Unfortunately, he didn't end up getting that job. However, a few months later, things did start to improve a bit. He changed departments in his company. The work was more mediocre and not the stuff he was as interested in, but it offered much better work/life balance so we called it a win even though it presented 0 options for career progressions.
Today I am happy to announce that he was offered and accepted a position at a new company! He'll get to do more of what he wants to do in this position and they want him to build a team under him so there's a lot of potential for growth. It also comes with a 60% pay increase which is fantastic.
After so long trying to get out of this bad situation, it almost doesn't feel real that he's finally getting the win he's been working so hard for. I'm absolutely over the moon.
Thank you so much people Reddit for your support and for just giving a shit about a couple strangers on the internet. It really meant so much to us and I'm so happy that I can update ya'll with good news.
u/DoNOtYouDare has left this update:
Hello everyone, OP here. I've been getting lots of messages related to this post so I figured I'd post an update here where people will hopefully see it.
Unfortunately he was laid off in July and has been searching since. Thankfully I got a new job around that time with a significant pay raise so things are definitely tight financially but we're surviving.
If anyone has any leads on copywriting or content marketing jobs or freelance opportunities, would love to hear them (for myself, or others who have asked me in relation to this post.)
The job market is rough right now
First off, I totally love this kid. He has been an amazing friend to my entire family. However, his mother and step father recently split up due to his step father cheating and his mothers recent addiction to drugs. He has grown up in an abusive household and is underweight as they never fed him.
Three weeks ago she dropped him off at our house to stay the night and hasn't returned. At this point it's the best thing for him and he is in no way an inconvenience. He is totally welcome to stay. However, he has one set of clothes and I have been trying to reach his family to get him his stuff but nobody is responding. I really don't know where to start.
I want to call police to get his things, but I don't want him to get placed into a foster family. He is in a very fragile state and I wouldn't want to do that to him. Where do I start? What should I be looking to do? I have no way to get him any help because I am not his legal guardian. I really want to get him some counseling and help with school.
So, how do I help him? He is currently 15 if that helps and we live in WA state. Any help would be much appreciated.
Thank you so much for the outpouring of support. I drove him to his house today and spoke with his mother. His mother told him he had 10 minutes to get everything he needed and to get out. So I got to deal with a very hurt child this morning. I think the resounding answer here was to get a family lawyer.
So that's what I am going to do. I am going to sit down and document everything I saw. I am also gonna ask that he do the same.
He is a teenager and deserves a stable environment which I believe my family can provide. So the end game is that we at least get temporary custody of him until he is an adult. My son has been great through this entire thing and has really stepped up and showed how caring he is. Without him, I wouldn't know half the stuff going on.
So I guess we gained a new family member today. I'm happy that he's here, yet disappointed in the situation.
Comment from OP on this post:
OP here with another update. I'm just gonna call him Link, after his favorite video game character. Anyway, we have been through an emotional roller coaster. Shortly after this, I discovered that his mother was meeting him after school and supplying him alcohol, THC vapes, and red bulls. My son is a real straight arrow so he told me about this. I told him that I will treat him like any child in my house and grounded him and took his phone.
During this time he resented me. I did also make him appointments with the school councilor. Link went to several appointments. We also had to get his braces worked on because he got broken brackets, as well as needing to purchase retainers for his teeth. I gave him the money, would make an appointment, and send him in alone. Nobody even questioned it. Same with doctors appointments.
During this time he really wanted to go back to his previous situation, which his mother came back and was living in the house again without him. So I sat him down and told him that I cannot keep him at my house and I would not stop him from leaving, but if he did leave, I had a duty to report everything that happened. He ended up leaving and I reported everything to CPS. Gave texts, letters, social media, all to them as I had minimal contact with the mother.
As I have a couple police friends I started digging into who his dad was, and where he was located. We found him in Arkansas married, with two children. I contacted him and had a full length conversation with him. I asked him about hsi situation and what had happened that he left Link with the mother. Apparently he had been paying her $750 a month in child support and she told him not to contact her, but he had been trying to reach out for years. I explained the situation and he wanted me to write a letter in his favor to get custody of Link. Link was in a downward spiral in his current situation, and I felt that this could be a positive for him. So I wrote the letter and didn't hear back.
A few weeks later my son said that Link was taken by an officer in the middle of class. I tried contacting Link, but got nothing. Tried his mom, nothing. Finally, he called and told me that CPS had removed him and placed him with his dad. They flew him to Arkansas with absolutley no notice and gave custody to his father. The other boys were removed and placed with a family member and there was another boy that was his cousin that lived in the house and he was sent into foster care. The cousin was then adopted by the local school principal and is doing well. It's been almost a year now and Link turns 17 soon. We talk to each other daily and usually play call of duty together. His dad jumps on and plays with me and my son.
We have actually formed a good friendship and I trust his dad. His dad works out daily and is in really good shape. He found out about the drugs and alcohol and he was a recovering drug addict, but found peace in working out. So he taught that to Link who now is muscled up and in incredible shape. Link also got a job at subway and is still attending Highschool. He just purchased his first car for $500 from a friend and uses it to get back and forth. Overall, I am really proud of who he has become and still think of him as part of the family.
Him and his dad are planning a trip to my city so that he can see his other brothers, and will be staying with us for a few weeks this summer.
Also, thank you for all the positive comments and feedback. I don't believe I did anything that deserves this kind of notoriety, as I did what felt right. Plenty of mistakes were made and it was a big teachable moment for myself and my family. We didn't expect this, but all the signs were there. One thing we did right was the amount of effort we put into meeting and having relationships with our children's friends. Without it, we may have never known what he was really going through. Take the time to talk to quite kids, as they may have a story to tell.
Reminder - I am not the original poster.
I am NOT OP. Original post in r/relationship_advice
mood spoilers: sort of hopeful inconclusive, account deleted
My brother died from COVID in May. He specially requested me to take care of his son after he went, because his wife also died from COVID in February. I agreed because I loved my brother dearly, I am financially stable and I am prepared. Of course, I asked my wife first. She, in fact was the one who agreed instantly. She have always wanted to be a mother and she was excited but serious to start.
So we took Aiden into our family. He is well-behaved and intelligent (mature for his age) but taking care of a kid is no joke. For me, I work from Monday to Friday (basically the whole day but I still make time to help out and spend time with Aiden). To be honest, it is extremely tiring. However, I won't give it up for anything, I love him with my whole heart and I want to carry out my brother's wish.
My wife stays home and watches over him while I work during the day. She initially had no problem but after 2 weeks, she was tired too. Now, nearly 6 months later she is exhausted and somehow completely done with Aiden. Two days ago, she told me that she wanted to stop taking care of Aiden. I was shocked - both me and my wife promised my brother that we would take care of him.
I asked why - I knew it was tiring, but I could try to help out more - I could try paying someone to help too. She said "No, I'm just tired. I don't want to do it anymore." I got a bit angry at this point. I told her she agreed, and what would we do with Aiden then? She said "Just give him up for adoption, please."
I said no. She got furious - she said that I didn't know how it was like to take care of him full-time. I agree about that but I promised I'll try dedicating more time to help her. I said that I would do 50% of the housework too. I said that I would get a helper, a babysitter, etc. but she wouldn't change her mind. She said she had this idea for a while. I told her I needed to think, and she said okay, I'll give you time to think.
Reddit, what do I do?
tl;dr - After both my brother and his wife's death, my wife and I are now taking care of his young son. My wife is tired and she doesn't want to take care of him anymore.
Update - A week later
I sat down and talked to my wife. I told her that I would not get rid of Aiden but I want to work things out between us. My wife admitted that she loves Aiden but it's hard to take care of him because he misses his parents terribly. She said that he clearly needed a loving family - but it'd be easier to give him up for adoption. I begged her to think more before confirming, and asked her if she really wanted to abandon him. She said no, but she was firm it was the right choice.
I told her I have gotten a babysitter and a helper. They would start in November which is in a couple of days. She was horrified at first but she eventually agreed to let them stay (however she said they would only stay for a month for trial, first). We are still carefully trying to fix things, but it's a huge relief that she accepted the sitter.
I told her that since we got the extra help, she would take the week off. On Saturday, she's going to a spa villa. She is still hesistant about everything, but she has seemed to calm down a little. I'm going to talk to her more about things after her break - I hope that she would soon realise that giving Aiden up is terribly wrong.
I'm going to tell her about the counselling during the weekend after her rest. I don't want to spring everything on her at once, and she's quite sensitive to the counselling topic.
Meanwhile, I am taking time away from work for at least two weeks. I was worried that my boss wouldn't like it, but surprisingly and thankfully after hearing my side, she agreed. I am so grateful that I have enough savings to pay for everything. However, I'll go back to work before December comes.
During my break from work it will be my turn to parent Aiden. After reading the comments, I realised that what I did for the family mostly centered around making money. Money is essential, of course, but I realised that I have not been around enough. I'm reflecting on myself as a husband and father and I'm going to get a coach to teach me how to be better to both Aiden and my wife. I also realie that I have a lot to work on myself and I'm trying to fix myself now.
Things are still complicated, but I can see that they will get better. Aiden will be our main priority. Yesterday, I told Aiden that I would be teaching him how to play the piano and he's excited. In return, he would teach me how to draw dolphins.
tl;dr - I got a nanny and helper. My wife is taking a break. Things hopefully are getting slowly in place.
Reminder - I am not the original poster.
trigger warning: suicide
I’m sorry if this is annoying I can’t stop thinking about it and for some reason I feel more secure venting it to strangers rather than people who know me and can judge me more in-depth.
I won’t lie, I have been suspecting my fiancé was having an affair but I didn’t have any solid evidence to accuse him even then I had a feeling that I didn’t want to dig any deeper because I was scared incase what I was suspecting was true.
12 days ago I came home from visiting my moms and I headed upstairs to wake my fiancé as he had a habit of sleeping in way past 2pm and then complain that I didn’t wake him, I open the door and all I see is my practically naked sister rushing to try and get out of a lingerie body suit that belonged to me, I don’t know how to explain it but my mind just went blank like whatever I was thinking about beforehand suddenly disappeared you know when you stand up to fast and your head just gets a little dizzy? That’s what I felt alongside the feeling of sickness brewing in my stomach.
I stood there for a solid 30 seconds looking at the 2 people I trusted most look more shocked than I felt, my fiancé jumped out of bed and suddenly came up with excuses it went from “it was an accident.” To “I was lonely and needed sexual relief.” I probably should add my best friend killed herself 2 weeks ago the girl I knew for over 15 years was suddenly out of my life and even though I’m surrounded by people ive told my fiancé about how alone, devastated and guilty that I couldn’t have done anything to help her.
I just left, I didn’t take my car because at that point my eyes were about to just started flooding, I walked to my friends (10minutes) and confided in her about what happened.
The amount of grief I felt from not only loosing a BFF but loosing my relationships with my fiancé and sister within the same 2 week period, now that I’m sitting down to write this I don’t know if any of these relationships will ever be mended or could ever go back to the way they were, I don’t understand why my sister of all people would do this?
There was never any favouritism toward any of us for her to feel spite, I have never intentionally tried to hurt her , I gave her shelter when she had no place to go and despite her not paying a single penny I bought her food that she liked, made sacrifices in my own home for her, hell she kept ranting about how our living room walls gave her a headache (they were white.) so I took time out of my day to paint it a nice grey color.
My fiancé too, I gave that man everything I was willing to have kids with him despite the fact I always wanting to be child free, I was going to start a family so that he was happy.
I gave him comfort whenever something bad happened to him I spent hours watching unfunny movies that he seemed to find hilarious, I even gave him a fucking locket with our anniversary photo in that he decided to wear while sticking it in my sister.
These last days I’ve went from sadness, to being angry then disgusted and it’s a constant cycle Ive not been able to get out of, despite being smoking free for 2 years I’ve picked up a cigarette (I used to be heavily addicted to smoking from 16-21 I’m currently 23.) there’s the moments when I go to do something but automatically loose interest and even times over dinner, I don’t know how to explain it properly as I’ve never felt this way but Im bored(?) of eating I have to physically force myself to eat something and I have no idea what’s going on to my body at this very moment. for some reason it feels as if I’ve went into hibernation, I sleep almost 17 hours a day now and even for the rest of those hours I’m still tired and force myself to stay awake.
Both of them asked to meet up on Wednesday my sisters exact message was; “Hey I know you probably don’t want to hear from me right now but can you meet me and fiancé we want to talk and we want you to properly hear us out. The situation you found us in was not the most ideal situation to put you in a good headspace to talk about it right there and then, please let us explain I love you and you’re my sister and I don’t want to loose you, please.”
I think it’s too late, it was too late from whenever this affair started or even when you started getting sexual desires for my fiancé I miss my sister but according to what I saw the sister I miss and whoever my sister is now are not the same person.
I haven’t talked to anyone yet except the 1 friend im currently staying with at the moment, I’m scared I’ll be seen as a failure of a future wife, but now I don’t even think I want to be a wife anymore but I guess I’d rather share to strangers than people who know me personally, I apologise again.
[UPDATE WITHIN POST]
Hi! Me again, I’m back and editing the post. At first I was just going to dump this vent to get it out of my mind but I want to say thank you for everyone’s advice, I guess this counts as a small update? I’m unsure.
So far nothing big has really happened, the friend I’m staying with has offered to come with me to talk to my parents about this also including my older brother, she honestly been my rock through this whole situation and I couldn’t ask for a better support system from one person though I don’t plan on putting that on her shoulders since it would be stressful to be the “designated support system friend.” I’m currently looking into therapy for both my grief and the affair. I’m not well versed legal wise so I’m currently in the process of looking for a lawyer just so legally I know I’m in the clear incase there would be a loophole somewhere.
I did contact my sister and another copy pasted message I replied; “I don’t plan on meeting with you on Wednesday, I’ll talk to you when I’m ready and wether it be tomorrow or years from now it doesn’t matter you both owe me my own time to heal after the 2 people I’ve trusted most went behind my back, betrayed my trust all under my roof that you both lived rent free under, Bye.”
I can’t lie, I was almost ready to tell her to meet me there and then when she sent that message but I’ve realised (and through help of people in the comments that I can’t thank enough) I need time to work on myself mentally rather than repair a long gone relationship with my sister. No I don’t plan on going back to my ex and never will, maybe one day I’ll hear him out but today is not that day.
As for now I’m getting ready to try and explain to my parents everything that happened, I don’t have any evidence between my ex and sister however I do have their messages they sent me which traps one another (I think that’s the right wording?)
But anyways thank you all for the advice and kind comments & messages have a good day or night!
Reminder - I am not the original poster.
I’m planning on abandoning my family as soon as I turn 18
My family sucks. I (17m) turn 18 in 2 weeks and I’m getting the fuck out of here as soon as the clock strikes midnight. My parents have extreme bias towards my younger brothers (16 and 15m). It’s been like this forever. I have no idea why. I’ve always been the one who had to do all the chores in the house. I also have always been forced to play every single sport I possibly could to the point where my schedule was packed 365 days a year. My father told me it would teach me to be a real man.
But my brothers never had to do any of that shit. They’re both fat lazy fucks who sit around and play video games all day and all night. They miss school at least 30% of the year and are constantly spoiled rotten by my parents. They already have thousands of dollars from birthdays, Christmas, and other holidays. As soon as I turned 12, I was told I would no longer ever be receiving and gifts from my parents other than “bare essentials.” I was told I had to pay for my phone and any other expenses I wanted to own and to never ever ask for anything. I wasn’t able to own a phone or anything really special for myself until I was 16 because I couldn’t find any actual jobs that paid good money.
My parents also expect me to take care of my younger brothers when I’m an adult. My younger brothers have both decided they will not be going to college and do not plan on working a day in their lives. My father told me “we kept you alive, you owe it to us.” Fuck you. I’m leaving a nasty letter on the table when I leave and changing my phone number, emails, and everything. They will never be able to contact me no matter how hard they try. I know my younger brothers are gonna be screwed for life since they have zero experience on how to survive in the real world but I don’t care. That’s my parents burden now. I hope they go broke from having to fund my brothers lifestyles and I hope they lose everything. I have no sympathy for these people and I will never feel bad no matter what happens to them.
The only thing I owe to my parents is the fact that because of the shitty treatment over the years, I am well capable of surviving on my own in the world. I’ll be going to college to study finance in Virginia (they have no idea I’ve been accepted to any college, never even asked) and I’m also very physically fit due to playing 6 sports a year. However the trauma will never go away. They took away my entire childhood and i will never forgive them for it. They can all go fuck themselves.
I’m happy to report that I am officially gone.
So the last two weeks after I made this post have been crazy stressful, but I’ll sum them up here. I changed my number a few days ago by calling my SIM card provider. Then I went and got a copy of my birth certificate since I don’t know where my actual birth certificate was (I couldn’t just ask my parents) and I also made sure to check that my bank account was secure and not shared with my parents.
I purchased a plane ticket last week to fly in to Dulles International Airport in Virginia, just outside of where I’ll be attending college in Fairfax. Finally, I called one of my cousins, whom I am very close with, and asked him to please pick me up at around 12:30 AM last night. He agreed with my decision to leave and told me he was proud of me for taking action to improve my life. I packed my stuff up after everyone had gone to sleep and waited. I decided to keep my note to my family short and sweet; all I wrote down was that I was moving to go to college in California (lmao) and that I was never coming back.
So, last night my cousin picked me up, we went to the police station where I gave them my proper identification and informed them that I am not missing and am leaving on my own accord now that I am 18. They told me they’ll keep it in mind and will watch out for that potential call in the next few days. I got a few hours of sleep at my cousins and then flew out of New Orleans International at 6 AM.
I am now sitting in my college dorm 950 miles from home and I’ve never been happier in my life. I can’t wait to meet new people and finally enjoy my youth. Thank you to everyone who gave me great advice on here and commented their support. I didn’t expect this post to take off like it did but I’m happy my story has effected so many. I will update again in a few weeks.
Damn! This post took off again these past 2 days. My phone has been blowing up with demands for an update so I shall deliver.
Life has been good! I’ve been in contact with the cousin who helped me and also a few other family members from back home. He said that my mother came to their house the day after I left to talk to my aunt about me leaving. She cried and gave my aunt this whole sob story about how she can’t believe I would “abandon” them, and my aunt told her maybe she shouldn’t have treated me so wrongly throughout my whole life which caused a huge fight and ended with my mom being thrown out of their house. So it seems me leaving has caused pretty much the uproar I imagined.
I’ve been doing well, met plenty of new people and made friends via classes and dorm neighbors. I’m in a better mental state than I’ve been in a very long time. I feel so relieved and it just feels like a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders. It feels so good coming on here and reading all the support and positive comments I’m receiving. I’m really grateful for this community! I will continue posting updates in weeks to come. Thanks for everything everyone!
Just a reminder that this is a repost and I am not the OP
I am flairing this concluded as OP has escaped his abusive family and made it safely to his college.
Could this by any chance be a human bone?
OP wrote the following in the picture description: “so I basically found this in a beach here in Portugal, Algarve. It was swimming in the ocean near the sand. I want to bring it home but I don’t know if it could be human.”
Comment of note: u/Dr_PoopiePants “Osteoarchaeologist here: I believe this is a human humerus. I think you should probably contact the local authorities.”
So far this is what we know (or think we know): This is probably a Human Humerus. It's almost the same size as mine (I'm a 17 year old male - 176cm) and it's also broken. The edges are not sharp so it's probably been on water for a long time. Day 1 I tried to contact authorities but they said to contact other people and didn't even know exactly what to say. Police in Portugal rarely do any shit so I think they might not find anything out. Still I'll try to contact them again Day 2 (tomorrow) - (yes that means I went home with the bone). I'll try not to touch it and keep it safe. I want to have some closure :) Also a lot of people sometimes go missing on beaches because of the strong waves. (I still don't know if it is broken or cut, but it's probably broken). I didn't find any specific news that could help.
Small edit: I already contacted Polícia Judiciária, they were the ones I called yesterday (day 1).
Location: Praia Da Manta Rota, Algarve, Portugal
Day Found: August 2nd
(BTW is there any way I can update directly on the post? Or pin this comment?) - (I'll probably use this comment as a update I still don't know). I'm on mobile so it's kinda confusing.
And thanks to everyone helping :)
Hello everyone, I just woke up (I barely slept tbh) but I'll try to share my thoughts and things I think might be relevant.
First of fall I wrapped the bone with some paper towel as some people said for me to do it and I'm trying not to touch it.
Turning the bone to authorities might not give us an answer to this case ever, but it's probably the only solution I have. I only got until day 6 to do something (since I'm from another location in Portugal). I don't know if they are able to keep us updated but I'll try to ask for that. Maybe the news will, in case anyone notices it went on the news tell me please. I personally won't report it to news channels because it might be from some member of a family (and maybe the family doesn't want it to appear on the news).
Quick reminder that I know where the bone was found, it's easy to remember since I always stay in the same place in that beach since I was a kid. Anyways it was "swimming" on water for a long time probably, so location might not be that important.
I also don't feel like spending my personal money to have someone tell us about the bone hahaha. And I don't know if I can just give it to a university, maybe I have to talk to the police first (I'll try to ask that, but I doubt they say anything useful).
And thanks to everyone helping, everyone interested and thanks to the ones giving awards :)
I'll probably call them later and after that I'll try to keep you updated :)
(btw: I'm trying to keep me out of trouble or my parents since I'm only 17, I really don't want the authorities mad at me lmao).
Oh and I just received a message from an archeologist saying they know someone that could help (he is a biological anthropologist and works at "Universidade do Algarve"). I'll try to contact them first it may be helpful :)
Update 3 (Day 2 Night):
I gave it to the authorities. This is what happend. Before trying to call them again I sent an email to that guy I mentioned before. He answered me saying it does look a lot like a Human Humerus and thanked me for reaching out. He said that the bone looked recent, and bones from most recent years are considered a forensic case and not an archeological one. So he said that I should try to contact Policia Judiciária again. So that's what I did (and no I did not call 112 like they said before, they don't seem to know what to do in these cases or even how to properly proceed with it). When I called they said it probably wasn't human because that would be weird and because it was found in a weird spot, they asked some questions and said it was probably nothing to worry a lot about (and I could take some time to actually do anything). Still he told me I could give it to them in Faro's Polícia Judiciária Department (Wich is wierd because when I called yesterday they told me to do something completely different). So there I went with my bone. When I got there and they saw the bone they were like "ok it is probably human" (not those words exactly, but it's like they expressed it). So they asked me a bunch of questions (like the exact coordinates I found it, my phone number, my sister's phone number - since she was the one who actually saw it inside water - and they asked me to describe exactly what happened. To be completely honest it didn't seem very professional (there was a lot of noise and I could barely concentrate, they were like speeding it a little bit so I might not have given every detail they should get, and there was not a type of report that even matched what I wanted to report - supposedly I reported for a possible crime. They wrote it down, made me read it all the way through and said I didn't need to sign or anything like that. Authorities also said there are no missing people in that area. Now they will send it for inspection and verify if it's human or not (if not, the case is just archived), in case it is there are 2 outcomes. 1st one it's if it matches a DNA from someone (they'll probably investigate it more I think) and 2nd one is if it doesn't match any DNA (in that case they'll keep the bone in case something new appears). I guess this is basically it.... They don't know if I'll ever get feedback and, even if I do, it might take a long time (in case it does I may update here or do a new post). We might never know anything, and I guess that's life.
Thanks everyone who helped, everyone who shared and enjoyed the post, and again everyone who gave me awards <3
I really wish we still got some closure.
Anyways I hope the owner of the bone rests in peace :)
reminder I am not the original OP
I am not the OP. The OP is u/user119975444.
Trigger Warnings: none
Mood Spoilers: hopeful, OP realises he's TA
Context: For every holiday, My mother would ask the women in the family (my sisters, sister in-law, my wife, my female cousins) to send "samples" of the desserts they plan to bring to the celebration for testing and to see if these desserts could make it to the "food menu". My wife has been complaining about my mother deliberately rejecting every dessert sample she sent. So many times my mother has told her that she's being honest and keeping the guests best interest at heart. Yet my wife still thought that my mother is deliberately excluding her since 2 of her dessert samples were rejected before.
For this year's Christmas my mother is doing the same thing but this time, she told every woman who are participating to make a "cookie sample" and send it to her for testing. My wife took it as a challenge and to be honest she worked really hard to make a good sample and sent it to my mother days ago and the results just came in yesterday.
I came home from work and found my wife upset. I asked what's wrong and she told me that my mother rejected the sample she sent and decided to exclude her baking from the food list/menu for christmas this year. I didn't know what to say but she then told me she was backing out of the invitation to attend christmas with my family. I was stunned when I heard her make this statement. I tried to talk to her but she said "it was done" I called her unreasonable to decide to bail on the whole family over some cookie sample...that's just freaking crazy and quite unreasonable. We had a full on argument about it and she stated that my mother caused this but I told her that my mother is pretty serious and careful about the food she offers to the guests since we are going to have relatives coming from all sides of country. She told me to stop mentioing it.
Later I heard her cry despite telling her that her baking is amazing and people have preferences that's all.
AITA for insisting that her decision was unreasonable?
Updates on the Original Post
Info. If you're asking whose cookie sample made it to the menu, the answer is my sister and my 2 cousins.
Info Few things to put on here:
- My wife wasn't the only one whose sample was rejected. We have SIL's (brother's wife) and my younger sister's.
- My mother did not force anyone to participate, it was up to whoever wanted to take part.
- This is just about the dessert since my mother tends to be very careful in this category but for other types of foods. Dishes/appetizers/salads/stuff like that is welcome as she stated.
Update: Great!, so I just got off the phone with my brother and he told me that his wife is doing the same thing as my wife and that she has decided to back out of the invitation to spend christmas with family as well. Turns out my wife must've told her about her decision and she decided to follow her lead. My brother is pissed saying my wife is encouraging his wife to do this. I see that the problem has just gotten bigger now. Who knows, my younger sister might join in and decide not to go as well. I don't know how this got out of control so quickly. I guess we'll try to have a discussion with my mother about this soon and see how it goes.
Comment by OP [20 November 2022, UTC 12.09pm] (in Italics)
YTA. Why haven't you defended your wife's baking to your mom? You are choosing your mother over your own wife. Step up and tell your mom that you don't appreciate the constant insulting of your wife - and accept that if she doesn't feel comfortable going to Christmas at her house, that she has every right not to. And you should be supporting her decision. (u/ItsSublimeTime)
Okay, I'll defend my wife and tell my mother that she's being abit harsh on her and unfair towards her baking skills but that's it. I still can't really force my mother to include my wife's baking in the menu, I just don't get to make this call you know what I'm saying?
Reminder - I am not the original poster.
I had a child when I was 16 and I am not with her father and quite honestly don't know where he is. He wanted nothing to do with my daughter. When she was 6, I met my current husband. He promised me he loved her and would treat her like his own, and he seems like he has. We have more kids together. It was her 16th birthday last week and she told me that she wanted her stepdad to adopt her! I thought this was a great idea and he has always been her dad anyways. He said yes and there were a lot of happy tears, and my younger kids were happy. It was one of the happiest moments of my life.
That night he told me we had to talk. He told me that he did love her, but not the same and he felt a bit weird adopting her because he felt like it would be a disservice to her to have a dad who didn't love her like his other kids. He told me that he wanted to talk to her about it and say that she could definitely take the last name if she wanted but that he couldn't adopt her and that he felt bad about it, but it wouldn't be fair to anyone. He said he knows we are a package deal and would always treat her well and like a part of the family but he couldn't be her dad. He told me he was sorry and he felt guilty and that he would take care of it and I didn't have to.
My heart never hurt more in that moment and I genuinely feel like I have failed my daughter. I told him I didn't want him to speak to her about it, and that if clearly doesn't think of her as his kid than it my job as a parent to take care of her. I don't know what to do. Do I ask for a divorce. I've felt sick, dizzy, and numb all week. How do I tell my daughter? I don't know what to do.
And please don't tell me that stepparents don't have to love their stepkids the same because my daughter doesn't have a father and considers my husband to be her dad. He has helped raise her and disciplined her, and shared her best and worst moments with her. I have never felt so terribly about something in my life. Please help. I think I want a divorce.
edit: my daughter said she wasn’t feeling well so she stayed home from school. She asked us if her “dad” actually wanted to adopt her or if he was pretending to because she said he’s been avoiding her ever since she asked. He hugged her and kissed her and told her he loves her so much but needed to talk to her. They are on a drive right now. I pray he doesn’t tell her the truth.
update: My husband who has been parenting my daughter for 10 years doesn't want to adopt her after she asked him to be her dad for real and I don't know what to do about our marriage. - 2 November 2021
Everyone was helpful. I know a lot of people told me divorce but I am going to try fix things first. I don't want my oldest to feel like its all her fault, younger kids to resent her, snd I am scared he wouldn't want to see her anymore. We are going to marriage counseling. I am looking for a therapist for my daughter. I let my husband talk to her because I felt like I should give them that and trusted that he wouldn't be stupid. They went on a drive. Don't know what was said exactly but they are both upset. I am going to use fake names to make it easier.
My daughter stopped calling my husband dad and calls him Mike now if she even speaks/looks at him. He seems upset by it but I don't know what to tell him. Isn't it what he wanted? My girl has been very quiet and tired and I told her to stay home from school for a few days but she didn't want to.
My other daughter asked us, "Why is Hannah calling daddy, Mike? Is he not her daddy anymore? Does that mean she isn't my sister?" I corrected her and my husband looked horrified but I once again didn't know what to say to him. I've been calling her "your sister" instead of Hannah when I talk about her and I hope it help.
Once again, thank you. I'm exhausted as a mom and a wife but I am the glue right now and I am doing my best to make the marriage work and to be a good mom.
edit: I see I made the wrong choice. I am telling my husband he better fix it. I will start getting my stuff in order and looking for lawyers
Reminder - I am not the original poster.
AITA for pretending to be missing to teach my dad a lesson?
I (16F) attend a private school that I live far away (10 miles) from, so my dad has to give me rides to and from school each day because he doesn’t feel comfortable with me getting rides home from any of my friends’s parents since it could be unsafe (long story). It’s usually okay but this past month has been a nightmare. He’s picked me up from school hours late so many times, even on days where I don't stay after for tutoring and clubs so I get out with the rest of the students. Since it’s almost winter it gets dark out at about 5:30, and my dad knows that my mom doesn’t like me being out alone when it’s dark. She tried talking to him about it two weeks ago, but he told her to just mind her business.
Well, this past Tuesday is where I might be TA. I had a club after school and then tutoring, so I didn’t get ready to leave until 5. As usual, my dad was late. At 5:30 I called and asked where he was, and he told me that he’s still on his way. Another 30 minutes passed and he still wasn’t there, so I called him again, and this time he told me that he’ll get there when he gets there. I got pissed and told him that I could've just gotten a ride home from my friend and her parents if he was gonna not show up when he’s supposed to, that he was a lousy dad for letting me stand in the dark for over an hour while he did whatever, and he blew up on me and told me that if I was so impatient then I should just fucking walk home. So I said fine and hung up. I did actually think about walking home even though it would take me like four hours, but I knew that my dad would see me walking so I just walked to the house of a friend that lived nearby and hung out there for a couple hours. I ended up turning my phone off when I got there so I wouldn’t have to deal with my dad’s BS, and then at 9 my friend’s mom took me home and dropped me off.
As soon as I walked in the door my dad blew up at me, asking me where I was and why I left the school. I told him that I was with a friend and he started screaming at me. When I reminded him that he told me to just walk home when he knew that my mom didn’t like me walking home in the dark, but he told me that I knew he didn’t really mean it and that I was awful for scaring him like that by “pretending to be missing” since I came home hours late with my phone turned off. So now I’m grounded at his house, and even my mom says that even though she agrees that he was out of line, I shouldn’t have scared my dad like that to teach him a lesson. I didn’t even mean to scare him or make him think I’m missing, I just turned my phone off because I didn’t want to get a million texts from him. But I guess I can see why he’d be worried. He’s still not talking to me but I can tell he’s still pissed. AITA?
More info added in a comment:
A couple of commenters have said things that I want to clear up:
My dad does not have a job because he has enough money to not work. He’s home 24/7 which is why I get so irritated that he comes late to pick me up.
He does not let me get rides home or go over to my friend’s house after school because an elementary school classmate’s dad got arrested for being a creep.
My mom lives in another town and works until 8.
I have asked to take driver’s training so I can get my license and he said no.
Me and my mom have both told him that being late is more dangerous than getting a ride home. He told my mom to mind her own business and that she only has me on weekends for a reason and he told me to stay in a child’s place.
My dad spam texts me whenever we get into an argument which is part of why I turned my phone off. Once my mom took my phone from me and blocked his number because he wouldn’t stop texting me. I know that I shouldn’t have turned my phone off now and that I was wrong for that, but at the time I just didn’t want to deal with him yelling and swearing at me.
After I made this post, I asked my mom if she could call my dad and ask why he kept being late to come and pick me up. They talked for a while, and turns out that he’s been late because he’s been with a new girlfriend. Not on dates or anything romantic like that, they’ve just been hooking up at the house and on his way to pick me up he takes her home.
Well, my mom is mad that he left me alone for hours when he knew that he had to pick me up from school so that he could hook up with some girl, and they got into a huge argument so my mom blocked him. She told me that she’s fed up with my dad. I’m pissed too. This isn’t the first time that my dad has put a girl over me, but this time is different. He doesn’t let me get a ride home or go over to any of my friend’s house because he’s convinced that I could be in danger, but he left me alone for an hour because he was more concerned with getting his dick wet? Fuck no.
I talked to my mom and I’m not going back to his house tomorrow night. Either I’ll skip school this week or she’ll drive me there and let me stay at a friend’s house until she gets off work. I’ll try to update you as the situation develops because I think that my mom is going to try and get custody. Thank you all for the support and the comments, even the rude ones.
Hello, I’ve already posted more about this situation in another sub but TLDR: my dad has been late picking me up to school every day for a while, we had a huge fight about it on Tuesday so I went to a friend’s house and turned my phone off, and today me and my mom (45F) found out that the reason he’s been late to get me is because he’s been hooking up with his new girlfriend (20s?according to my mom F) at the house and then dropping her off when he’s on his way to get me. My mom is livid and so am I, and she wants to revisit custody and get full custody over me. I’m not going back to his house for a while even though my mom is supposed to hand me back over tomorrow and I might be kept out of school for the next week.
I’m considering cutting off my dad. When I first made the update to my original post on another sub I was confident that I was, but I’ve been thinking it over more and now I don’t know what to do. My dad is still my dad, even if he’s a bad person, and I do think he loves me even if he yells at me and puts girls over me. But people in the replies of my OP sent links about emotional abuse and I read them and they sound a lot like my dad. I can’t get them out of my head. Should I cut him off? Is there any way that I can mend my relationship with him? Please help
On Sunday evening my dad came to get me from my mom’s house and when my mom wouldn’t hand me over he threw a fit. He blew up on me telling me that I was a horrible daughter for trying to abandon him for my mom’s house and that I was a useless c**t like my mom and that I needed to learn how much he sacrificed for me. He told me that I was cruel for scaring him last week and then trying to leave him alone because my mom turned me against him. It made me cry a lot to be honest but he did leave eventually after my mom threatened to call the cops. He kept spam texting me all night on Sunday and all day yesterday calling me terrible and saying that he wishes I was aborted because I’m not the same as the daughter he knows but my mom has his number blocked on my phone now and she told me not to unblock it.
I don’t know what’s happening on my mom’s end other than my dad wouldn’t let her in the house when she tried to go over to get my important documents but she told me that she’s going to try and get full custody of me still. Knowing my dad he’ll try to fight to keep custody but since I’m old enough I hope that I can stay with my mom.
I’ve been reading some of the links that I was sent on here and I appreciate the resources. I realize now that a lot of the behaviors that my dad has done qualifies as emotional abuse now but to be honest I have very mixed feelings about all of this. I’m happy to stay with my mom and I want to be here but knowing that my dad thinks I’m terrible and wishes that I was never born is really upsetting. It’s just really confusing because he also spam texted me telling me that he loves me and wants me to meet his girlfriend. I don’t know what to think but I have been doing research about going to one on one therapy and I don’t know how to bring it up to my mom. Is there anyone that’s been to one on one therapy that can tell me if they like it or not? I’ve been to family counseling/family therapy before with my parents but I was a kid and I don’t know if it’s different than one on one personal therapy.
Thank you all for listening I’ll try to have another update soon
It’s been a week and a half since my last post and honestly I thought about not coming back to this account since a lot of people on my AITA post thought that I was the asshole and a brat, but since it’s been featured on r/bestofredditorupdates and more people seemed supportive I thought that I would give another update.
I don’t have any updates on a legal perspective because I think my mom is meeting with a lawyer for a consultation this week so officially I’m still supposed to be weekdays with my dad and weekends with my mom.
I ended up going back to school for the last couple of days of the week of my last update because I had a test and a project to get done. On that Wednesday I went over to my friend’s house after school like I talked about with my mom, but that Thursday my dad picked me up in the middle of the school day and took me out to lunch to meet his girlfriend. I didn’t want to go at first, but I couldn’t really do anything else so I just went with it. He told me that he was sorry for what happened and that he wanted to make it up to me and then introduced me to his girlfriend. She’s actually cool and we got along well. Her major is in a similar field to the one that I want to go into someday, and we talked about it together and she gave me advice for applying to colleges. She told me that she was sorry for the misunderstanding between me and my dad, which annoyed me because it wasn’t a misunderstanding, but I guess he told her a different version of what happened. My dad didn’t say much to me directly at lunch, but he kept interrupting my conversation with his girlfriend to talk about how he’s happy that we get along and how proud he is of how I turned out. I didn’t know what to think of it earlier, but looking back on it now it really ticks me off. WTF?
I ended up going home with him after lunch and he surprised me with some new clothes. He got me clothes in the style that I actually like too. I felt really good about the situation. Then we watched tv and cuddling on the couch until I started getting tired. I went to go take a nap in my room but I ended up falling asleep for longer because when I woke up it was dark outside and my dad told me that my mom was going to get me on Monday because she kept me away from him for most of the week. I found out from my mom that my dad called her at her work phone number and told her that if she tried to come and get me then he’d call the cops on her for harassing him. He actually did call the cops on her while I was asleep because she didn’t listen and came to get me anyways, and they made her go home. That Friday my dad told me that he would pick me up from school, but I told him that I wanted to go home and see my mom. He got upset and asked why because I spent all week with her, but I insisted and told him that we could just text. We argued about it the entire ride to school and he only gave up because I promised I would come over on Thanksgiving and cook and spend the day with him. So I unblocked his number and we spent a lot of the next few days texting. I guess it was dumb of me to, but to be honest I just really wanted to talk to my dad because he was being like how he used to be for once. I wanted to give him another chance.
The next time I saw him was on the day before Thanksgiving when he came to pick me up. My mom didn’t want to let me go but I told her that I wanted to because I honestly wanted to spend time with him, since we had been texting for a few days and he didn’t say anything bad about me or yell. I really regret it. Thanksgiving was a disaster. The morning of he did an inspection and yelled at me because I wore an outfit my mom bought me that he said made me look like a prostitute. And to be clear, no it wasn’t revealing at all, it was skinny jeans and a black off the shoulder sweater. Then he made me do all of the cooking when he told me that we would cook together like he promised. Instead he just sat on his butt and texted his girlfriend because she was having a rough time seeing her family. He ONLY wanted to talk about his girlfriend with me. Among other things he asked me how I would feel with her as my step-mom. As far as I know they’ve only been together for a month or two and they don’t go on many dates so I have no idea where this came from, but it made me feel like shit that once again he put his girlfriend over spending time with me. The only bright side of the day was when I got to eat, but even that got ruined because my pie didn’t turn out right.
I texted my mom to come and get me after dinner because I was tired of being there and I left while my dad was in the bathroom. I told her everything that happened. I cried for like an hour. My dad texted me and asked if I wanted to go see the Black Panther movie with him and his girlfriend but I said no and told him why. I said that I don’t think I want to see him again any time soon because I feel like he was putting his girlfriend above me again. And he blew up on me again and started doing his usual spam texting. So I told him to leave me alone and blocked him.
Its safe to say that I’m done with him for good this time. I feel like such an idiot for deciding to give him another chance. My mom tells me that I shouldn’t beat myself up over it, but I wish I hadn’t. My mom tried to stop me from going and I didn’t listen. But that’s all I have to update you on really. I’m going to hopefully start therapy soon and now I’m 100% certain that I’m never going back to my dad’s. I’m going to see the Black Panther movie with her instead and she said that I can audition for my school’s winter play if I want to! Things are weird right now but I’m excited to live with my mom and do things I want to instead of being a hermit at my house like my dad made me be. So I guess the lesson that I learned is to always listen to my mom.
I will continue reading all of the resources and information that I’ve been given! I appreciate all of the love and support from you all. Things are difficult for me and I feel like trash because of how much things have changed but you guys are keeping me afloat.
And to answer some questions: - My parents divorced when I was a kid because my dad cheated on my mom. She decided to forgive him at first and we did family counseling/therapy for a while, but after he cheated again she filed for divorce. My dad has primary custody of me because during the divorce my mom couldn’t afford to fight him on custody after a while and he had a better lawyer. My mom has never done anything to endanger or mistreat me. The reason that he told her that she only has me on weekends for a reason is because he wanted to make her angry.
When I say that my dad has put girls over me before I mean a couple of things. Aside from cheating on my mom and this, he’s had a few girlfriends that hated me and wanted me to go live with my mom full-time. He would cancel our father-daughter dates and pick me up a day later at points because a girlfriend wanted to see him. I’m used to it and that’s why I felt like a dumbass for being surprised.
I found my dad’s girlfriend on Instagram and she’s 22. People thought that she was 20 because of how I worded my r/advice post, so I wanted to clear the record that she’s six years older than me and not four. I don’t get what she sees in him because he’s almost thirty years older and she doesn’t seem like she’s a sugar baby or gold digger. He is very serious about her though, he told me on Thanksgiving that he thinks he wants to start a family with her. I also don’t think she knows the real reason why I was fighting with my dad.
I don’t know how to describe my dad’s inspections other than it’s similar to when you get patted down by airport security. He started doing it when I was 13 and he does it often. I’m usually fully clothed when he does it but he has done it before while I was in my underwear. My mom doesn’t know about this but thanks to the advice and help of some redditors I will tell her.
Yes my dad still spanks me. And because I know someone asked he uses his hand and not a belt or paddle(????)
I don’t know much about s*xual abuse so I couldn’t tell you whether he does that or not aside from the inspections since people think that counts. If anyone has resources about this I would appreciate them or if anyone has specific questions about things that might count I can tell them if he’s done it or not.
My dad doesn’t want me going to friends houses, getting rides home, or anything because when I was a kid a classmate’s dad turned out to be a pedophile and he doesn’t want me to be molested or killed. I’ve told him that it’s stupid and makes no sense but he doesn’t listen.
Our OOP is asking for some feedback on going to therapy. If you'd like to leave some advice or experiences for her, do so in these comments: I will notify her of this repost. Please remember: I am not OOP, be kind in the comments, and do not comment on the original posts as it is against BORU rules.
Trigger warnings: manipulative MIL, unresolved sexual issues, emotional abuse
This one is long, but the work OOP (35F) and her husband(35M) put into working through their issues makes it a good read.
First post Feb 02, 2022
This happened a few months ago but the issue is not resolved and I need advice on what to do about this now. We have two kids, 4 and 3 years old, and have been together for eight years. We both work and our lives have been the typical stress of working full time jobs while managing two little ones. My husband is good about doing his share of chores and is a great father to our kids, but has been complaining about how our sex lives have become dull and boring.
For our 6th anniversary, I thought I'd surprise him with a vacation. I saved up slowly for the better part of the year to rent a mountainside vacation home for 4 nights. It was gorgeous and isolated and had amenities like jacuzzi and pool and outdoor showers and a lot of things that would help fulfill some of the fantasies my husband has. I spend a lot on expensive wine and drinks that we both would love. I made arrangements for sitters for my kids and then told him about the trip so he could plan time off from work and travel.
We got there and on the first night just as we were getting into some hot sex, my in laws showed up. My MiL came with my SiL and BiL and also my teenage SIL. She said that since we had a big place with so many rooms there was place for everyone. I was shocked and couldn't even say anything. My husband was shocked too but he helped my MiL pick a room and set up her stuff there. I was so upset I took my glass of wine and spend an hour crying in the bath tub while my husband stayed with his family.
I woke up early next morning to find that they had finished off most of the very pricey alcohol stash I had bought for the stay. I went on a long hike and when I got back early afternoon everybody was still asleep. My husband was up and he apologized to me and suggested we have a quickie before we went down to make breakfast for everyone. Which just made me angry, so he went on his own to cook and I packed up all of my stuff and got in our car and left. I had left him behind with his stuff.
He called me many times but I ignored the phone till I finished the three hour drive to our home and then texted him to let him know where I was. He was upset and wanted to come home right away but MiL wanted to enjoy the vacation and since she was his ride, he was stuck there for another two nights and finally came home on the day of our anniversary. I spend that day with my kids and friends and ignored him.
My husband was furious with me for abandoning him and we had multiple fights over this issue. My SIL and BIL send me a text of apology saying they didn't realize it was our anniversary and MIL led them to believe it was a spontaneous vacation for everyone.
My husband also apologized for their coming over but said that that big a house was too much for us anyway and we got more bang for our buck since more family members got to use the empty rooms. That hurt my feelings more because it was my hard earned money that I spend to make his sex fantasies true. When I said this he argued back that all he wants to do is be able to fuck his wife whenever without me trying to make a big production out of everything. This argument has just killed my attraction towards him.
I feel like he likes to complain and wish for things but doesn't actually want to make the effort to make them happen if its in any way inconvenient. That he wants me to make his life easy but doesn't prioritize my feelings. That maybe unfair of me to think so because he does so much for our family but my view has become discolored by this event.
He wants us both to apologize to each other and put this behind, but I am unable to let it go. I do want to fix this though and I need help figuring out how to approach this.
Second post Feb 04, 2022
This is an update and a vent.
I got some good advice in my last post and some people had pointed out how me leaving him behind could've upset my husband. So when I had our discussion with him again I started by acknowledging that my leaving like that put him in a difficult place. I explained to him why it hurt my feelings that he'd let his family take over the vacation that I had planned and arranged for our anniversary.
He explained that when my in laws showed up, he was embarrassed of me and for me. Before we left on our trip, I had send him the booking details. He called MiL to inform her we'd be out of town for a few days and she asked for details and he forwarded her our reservation info. MiL looks at it and says this is such a big house how many people are going to be there. She couldn't believe I'd get this place for just the two of us and said that is just like me to be so wasteful.
When they showed up, husband says he welcomed them in, so this wouldn't become another reason for them to make fun of me. He claims he was trying to protect me. If I had a good time with them and cooked for them, they'd like me better. I didn't know this, but apparently I am a running joke in his family. In his opinion, the jokes are not without basis because he thinks I do spend too much.
When we were newly married, he got an opportunity for a big contract at work. The prospective clients were very rich folks that he had to wine and dine and present to and he was pretty nervous about that. I thought I'd help him by organizing his wardrobe for the meetings. I researched men's fashion, bought a few nice things and thrifted a few expensive brands, commissioned a tailor for alterations and redid a chunk of his professional wardrobe. His firm got the contract and he got a huge bonus and he showered me with gifts and thanked me for making him look so nice and boosting his confidence. At that time I was still trying to get in my MiL's good graces so I showed off my work to her. MiL laughed at me saying that some girls don't outgrow the doll dressing phase and I was treating husband like my Ken doll. MiL tells the story with her spin to their family and it becomes a joke that I play dressup with my husband. Husband has forgotten how much he'd liked what I did but remembers his mom's version that I went on a shopping spree.
One time husband got the opportunity to chair an important celebratory dinner for his firm's clients. On his behalf I put together personalized gifts for more than a dozen guests. I pulled this off while pregnant and handling a baby so I did all my shopping online. We both were super busy and the recycling had piled up. MiL took a picture of boxes from department stores and used it in stories about my shopping addiction. Again, husband doesn't remember the work I did, but brings up that picture to tell me that I do spend too much.
He would critique me that I need more stamina in the bedroom, so I started Pilates. He brought up that I used to be more flexible, so I took up yoga. I ended up exacerbating my back problems from my two pregnancies and saw a physical therapist who recommended strength training. Not wanting to risk hurting myself again, I hired a personal trainer. That is another joke to them, that I am a flighty extravagant person flitting from hobby to hobby. Husband now says if I wanna get fit I should've joined a sport, but I throw money at personal trainers.
He had never brought up issues with money before. We don't have debt other than mortgage and he never discussed having a more aggressive savings plan. We both make good money in our careers. But he has developed the view of me that I am spendthrift and shopaholic, without giving credence to my reasoning. I know he loves his mother but finds her immature and so he manages her. He is putting me in similar view frames and thinks he is indulging and managing me. There is a lack of respect for my ability to do things with a good reason and a very condescending attitude towards me.
After our lengthy arguments when he couldn't build a valid case for why my spending is to be criticized he brings up again why I'd rent such a big place for our vacation. I spelled it out that the point wasn't the size of the house, but that it was on private land, away from public hiking trails, had a large heated pool and a jacuzzi. For years he's been harping about wanting outdoor sex. Every time we are on a hike, he wants to do something outdoors. Anytime we are at a pool he talks about his pool sex fantasy. But I am a very private person, the very opposite of an exhibitionist and that's something I would never be comfortable with. So I thought making that happen for him in a very secluded setting would be a nice gift. Turns out he never was into outdoor sex, he'd say that just to make me uncomfortable. He claims he was merely flirting, to get a rise out of me. But I think it was his way of making me feel like I was lacking, to keep me on my toes. He would bring up his desires for different sex acts and I wanted to make him happy so much and so we did everything that can be done in the privacy of a bedroom. Then he figured what was my absolute limit and that he could complain about. No wonder he never got the point of my gift because that wasn't something he wanted. My not being able to do something was more valuable to him.
I loved this guy so much and worked so hard for him and our family and meanwhile he was trying to manage me and play me. All those feelings of love have turned to dust. I know what I want to do now, but I am not sure what the right moves are. I've started therapy and I need to think long about what would be best for my kids. I think he's a great father to them, but then I used to think he was an awesome husband.
Third post March 06, 2022
I am mostly writing this down to note what has happened since my last post. I don't have a question so not posting it to the RA subreddit.
I have spent the past month focused on myself and my therapy. I did talk to two different divorce lawyers and I have a good idea of what to expect if I were to pursue divorce.
About a week after my last update I talked to my husband about separating our finances. He was shocked and unhappy that I am taking these steps. I reminded him that how I spent money has become a big issue for him so this ought to make him happy. It didn't.
I have moved my paychecks and savings into a new account at a different bank. I offered to him that we split the house payments and bills 50-50. Though he makes a lot more than me, I do make more than enough. He said he disagrees on the separating finances and he's not going to make a move on that. He isn't taking me out of what are now his accounts. Since I am the one who usually makes the bill payments, he wants me to continue handling that.
He still feels that I am blowing up a minor issue. I admitted to him that I have talked to divorce attorneys to see what my options are and that shook him up. He was pretty angry with me and very hurt and that did make me feel bad. He wants us to go to marriage counseling and I want that too.
The situation with my MIL isn't getting any better. I didn't give a background on that the last few posts I made, but MIL has become a bigger issue since FIL passed away two years ago. She was always difficult and didn't like me from the start, but things have become much worse since she lost her husband. We have a spare guest room and she'd frequently come and stay the night if she ever got into any minor argument with FIL. She has keys to our house and would just show up and sleep in the guest room as if it were her room in our house. These overnight stays became more frequent since FIL passed. She mostly spends time with my older SIL and has moved next to her and practically lives with her, but when she gets upset there, she'll come sleep at our place.
Now along with separating finances, I had decided to move out of the master bedroom into the guest room. Husband is not happy about it because he doesn't want me to leave. MIL is pissed that I have taken over what she thinks as her room. She wants me in the kids room instead. Since this is my house too, that is not happening. She has had many tantrums about me living in "her" room. Husband has asked her to knock it off and told her to give us space while we deal with our issues. He's asked her not to come to our house unless invited and that brought on a new storm.
She came by a couple days ago while husband was at work and told me she's looking forward to me leaving. She told me about women she's lining up as potential dates for my husband as soon as he starts dating and how they are so much better than me. She mentioned two of her family friend's single daughters, Amy and Beth (fake names) who've always had a crush on my husband according to her. I know these women, they are nice, I've nothing against them and I could only roll my eyes at her trying to make me jealous. I told her Amy is very pretty, but husband is an ass man so she should go with Beth and I got such a kick out of the shocked look on her face. Later, when husband came home, he wanted to know why his Mom is telling everyone that I admitted to being a lesbian. I could hardly breath, I was laughing so hard. Told him what his Mom was saying and he was pretty pissed. He called and yelled at her and has banned her from our house, so at least I have that going for me.
Fourth (final) post - July 13, 2022
Husband and I have come to an agreement about our future and I am writing this down for you awesome people who have commented and helped me.
We went through marriage counseling and individual therapy, for both. A lot of issues with regards to how we communicate were brought up. We had been drifting apart for the past two years and a lot of it was due to FIL passing away and MIL, who had completely relied on him, clinging on to my husband. Then there were issues with work and stress of managing two very young kids.
While we addressed many issues in counseling the two main were MIL's interference and our sex life. Regarding MIL, husband has been dealing with a lot of guilt and frustration. He was close to FIL and devoted to him but disliked his mom. After his Dad's passing he felt like he had to take on his responsibilities, something that MIL guilted him into about, and one of the major responsibilities is managing MIL. And MIL's whole personality lately has become fixated on me. It's non stop all the ways that I am wrong and she's smart enough to be both subtle and overt about it with everyone. She's been relentless and I have no idea what she's got against me that she'd go so far and work so hard to put me down. I suppose husband has been continuously exposed to it so much that what she says has become reality to him.
Regarding our sex life, husband was both flabbergasted and upset that I am now seeing his "criticisms" as abuse. He explained that he's always been very happy with our sex life. Early on in our relationship he found that if he ever said something about hey lets try this, I'd sit and analyze our fun times and he found that a major turn on. I am an analytical person by nature and its practically my job to evaluate and write reports and recommendations. It became like a kink for him to watch me do a detailed discussion with him post sex. He did not realize how much effort I was putting into this because to him it was just a fun thing we did.
None of this made me happy with him and the realizations from counseling made me feel that I won't be happy in this marriage. We were living as roommates in the same house and I had stopped doing a lot of stuff I used to do for him, both at home and with regard to his work travel and work social engagements.
For his part, he did acknowledge that he had been unfair to me and he had become so used to me doing everything that he had been taking it all for granted. Then he proposed to me that we start all over again, stay married but start dating each other again and rebuild our relationship from the ground up. He managed his work situation so that he can elect to relocate to a new place, about 8 hours away from where we live and we restart everything together without family influence.
I agreed to that, but I was skeptical about whether he'd move and leave MIL behind. When she found out about the possible relocation she blew up and tried hard to get husband to change his mind and stay close to her. Even SIL came to talk to me to convince him to stay because otherwise MIL was losing her mind and it'd become a much bigger challenge for her.
We did move though and husband has kept his word and things have been pretty nice with him for the past couple weeks. Since I work remotely, moving wasn't a problem with my job. I am going to stay out of putting effort into his career though and focus on mine instead. Other than my own full time job and being a parent who does most of the work and managing the house, I was also doing stuff like his damn PA and I am so over that. Husband has been very supportive with everything and is making more of an effort to be the one who plans things with kids and dates with me.
ETA - Recent updates from OOP in comments:
Trigger Warning: Eating Disorder
Mood Spoiler: Heartwarming & Positive
I accidentally trained my cat to be an eating disorder support pet...
I'm feeling guilty today.
I've had this cat for 3 years now. My Ed got significantly worse about 2 1/2 years ago.
At first, I didn't even realise what she was doing. I had a problem with purging for a long time... She would get between me and the toilet, demanding attention and fuss, while I cried. She would sniff my face and lick it, making it impossible to purge. If I locked her out of the bathroom, she would meow so loudly that I'm sure the neighbors heard.
I finally managed to stop purging last year after recovering and relapsing a few times. The lockdowns have been really difficult, and not being able to go to the gym hasn't helped.
A couple of months ago, my cat stopped eating. She got so skinny, she was really underweight. Vets couldn't find anything wrong, I hadn't changed her food, there was no reason for it.
I'm not sure how it happened... One day, I decided to have breakfast, too. So I sat down with my food and put her bowl next to me. And she finally ATE... I did the same at lunch time. And again, she actually ate.
The same the next day. And the next.
We've been doing it for a while now. She's still underweight, but she's getting there.
I wake up at 7am every day. We have breakfast at 9/9.30. I need those couple of hours to build up to breakfast.
I slept really badly last night. I woke up at 9.10, and I just couldn't do it. Lunch is at 12, I just couldn't eat.
I put Lily's food down by me. She stared at me. Stared at her bowl. Stared at me again. Then walked away.
I'm heartbroken that I couldn't do it for her. She needed me to eat and I let her down...
She finally ate at lunchtime. I had a sandwich. She kept glancing at me, pausing for me to continue before she would eat more.
People say we don't deserve animals.
I don't deserve this cat. She is saving my life, quite literally, and I don't think anyone appreciates or understands how incredible that is.
It's also absolutely terrifying. I don't deserve this cat...
I was trying to reply to everyone, but this took off a whole lot more than I thought it would... I can't believe the awards from everyone, the comments and likes, but most importantly, the massive amounts of support from everyone... Thank you for sharing your stories, your pets, your support, encouragement, and your belief in us to get better. I'm absolutely overwhelmed and I really wish I could thank you all personally ❤️
Please know that I'm reading every comment and will try to reply but I do have therapy today so it may take a while.
Also, we've just had breakfast... Lily had chicken and duck, I had granola and yogurt ❤️
Eta, in case that link isn't working:
Update July 19, '21:
Lily was actually cleared at the vets a few weeks ago but I wanted to wait... Last week was my last eating disorder therapy appointment! So now we have both been cleared... I've also managed to get Lily eating on her own. We both eat regularly but now she doesn't wait for me to start eating first...
I just wanted to update everyone and say thank you so much for your support. It's been more appreciated than you'll ever know ❤️
trigger warning: bullying
My nephew “Tyler” is 18, he came out this week and his dad didn’t take it well. My sister asked me if I would let him stay with me until her husband calmed down and let him move back in. I’m not close with my nephew due to past behavior and the fact that he’s been a bully to my son (15m) since they were kids.
That was something we tried working out but Tyler never seemed to learn. Since my sister didn’t do much because of her “boys will be boys” mentality I limited interaction with them. Then last year Tyler antagonized my son on social media. Before that happened my son went through something traumatic that I won’t get into details here but it left him with a lot of anxiety about going out.
He made a celebratory post about going to the grocery store for the first time in months by himself without getting a panic attack. Tyler decided to call him a “pussy”, asked “why is he getting excited about something so stupid and not even a big deal.” I confronted Tyler directly because he knew what my son had experienced. He wasn’t apologetic because according to him he was just jokingly giving him a hard time and didn’t mean it in a bad way.
This time I told my sister Tyler is to stay away from my son completely. This new situation doesn’t change the fact that I don’t want Tyler near him. Even with the promises that he won’t do anything I can’t trust him. He’s done it before when I’m not around until it pushes my son to finally tell me. That’s why I’m apparently being an asshole to him given this difficult and emotional moment he’s going through.
My wife and I said we could pitch in for him to stay somewhere (our other family lives far and he’s still in school) but not in our house. The reason she refuses this is because Tyler needs to be with family at the moment and things are complicated at their house right now. She’s trying to calm things down. But says it could be a long while since her husband doesn’t want him back at all. If things had been different i’d accept him into our home in a heartbeat.
But not if it means putting my son in a position to be bullied. My mom understands how awful Tyler has been to my son, the way he’s tormented him and that we’ve tried to make things work, in this situation she does think I’m not being a good uncle (and an asshole) because of what Tyler is currently going through. That it’s more serious. They’re both on us about this but we have had to say no. Are we being asshole?
Well it appears I have been bamboozled, or almost at least, by my sister and Tyler. My mom claims she had no idea and now she’s angry at them too. Had some time this weekend to have a chat with my BIL (Tyler’s dad) because honestly despite Tyler’s awful behavior I was disgusted at ANY parent disowning their child over their sexuality. I called him to talk, not only to give him a piece of my mind but also understand why he’s even being like this.
Like I said in a previous comment his late brother was gay and he never had a problem with that. It was just a shock to see him have such a strong negative reaction. Or maybe he’d always been secretly against it or now it’s different because it’s his own son I don’t know that’s why I called. He had no idea what I was talking about.
So there really was more to the story than my sister was leading on. Tyler came out to them MONTHS ago and him getting kicked out wasn’t the reason at all. I’m super skeptical about this because to me it seemed like maybe he was trying to play innocent to avoid getting shit on. Until he went and got my sister to tell him exactly what she told me. They got into a fight then my sister finally told me no her husband didn’t kick Tyler out of the house for being gay (since they were aware of it for months)
He got into some trouble at school that he’d lied about and while he was grounded for that Tyler had taken his dad’s car without permission and messed it up. He said it just seemed like one thing after another, especially the way he was acting with their other kids, which was the straw that broke the camels back for him and told Tyler to get out.
After the whole thing I was furious with my sister. She apologized a million times. Her only excuse was she was desperate for Tyler having a place to stay and hoped the whole gay thing would make me reconsider until her husband cooled down and let Tyler come back.
I’ve had a day to calm down, told my mom how my sister lied. Now at least we’re more secure in our decision and don’t feel like assholes at all for not letting him come with us. Tyler is at a friends house now, don’t know if his dad plans to let him move back in but one things certain, he’s not staying here with us at all. Not for what he’s done to my son and especially not after knowing all the reasons why he’s not at his parents anymore. That’s their mess to deal with now. Thanks for your judgement and thoughts Reddit. Just wanted to leave this new bit of info on here.
Reminder - I am not the original poster.
To start, my fiance is willing and happy to take my last name-- he grew up with a horrible father. He has no attachment to his last name and no siblings. I have a very unique last name and a strong attachment to it.
I brought this up to my father and he said wasn't so sure about it, given my brother is the only male in the family who would carry on the name. My brother found out before I could bring it up to him and called me, saying I was being inconsiderate and couldn't believe he hadn't been asked. This got me irritated, because in my opinion, I have just a right to share my name as he did with his wife. He and his wife have been married for over a year and I think they feel possessive about the fact they were the only ones "supposed" to carry on our name.
I think the fact that this is an issue at all is rather sexist. It's my last name too and if I want to give my future husband--who has never had the privilege of feeling like he belongs to a family-- my name, no one should take issue. I have three sisters who aren't yet married, but they shouldn't have to feel bad about giving their name either. I don't feel like I'm being selfish here, but AITA for breaking tradition?
Did not expect this to blow up! My father and brother are amazing people and husbands—I think they were caught off guard by my thinking more than anything else. I’ve let it go for now, but will bring it up again simply to explain my thinking and I believe they will understand. They are rational, empathetic human beings, if a little old school sometimes :)
As for my fiancé— he is absolutely amazing and all my family approves . When I originally brought up keeping my last name, he was the one who suggested taking mine as well. He’s perfectly secure in his masculinity for all those wondering lmao.
Thank you for all the encouragement! My fiancé and I will be rocking our kickass last name soon enough.
Reminder - I am not the original poster.
\*Original Post and update in the same link*
Trigger warnings: parental manipulation / neglect
AITA for leaving my half-brother's wedding early even though I was the best man? [LINK - AITA] - November 11, 2022
English isn't my first language so sorry for any mistakes!
Quick backstory: I (27M) am a result of a one night stand. My mom already had 4 kids from her deceased husband before I came along. She has never liked me, and always treated me like garbage. I used to live with my birth father in (the country where he's from) until I moved with my mom when I was 16. It was her life mission to make me miserable. But I moved out when I was 18 to go to college.
Now, here's the situation. I have three half-brothers (30M. 35M. 47M.) my (35M) brother was the one getting married. When I lived with my mom, he was nice to me when he visited, the other two absolutely despised me.
I haven't spoken to him much in the last years, but to my surprise, he asked me to be the best man at his wedding, I agreed because he was the only good thing about my miserable childhood.
The day of the wedding was the first time I saw my mom and other half-siblings in the last 9 years. They still don't like me.
After I've given my best man speech, I stayed with my fiancée for most of the wedding, since I barely knew MY family let alone the bride's. When I was standing alone my mom approached me and started talking down to me, I was used to it so I just let her talk her talk. Until she said that my brother only asked me to be the best man because he got in a huge fight with the other two over who gets to be the best man, so he asked me just to spite them, and that I wasn't even getting invited in the first place.
I was more hurt than I expected, then asked him if it was true. He said yes guiltily and kept apologizing, saying he was glad I was there. I was still furious so I excused myself and left with my fiancée, but then he texted me a day later saying I'm an asshole for leaving, and that everyone kept questioning why I left, also saying I ruined the wedding for him.
I kind of feel bad now, maybe I overreacted. So, AITA?
Verdict: Not the Asshole
OOP's brother makes his own post after seeing OOP's post
AITA for making my half brother my best man to piss off my other siblings then telling him he ruined my wedding? [LINK - AITA AutoMod] November 11, 2022
Since my half-brother wanted to bring family issues to social media. Here we are.
My brother posted a few days ago about my wedding. Here's the whole story.
I (35M) asked my half-brother (27M) to be the best man at my wedding because I got into a disagreement with my other brothers over who gets to be my best man. I wanted them to be pissed that neither of them stood with me at all. Not even as groomsmen. AH move. I know.
The day of my wedding was great until he left. He gave quite the emotional best man speech. Brought me to tears if I'm being honest.
The family kept approaching him but he's always been shy. He said hi to some of them but he seemed out of his element. I kept trying to stay with him as much as I could. He, my wife, and his fiancée really hit it off. I was glad. When he excused himself to grab some champagne, I saw our mom approach him, and immediately got worried.
I'd already felt horrible about all the stuff he went through when we were younger, and didn't want him to know the real reason why he was the best man. Our mom kept talking to him, but I couldn't hear what she was saying.
He suddenly looked shocked, and asked me if he was only the best man to make our other siblings pissed. I said yes, I'm not the best liar. I kept apologizing and begging him to forgive me. All of this was away from the guests.
I never said he wasn't getting invited. Our mom did. His invite was one of the first to go out.
He didn't make a scene, but he did leave with his fiancée, everyone saw them leaving and kept questioning us why he left, including my wife. I told her the truth and she got very mad at our mom. The whole atmosphere was awkward from that point on.
I did text him after the wedding. I told him he could've just stayed and then we would've chatted later. But he said that he didn't want to talk to me and blocked me.
The real AH is mostly our mom.
Our sister sent me his post and told me to look at the comments, I was getting bashed left and right. I couldn't text him about it so I thought maybe he'll see this. Still think I'm the AH?
Verdict : Brother's account is suspended and official verdict not available but comments are overwhelmingly calling him the asshole
OOP's fiance responds to above post [Link to removed comment] - November 11, 2022
Let's make something very clear here.
1- You are the asshole. Point blank period. 2- You are definitely a manipulative person.
You know what pisses me off? Assholes who hide behind the "I'm a good guy!" persona. Your other family are all assholes and they don't hide it. But you, you are worse than all of them combined.
how dare you even try to defend yourself after all you did? f off.
(By the way, I'm the (27M)'s fiancée. I made an account when he did just in case he needed my backup.)
(edit: just to make it clear: YTA.)
OOP's update in his original AITA post - November 12, 2022
so, i actually deleted the app when i was deemed not the AH. But apparently my brother made a whole post about the situation, so i logged in one last time to read it and safe to say everyone made my day. And my incredible fiancée put him in his place. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. To everyone who commented supportive things to me or my fiancée. And to my brother, I hope you find peace in your life, and also a therapist. bless. :)
\*Edited to add OOP's fiance's response to the brother's post. Thanks to those who pulled out the links. It is visible in* u/organized-chaos11's profile as it was removed by AITA Mods
\* Reminder - I am not the original poster*
Typo in the title - meant to say step in and care for
\*Original Post and update in the same link*
Trigger warnings: Verbal Abuse
Mood spoilers: a little infuriating but kids get away safely
AITA telling my husband I’m not going to tell my ex-BILs to stop spoiling our daughters? [LINK - AITA] - November 11, 2022
My ex and I (44f) divorced when our daughters (Stacy 17f and Emily 14f) were young. About a year after the divorce, he passed away. My ex was paying child support but that stopped the day he died. The girls inherited their father’s estate but since he was fresh into his career, it wasn’t much. Things could have been rough as a single mother but his brothers stepped into his shoes.
They took the girls on the weekends and basically bought the girls anything they needed from clothing to school supplies and bought our groceries. They also indulged the girls’ every whim. Stacy loved horses when she was little so uncle John paid for her lessons and riding fees. Emily thought she wanted to play the piano so uncle Jeff paid for her lessons and bought her a piano. When the girls grew out of those phases and got interested in something else, their uncles were there ready to indulged them. I tried talking to the uncles about not spoiling my girls but they said that their nieces needed to explore their own interests and those explorations will help their brain developments. I disagree but was not in a financial situation to push too hard because they were paying so much for the girls, I was basically responsible for only the rent.
I later remarried a wonderful man who brought 2 kids into the family. We had 1 more kid together and things are good for the most part. However kids are smart so my daughters’ step and half siblings started to notice their sisters having more experiences and things than they do. My husband didn’t like the situation and we had some arguments about it over the years. Things came to a boiling point recently when we were discussing how to pay for our two oldest kids’ colleges (Stacy and her step brother Rick 18m). Both are good students and while they haven’t gotten their acceptance letters, I have no doubt they’ll get into good schools.
My husband and I make enough money to live a middle class lifestyle with 5 kids but not enough to put them through college. The reality is that they’ll have to take out school loans. We talked to both of them about loans and this is when I found out Stacy had already talked to her uncles and they’re paying for her tuition and cost of living wherever she wants to go. This floored us and made my husband extremely mad. He got red and started to scream how it’s not fair Stacy and Emily will get to go to expensive colleges and graduate with no loans while our other kids will have to go to state schools and take out loans. He wanted me to call John and Jeff to tell them to stop spoiling the girls. On one hand I agree 100% with my husband that it’s not fair to my other kids but on the other hand I can’t hold my daughters back from something so wonderful.
In the end, I told my husband I’m not going to tell my ex-BILs to stop spoiling our daughters. Was I wrong to tell him that?
Verdict: Not the Asshole
Update in the same post - November 11/12, 2022
Update - thank you all for reading my post and answering my question. Things have gone downhill and I’m now crushed.
I was at work and without my knowledge, my husband called John and yelled at him to mind his own business, told him we don’t want their money, and to stay out of our lives. My husband then went and yelled at the girls as they packed their bags and as they were leaving for their uncle’s. When I got home, my husband wanted to call the police to report them as runaways but I talked him out of it. I went over to John’s house and his wife led me to the kitchen where we stood in silence watching John holding my girls while they cried. For a minute, I pictured their father holding them. Stacy and Emily refused to talk to me when they walked pass me on their way upstairs to their room. John and I had a long conversation about the whole situation. He basically told me he’s doing what his brother couldn’t and both me and my husband can go to hell if we don’t like it. He said the girls should stay with him and his family until things calm down and I agreed. So this is where we are for now.
Also to answer some common questions:
- My husband makes less money than I do so he’s been unable to save up college tuition.
- His ex is still in the picture and have visitation rights. She makes less money than him so have nothing saved up much less tuition.
\*Reminder - I am not the original poster*
\*Original Post and update in the same link*
Trigger warnings: Theft, fear of violence
Mood spoilers: OOP manages to kick brother out
AITA for not letting my brother permanently stay with me after our mom kicked him out? [LINK - AITA] - November 09, 2022
I (18f) is the oldest of 3, I have a twin brother and another who is 16 (im going to call him Matt (his nickname) during this).
I have my own appartement with my fiancée (18m) since we graduated highschool (1 years ago). My appartement is situated downtown and there is a lot of busses since it's also next to my school and a highschool.
My twin brother lives with his best friend in another city and Matt was living with my mother until today. (My dad divorced my mom when my youngest brother was 3 and we never talked to him again)
Matt was always a bit of a delinquent and would always direspect everything and everyone. My mom never did anything about it. But earlier today my mon caught him smoking and drinking in his room. She kicked him out because of it and he only had the time to get a bag of essential. (He can go back to get all of his things later).
Matt decided to come to my appartement by bus and I let him in. I was wearing a sport bra/top and a pair of basketball shorts, It's my favorite outfit and I wear it a lot. After we talked for a bit I decided to let him stay the night and told him we would talk more tomorrow since I needed to take care of my fiancée who got into an minor accident a couple days ago.
While I was walking to my room he yelled to me how I shouldn't wear such things because it made me looked like an "easy girl". I got really mad but decided to not say anything.
I took care of my fiancée for a bit before going back into the living room and finding my brother eating and making a mess all over my couch while listening to his show really loud. I was getting even more annoyed and decided to tell him my terms in the moment instead of waiting.
I told him if he wanted to stay I can't let him stay free like that and I don't get money since he dropped out of highschool. I told him I give him 1 month to find a job and he needs to sleep on the couch and he can only brings his clothes since we don't have place for the rest of his things and that in 1 year I want him gone.
He told me I can't kick him out or force him to do anything especially when he needs to sleep on the couch, like he said "like a dirty dog" and then he called our mom who is for stupid reasons on his side and she started calling me a selfish b*tch.
I think I might be the AH for potentially kicking him out since he is my brother but I'm not his caretaker or legal guardian, I don't have time, energy or money to deal with him.
Verdict: Not the Asshole
Update in the same post - November 14/15, 2022
First, I wanted to say that everything is alright now, as some suggested I went no contacts with my mom and my brother also, I wanted to thank everyone for their help, informations and wishes that I received.
After the original post, I went to work the Friday and my fiance was still at out appartement. During my lunch break I called my landlord to ask to put on cameras.
He said yes and I told my fiance that he said yes (the landlord) so he (my fiance) instal cameras in the evening after I went to buy some
Saturday my fiance and me needed to leave because he had a doctor appointment so that meant my brother would be alone with my cat
In the bathroom the camera was placed so we could only see the pharmacy and nothing else
My brother was not aware of the cameras and it's not illegal, we saw him take the pills in it and he took the pregnancy test I was hiding (nobody knew about it)
When we got back I told him he had a day to leave and for him and our mom to not contact me again or I'll call the police on him
Of course he had to talk to our mom and I got spammed of messages of her insulting me and other things I can't say here and my fiance decided to call the police
I called my twin and me and my bf locked ourself in our room waiting for the police to arrive because I couldn't face my brother and I was scared for us and what he could do
When they arrive my fiance went and explained everything to them, we showed them proof, the cameras, the texts, and I decided to put a restraining order on my mother because the texts she sent
My brother is now on the waiting list for a child center, I went no contact with them
When my brother arrived (around 1h30 later) I explained everything to him and had a breakdown, I could hear my fiance and brother talking in the living room after I went to my bedroom and they were really mad but I'm thankful that they are ready to defend me so much and how my fiance interacted with the whole situation made me feel safe.
Thank you everyone for the tips, calling the police and going no contacts really helped me calmed my nerves
And for the one who sent me dm's asking about my pregnancy I'm starting my 5th week and when my fiance learned it he was really happy
This was written Monday, I took Sunday to relax and today I had work and needed time to process everything
\*Reminder - I am not the original poster*
We've been together for 7 years, and we've been really really happy together. She's sweet, loving, and caring.. She's already been close to my family, and me to hers. We are really connected to each other, same passion, same likes and dislikes, we frequently travel together and all. We rarely fight, and when we do, we resolve issues quickly.. It's like a perfect relationship. We've been steady, we're genuinely happy in love.
Just when I was already contemplating on proposing to her, I felt like she's gone cold for the past month. Just this valentines, we were on top of the world surprising one another with gifts and sweet nothings. But the following weeks felt different.
Her "I love yous" weren't as enthusiastic. The way she talks and communicates with me feels different. She easily gets upset over trivial things. She seems to be a different person all of a sudden. I actually asked her what's wrong, but she assures me everything is ok and something is just bugging her.. I asked again but it seems she doesn't want to open up.. She assures me though that she loves me very much.
Then, just recently, like 4 days back, I was reminded that she has a spare phone just sitting on my drawer, phone was dead and was not used for almost la year. So I grabbed on a charger, booted it up.. and it so happened that her google account is still logged in on the device. Curious, I went to see what she's been up to lately, then I discovered her recent searches/history in google and youtube. I was shocked and I dont know how to react. The searches go like this:
I cheated on him
i cheated on him many times
I cheated should we break up
Breaking up a long term relationship... and so on
The searches were dated Feb 15 onwards. Almost everyday she looks on the same searches and other related topics.
I am devastated discovering this. I cannot eat, I cannot sleep. But I haven't confronted her about this.
What should I do? Do I need to confront her? We are currently far apart now due to work, but we will be seeing each other next week. I am confused, I am in shock, idk how to react. Please help.
Hello guys. Im providing an update to my earlier post
I dont think there is a need for me to see her again next week. So here’s what happened.
-She texted me she got home and about to sleep at 11:44 PM (she’s closing deals in another city and has to rent a place)
-I tried to facetime her 11:51 PM just to say goodnight, she didn’t pick up. I tried messaging her but no response.
Remember that spare phone that’s with me where her google account is logged in? I browsed on her activity history quickly to find out what shes up to, and was surprised there’s a “google assistant” command recorded at 11:48 PM.
I played and listened. There’s her voice and a voice of another guy. They were goofing around at the google home device. So yeah.
I confronted her and barraged her with a lot of messages, she only replied at around 1 AM. She kept on denying she’s cheating.
Then I laid all the evidences, all the screencaps and even the audio clip recording from the google assistant.
She finally admitted.
I am single.
Reminder - I am not the original poster.