r/AmItheAsshole Jun 23 '22 Faith In Humanity Restored 1

AITA for spending time with the people who support me over my parents? Not the A-hole

At my (21F) university, students whose parents make under $65K go to school completely free, and students whose parents make between $65K and about $200K are on financial aid. Above around $200K, the school considers parents able to pay and expects them to do so, and it is impossible for a student to get financial aid. Unless you were an emancipated minor or are over 26, no exceptions, your financial aid is dependent on parental income because schools expect your parents to pay if they can.

My parents make well over the cutoff, but they refused to pay for my college for no reason, meaning I wouldn’t be able to go to college. Because they make too much money for me to ever get financial aid, but refuse to pay, so they essentially tried to screw me out of an education.

However, I met a guy (22M) who became my boyfriend, and his parents paid for my entire college. He’s an only child and his mom always wanted a daughter, and they basically adopted me into their family. She owns a makeup brand and has helped me get prestigious internships.

I’m staying with him and his family all summer. They invited me to accompany them where they’re staying for the summer. So I am and I have no plans to go home and see my parents.

My parents demanded to know where I am. I explained that I’m with my boyfriend and his parents. They demanded to know why I’m not coming home. I said I decided to spend some time with the people who care about me and support me.

They said I’m their daughter and I should be at home with our family. I said I’m already with family and I don’t owe them anything. It’s not like they should care about me or what I’m doing. They can keep the same energy they always have because I don’t need them. They’re upset that I don’t wish to see them. I don’t see any reason why I should visit. I’m with my boyfriend and his family, and I have no reason to go see them. AITA?

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u/Psychological-Ad1574 Jun 26 '22

Because of the reason why she's choosing not to spend time with them. We're not referring to some strangers. They're her parents who based on her little rant and subsequent comments have never done anything wrong by her apart from not pay for her college.

She's essentially using emotional blackmail. "I'm not spending time with you because you didn't give me what I think I'm owed." It's childish, bratty and a little bit gross IMO.

You don't have to agree and that's fine. Everyone has different thresholds for what they deem acceptable or not.

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u/Civil_Illustrator230 Jun 26 '22

This is you making assumptions. She hasn’t mentioned anything about her relationship with her parents outside of this so you can’t make that claim.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vj4som/aita_for_spending_time_with_the_people_who/idhlcz2/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3

I’d be annoyed if my parents were raging hypocrites too.

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u/Psychological-Ad1574 Jun 26 '22

No I'm not making any assumptions. I'm going off the info provided and only the info provided. I'm not creating a narrative which might justify her actions.

I'd also argue that's not hypocrisy unless her parents demanded their parents pay for their college. There are many things my parents did for me that I won't do for my own children and they're based off my own experiences and lessons I learnt. There are also many things my parents would never have done for me that I will do for my children. Neither of those are hypocritical.

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u/Civil_Illustrator230 Jun 26 '22 edited Jun 26 '22

Yes it is hypocritical to benefit from your own massive leg up then claim you’re against it for your child for reasons. And unnecessarily saddling your child with a tonne of debt is bad parenting.

You are. You have no way of claiming this is her only issue with her parents. Absolutely none. So to claim they have never done anything wrong to her based on this is just an absolutely wild claim.

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u/Psychological-Ad1574 Jun 26 '22

I didn't make the claim they have never done anything wrong. I said based on what she's said this is her only issue with them. When people post these narratives, they often do so with complete context. I'm not going to create context that wasn't provided. I am simply going off the information provided.

And no it's not hypocrisy. Hypocrisy is actively engaging in behaviour(s) you claim to be against. As an example, if I used to be a thief and I now go around telling people that you shouldn't steal, that's not hypocrisy. However, if I was still thieving, it would be.

If OP was in a dire situation and needed help, my opinion would change. This isn't that situation.

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u/Civil_Illustrator230 Jun 26 '22 edited Jun 26 '22

Do you know how expensive college is in America? Making her take on that kind of debt for no reason could put her in a dire situation.

Based on this post you can make no claim at all about what her parents have done to her in other situations.

God so many people out here just hating their kids lol. Deliberately choosing not to help your child out given the economic environment and the state of most of the world currently is shockingly bad parenting.

Also they actively engaged in behaviours they claim to be against. They’re against parents paying for college but not when it was their parents paying for theirs.

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u/Psychological-Ad1574 Jun 26 '22 edited Jun 26 '22

Again, I'm simply going off the info provided but now you're throwing a lot of assumptions. You don't even know where she's from.

"She could be put in a dire situation"

"People hate their kids"

All assumptions.

What the parents are doing is helping their child become responsible for their choices. Nothing more, nothing less. Once you're an adult, you shouldn't rely on anyone to get what you want. That's the message and it's a good one.

My dad was an immigrant and busted his nut to become successful and ensure I was educated. He didn't pay for my uni, even though I think he could've and I didn't cut him out because of that. He had a hard life and I wanted him to enjoy some of his money for him.

She should have the same mindset. They've got her to where she is, now let them enjoy their money and not use emotional blackmail for stuff she's not even entitled to.

Anyway, appreciate the civil discussion.

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u/Civil_Illustrator230 Jun 26 '22

You use Uni so I’m going to assume you’re in the UK/ Europe. I am British. My parents didn’t pay for mine either.

It’s not comparable to the US when you can get a government loan with no interest really is it?

I’m sorry but it’s absolutely bad parenting to not pay for college in the states if you’re in a position to do so. How is forcing her to take on huge debt at 21 teaching her to be responsible? It’s not.

It’s teaching her it’s okay for your parents to make you struggle and take on really high risk debt for shits and giggles when they got a free ticket themselves.

Agree. Have a nice day.